It's November contest time! Last month's winner, Pascoite, suggested a rather unusual format this time around. Although I'd mostly prefer to keep prompts simple, I see no harm in giving his idea a go this month as I'm curious to see what happens. Pascoite suggested calling the contest "Logan's Run", which on the face of it is a little alarming! But here's his description of what you'll need to do:

Take one of Loganberry's story titles and add one letter, remove one letter, or change one letter. Write a story using the new title. It need not be related to the story from which the title was borrowed.

I'm going to add one small tweak: you may add punctuation as you wish. So, you could take "This Fragment of Life" and write something titled "His Fragment of Life", or you could take "It Doesn't Matter Now" and write a story called "It Doesn't Matter, Cow". Hopefully you get the idea.

Here are the full rules.

Remember, there is no prize, as such, for this contest -- but if you win, you will be able to choose the prompt for the December contest. You'll also get a mention on the group's front page if I actually remember, which I'm sure our previous winners will confirm will be an even more thrilling experience than reading this intro post.

Title: "Logan's Run" (selected by last month's winner, Pascoite. Note: not a regular prompt. See above.)
Rating: E or T
Word limit: 150
Closing date: Tuesday 21st November 2017, 11:59 pm UK time (world clock)

Please reply to this post with your entry. This makes it easier for me to keep track. Please do not leave feedback until after the closing date.

Entries are now open! Have fun!

6182523
I had far more interesting ideas by mashing up titles instead of "minor adjustment" (e.g., More Than Ended Lives, Friendship is Where They Understand You, One Hell of a Party by the Seashore, The Light that Ignites One Hell of a Party)... But, lest I forget (again!) and busy myself with too many other things, I rolled with an idea and I'll get it in early.

Not my finest work, but feedback is welcome.

Little Bites by KwirkyJ

On the sofa lay Carrot and Cup, nestled like spoons in a drawer. The twins were finally asleep. Pinkie was with away friends. The turntable spun, whispering a soft hiss from the center of the record. Lanterns burned evenly, undisturbed.

Carrot hummed a half-remembered tune. Cup's chin tucked against the hollow behind Carrot's jaw, pressing softly where his neck ended and his face began. They hadn't moved much for some time.

They had talked. Made plans. Discussed a little of the future and the past. But now all was still. The air was cool, their bodies warm.

On a whim, like in younger years, Cup reached up and nipped at his ear. Just a nibble. He cooed agreeably and she felt his smile. She smiled, too, and laid her head down again.

Too soon, they would be made to stir.

6182523
6182957

I had my eye on messing with the same story title, in fact, but fortunately, in a different way. I'm just gonna run with it before anypony else gets the same idea...

Little Bats

“Eeeee?” The noise came again, interrupting Princess Luna’s quest for a snack.

Where had that come from? The royal kitchen looked unoccupied.The refrigerator certainly had been.

The cabinets? Or… did that fruit bowl just move?

She picked up an apple from the bowl, and found something black and furry staring back inquisitively at her from the other side.

“Eeee!” It exclaimed, as Luna peered at what turned out to be a rather excited young bat pony.

“Now where did you come from, little one?” she mused, trying to remove its clutches from the apple. It enthusiastically tackled her hoof instead.

“I’m sorry, your majesty—” One of her guards rushed in. “Star slipped away from us—”

“Your daughter?” He nodded sheepishly.

She picked up a ripe mango, transferred a now rather happy filly to it, and carried her over. “Come on, and stop worrying your father.”

“Eeeee!”

(I wanted Star to meet Tiberius, but ran out of space. This is a better ending, though.)
--Sweetie Belle

Dammit, brain. Stop coming up with rude ones.

As it happens, I've no problem with more than one person using the same title, so go ahead if that's what you come up with.

6182972

Well at least the bat got a mango in the end. This is the important thing.

She'll have to go bat or treating later. If the person doesn't give you a treat you throw bats at them.

6182523
Alright, I've failed to come up with something for too many of these now, I think I need to kick myself into gear this time around.

So we can only add, remove, or change one single letter, plus punctuation*, from one of your story titles to come up with a title of our own for the prompt, huh? Hmm, I'm going to have to think about this...

* I'm going to add one small tweak: you may add punctuation as you wish.

Wait, quick & random question, does "as we wish" mean we can add multiple punctuation marks, or should we limit ourselves to just one, if any?

6182523

The Book of Ended Lines
by Trick Question

---

"I don't need entertainment," said Fluttershy, frowning sadly. "It's been millions of years. Living in a barren world without animals is torture."

Discord snapped his fingers, producing Angel Bunny.

"He isn't real. I can tell," said Fluttershy. "We've been over this countless times. I refuse to leave you alone, but I still wish I could die."

Discord sighed. "I know, love. How about reminiscing, though?" He reached into his mouth and pulled out a book titled Famous Last Words.

"What's this?"

"A book holding the last words of anypony you've met. Say their name, and turn a page. Try it."

Fluttershy opened the book. "Rarity," she said. "Let's see: 'I need to lie down for a while?' I guess most last words aren't interesting..."

She paused, then said, "Fluttershy," and turned the page.

"Weird. Why would I ever say, 'Rutabaga intransigent equinox'—"

Discord disintegrated his wife and began to cry.

6184452

does "as we wish" mean we can add multiple punctuation marks, or should we limit ourselves to just one, if any?

Multiple, if you want. Though if you insert one after every letter, there had better be a really good justification.

6182523

Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, and Fluttershy decided to hang out at Saddle Lake on a pleasant day. The rest of their friends were otherwise occupied. Pinkie and Rainbow were having a stone-skipping contest, while Fluttershy mingled with the wildlife and watched her friends.

After a while, good-natured distractions were added to the stone-skipping. During one of Rainbow's turns, Pinkie created a particularly distracting effect that threw Rainbow's aim completely off. As they both noticed the stone's trajectory towards Fluttershy, they warned her with a resounding "Duck!"

Although she heard her friends' warning and lowered her head in time to avoid any harm, the loud shouts and sudden movement startled an actual duck and ducklings that Fluttershy met just moments before, and now they were all quacking up a storm of commotion. Once they settled down, Fluttershy just stared at her two friends while they each wore a sheepish grin.

Woo, mission accomplished! 6184452
Also, go figure, I ask about stretching the limits of title punctuation, then I end up not using any at all.

6182523

Before I start, I would like to say that I do not like this prompt (sorry, Pascoite). There's no real theme to it, and that bothers me because it makes the thing feel less focused as a result. Took me ages to come up with the title alone.

“You won’t go out,” croaked Mr Waddle on the bed. “My friends wouldn’t let you. Warmth, light: perhaps if I’m quiet, I’ll hear you crackling, ever so slightly…”

The flame went down almost to the desk.

Rage burned through him. “How dare you go down on me!? You’re moving too fast!”

Still, the candle wavered.

Now Mr Waddle wailed. “Years of life! Playing! Artistry! Seeing new sights! Why should others ponies enjoy them, and not me?”

The flame dwindled, uncaring.

Sighing, he cooled. “Please. I can feed you more wax. Give me enough time to extend the wick. Let me find the matches.”

Soon, there was hardly any wax left.

He groaned. “Ah well… could’ve… been… worse…”

The candle… went down… wavered… dwindled…

And then someone took it away. A new candle, bright and alive, stood in its place.

“Nurse Redheart!” Joy exploded.

“Sorry I’m late. Now… where’s it hurting?”

Feedback welcome, though I suspect that's automatic now.

6182523
Alrighty, here's mine! (I had this idea before I noticed TQ's story)

The Book of Ended Wives

"Sweet Celestia, Blueblood's getting another divorce,” said Swan Song.

“I don’t think anything in those blasted magazines is true,” Silver Frames retorted. “After all, isn’t he still married to that tramp fashionista?”

Swan looked aghast. “Well,” she said, “it’s a good thing I do read those magazines, or you might have embarrassed yourself in front of somepony important. That relationship ended as soon as it began.”

“Such a shame, I liked her. But even so, surely the magazines play it up a fair bit.”

“On the contrary, Equestria Daily is the most trustworthy next to the Canterlot Times. They wouldn’t print false facts.”

“Hah!” Silver let out. “Just last week, they had to print an apology article because they got Celestia Air and CelestiAir mixed up!”

“At least they apologized, unlike those wannabe papers.”

“Hmph. I still regret divorcing Blueblood.”

“Me too.”

I know it's not required now, but I wanna say any and all feedback is always welcome!

6198843
I guess I don't see the issue. The prompt for any of these is a jumping-off point, not a theme. My story from last month was about Rarity's generosity during difficult times, not about the prompt. That just sets up the situation. That's really all that's needed here, too. Say I took SweetAI Belle's title choice and made everyone write about "Little Bats." I don't think that would have given you a problem, and this way, you have a whole lot more flexibility in what to write about.

6183009
You and me both, man.

6182523
I know I'm ineligible this time, but I had a fun idea, so why not? As always, 150 words exactly.

The 200 Percent Solution

Sassy Saddles plunked down into her seat. Rarity took the one opposite, her back to the barstools, strands of her mane escaping their tight confinement and bristling at random.

They ordered glasses of wine, but neither had the energy to produce more words than it took to do so, not after that hectic workday. Until some conversation floated over Rarity’s shoulder.

“There was this one diamond-flanked mare from a forgettable town. She shamelessly threw herself at me, of course, right there at the Gala, in front of everypony!”

Rarity snapped a glare at the stallion behind her, and as the waitress returned, Rarity said, “One piece of cake. Your cheapest.”

When it arrived, Rarity immediately ground it into Blueblood’s mane. He bolted upright, then squinted at her. “You! I should have known better than to come here among the riffraff and wage slaves.”

The waitress smirked at Rarity. “Another?”

“Please.”

6205803

To use a metaphor to convey my point: the usual prompts to me are like being handed a nifty, ready-made toy or toy set. Having received it, my job is to explore its capabilities, play around with it, and then run the game as I wish. All of which is automatic fun!

By contrast, this prompt feels like I have to assemble the toy first, and from components that are limited (the twenty five fics) or not immediately obvious or inspiring. That's... less fun. I don't build toys. I play with them.

Extended metaphor aside, all I know is that looking up the many meanings of "crossing over" or "boiling point" - and then piling up a fic around the concept or concepts - was a lot more enthusing than trying to wring "The Book of Ended Lives" into something I could squint at and decipher and maybe pluck a fic out of.

Then again, this is most likely just my idiosyncrasy. I have no idea what everyone else thinks.

Hi folks. Just under 24 hours to go.

I have one or two thoughts of my own about the prompt, but I'll save those until the contest has closed.

6182957 6182972 6184774 6198824 6198843 6201011 6205817

And that's all, folks! We ended up with seven entries, counting the ineligible Pascoite's. I'll announce the winner on Friday.

As far as the prompt goes, I ended up feeling a little uncomfortable with it, but in my case that was more because it almost felt like self-promotion, even though I didn't choose it. I don't regret giving the experiment a go, and nor do I rule out allowing unorthodox prompts in the future -- but I think I'll request that this month's winner provides a more conventional prompt.

Anyway, feedback is now open!

Kwirk Critiques, in reverse order.

6205817
(Pascoite, The 200 Percent Solution)

I don't get why Blueblood would be among the "riffraff and wage slaves" in the first place? Opening with Sassy Saddles is wasting some of your word budget (she adds nothing that I can tell). The ending doesn't quite click for me, as would Blueblood afford them time for another? Still, a fun idea, and I did pick up that Rarity—having just had a rough day—might be particularly volatile in her reaction.

6201011
(Matthewl419, The Book of ended Wives)

This is a fun little slice-of-life moment, poking fun at Blueblood with a possible side-dish of social commentary. My one point of discomfiture is the Celestia Air/CelestiAir case example, which (1) doesn't seem to fit the milieu all that well, and (2) might be more effective if it were something a bit more "juicy", if not consequential.

6198843
(Impossible Numbers, To Beg the Candle)

Huh? Is this someone being melodramatic about a candle going out, lamenting his age-endowed frailty, or...? I can't determine what context is the real one happening here, and the twist ending makes it feel like utter nonsense. And who is this "Joy"? Also, candle flames don't much waver/falter/shrink unless they are (1) disturbed from the outside or (2) at the very absolute end of their fuel in which case the time of this diminution is probably shorter than the bemoaning above would suggest.

6198824
(gameexpert1990, The Unbearable Lightness of Ducking)

Not sure if I feel that this is a cute idea or just a lame pun. All the required information is there to make sense of what happened, but... it is all so dry. This one just isn't sticking with me.

"The rest of their friends were otherwise occupied." – Information that did not need to be included.

6184774
(Trick Question, The Book of Ended Lines)

On the surface, I like this one: I like the magic involved, I like genesis paradox (after a fashion), and I like Fluttershy's portrayal here. After a little thought, though, I am not sold on eons-old nor Discord doing what he does. Why is it famous last words when in actuality it is just the last words of your acquaintances? Is "Rutabaga intransigent equinox" from somewhere I might have read/heard before, or does it just seem that way?

6182972
(SweetAI Belle, Little Bats)

That's cute. I am curious, however, just how small is that filly? The intro feels a little clunky or disjointed, but I don't have a fix in mind for you. Similarly, the word order "something ... staring back inquisitively at her" has the imbalanced feel with 'inquisitively' planted within the phrase—not sure if this works in favor (through effect) or not.

6182957
(KwirkyJ, Little Bites)

"...nestled like spoons in a drawer." Someone's been stealing from researching Vonnegut. As an atmospheric piece, it's a hard sell. Elegant wordsmithing "made to stir", "whispering a soft hiss", "like in younger years". "tucked" (chin tucked against the hollow) is not a verb.

6182957
(Little Bites)
Well, that's a sweet little story. Lots of fluff. And I really love the diction used.

6182972
(Little Bats)
That's beautiful. But, I do question your spacial relations. And that's all I have to say, about that.

6184774
(The Book of Ended Lines)
Well, that's certainly an interesting take on it. Unfortunately, while I feel you were going for comedy, it fell a little flat for me. Great try, though.

6198824
(The Unbearable Lightness of Ducking)
Oh, um. Okay. Not actually sure what this was going for.

6198843
(To Beg the Candle)
Dang, this is probably my favorite, if only for the many possible meanings of the candle. It could be approaching death; it could be dwindling hope; it could be that he's lonely, forgotten, and the candle is his only company; heck, it could be just a candle.

6201011
(The Book of Ended Wives)
Get that shit outta here, ya worthless freak.

6205817
(The 200 Percent Solution)
Ha! Definitely my second favorite. Serves Blueblood right. Love Rarity. However, I feel it coulda used 50 more words to really reach it's potential.

6213674 6214230
Fair enough, thank you both for the honest input.

Not sure if I feel that this is a cute idea or just a lame pun.

When in doubt, why not both?

Not actually sure what this was going for.

Simply trying to kick myself into gear just enough to write something down for this month's prompt...

(Edit: I'll try to leave a little bit of feedback of my own, but I just want to see who wins before I do so.)

6213674

I don't get why Blueblood would be among the "riffraff and wage slaves" in the first place?

His friends dragged him there. He wasn't sitting alone. He's not the type to talk to strangers there, and he's clearly engaged with someone.

Opening with Sassy Saddles is wasting some of your word budget (she adds nothing that I can tell).

It's a way of placing Rarity in Canterlot for the same word count it would take to say so explicitly, and it avoids having her at the bar alone, which doesn't seem right to me.

The ending doesn't quite click for me, as would Blueblood afford them time for another?

Does that matter? He'll stand there aghast for enough time, or he'll rush away at the threat. Rarity will be happy with either one.

6214230

I feel it coulda used 50 more words to really reach it's potential.

Then it would be "The 200 Word Solution."

6182957
This reminds me of a poem I read years ago, and I have no hope of remembering the title. This brings up the old scene vs story argument, so how much you like it will depend on which side of that argument you take. Me, I prefer a story, but this is a nice scene.

6182972
Pretty much the same I said of the previous story. It's very cute and fluffy, but it tiptoes on the edge of having anything resolved. Nothing's going to change as a result. The story about the Cakes actually did suggest a history, so it's closer. If you're happy with a scene, though, there's nothing wrong with this.

6184774
This is probably my favorite, but the more I thought about it, the more I thought it didn't quite work. So Fluttershy wishes she could die, and Discord gives her the means to. He sure comes across as having done that deliberately. But I can't tell whether this book is something he created (probably is). And yet why not infuse it with the power to enforce its own proclamations? Then he wouldn't have the pain of killing her. And why have it come upon her so unexpectedly? She didn't even have the chance to anticipate it. If it's what she really wants, why not let her have a little time to figure out what's going on and appreciate that he let her have what she wanted? Wouldn't this also mean that he can flip to his page and die as well, if he can't bear the thought of being alone now? I'd think the story would carry more power if Fluttershy understood the gift he was giving her, and if she didn't blurt out her last words without realizing their importance, instead reading them and then stating them out loud very much on purpose.

6184774
There's a serviceable pun here, but I guess I don't understand what the point was. They ducked to avoid a rock that almost hit a duck, and... I don't know what to take from that. It's not a groaner, like a feghoot would be.

6198843
I agree with the above comment wondering who Joy is. I had to reread that a couple times before I realized you meant the literal emotion. I thought it was a nurse or something. I also have no idea what significance the candle held. Mr. Waddle is so unnerved by it burning down that I took it as a metaphor for his life fading away, but once it's gone, nothing happens, He doesn't sit there for a moment sure that a calamity is imminent, nor does he muse on the fact that nothing happens, so I just have no idea what's going on. It's a fine enough metaphor on approaching death, but one he only experiences on a superficial level, so I'm left feeling like there's some profound intent I'm missing.

6201011
This isn't a bad tale of pop culture and the way people fixate on celebrities, but in the end, I don't understand these characters, or if there's a joke to be had, what it was. The two mares haven't given a reason why they'd still want to be married to Blueblood, and aside from the fame, I can't intuit a motivation from the story.

6214230
Definitely not going for comedy, no.

6214413
You replied to me twice. You might want to post a separate message to ping whoever you were trying to reply to.

6213674

It's a metaphor. It doesn't have to make sense.

OK, I did have something specific in mind, but see the spoilers below for details. As for the waver/falter/shrink stuff, that was to exaggerate the diminishing of time. Being urban, modern, and not yet homeless, I don't have a lot of experience around candles.

And Joy, of course, is only the best character from Pixar's Inside Out. Fancy you not knowing that.

Less fatuously, that "Joy exploded" line was nothing but a bit of flowery language gone wrong. It's not you, it's me.

6214230

I did have a specific metaphor in mind, but for fun I'm hiding it behind spoilers. It can mean whatever you want it to mean. It's literature.

6214413

In all seriousness, the "joy" thing is what happens when I get too flowery and can't tell what to cut and what to leave in. As for the candle, the metaphor I had in mind was that he has an illness that can be kept at bay by constant medication, but which could also kill him at a moment's notice (don't ask: I had no specific disease in mind). It also represents his hopes and the bright side of his life. As soon as Nurse Redheart fails to make it on time, he increasingly becomes despondent, fearful, and outraged because he's that much further into risky territory, and thus much closer to death and to losing his best memories to the darkness. Redheart's replacement candle is a sign that his health, his hopes, and his good memories will live that much longer. She's effectively keeping his light burning.

Or to put it bluntly: "150 words" is a pain in the backside.

6214541

Definitely not going for comedy, no.

BWA-hahahahaha-HAAAA! Classic Trick Question! You always know what to say to leave 'em rolling in the aisles!

6214919

.

6214367
Oh, no. Not again...

Bear in mind that these are just my thoughts for why the story (as I understand it) does or does not work.

[Blueblood's] friends dragged him there.

That was the more reasonable of my possible interpretations, but it doesn't sit too well with me. He would allow them to take him to such a "low-brow" establishment? See below section on character count.

Sassy Saddles as a way of placing Rarity in Canterlot

I inferred as much. Argument one is that you don't need that information included—leave the reader free to place Blueblood among the wage-slaves in Ponyville for whatever Celestia-foresaken reason and you still have the same story. Argument two is to reverse the character order... to make an extended metaphor, much how second and third cousins are extended family: if one expands the word count to "publishable length", proportionally you've just spent a paragraph on Sassy Saddles sitting into a chair for the sake of identifying the city.

Blueblood's reaction

Related to the comment I made initially, after a little more thought, I don't really buy his reaction. I understand why he says what he says for the sake of narrative intent, the diction suggests to me that he has already accepted the "gosh, I have cake on my clothes and in my mane in front of everypony again" and is now directing bemused frustration at the location in general. In all, far less choleric than seems appropriate, I guess?

Another reason why I think this isn't working for me in general is because you have five or more characters in a two-character story: Sassy Saddles, Rarity, Blueblood, Blueblood's friends, and the waitress. Sassy shows up for two bits of setup narration, the friends are there to listen but apparently not to react, and the waitress graduates immediately from server to co-conspirator when she suggests another go. It is too much to keep track of in so short a span, I think. The story is about Rarity at the end of a rough day, Blueblood being a dick (libelant?), and history nodding to itself; knuckle down on that, perhaps.

6214919
That’s so... complicated. Honestly, I think simpler is better for the meaning of that one. So I think I’m gonna stick with my meanings for it.

6214937

It can mean two things!

In all honesty, I think your meanings and mine overlap significantly. The only major complication I can think of is the nature of the disease, and how that grounds the respective metaphors.

Well, I skimped on this reviewing lark the last time, so this time I'll try and make it extra constructive, just for you people.

6182957

I agree with Pascoite: this is a cosy and pleasant scene, but not much of an actual story. That said, it's one of those occasions when its inconsequential style works in its favour. It's an oasis of calm amid a chaotic sandstorm of normal life, and that comes across very well both in content and in its "scene, not story" form. Not to mention the quiet affection is spot-on. Its lack of a driving question or conflict emphasizes that, and the language is easy-going and pleasing to the ear (well, "eye" really, being written down, but the gist is the gist).

6182972

Similar to the previous, but without the structure reflecting the content. Cute scene as it is (though I personally wasn't moved by it much), it's also a tad insubstantial, and nothing particularly evocative even at surface level. For me, it feels like I eventually catch up with what's happening, and then it's over, which suggests it needs to get to its punchline faster or to set it up more urgently. Not my cup of tea, I guess.

6184774

I like the concept of the book (iffy choice of title aside), and Fluttershy's little observation that some final words just ain't Shakespeare-level is one of those little touches that adds depth to the setting by making it realistic. The rest of it feels like it needs far more than 150 words to work, much less to work in an emotionally satisfying way. There's too much to take in - I barely got the set-up before the "love" thing threw me off, and by the time I cottoned on to that shipping implication, the sudden death threw me for another loop - and it probably would have benefited from shedding some of that material to focus on one or two major points.

6198824

This one to me is just there. It's not doing anything insightful, but I didn't find it entertaining either. It's not horrible or bad, but "empty" is the word that comes to mind. Considering it's structured like a joke, the prose feels awfully over-explained for no obvious reason, and far too "and then this happened and then this happened" for my taste. Not to mention it's hard to derive anything substantial besides an all-too-familiar "duck" pun. I think it needs snappier writing and a brisker pace to work, and the actual pun must be the last line if it's to have any sort of punch.

6198843

...who are you again?

6201011

A respectable starting point and a different perspective on Blueblood, with some potentially interesting characters. Unfortunately, it doesn't really feel like it goes anywhere, and this fic would probably work best in a much longer form for exploring any ambivalent feelings or socialite relationships. It's a tantalizing look into the obsession with marriage and gossip and reputation, but that's really all I can say in its favour. Otherwise, I agree with Pascoite that some things need more explanation or set-up, especially if there was an intended punchline.

6205817

I'm with Kwirkyj on this one, with the added complication that Blueblood seems even more of a one-dimensional jerk here, designed solely to give Rarity a target. It feels too obviously like you're setting up an easy target, at that. (Not that it isn't viscerally satisfying, as is her deceptively cool parting shot at the end, but I'd be hard-pressed to call it "good" when "adequate" is about all it seems to aim for). I guess this one just didn't do much for me beyond a mildly amusing gag. Perhaps if it had been a bit wittier or more subtle, I would have found it more entertaining.

6214413
6214542
Ah, looks like that reply was intended for my entry.

There's a serviceable pun here, but I guess I don't understand what the point was. They ducked to avoid a rock that almost hit a duck, and... I don't know what to take from that. It's not a groaner, like a feghoot would be.

Er, the rock almost hit Fluttershy. (Pinkie and Rainbow gave her the warning, the animals were startled by Fluttershy's dodging movement.) My apologies if that wasn't as clear as it should have been.

6215005

This one to me is just there. It's not doing anything insightful, but I didn't find it entertaining either. It's not horrible or bad, but "empty" is the word that comes to mind. Considering it's structured like a joke, the prose feels awfully over-explained for no obvious reason, and far too "and then this happened and then this happened" for my taste. Not to mention it's hard to derive anything substantial besides an all-too-familiar "duck" pun. I think it needs snappier writing and a brisker pace to work, and the actual pun must be the last line if it's to have any sort of punch.

I'll try to keep that in check next time.

In regards to it "not understanding what the point was" and it "just being there" goes, this was just an attempt for me to force something out after failing to come up with anything for the past several prompts.

Anyway, thank you both for your honest input.

6213674
The term "famous last words" is an expression, that's all.

Those words were chosen specifically to "sound" random.

6215078

The term "famous last words" is an expression.

Now, I'm not one to judge a book by its cover but, on the other hand, the proof is in the pudding. The fly in the ointment here is this bait-and-switch kind of thing going on with the book title as false advertising. The carpet doesn't match the drapes.

To be more particular, I know it's a phrase, but that is no excuse to not make sense here. The choice of idiom, phrase, colloquial, and/or expression inexorably convey meaning. As the author, it is your responsibility to ensure that the meaning you have put down is what you intended.

Now here's a story worth telling!

On the sofa lay Carrot and Cup, as the crow flies.

6215372
The expression has nothing to do with being famous, or the last words being famous. Even if it did, I understand your concern but I'm just saying I don't think most readers will carry the same expectation.

Now, that might not be true. If other readers weigh in and say the same thing, I'll definitely take note.

6182957 6182972 6184774 6198824 6198843 6201011 6205817

All right! I've noticed several comments to the effect that the 150-word limit makes things difficult. To which I say: Good, isn't it? And to address another point: scenes are fine. Squeezing a whole story into this word count is impressive, but I'll generally prefer a scene with room to breathe to a squashed story.

The winner this month is Matthewl419, in no small part because I found the ending amusing. I share KwirkyJ's feeling that the "Celestia Air" thing is a little forced, but I have a terrible weakness for stories about Blueblood being a... well, I'll stay show-tone and say "jerk". Mind you, the mares in your story may not be much better, assuming "that tramp fashionista" is our beloved Rarity.

Congratulations to you! You now have the awesome responsibility of coming up with December's prompt. As I mentioned earlier, I'd prefer it to be a conventional prompt this time -- though of course what it actually is remains up to you.

(Also, re SweetAl Belle's story, why mangoes? Who actually started off the "bats go 'eeeeee' and like mangoes" thing? Before my time in the fandom, I assume.)

(This post left intentionally not-actually-blank.)

6215930
If people want longer word limits, do the writeoff minific events. Entries have to be 400-750 words.

6215930
Scootaloos go "eeeee" too, y'know.

6215930

6215948

Who's complaining, I'm not complaining, fancy catching me complaining, you must have imagined me complaining, 150 words, I love 150 words, who doesn't love 150 words, it's 150 words, come on, 150 words are the best, come on.

6215985
But have we ever seen Scoots eat a mango? The world needs to know!

6215930
Well, I think 'eeee' is just what it tends to sound like if you ask somepony to make bat noises. And given that somepony going around squealing 'eeee' is cute, it stayed. As far as mangos, in real life, fruit bats favorite foods are figs, mangos, dates, and bananas. Eating fruit is a little friendlier than drinking blood, though vampire bats only actually drink about 2 teaspoons of blood a day anyways.

6215005
It was mainly that, having come up with "little bats", it suggested lots of cuteness, and I thought Luna having to deal with an excitable bat filly would be cute. Nothing substantial, but fun to write.

6214413
A cute and fluffy scene is about what I wanted! I'll admit I do have trouble getting it into a full fledged story in 150 words, and this is one of these ones I probably could have written a bunch more cute and fluffy scenes and stretched out to at least a thousand words, especially if I came up with reasons for Luna to end up having to take care of Star for a while.

I mostly wanted to write about cute bat ponies that go 'eeee', though.

6214230
6213674
Well, she is small enough not have actually said any words but "Eeeee!" the whole time, so pretty small. I expect my mind was toggling back and forth between "bat" and "bat pony" when writing, though. She probably should've been about Flurry Heart size, likely a bit smaller, as Flurry has kinda big wings. I do see where clinging to someponys face, hoof, and mango could make her sound smaller.

--Sweetie Belle

6215930
Oh, sweet, hooray! *looks at how far I've come and gets sentimental

I do slightly regret the Celestia Air thing, that came from marathon reading Surviving Sand Island by petrichord. That is what I was least proud of while writing. Also, I would like to say for any that missed it, that those mares are, indeed, canon characters: http://mlp.wikia.com/wiki/Fancy_Pants%27_entourage

As for the prompt, I think I will do Through the Ages. I feel this has many possible meanings, and I really look forward to what people come up with.

6216395

Congratulations, Matthewl419! Well done, and I look forward to tackling the prompt you gave us.

6216395
Yep, congratulations!

Of course, sometimes this ends up being a tricky part of the contest for me, because I get ideas for what to write for the new prompt, then need to try and wait for the next contest to start before writing it...

--Sweetie Belle

6216395
"Through the Ages" it is, then! Yell at me if I haven't got the December thread up by the end of next Friday (1st Dec).

6216625
Hey, nobody's stopping you doing that! You can't enter anything that's already been published, and you can't actually submit an entry until the new contest opens -- but there's nothing saying you can't write at all until the 1st. If you or anyone else wants to start writing straight away, that's okay by me.

6182957
D'aww, that was a heartwarming little moment.

6182972
Nothing wrong with wanting to eat a little snack. Especially when it's a snack that's good for you, like fruit.

6184774
I think the somber tone of this one caused it to be the entry that personally stayed with me the longest this month...

6198824

6198843
I'm afraid that I'm inclined to agree with 6214937's assessment of simpler and more open to interpretation being a bit more effective for this entry... Just my two cents.

6201011
I'll admit, the last three lines caught me off guard. Anyway, congratulations on the winning prompt! Looking forward to seeing what everyone comes up with for "Through the Ages."

6205817
My mom has plenty of experience as a waitress, and I'm almost certain she would have done exactly what your story's waitress did if she were ever in a similar position of hearing someone call her a "wage slave." I just know Rarity tipped that waitress extra well that day.

6215932
??? You're kind of piquing my curiosity here...

6217632

??? You're kind of piquing my curiosity here...

I accidentally posted an entirely blank comment. I really don't like deleting comments, but I thought that if I left it blank, people might wonder whether I'd meant to say something important. This seemed to be the best way out!

6217700
Ah, makes sense to me. Thank you for indulging my curiosity.