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Loganberry
Group Admin

Time for the October contest! A change to the rules this month: since everyone has opted into feedback for two contests running, I'm dropping the opt-in requirement altogether. From now on, participating in Flashfic 150 signifies your willingness to receive feedback. As ever, feel free to PM me if you have any comments or questions about this.

Here are the full rules.

Remember, there is no prize, as such, for this contest -- but if you win, you will be able to choose the prompt for the November contest. You'll also get a mention on the group's front page if I actually remember, which I'm sure our previous winners will confirm will be an even more thrilling experience than reading this intro post. :unsuresweetie:

Because I'll be away at UK PonyCon on the regular closing date of the 21st, I've extended the contest by three days this month.

Prompt: "The Generous and the Dead" (selected by last month's winner, Impossible Numbers)
Rating: E or T
Word limit: 150
Closing date: Tuesday 24th October 2017, 11:59 pm UK time (world clock)

Please reply to this post with your entry. This makes it easier for me to keep track. Please do not leave feedback until after the closing date. Remember, every entry will be open to feedback from this month on!

Entries are now open! Have fun!

Looking forward to entering.

6136696
Um. Logan. That there closing date. (thank Gardez, btw. I just replied so you would see it)

6136696

I know I can't win, but it's still fun in its own right, so here goes. For the sake of an exotic tang, I though I'd pick one of my favourite parts of history for inspiration. The result isn't very "pony", granted, but I like to think it adheres to the prompt first and foremost. Besides, who better for generosity towards the dead?


It's The Memory That Counts

In sweltering Ammonia, Pharaoh’s son raged. The servants emerged from the catacombs.

“While our crops wither,” he muttered.

“There’s more to ponydom than bodies,” said Pharaoh miserably.

“Leaving good food to the dead!? They’re dead! We’re not! Yet.”

“Food gifts are traditional,” said Pharaoh, sighing.

One sigh too many. Sullenly, Pharaoh’s son departed. That night, he crept from palace to catacombs and soon found the bread.

“For my subjects… friends…”

Exactly, said a voice.

He knew that voice. He turned around. Sweating.

Shadow.

Even now, I see your tears.

“I-I’m s-still t-t-taking it.” He swallowed. “S-Sorry.”

Me too. Take a message? Tell your father I’m honoured, but my subjects need it more.

“Y-Yes. Of course! I-I will honour your memory.” He wiped his eyes.

Good. At least someone will. Also tell him he clearly doesn’t remember me, the nincompoop.

“Yes… Mother. I think I’ll leave that last part out, though…”

Loganberry
Group Admin

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Well, maybe this time I've got my stupid mistake out of the way at the beginning! Thanks for pointing it out. Carry on!

6136696

The Unfortunate Case of Miss Belle

“Sweetie Belle!”

Rarity paused, seeing her sister’s seemingly lifeless body on the bed. Lifting up her arm, it fell limply to her side.

“Sweetie Belle, you are not dead.”

She gazed up at the ceiling unseeingly.

“Now, I know you have a book report due-”

Sweetie Belle’s tongue stuck out of her mouth.

“But I’m sure your friends are expecting you-”

A bit of drool ran onto her pillow.

“We can make giant hats when you come back?”

Rarity paused hopefully. Nothing.

“Then, of course, there will be ice cream.”

A small voice spoke up. “Ice cream?”

“Ice cream and waffles.”

“What kind of giant hats?”

“What kind do you want?”

Sweetie Belle heaved herself out of bed. “There’d better be.”

“Would I lie? There will be drama! There will be fashion!”

Sweetie Belle’s eyes narrowed. Rarity continued quickly. “And there will be ice cream.”

“With waffles.”

“Yes. With waffles.”

This was probably inevitable.:unsuresweetie:

--Sweetie Belle

Loganberry
Group Admin

Just popping in as someone asked: movie-based fics are not allowed.

This is in large part because I won't even have seen the movie by the closing date, thanks to us getting it later than 90% of the world. This rule is likely to remain in effect for a month or two more, as Australia gets it even later than we do.

6136696
I guess this is my entry, then.

"Ugh, where am I?" asked Rarity, completely unsure of where she was.

"Bet you can't guess," responded a high pitched voice in a vague manner. Rarity knew that voice.

"Pinkie Pie?" Rarity questioned, stating the obvious as she saw the pink pony. "W-what are we doing here? Wherever here is."

"Well," Pinkie Pie started, "what's the last thing you remember?"

"Well, I was in the Young Fliers competition in Cloudsdale performing when suddenly I fell. And then I... then..."

"Hit the ground with a splat and died," Pinkie Pie finished for Rarity.

"So I'm... I'm dead then?" Rarity inquired, once again stating the obvious.

"Yup!" Pinkie told her excitedly. "And now you get to live with me for eternity. I must admit, the other members of Tartarus were getting kinda bored, and I've been wondering when you would join us."

"Pinkie, darling, are you dead too?" Rarity wondered aloud.

"Nope! I'm just the devil."

6136696
This one's for my buddy Moosetasm. Almost two years ago I gave Flash Sentry a cameo in a draft of a chapter of To Serve In Hell, where he got kicked through a portal to Tartarus as a humorous demonstration of Nightmare Moon's power. That cameo got edited out because it didn't fit the story's tone, but I had to promise I would write him a "Drag Brad To Hell" tale eventually. Well, here you go. :derpytongue2:

There's also a healthy dose of "Sunshine Smiles as shady item salesmare" headcanon in here, which I believe I'm stealing from FoME.


Drag Me To Tartarus


Sunshine Smiles and Flash Sentry huddled close among the twilit crags of the abandoned temple, inching closer to its entryway only when they dared.

Flash paused, glanced around a pillar, and whispered: “I think it’s gone.”

“It can’t be,” Sunshine said, trembling. “T-that means Moony…”

“We can’t assume the worst.”

Sunshine sniffled, but kept her voice quiet. “I shouldn’t have asked you both to come. Antiquities are my thing. My risk.”

Flash frowned. “I ignored your warnings, and read from--”

A deep, rattling growl split the silence.

“Fly away,” Sunshine mouthed, teeth chattering. “Get help if you can, but--”

“No.” Flash grabbed a rock. “Run for the village; warn the guards.” He strode into the open, eyes widening. “Run, Sunshine!”

Another growl, followed by Flash’s battle cry, then sounds of a thrashing melee. Sunshine broke into a gallop.

Something gripped a hind hoof. She slipped, falling heavily.

Both ponies screamed.

6136696

The Generosity of Laughter
by Trick Question


"Even in death, Rarity's generosity shines brighter than the Sun. Her preparations as an organ donor saved many lives," said Sweetie Belle, standing in front of her beautiful sister's crystal coffin.

In the front row, Twilight Sparkle whispered to Pinkie Pie. "Thanks for an amazing job on short notice! I didn't realize you knew taxidermy."

"With all those organs missin', how'd you fill 'er up?" whispered Applejack. "Please say it ain't cake batter in there."

"Don't be silly," Pinkie whispered back, rolling her eyes. "I'll never tell. Trade secrets!"

Sweetie leaned down. As tears blanketed her cheeks, she pressed her face to her sister's chest. A soft 'pop' echoed, and confetti shot out of Rarity's nose and mouth.

Everypony gasped. An uncomfortable silence followed.

Slowly, Sweetie Belle lifted her head. She was still crying, but had a bright smile on her muzzle.

"Thank you, Pinkie. Rarity would have loved that."

Six entries. So far, so good.

6166740
Don't forget to make your post a reply to the original.

6170059
You mean notify him separately in an added post, right? Adding a reply by edit won't notify him.

6170284
It still shows up in the list of replies at the top of the OP if you edit it in.

6136696
I almost forgot about this! I would have missed it, except for the extended deadline. So here we go, 150 words again:

The Dress of a Lifetime

“This one looks lovely!” Twilight said, peering over Rarity’s shoulder. Gem-laden, very intricate. Another prime example of her craft. “But what happened to your other project?”

Rarity canted her head toward the low shelf under her work table. “I’ll get back to it later.”

“Well, this dress is beautiful. Must be a hefty commission.”

In an instant, Rarity whirled on her. “I wouldn’t dream of charging for it!” Rarity practically had her teeth bared!

“I-I’m sorry! What’s it for?”

Rarity pursed her lips against the word’s taste. “A funeral.”

“But… don’t ponies normally wear black for that?”

“Yes—” a soft sigh “—for attendees.”

Only then did Twilight look more closely. “This is… a foal’s dress.” No answer from Rarity, though she blinked hard. “Do you know the family?”

Some amalgam of head shake and shrug followed, and a liquid glimmer spilled from the corner of her eye. “Does it matter?”

6170579
Critique. Nitpicky, because this is Pascoite we're talking about here and I have about as much authority to lecture him as Donald Trump does a veteran of the armed services. But that doesn't stop our President, so...

Rarity practically had her teeth bared! “I-I’m sorry! What’s it for?”

This is the entire paragraph. When I see (Rarity action! "Words here."), it feels like Rarity's the ones saying the words. I usually try to avoid putting one character's actions in a paragraph alone with another character's text, particularly when the character speaking isn't named. Even though you can pick it out in context, it might (to me) throw a reader.

Loganberry
Group Admin

For those intending to enter, you have just under 29 hours remaining.

6170781
Fair point. I can usually live with having one character's action alongside another's speech, as long as it doesn't go on for more than a paragraph or two. Then, you start getting into an odd decoupling of speaker from actor. But note that Loganberry hasn't closed the contest to entries yet, so the feedback period hasn't started yet.

6172146
Feel free to use the unrequested feedback to help improve the story if you think it can help. :derpytongue2:

Unless I broke a rule, in which case: oops.

I just think Logan doesn't want to read critiques that might bias his opinion, so he waits until he's finished the stories. Not that they'd be any easier to avoid after the deadline.

Loganberry
Group Admin

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Asking for feedback to wait until the submissions deadline is not actually because of potential bias, as I'm quite biased enough as it is. It's mostly to keep the thread uncluttered and make things easier for the lazy judge! But yes, entries are now closed, so feel free to get stuck in. I'll announce the winner on Friday.

6173397
Then, once again, change the group page so it doesn't say the event is still open.

6137061
This is a cute story, but you're right, it has nothing to do with ponies. There's only one pony word in the whole thing, and it's completely removable. It's a cute story with a nice surprise to it, but it's a little short on context to the marriage. i don't have a good feel of what their relationship was like. The kid either, for that matter. I guess he's just scared because she's a ghost, but it might be that he'd been afraid of his mother even in life. I wonder if she'll haunt him for his defiance.

6137995
"Lifting up her arm, it fell limply to her side." This says "it" (her arm) lifted up her arm. This is a very cute story, but ultimately, I'm not sure what Sweetie Belle is trying to avoid. The book report? That doesn't seem like her. This one is just dripping with silly fun and cute sisterly bonding, though.

6146140
I guess I just don't understand this one. Gilda's somehow become death? How did that happen? And it seems like she's supposed to harvest this former bully of hers, but on a whim she decides to let him go. How does she have that discretion? It's an unusual angle for a death figure, but not an impossible one. And I can't fathom what Gabby and dress parties have to do with anything. She's the next target, but Gilda just doesn't feel like going to get her? Or Gabby's related to the bully, so her kin gets to live? I'm confused.

6146508
"Ugh, where am I?" asked Rarity, completely unsure of where she was.
That seems self-evident. This story makes for an interesting AU. I mean, they've seen Tartarus, and this isn't it. It does lead me to wonder if the devil's just not so bad in this case, or if normal Pinkie is just that annoying for eternity, or if she has a dark side. Maybe hinting at some possibilities would help make this a little more concrete, but it is a nice surprise. You had me wondering what was going on, and I didn't expect that, which is exactly what flash fiction is supposed to do.

6151625
I just don't understand enough about this—who the characters are, why they're here, what's going on, what this threat is. I'll assume Moosetasm does, and that that's all you care about, but it leaves me feeling lost. I'm not even sure what happens at the end.

6166740
This one's uncomfortable. It's a weird juxtaposition of maudlin and silly, yet I like it. I'm not sure Rarity actually would love that, but it's still a nice scene, like one of those jazz funerals where the point is to celebrate and give the deceased a huge send-off. And despite not being sure about Rarity's attitude (and maybe Sweetie Belle's just saying that, though at least she appreciates it), I can definitely see Pinkie doing this.

6173674

This one's uncomfortable.

As a writer, that may be my favorite word in the English language. :trollestia:

I'm not sure what draws me to the fascination of the morbidly disturbing, but my works have only tilted more edgeward over time.

I’m gonna only talk about my two favorites cause I’m lazy.
6137995
Out of all of them, this is the one I like the most. It’s so sisterly and cute and lighthearted, so much that I don’t even care what Sweetie Belle is trying to avoid. Also, Rarity is so totally believable.
6170579
Second favorite. It shows off Rarity’s generous nature, but I get the feeling she’s doing it out of guilt more than generosity, like it’s her fault the filly died. Speaking of the filly, I NEED TO KNOW WHO IT IS!!!! Even a hint so someone who really cares could figure it out, but only with a lot of work -- like a puzzle. Still, pretty dang great.

6173756
Rarity didn't have anything to do with the death. She just feels bad about it in general, and because she's making the dress, she feels more personally involved. I also didn't intend for it to be any specific filly from the show, just some nameless background one she doesn't even know, but the parents approached her to make a dress.

6173756
Thanks! This materialised in my head immediately on seeing the prompt. My brain just kinda went "The generous and the dead"... "the generous" is obviously Rarity, so I must be the dead one...

I did think Rarity came out very Rarity, which is always good, and it was a lot of fun.

6173674

"Lifting up her arm, it fell limply to her side."

I remember rewriting that line several times, too! Probably shouldn't have stopped. I meant to have Rarity lift up Sweetie Belle's arm, let go, and have it fall limply to her side. I probably could have been clearer with a few more words. I was trying for less words and more waffles.

Reading the book, and writing the book report isn't a big problem. Reading it in front of the class is more of one, especially if you have to read it alone...

--Sweetie Belle

Loganberry
Group Admin

6173404
I have to say, if you're expecting perfect organisation from a contest, you're in the wrong place! :rainbowwild: But fixed now; thanks for reminding me.

(And no, it wasn't me who downvoted your remark. It's fair comment. I just don't expect to live up to it very often!)

6173674

In hindsight, I think I overdid the jittery speech for Pharaoh's son, as I had no intention of implying his mother was actually nasty to him. As for the relationship context, I'd hoped to convey enough through the minimalist style, but I guess I haven't quite figured out yet how to make the word limit do everything I want.

6173756

I’m gonna only talk about my two favorites cause I’m lazy.

(Does not see own username.)

:fluttershysad:

:fluttercry:

:fluttershyouch:

:fluttershbad: I... I need a minute...

6174309
That's funny that someone would downvote that. They want the contest eternally open?

6174379
Assume he meant his favorite two eligible ones.

6174379
6174812
Yeah, totally what Pasc said...

Right? That's what I'm supposed to say? Alright, thanks campaign manager!

6174812

I'm eligible! :twilightangry2:

:rainbowderp:

Wait, that came out wrong. :twilightsheepish:

6175119

:trollestia: That is quite all right. I am a psychologically well-adjusted person who is over it now and not in the least bit insanely resentful. And I bid you a good day, kind fellow person.

Raaarrrgh! Reject me, will you!? Now where's that bloody axe!?! Aha!!!! Run, run, run!!!!! I'm coming for you!!!!!!

In all seriousness, no worries. To each their own. And those are good choices, I'll give you that. May or may not have time to add my own critiques this month, depending on how things play out over the next few days.

Loganberry
Group Admin

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All right, results post time! Seven entries this month, and there was an interesting variety of interpretations of the prompt. I had a really hard time choosing the one I liked best, too. Still, I'm here to make a decision for everyone else can then find idiotic. So I'm going for Pascoite, because his story just keeps on making me wonder. Why has Rarity taken on this job? Does she often do funeral dresses? Is this something she prefers not to talk to Twilight about? Is she actually avoiding giving a straight answer to the question at the end? (I did read the author's comment on the last one, but I wonder...) And so on.

Congratulations to Pascoite; as usual, you get to choose next month's prompt. Take a day or two to think if you like, then post your choice in this thread. Thank you to everyone else who entered, and feel free to continue discussion about this month's contest if you like.

6177019
Out of curiosity, what was your second favorite? If ya feel like telling.

Also, congrats Pasc!

Loganberry
Group Admin

6177037
Yours, as it happens, for the twist at the end.

6177019
I was going to choose something Thanksgiving-related since this month's prompt was more or less Halloween-related, but Thanksgiving is a much less universal thing. Thus I'll go with a more generic prompt, but I want to make this interesting, so not a text prompt that's too confining or so vague as to be meaningless. I'm going to do something based on one of Chris's blog posts.

Since Logan usually uses the text prompt as a title for the event and I'm not giving a text prompt, we'll call this "Logan's Run."

Take one of Loganberry's story titles and add one letter, remove one letter, or change one letter. Write a story using the new title. It need not be related to the story from which the title was borrowed.

Too abstract, Logan? If so, say the word, and I'll pick a more ordinary text prompt.

Loganberry
Group Admin

6179314

Too abstract, Logan? If so, say the word, and I'll pick a more ordinary text prompt.

Ah, let's at least give it a go. We won't know if it works unless we try. :twilightsmile:

NB: as this one will need a little explaining in the intro post, I'm deliberately not updating the group front page until the thread goes up on the 1st.

6166740
Ahearty. Laugh
6170579
Ou tore my heart out
6137995
I liked this one very much

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