Can you believe Flashfic 150 has been running for more than three years now? The number of entries has gone up and down quite a bit, but we've never missed a month. Last time, of course, there was an excellent response. Let's see how we can do this time around. For refresher purposes...

Here are the full rules.

Remember, there is no prize, as such, for this contest -- but if you win, you will be able to choose the prompt for the next contest. You'll also get a mention on the group's front page, whether you like it or not. You could also get a mention on your front page, though I disclaim all responsibility for that sort of thing happening unexpectedly. Who do you think I am, Discord? Blast, and now I want chocolate milk. Still, thoughts of clouds and rain segue seamlessly (cough) into this month's prompt details:

Prompt: "After the Storm" (selected by last month's winner, The Red Parade)
Rating: E or T
Word limit: 150
Closing date: Tuesday 21st July 2020, 11:59 pm UK time (world clock)

Please reply to this post with your entry. This makes it easier for me to keep track. Please do not leave feedback until after the closing date.

Entries are now open! Have fun!

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"You don't have to hide. The storm's over."

"... I wasn't hiding. I was just, um..." Fluttershy flitted her wings. "Practicing hide and seek."

"So you were hiding!" Dash's voice gave an immature squeak.

"Well, yes, but not from the storm! From, um... My friends! We were playing!"

A snort. "You don't have friends! At least none that I've ever seen!"

As the other filly's head drooped, Dash bit her lip. "Hey. That was a jerk thing for me to say. I'm sorry."

A small sob. Dash put her hoof on Fluttershy's back. "Y'know, you could hang with me next time it storms."

"... Why?"

"'Cause I can protect ya! If I gotta, I'll kick that stupid cloud's butt for ya!"

Hesitating, Fluttershy looked up, then slowly smiled. "I would like that."

Dash wrapped a wing around her, wiping her tears away. "C'mon, I'll be here to keep ya safe."

Edit: Had to cut a few words because I miscounted the number of words I used.

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Silence hung over the balcony just as it hung over the Canterlot castle gardens.

Celestia lifted the pot and filled Tempest's teacup. "So," she ventured with painful neutrality, "Twilight's chosen to forgive you."

The complete lack of tone made Tempest wince. "Yes m'am."

Taking a slow sip, Celestia let the tension hang between them. She waited for Tempest to start uneasily fidgeting before she pushed her further off-balance with a question. "Do you know why she did?"

The slight lilt in Celestia's voice should have been a tip-off, but Tempest was too busy cringing at the pressure. "I... she said because everypony deserves a second chance. And because she thinks I'm worth it. That all of us are."

Silence loomed again before Celestia responded. "That," she noted with a soft smile, "is the right answer, my little pony."

7262329
Welcome! Titles don't count towards the word count, btw.

7261910
Oh, is it that time again? Alright, let’s see what I can do with this.

Jonesy laughed as the purple clouds around the area receded. It was always a nice sight to see The Island’s skies turn back to blue.

Doing a quick Floss of celebration, he started climbing down the platform he set up, determined to head to Tilted to try and get a Burger or two from the lobby, when he spotted something that shouldn’t have been there out of the corner of his eye.

The sky was still purple.

Well, only part of it, though as it started to get larger, he realized it was actually just getting closer, and was... Something else entirely.

---

With a start, Twilight woke up to a beam of light shining in through her water streaked window.

Rapidly looking around, she sighed in relief.

“Thank goodness I’m not in Fortnite!”

7261910
Let's do this and fail spectacularly trying.

Last night was the worst night of my life. My whole world fell apart. My one and only died. My Dashie is gone. She was the only one for me; I loved her so much. I frightened port Fluttershy because she thought I had become Pinkamena. It rained a lot. I think my eyes rained the most. But today, I woke up and saw a rainbow. She know that she wanted to remind me of my goal in life: put a smile on everyone's face, including mine. So I'm going to smile for Dashie; she's in a world full of rainbows now. She wouldn't want me to see me all sad. I'm going to be happy... for her.

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Useful

"Granny, I told ya already, me an' Big Mac've got this!"

"Ptooey, times like this ya need all hooves on deck." Beyond AJ and Mac, Granny sees there's at least a dozen leaning trees, split trunks, exposed root tangles. There'll be more further in. Some trees are always gonna get 'emselves uprooted by a storm so fiesty. Time is of the essence when it comes to fixin' the mess.

"You're in no shape to be digging an' pulling trees upright."

"Consarn it, I know that!”

But the anger's a spark that flares out quick. She sags, weighed down by everything she can't do no more.

"Granny…"

"I can still survey which trees we can save," she mutters.

"It's dangerous underhoof—" 

"I ain't an invalid! Just old!" She lifts her chin high. "Don't tell me how to walk around my own farm!"

No time for moping when there's trees to save.

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Rainbow Baby

Windy Whistles sat on the examination table, clutching Bow’s hoof. Twice they’d been to this doctor’s office, and twice they left grieved. The promise of new life stirring inside her, gone; snuffed out like a candle.

Windy touched her abdomen. She couldn’t lose this one. She couldn’t.

After the tears and pain of their second loss had ebbed to an aching throb, Bow said she never had to go through that again. But she wanted one - oh, how badly she wanted one - and she couldn’t give up.

So there they were, waiting. Hoping. Excitement abuzz, but also dread.

They’d been so pained when they lost the first two - tears fell for weeks. But there was one saying ponies would tell them, that always dried the tears:

After the storm,

The doctor came back, smiling. She nodded.

there’s always a rainbow.

7261910
So the hectic week of 12 hour shifts is over with and it seems like it would be a good idea to use that as reference somehow, but I realized something.

No one wants a story of a drowsy pony after their shift. It's just too boring.

So I'll go back into my little world with this one.

"Some proclamation."

"Be quiet."

"You really got through to them when you said, 'can you offer a job?'"

"Shut up!"

"Make me."

"..."

"Just look at yourself, nothing's changed. You're back where you were before, a broken pony without a purpose in life."

"..."

"How long has it been? Ten? Twenty?"

"Four years."

"Not since his fall."

"..."

"You know what I'm talking about."

"...the day I was damned."

"Now you're being honest with yourself."

"..."

"You're starting to admit it. Deep down, you're just making excuses for yourself."

"..."

"You know that it's impossible, you're going to be struggling for the rest of your days as half a unicorn. One that feels demoralized for being handicapped."

"..."

"You see this. And you know where this pointless search will take you."

"..."

"You'll start to accept that there's no hope, begin to feel miserable about everything, and you'll finish it by committing sui-"

*CRSSH*

"...I hate mirrors."

7261910

Dim lightning flickered and thunder still rumbled as the dark clouds began to break up, allowing bright morning sunlight to glitter on the storm tossed waves.

Princess Celestia sat back in her seat with a look of profound confusion on her face as she tried to stare cross eyed at the end of her singed snout and then to her first cup of tea of the day.

Across the breakfast table Luna glared at her sister. “I told you pranking Discord was a bad idea.”

“He’s making a mountain out of a mole hill, it was harmless.”

“Not when Fluttershy is involved!”

Celestia sighed and absent mindedly picked up her cup. “He’ll get over it.”

The dark clouds reformed across the surface, thunder rumbled and as the rim approached her lips a bolt of lightning arced from the cup to the tip of her nose.

“Ya think?” Luna snarked.

7261910
Thank goodness one of the show's antagonists was named The Storm King—that makes my end of the bargain a whole lot easier.
:)

Anyway, without further ado, here's my 2nd-ever submission:

Though it had merely been several days, to Silverstream it felt like an eternity had passed since the rumors started, spreading across Seaquestria like ripples in a restless pond. The rumors that the Storm King had fallen, his nigh-invincible armies scattered to the four winds.

The rumors that, with his defeat, the passageway to Hippogriffia was again unobstructed.

The little seapony had often pondered the surface world, her daydreams further lofted by her father's wistful recollections of the hippogriffs' former homeland—the homeland Silverstream once presumed she'd been born a few years too late to witness firsthand.

Now, such hiraeth was unwarranted. Now, she could feel the sun-dried sand beneath her hooves and talons, feel the feathered wings at her sides, yearning to unfurl.

She gazed up in wonder at the clear skies above. And, for perhaps the first time in her life, Silverstream understood how good freedom felt.

7261910
Apparently the last time I entered one of these was August 2019. Perhaps this will become an annual thing for me.

A Missed Opportunity

"Howdy Pinkie" Applejack called out as she passed by. "Some storm that was last night, huh?"

"Sure was. Hey, why aren't you back at the farm?" Pinkie asked.

"Oh, I ended up spending the night at Twilight's place. We had a slumber party with Rarity."

Pinkie's usual, bubbly smile visibly deflated.

"You.. you had a party last night? That sounds fun. If only I'd known, I'd have.." Pinkie trailed off, looking forlorn.

"Oh hey now, it wasn't like that", Applejack offered quickly. "Rarity and I just got caught up in the storm, is all. Twilight offered to put us up, and we tried out a few silly activities from this book of hers."

Pinkie's face brightened up, a brave smile appearing. "Really?"

"Absolutely". Applejack said. "And I promise, next time there's a slumber party, you'll be the first to know. OK?"

Genuine warmth returned to Pinkie's expression. "Great! Thanks Applejack".

7261910

I had this written up right away, but I wasn't too sure about the headline. Glad I didn't miss the deadline. Hope everyone is up for another round of Equestria's Worst Superhero!

Ponyville Stallion Jailed for Milking Mayor

Ponyville mayor, Mayor Mare, claims she was targeted with a personal chocolate milk raincloud during this week’s extra strong rainstorm. Ponyville stallion allegedly responsible is now in police custody.

“Chocolate milk raincloud? Yeah, that’s totally doable,” says another pegasus on the whether team. “You’d have to sneak sneak into the weather factory and slip it into their machines or make it by hoof — not that I’d ever pull that kind of prank on our mayor!”

Due to the sheer volume of the storm, any hints from the offending cloud’s origin were washed away before it could be retrieved for inspection. However the minimum two independent witnesses have agreed to testify against Ponyville stallion for the case to move forward.

“Her eyes... I couldn’t help myself.” Ponyville Stallion was reported saying as he was read his rights.

Ponyville stallion is expected to be released on bail later today.

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Psst! You forgot to reply to the first post.

7261910

Ok second month on the trot need to keep this up.

The Coming Storm

The sun's heat returned, breaking through the last traces of the thick dust storm. Daring nuzzled against Caballeron inside the small hut.

Caballeron glanced nervously between the windows and the doorway before uttering in a hushed low tone,

"we should really go, now, before the villagers come looking."

"Why? They're a kindly lot, always welcoming to travellers, they wouldn't begrudge us shelter. I thought you'd been here before? I guess you're right though, the ring of Íkelos awaits,"

Jumping up and practically throwing the door open to the blinding light she stepped out, eyes closed, stretching her wings.

"At least the storm's over, wouldn't have wanted our cutie marks sand blasted off," she chuckled before a sharp poke on her nose forced her eyes open.

"I think we're in for another,"

Caballeron said dryly as Do's eyes focused upon the wanted poster being held just behind the sword tip.

7273899
Thank you corrected :3

Lightning split the sky.

Summer Gale was thrown backward by the wind, tumbling wildly as pain sliced through her wings.

"Summer!" cried Spitfire, making a swift but barely-controlled dive to her side. She grabbed Summer and tried to steady them both against the buffeting winds. The storm clouds encircled them now; the whole sky writhed with furious thunder.

"What's happening?” cried Summer over the din. Before today, she had never imagined that weather could frighten her. That it could be her enemy, instead of her tool.

“It’s too strong!” yelled Spitfire. “Dash dove in with the Storm Heart!”

“WHAT?!”

Lighting cascaded around them, singeing her feathers. Dash...her friend...her mentor…
Summer flinched and closed her eyes as another explosion rocked the sky.

“Summer” said Spitfire, “Look!”

She looked. A Sonic Rainboom split the clouds. A familiar, exhausted voice echoed through the air.

“TEN! SECONDS! FLAT!”

In wonder and relief, Summer smiled.

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I've been itching to use this idea for a while: nitrogen-fixing and the role of pegasus-controlled lightning therein is a world-building detail I've sat on for a while, waiting for an inspirational opportunity. I'd love to use it in a longer work someday.

Most of the rest of this does have a related point (thematically) which is meant to be conveyed by implication, but given my unflattering track record there, I'll content myself by saying that I'd be interested to see how people interpret those elements if they get around to writing critiques this month. Basically, I want to know if I'm getting better at getting my implications across.

Long story short, voila! I hope you like this one!

Lightning. More lightning. Networks. A skyful.

Through constant strikes, rain fell. Brown drops soaked the soil.

Pegasi managed all weather phenomena. Nitrogen-fixing, for one. Nitrates – nitrogen and oxygen cooked by the lightning – rained down, nourishing Sweet Apple Acres.

Once a month. Compulsory.

---

Thunder too.

Indoors, baby Apple Bloom whimpered and burrowed deeper, tucked between young Applejack’s protective legs.

The fireplace crackled. Stoically, Granny Smith and Big Mac watched the lightning outside.

Apple Bloom’s tooth stung. Dentists. The common lie: “This won’t hurt a bit.” Compulsory.

Thunder pained her ears. She burrowed deeper until Applejack’s voice rumbled through her chest: “Hurts, don’t it? Ah’m sorry. It needs doin’. Can’t dodge this one.”

Applejack’s heart beat faster. Funeral directors. Yesterday.

Compulsory.

Applejack held on tight. “Don’t cry. Ah’m here for you.”

Then, the thunder stopped.

Cautiously, Apple Bloom let go.

The clouds vanished. Sunbeams shone. Waiting, ready for new life.

Also, sixteen entries? This is another good month indeed.

Just two and a bit days remaining if you'd like to join the fun this month!

7261910

July is here and I finally participate, this month on time again! And a storm is happening right now while I get down to write this flashfic..... I doubt that it will be over soon enough to finish it "After the Storm", but this is definitely a sign for something. I just don't know for what, but whether it is a good or a bad sign, here is my entry for this month:
.
.

After the storm, sunshine came. Sunshine between the trees, sunshine between the houses, sunshine on the lake. But not sunshine in her heart. The filly she lost was irreplaceable. Not irreplaceable for herself, but for those who loved her most. What would she tell her parents?
Cloudkicker sobbed, looking down at the mangled form in front of her. Only a small part of the originally purple-hued coat was still visible, the rest was crimson red. The teenage pegasus sobbed stronger, eyes trying to spot the filly's head in vain. No foal deserved to die like this. It wasn't her fault, the Storm King's sudden attack. But she had failed to protect her protégé.
Cloudkicker reached out to remove the debris from the filly's head, hooves and wings shaking.
"Cloudkicker!"
The foalsitter stopped in her movement and a purple-colored filly flung herself into her arms. "I'm so glad I found you!"

.
.
And the storm is over now. It only lasted a few minutes, but the losses were great.

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Time's up! Please put down your pens, pencils and Sub-Etha Sens-O-Matic signalling devices. We're now into the judging and feedback period. Please do not edit your stories from this point on.

Another really satisfying entry count, and it's especially nice to see both new and returning authors. Welcome (back) to you all! As with last month's similarly bumper crop of entries, I will read the lot of them and tear my hair out over the next four or five days trying to work out how on earth to narrow things down to a winner and a couple of hon menshes. That's your fault, people. Yours. I just wanted you to know that.

If anyone would like to leave feedback on entries, then now is the time! As a reminder, you do not have to have entered this month to do that, just to be a member of this group. Go!

7279420
I was thinking it was set after Daring doubt when they basically became co-authors I could see them also adventuring together. This could lead to times where poor old Caballerons past indiscretions catch up with him and in turn drag in Do.

Also I usually have extended cuts of all my stories as I end up writing full length ones anyway XD. Unfortunately though not enough to put up on Fimfic so I'm afraid you'll just have to imagining who 😋

7279420
Thanks for the feedback, and the compliments! =)

Interesting thought on perspective. I guess in a longer fic you can establish that more firmly, so any reference to a character's thoughts (for instance) obviously refers to the thoughts of the established main character. Looking back, I can see how "Dash...her friend...her mentor…" is a little unclear. For the record, I was taking it from Summer's perspective, figuring that that Dash had mentored her at some point in the backstory.

I guess I figured that Summer was established as the perspective character via the fact that she was mentioned first and that it mentions she felt pain. Like, describing it as the experience of pain, rather than as a purely observable phenomenon (e.g. "Her wings snapped backward and she cried out in pain"), puts us at "close psychic distance" to Summer and implies that she's the perspective character. Though again that would be much more firmly established in a longer fic.

How else can I signal that someone is meant to be the perspective character? Any ideas?

I'll see if I can do better next month. =)

7279420

I found this one to be slightly confusing. She was alive? Under all of that debris, and with so much blood all over her? I'm a sucker for happy endings, so I'll go with it, but that seems pretty unbelievable to me. Great job creating such a tender moment though!

She came out of a back alley or maybe side street. The dead filly under the debris is not the same, just one who looks similar. I thought I indicated that enough by describing that most of the dead filly's actual coat color cannot be seen, by having the living filly shout at Cloudkicker before she attempts to move the debris, with not having described movement by the dead filly under the debris and by having the living filly say "I'm so glad I found you!".
Especially the latter should indicate enough that the dead filly is not the same one and that Cloudkicker just confused the dead filly for the living one. It implies that the living filly she is foalsitting was searching for Cloudkicker in the chaos after the attack and, therefore, can't have been under the debris that entire time.

7279420

I didn't really see anything that made me think 'After the Storm,' in your story.

I suppose that's perspective - for me, "After The Storm (King)" was instantly the obvious thing to jump to as a hook.

7279420

For me personally, I'm really not a fan of the back and forth layout of this story

I also wish readers got a better idea of who Tempest was talking to.

She was talking with herself by the use of a mirror, and the last line was intended to be the big reveal with little foreshadowing throughout the story.

"Shut up!"

"Make me."

"..."

"Now you're being honest with yourself."

In fact, the layout was intended to be a reflection. The left is Tempest, the right is her mirror half, and the center was the mirror itself (that's why it had '*CRSSH*' to imply that Tempest broke it).

7279420

Not gonna lie, the grammar was pretty iffy.

Well, crap, I might as well retire as editor. EDIT: Yeeeah, I don't know how I missed that, lol.

I also don't think Pinkie would have referred to Rainbow as 'My one and only.'

I was trying to imply a ship, bit I guess that didn't come across well enough.

But, this story was very touching, and made me smile at the end, so I'd say you did a good job. You definitely did not 'fail spectacularly trying.'

Wait, what?! Okay, after the first two sentences, this actually caught me offguard a little bit, lol. But thank you!

7279420

I'm still hoping to use nitrogen-fixing in a longer story. More generally, ever since the Season One reveal that pegasus ponies manage the weather, I've always been keen to take the "stewardship of the world" idea further into more obscure natural phenomena. It also suggested the theme here: something violent and unpleasant that's necessary to deal with for the greater good, or just part of life.

Re: the name, I will admit I have a soft spot for it, namely for the explicit meaning captured within the two parts of the sentence. But it is a bit clunky, isn't it? "Compulsion" means something very different to "Compulsory", but the latter would make a more fitting replacement. When it comes time to publish my next flashfic anthology, I think I will rename it.

The dentist part, though: I am in complete agreement there. I was going for a rule of three structure, and a dentist visit caught my mind as an example of an unpleasant but necessary thing. Only it doesn't tie in to the lightning or the funeral directors examples, and comes off as arbitrary as a result. I prefer your corrected version: perhaps the "unpleasant but necessary" thing could simply be family commitment through a time of storm and stress? A self-confessed missed opportunity there.

Lastly, I don't usually extend pre-existing flashfics (more often I just get carried away drafting a concept originally intended to be a flashfic). But I will release a corrected version as part of a future anthology.

And of course, many thanks for the critique and helpful suggestions! Always a valuable part of the whole writing process.

7280653

My entry this month was the first flashfic I've ever written, and all of my instincts were practically screaming at me to write more information.

Writing's like chocolate: one taste, and you'll suddenly want more. Then later on you think, Maybe I should have stopped at the ninth bar.

It'll be a while yet before I publish that anthology, so I've got time to consider the title. Thanks again for chipping in with the reviews, and good luck with the judging!

Okie dokie, review time! (part 1)

7261978
Adorable. I thought this was a great way to use the prompt and it turned out so heartwarming! Only thing I would’ve changed was more scene setting but, with a limit of only 150 words, that’s not always an option so nevermind. All in all, this was super sweet. And I loved the tiny comment about Dash’s squeaky baby voice

7261996
Gah! I love this one! Even though that’s what I say about pretty much all of your flashfics But something about Celestia and Tempest’s personalities in this one made it such an enjoyable read. And the the writing too, which I thought was done really well. Yep, no complaints about this one.

7262228
Wow, DJ pon-3 really knows how to party, doesn’t she? Haha, I liked the visuals from this one a lot (I can just imagine how cool those Pegasi looked marching on those clouds), and the fact that it’s written “diary-style”. Nice job!

7262329
I really liked this one too! A lot of the ponies from Starlight’s old village lack a backstory and I enjoyed the tiny peek we got into Night Glider’s. There’s also something very poetic about how Pegasi see and admire weather - in this case, storms - and I thought it was pleasantly captured here. Like, even though it’s not mentioned I feel as though I can see the pride in her eyes as she stares at the storm she’s created. Also kind of curious now as to what “storm of trouble” her cutie mark caused that made her join the village. Great job with this one!

7263721

Ok, a little random, but I appreciate the creativity. It was a little hard to determine if Twilight was Jonesy, or just dreaming about him. For me, the two of them seemed a little disconnected, but I still thought it was funny. Now the writing itself is a horse of a different color, because I though it was so good - which can be hard to achieve with a word limit so props to you!

7263865

Definitely not a fail, good fellow. I thought it was quite touching and you had the bittersweet vibe down perfectly. Not really sure if this was shipping or not, but either way, the emotion was conveyed very nicely! Just the right mix of sadness and Pinkie’s signature glee. I like it!

7264672

This has to be one of my favorite entries. It’s so good. I really like when she goes

"Consarn it, I know that!”

because she’s fully aware that she’s too old for this, but she’s got that stubborn Apple-family drive to keep at it, not quite ready to just leave all the heavy lifting to Big Mac and AJ. You packed quite the heaping spoonful of emotion in just 150 words, and I think you did it wonderfully. Ugh, i adored it.

7264816

Wow. The conflicting thoughts in her head and the heaviness from them was done quite well. I like how it seems to pick up speed, like she’s spiraling downwards faster and faster until “CRSSSH” she breaks the mirror. That sound was spot on too, btw! It can be difficult to convey somber feeling like that using mostly dialogue, and even though I do prefer more scene setting, I liked how you did it. Nice job!

7267111

Hahaha, that was very light and funny. I confess, it took me a few reads to figure out that the storm was literally in the teacup, but after that I really liked it! The banter was great and I love the idea of Celestia pranking the Lord of chaos just one good time. I’ll agree with ChrystalChameleon on this one where she said Luna’s last line there was perhaps a little out of character, but it didn’t take away from the fic itself. It was super enjoyable read,and I definitely got a giggle out of it.

7267210

So beautiful. The writing is so well done in this fic that you’ve managed to create almost an entire world in just 150 words. I’m sure I don’t need to tell you that that’s no easy task. Silverstream is often so bubbly, and it’s new and refreshing to see her so...somber? Serene? Can’t think of the right words, but what I’m trying to say is, it’s a beautiful piece of flash fiction and I adored it.

7269320

Awww, this is such a lovely one too, and it made me feel super warm inside. Pinkie is so happy by default but she’s also pretty emotional sometimes, and she would be genuinely sad about not being invited to the impromptu sleepover. And AJ was so tender and caring about it too. This was extremely cute and heartwarming, and I loved it.

7273898

Very creative - I like it! Never thought to do a “news-style” fic, but you pulled it off without a hitch. Poor Mayor Mare

(How in the world do people do this every month?? It’s soo difficult to constructively criticize as well as try not to use the same words a hundred times when describing things I like)

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Thanks for the feedback. And thanks again for the compliments! =)

Review time again! (part 2)

7273915
So good Definitely has the “Indiana Jones” vibe to it, especially with that ending! The “nuzzling” makes me thing there was some shipping to be implied, and if it was, it was done very nicely, if it wasn’t, it was still a great read. Caballeron’s last line didn’t seem to fit all that well, but it certainly wasn’t a takeaway from the tale. Gosh, I can’t tell you how much I adore that last but with the wanted poster literally in her face at the end of the sword. Gold!

7274702
Beautiful! And, like Crystal said, that last line was so Rainbow Dash! You depicted the chaos perfectly - it didn’t feel “all over the place” or random, but carefully crafted. The emotion and urgency from both Spitfire and Summer come across very clearly too, so great job on that. And I can’t get enough of our favorite Captain showing so much care. Over all, wonderful fic! Especially that ending - I loved it!

7275689
I gotta look up the whole nitrogen thing to get the technical side of this fic, but I’ll tell you the parallels the actual storm and the emotional one was done magnificently! Especially when AJ goes “Can’t dodge this one”, it mirrors the sudden tragedy that they’ve faced. Only thing I would’ve changed was it seemed to end too fast, but I mean, we only got 150 words going for us. Literally nothing else other than that, this was a beautiful piece. I also really liked the quick, one-two word sentences, which is weird for me, but it really fit with this story. Bravo!

7278660

Ooo, this one got me right in the feels. Babysitting is certainly a job, but it’s one you can get very attached to, and the love Cloudkicker has for this filly really shows. That build up to the disaster is great too - with the sunshining everywhere but inside her. Brilliant. And we don’t see how other, local ponies were affected by the invasion of the storm king, so that’s another thing I really like about it. I thought you did an amazing job. I was a teeny confused about the filly not being the right one though. I think it’s because you mentioned her moving the debris from “the filly’s head” making me think she could see her head. Or at least some of it? But no worries, it was still a very dark turned heartwarming read. I felt as though I needed more after she actually came back to Cloudkicker, but that’s just because I liked it so much. Wonderful work!

(That’s that! This is the first time I’ve reviewed so many pieces at once + tried being constructive...I’m probably not the best at it, but I hope it was helpful and none of the comments came off as rude. Bye!)

7279708
Oooooh, ok, makes much more sense. Wow, I think I need this in expanded form!

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Thank you so much! =)

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It's alright, reviewing 16 entries in one go can drain anyone.

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And we don’t see how other, local ponies were affected by the invasion of the storm king, so that’s another thing I really like about it.

You mean because the focus was on Cloudkicker and the filly and not on more ponies who would have distracted from the two?
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I think it’s because you mentioned her moving the debris from “the filly’s head” making me think she could see her head.

Oh, no, that happens only at the end of the scene. Cloudkicker attempts to remove the debris from her head, as in, she is beginning to do that by reaching out with her hooves. But then the filly she is foalsitting interrupts her with a shout once she has found her and Cloudkicker does not get far enough to even touch the debris. Which I indicated by writing "The foalsitter stopped in her movement".
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But no worries, it was still a very dark turned heartwarming read.

That was the goal. Though, there is still one dead filly here, so the darkness only got made a little lighter.
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I felt as though I needed more after she actually came back to Cloudkicker, but that’s just because I liked it so much. Wonderful work!

Wow, I think I need this in expanded form!

Thanks. I can't promise an expansion, because each flashfic competition generates an idea with potential in me, on top of all the other ideas and projects I already have to begin with, but I'm glad you enjoyed it that much.

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You mean because the focus was on Cloudkicker and the filly and not on more ponies who would have distracted from the two?

Oh, no haha, I meant in the movie. It focuses more on the main characters (obviously) but your story gave us a glimpse into what the attack was like for non-main character ponies. That’s what I meant, if that makes sense.

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Ah, I see. Well, the scenario here is actually, in the way I envision it, not happening during the events of the movie. I'm seeing it more as a return of the Storm King at some point down the line (how he came back from the dead is left to your imagination), but with own storm-creating powers now. He got defeated again, but with heavy losses this time.

Just quickly popping in here. I'll announce the winner/hon menshes on Monday.

Carry on!

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I'm curious if the nitrogen-fixing element proved distracting in any way? If so, it might suggest I should either clarify topics like that more often, or prefer something that's easier to take at face value (without impeding the story too much).

The ending being rushed doesn't surprise me too much, though. Pacing's one of my weaker areas when it comes to writing, especially when trying to cram a lot into a flashfic. I might have to be more ruthless in how I prune earlier passages, because it tends to be a problem near the end whenever I'm confronting a word limit.

And of course, many thanks for the delightful review! As entertaining in itself as it was instructive.

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Results time, everyone! Another outstanding set of entries this month, with no fewer than 16 eligible entries. (In the end, Frazzle2Dazzle's was really too much of a crossover.) Given the size of the entry, I'll do two honourable mentions and then the winner.

Hon mensh 1: Impossible Numbers -- I found this both interesting from a world-building point of view (I've certainly never seen nitrogen fixing in a ponyfic before!) and touching from an equine one. I did find the title a tad unwieldy, but that's a minor whinge.
Hon mensh 2: Astrarian -- Another moving Apple Family fic. I particularly enjoyed the characterisation in this one -- everypony felt spot on. I don't have much more to say than that, just that it was a very solid, satisfying piece of flashfic.
Winner: DawnOfsnow -- I out-and-out adored this. The payoff line was a clever one, but what I loved most was how this one little story gives us a whole new perspective on just why Rainbow's parents' support of their daughter is quite so intense.

Congratulations to all, and in particular to DawnOfsnow! Your mission now, should you choose to accept it, is to think up a prompt for August's FF150 and post it here. Thank you once again to everyone who had a go, and especially to those new or returning. You're all brilliant.

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Whaaaa?? Meeee? UwU Aw, I’m blushing. Thank you so so much! It warms my heart to know that you liked it! Mission accepted, but I might need a day or so to think of prompt if that’s ok. Again, thank you for the kind words and the win!

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Aw thank you, I’m flattered!

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Yep, taking a little while to consider a prompt is absolutely fine. And you're very welcome!

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Mine was too much of a crossover? _^Creeper~! Aw, Man... Well, looks like I’ll have to exclude every other kind of fiction next time.

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Mine was too much of a crossover? _^Creeper~! Aw, Man... Well, looks like I’ll have to exclude every other kind of fiction next time.

The trick is to hide the finer details. Take mine for example, probably wouldn't have guessed it was a prequel to a crossover story I've been writing about until I decided to let the truth loose after the contest.

Also, that's a very interesting trick you pulled there. All the (Super/Sub)scripts you pulled on the word 'Creeper~!', I wasn't aware you could make the text smaller than... this.

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"Rule 7: No crossovers." That's been in there for a long time. (There's an exception for crossovers with certain other Pony properties.) As Amereep says, whether a fic gets through depends on how well it reads as a pure MLP story. In your story's case, I don't know who Jonesy is, but that wasn't a killer as he could be any OC. But I don't know what a Floss is either, and I couldn't get that from context. The last line too is too blatantly crossover, I think. The reason Rule 7 is there is that it's simply impossible for anyone to know all the other properties MLP can cross over with. So it's fairer to exclude them all, with the aforementioned exceptions.