August is upon us, and so is the August edition of Flashfic 150. (Funny that.) For now, I'm keeping the "feedback is opt-in" rule, so please state explicitly that you welcome feedback if you do. I may review that rule if we keep having months where everyone welcomes it. At any rate, please respect the preference expressed (or not expressed, as the case may be).

Here are the full rules.

Remember, there is no prize, as such, for this contest -- but if you win, you will be able to choose the prompt for the September contest. You'll also get a mention on the group's front page if I actually remember, which I'm sure our previous winners will confirm will be the absolute highlight of your month.

Prompt: "The Boiling Point" (selected by last month's winner, xjuggernaughtx)
Rating: E or T
Word limit: 150
Closing date: Monday 21st August 2017, 11:59 pm UK time (world clock)

Please reply to this post with your entry. This makes it easier for me to keep track. Please do not leave feedback until after the closing date.

Entries are now open! Have fun!

And this month I might even remember!

6045001 Came up with an idea rather quickly, so I wrote it down asap. Should be exactly 150 words, hopefully I didn’t miscount ;-;

Anyways, here ya go:

The pony envoys sat uneasy inside the hut of the Griffon Emperor, surrounded by armed, trained Griffons.

“With all due respect, your highness, your demands are ludicrous!” One of the envoys said, kneeling before the emperor.

“Our demands are just and reasonable. You should show yourself grateful I do not demand more.”

“Your highness, I understand these are troubled times...” One of them said, “But our monarchs would never agree to these demands!”

The emperor gave out a low-pitched chuckle in response. “Your leaders know very well what the alternative is if they do not see reason.”

Regret filled the mind of the ponies at hearing this. “The Crown of Equestria would consider your actions a blatant act of war, otherwise.”

“So they would.” The emperor replied, smirking back at the ponies. He knew ponies dreaded war, and he would see just how far they would go to preserve peace.

Feedback is always welcome.

6045001

This is definitely an inspiring prompt – I started thinking up ideas as soon as I saw it – but I initially wondered how best to interpret that phrase. “Boiling Point” as in “the point beyond which one is overwhelmed with fury”? “Boiling Point” as in “the moment an already bad situation turns into a crisis”? Or even “Boiling Point” as in “the temperature at which a liquid evaporates into a gas”?

And then I thought, Why not all three? Hence my entry below, which I hope contains more substance than my previous effort.

Lakes bubbled and steamed: incoming demons, heralded by hellfire.

Celestia absorbed more heat into her horn as the miner wailed he’d only wanted gemstones.

Three thousand years ago, she’d coolly salved her sister’s twisted leg. Two thousand: shouldered an elderly mare while townsfolk poured out of smoking ruins. One thousand: stood between laughing tyrants and screaming nations.

Blood simmered behind her smile.

Every year, more ponies stumbled over darker treasures, ran into deadlier forests, awakened wilder spirits. Every year, Celestia threw herself upon a role that was fading like smoke. Now her reflection – already fragmented – vanished on boiling waters. Equestria would be next. Irritatingly, she had to do something. Had to. Ought to. Must. She bubbled and steamed. Please! Couldn’t she vanish too!?

Frightened faces surrounded her…

Alas… she wasn’t her reflection.

Within, fire froze over.

Hard as permafrost, surface white and cold, Celestia stood – self-immobilized – before those infernal mines.

Feedback Welcomed.

You know this one's getting another feghoot, don't you?

6045130
I should have made the prompt "No feghoots unless it's about farting."

6045163
There are other kinds?

6045001 Well, here's my entry titled "The Boiling Point"

“Twilight?”

“Yes, Spike?”

“How does a tea kettle work? I mean, I know the stove heats the water inside, but I don’t know why it whistles when it’s done.”

“Well, Spike, when the water reaches 212 Marenheit, or 100 Cantergrade, the water starts to vaporize, which causes steam. This steam, which is tiny droplets of water that condensed on the air, takes up more space than the liquid water did due to that air. So as more and more water vaporizes, the space inside the kettle gets filled up because it has nowhere but that tiny hole to go. As it builds up, it gains pressure, and when it has enough pressure, it causes vibrations in the metal which creates the whistling. Any questions?”

“Uh, yeah… what?”

“Uuggghh… boiling water creates steam, steam creates pressure, pressure creates vibration, vibration is sound.”

“Alright… thanks. But, Twilight? How is vibration sound?”

“......”

Edit: Feedback is good, btw.

Here is my entry. Feedback welcome.

In her castle's deepest dungeon, Twilight slowly stirred a foul-smelling cauldron, a long wooden spoon grasped in her teeth.

Spike trotted down the stairs.

"Hey, Twi, where're the shag rug and the pingpong table?"

"Ah 'fut em 'way fo' my 'fewiment!"

"Why? The table's warped and the rug was ruined three experiments back. Ewe! Why are you stirring that evil glop with your mouth?"

"No 'agic! Foiling foint.”

Rarity poked her head through the door.

“Hello, darlings!” Her nose wrinkled. “That smells positively ghastly! Perhaps I can cast a deodorizer spell?”

“NO!" Twilight shook her head. "EAVE! ‘NOW!” 

“Leave? Humph, well I never!” Shocked and hurt, Rarity stormed off.

"Whatcha cooking?" asked Spike.

Twilight dropped the spoon. "Thaumic catalyst. Any hint of magic and this thing boils and blows sky-high!"

"Heh! Good thing I'm no unicorn!”

Twilight grinned. “Just don’t get dragon-mail.” 

Spike's eyes bulged. He burped. 

Twilight winced. “Horsef…”

Hi, everyone. Your usual reminder that there are now three days left before this month's contest closes. Carry on!

6045001

To keep from wrecking anything, Octavia locked every muscle in her body. Ice flushed through her legs and magma pooled in her chest. Her ears rang.

Anxious hooves shuffled behind her.

A muscle strained behind her ear. It traveled down her neck and ended with a shudder down a wither, threatening to tear everything loose.

Slowly, deliberately, Octavia prepared herself to speak. The process was delicate and painful, drawing breath and opening her jaw, water flowing over a dam. She nearly broke, tail lashing, seized herself, and tried again: breath in, hold, wait, release. In, hold, release. Again, in, hold...

"I am mad at you, Vinyl," she said, voice rigid as wood, eyes on infinity, "because you cut the bread in the wrong way."

Lacking better ideas, have this. I don't expect people to "get" it, but I suppose that's nothing new here. Will provide some explanation in due time.
Feedback is acceptable.

6045001

The Second Law of Friendshipdynamics
by Trick Question
(Romance, Slice of Life)

---

"Turn it down? It's hardly boiling!" growled Ember, rubbing her claws around the magical orb. The spa in the Castle of Friendship cooled just enough to stop bubbling.

Thorax tapped a chitinous hooftip into the liquid, then winced. "I hate to be picky, but..."

Ember rolled her eyes and lowered the temperature to a mild scald.

"Ah! This works," said Thorax, slipping into the uncomfortable heat.

"Pfft. This is colder than a bushfire," complained Ember.

"It's a compromise," said Thorax. "Like, a friendship lesson."

"Well, friendship is chilly and annoying," said Ember. "How am I supposed to enjoy this if I can't get warm—"

A deft kiss of pliable chitin, faster than the Dragon Lord could react, sent an unusual warmth flooding into her cerulean cheeks. Ember's wings flew up, sending water splashing.

"Did that help...?" asked Thorax.

Ember paused. "A little, yeah. Maybe... we could try a few more?"

Feedback is fine, as always.

6045077
6060439
6069636
6072862
Don't forget to make your comment a response to Loganberry's OP. That's how he tracks them. And 6072862, note whether feedback is okay.

6073209
Di...did I not? Oops. Fixed, thanks.

6045001
150 words on the nose again.

I'm not sorry for this. Doubly so because it's xjuggernaughtx.

Feedback is fine.

Good Food Takes Time

“The point is to get it just below a boil,” Mrs. Cake said. “Any hotter and it’ll burn.”

Pinkie Pie lowered her gaze and stared at the ground. “I’m sorry.”

It was the first time she’d trusted Pinkie with her whipped caramel recipe. If something went wrong, no big deal. But follow the directions! Just follow the directions!

“So what did you do?” Mrs. Cake said in her best wheedling mother tone.

“I—I just wanted to have enough time to work on my laughing exercises, and I tried to find a shortcut, and—” Pinkie looked up, tears in her eyes “—I went to the bookstore’s bargain rack and paid a couple of cents for the Presto Timesavers cookbook.”

Mrs. Cake sighed. “You just can’t cut corners like that. Especially when you get the caramel all aerated.” She forced a sympathetic smile and patted Pinkie’s shoulder.

“Two-penny books boil the froth.”

6045001
6072862
Comment-to-notify-wolf-made-thing as requested by Pascoite.

Also, feedback is always fine, but Embrax is perfect so why would anypony need to provide any?

6045001

On This Cupcake, A Candle

I wish it hadn’t ended that way.

We’d stuck through so much: Discord coming back, Tirek stealing our magic, even her being Sweetie Drops and fighting monsters. None of them did what that day did.

I don’t even remember what started it. I just recall walking with her in Ponyville Market, our manes glowing in Celestia’s sun.

Then, I’m screaming at her over vanilla-strawberry cream, and we storm off in separate directions.

I do remember one thing very clearly: Spike, Twilight’s little dragon, walking by. He glanced toward us, concerned.

I want him to say something, anything to us.

To tell us to calm down.

That what we had was worth more than all of the cupcake flavors in Equestria.

That we can still love each other.

But he just walks away. He knows it’s a brief spat, and that we’ll be friends forever.

I wish we’d known that.

Here's my story for this round, examining how an event in a recent episode could've played out differently. Feedback is very much wanted, as I think it's an idea I'd like to expand upon.

Apologies -- I completely missed the 24-hour warning. So... you now have just over 22 hours left if you want to submit an entry for this month's contest!

6045001
Let's see how well this goes. Also, feedback is more than welcome!

Core Competency (It's a working title)

Celestia regarded the Amulet. It regarded her, causing a tickle at the back of her mind.

"You are well constructed," she said, "but I am nothing if not patient."

The Amulet could not speak without a host, but its psychic presence took on a new tinge of desperation. Celestia's memories of sparing defeated foes came to mind unbidden.

Celestia raised an eyebrow. "Mercy? I didn't think you understood the concept."

More images came to mind, all she could do with more power, all the threats that would never harm her ponies.

She said nothing as they ran their course, then wavered into incoherence like dreams upon waking. Her silence continued as the Amulet finally glowed with heat, as the metal melted and the jewel cracked, as both were reduced to vapor in the depths of her sun.

Celestia sighed. "If only you had offered me a way off the throne."

6075364
You win this month's Cutting it Fine Award! Also: you haven't stated you want feedback. Is that right?

Anyway, entries are now closed, which means that feedback is now open! Apart from FOME (pending his answer) everyone else says they're fine with feedback, so carry on! I'll announce the winner on Thursday 24th.

As ever, thank you to everyone who entered, especially those who had a quiet little get-together in Baltimore on their minds for some of the month...

6075404
Whoops. Can you tell it's my first time? Feedback status has been clarified.

6075423
Thank you! Right, that means everyone welcomes feedback. Easy to remember!

6075404
Recommend you change the wording on the group page saying the month's event is open once it no longer is.

6075511
Thank you. Now done. One of these days I'll actually remember to screw my head on right. Hasn't happened yet!

All right, criticism time. Apologies in advance if I tread on anyone's toes, but as a relative novice when it comes to critiquing others, I haven't yet finished any kind of quality map to follow whilst in this territory. I may yet actually walk into a few people.

I'll try and make my paragraphs constructive rather than just say "and I like this, and I don't like this". Still, the usual caveats about subjective judgements will inevitably apply here.

6045077

The idea behind this one - that the boiling point is being deliberately invoked to manipulate the ponies - is a creative use of the prompt, but the presentation includes some conspicuous errors of grammar and punctuation. Vague as the Griffons' demands are, the vagueness works because the whole point of the exchange is that the Griffons can get away with anything, and their smug complacency comes across well. Grammar errors include using "uneasy" as an adverb, and punctuation errors include capitalizing "One of [x] said" when a lowercase is required. Lastly, I think a bit more contextual detail about each side might have helped give the story a bit more punch, as the characterization tends towards one simple trait on each side, but for what it is, it's interesting enough. Still a good effort.

6045119

Pretentious claptrap trying too hard. Moving on from this overheated dreck.

6060439
6069636

I would like to say more about these two, but they both feel flat and insubstantial as-is, since both can be summarized as "Twilight is sciency, Spike is not, things don't go as intended". For my part, I was indifferent to the punchlines, and the characterizations seemed too broad-strokes even given the word count limitation (I could've done with less thermodynamics infodump, and Rarity was frankly a waste). Also, not a fan of the puns. If there was more nuanced characterization and sharper comedy, perhaps then I would have felt a bit more strongly about these two.

6071769

A detailed description of avoiding one's boiling point, capped off by a suitably anticlimactic revelation: this is a decent example of "zoom-in" emotional expression, and I'll admit the punchline was amusing. By and large, it has the same problem as the previous two: it feels somewhat flat, and while the revelation does cast some interesting light on Octavia's potentially strict and/or snobbish outlook, as a result it's also tinged with "Too Little, Too Late" Syndrome. Possible remedies include reactions from others (Vinyl, most obviously), with possibly a sprinkle of hints of characterization here and there to set some context without spoiling the joke.

Also, if there's a reference, then it's gone over my head. What is it?

6072862

Not being a shipping aficionado, I'm in no position to judge this one too deeply. I found it misleading that you use the word "friendship" in a clearly romantic context; though I appreciate it might have spoiled the twist, I think a third solution could have been used (perhaps a broader term encompassing both concepts?). That said, the cross-species differences in heat sensitivity and the unexpected payoff work on their own terms. It seems well structured and in-character to me, give or take the shipping.

6073259

A homey family-based concept with potential for characterization, but wasted in the service of an awful pun. Feels like a missed opportunity for some interesting character notes - chastened young Pinkie and motherly Mrs Cake could make for a fascinating dynamic in and of itself - and it sadly doesn't do much for my palate. In addition, the intrusive voicing in the third paragraph sits oddly against the more neutral feel of the rest of it; I think fully committing either way would have been better.

6073625

I really want to like this one, because the theme is an excellent choice. By and large, I do like it. Trouble is that the triviality is overplayed; I find it hard to credit that a friendship stated to be that robust would end - not merely go through a rough patch or a spat, but actually end - on such an extreme triviality as food preference. It serves the broader point, sure, and the greater story structure is sound, but cupcake flavours? Why? We need elaboration with such a mismatch, or else a more-understandable-but-still-trivial reason that can speak for itself or feel natural. Change it to something less trivial while preserving the broader theme, and I could accept it as a solid entry. But cupcake flavours?

Sorry for stressing this point over and over. I'd still give it high marks for the broader tale of an unexpectedly lost friendship, much regretted. But that one point really is the unwanted fly in an otherwise delicious soup. At least, for me it is.

6075364

A neat twist that takes a step back and puts Celestia's doomed reluctance into a broader perspective. While it's loosely connected to the prompt (the only "Boiling Point" is the destruction of the Amulet, and the manner of its demise feels tangential to the broader theme of misplaced bribery), it contains tragic characterization - on both sides, surprisingly enough - sound construction, and some subtler hints about Celestia's motives. If I had to nitpick, I'd say the "well constructed... patient" line doesn't really gel with what we see; apart from the temptation, Celestia faces no major obstacle when it's time for destruction. But I really am nitpicking.

There we go. I hope that's all up to the job. Now commence tomato-throwing.

6076141
Thanks for the feedback! I know some context is missing, but I had to actually cut most of that out in order to get to 150 or less words. sed.

Cheers!

6076211

I know the feeling. My entry easily surpassed the word limit in the initial draft, and it took longer to whittle down to size than it took to actually write the darn thing. Same with my previous entry too. So much left unsaid...

You're welcome. Glad I could be of assistance.

6076141

but wasted in the service of an awful pun

I mean... I don't even know what to say to this. That's what a feghoot is. It's doing exactly what it's supposed to. You might as well watch a slasher movie and complain it has blood in it. If it's not your genre, fair enough, but I'm obviously not going to rewrite it as the touching family piece you seem to want. If you think it's a poorly made feghoot, then please tell me why, but it doesn't help to imply the genre is bad on its face.

In addition, the intrusive voicing in the third paragraph sits oddly against the more neutral feel of the rest of it; I think fully committing either way would have been better.

I have to disagree here as well, though it's going to be very subject to personal preference. But it's not like the story was omniscient everywhere else. That paragraph is the closest psychic distance used, but it dips into a middle distance in other places ("in her best wheedling mother tone" and "a sympathetic smile" have the narrator expressing Mrs. Cake's subjective judgments) that place it well within the purview of a limited narrator, so using the whole spectrum is fair game. In fact, if you want to use a close distance at all, you pretty much have to use the middle and far as well, so the "fully committing either way" doesn't make sense, since you couldn't reasonably restrict yourself to a close distance.

In the end, a feghoot is just stupid fun. It's not going to win anything. Don't analyze it like it's some great literary endeavor. Just revel in the dumbness.

Unfortunately, my own entry never got past the point of a vague idea of trying to boil water while cooking Rarity breakfast this time, so this is the first month I didn't enter. Hopefully I'll be back with an entry next month!

I did decide to go ahead and comment on everypony else's stories this time, though I'm not really a reviewer per say, so I'm just talking about the things I noticed.

6045077
You know, my trouble here is this doesn't really feel like it fits in with what we know about griffins after "The Lost Treasure of Griffinstone", unless it's in a different era,. I also kinda feel like "demands" was repeated several times and I still don't know what they were. Could be interesting if expanded out a bit...

6045119
Seems good... but is this an underwater mine or something? Just left not totally sure how the miners and the boiling lake fits together.

6060439
Well, it's a good Spike/Twilight conversation, but does kinda feel like it needs more. Of course, that's hard to avoid with 150 words...

6069636
I do like the idea here. I was having trouble understanding some of Twilight's dialog here because of trying to make it sounds like a spoon was in her mouth. Ewe should also be Ew, I probably would've taken out "boils and" as redundant. I found myself wondering why Rarity just suddenly showed up at the castle's deepest dungeon, too. I mainly just think it could've used another pass. It does feel more like a complete story then a scene, though, which is good.

6071769
Octavia needs therapy?

6072862
Not sure what else to say but that I liked it. Cute shipping!

6073259
Bad pun. Good Cakes x Pinkie character development. I recommend fleshing it out to a dozen chapters and removing the pun.

6073625
Good scene. While long term friendships shouldn't end over things like that, sometimes they do...

6075364
Nice turn at the end. And if it's still there, I don't think that's a working title any more.

--Sweetie Belle

6077290

Concerning the narrative voice, I still find it jarring. That's even after allowing that the whole fic's perspective could be classified as flexible-yet-limited third-person narrator. If the psychic distance was translated into a graph, then it would be a conspicuous spike. It's the only unambiguous example of free indirect style, which is what caught my attention about it. Everything else reads to me like a more traditional third-person perspective. I suppose it doesn't help that it's the only case of the imperative mood in the fic, which makes it stand out more obviously.

Still, I suppose this could just as easily be a consequence of comparing it with a small quantity of words; in a larger work, I might well gloss over it.

Also, as for the genre confusion...

Ah. I appear to have misconstrued your entry's purpose. Guilty as charged, I'm afraid. On its own terms, it fulfils the genre criteria.

On the other hand, that's all I've got to add. Can't say I feel any differently about the awful pun, otherwise. Although it seems to me it wouldn't take much editing effort to realize that sweet family fic I apparently hallucinated, I'm hardly going to put you on the rack over the issue. I guess the subjective bias caveat is going to have to apply here.*

* Although tangentially, and now that you mention it, a slasher without blood would be an interesting experiment. Gory discretion shots, or an animated fantasy world with alternative rules, or perhaps a mind-bending psychological thriller in which it's not even clear anyone is really being killed: now there are some possibilities...

6077472

Both extend underground. Hellwards, basically. That's all there was to it. I honestly had thought that the arrangement of the scene made it clear the lakes were outside the mine.

I will be treating this somewhat as a workshop, attempting to (gently!) point out what I think doesn't work, why, and try to suggest that it can be re-worked or polished. If I harp, this does not necessarily mean your story is bad, or that I did not enjoy it.

6045077

As noted before, this comes across as excessively vague, to its detriment. To help: give the characters names (and do you need two or more envoys?), clarify what the demands are--at least in part, consider allocating a few words to painting the scene a little more--what does the emperor's hut (a seeming contradiction!) look like?

What have they done that the ponies minds fill with regret? Additionally, the "The Emperor gave..." and "Regret filled..." paragraphs point in the direction of the story, but are very slow; I can see several ways of culling or pruning them to give you more room to work with details unique to this story.

This will be more of a personal stylistic choice, but I would cut the "he knew ponies dreaded war" bit in the final sentence. Reason being (a) ninety-plus percent of the time, the "he knew"s can be more emphatically expressed with direct detail, and (b) while losing some specificity, the 'vague, yet menacing' implied threat is, in my opinion, more dreadful by not squeezing down into the little word of 'war'... especially further diminishd by landing it after "he knew that ponies dread(ed) war".

6045119

I'd like to start that you have on display here a very good grasp (or start thereof) on imagery, sentence variation, and wordsmithing in general. "Blood simmered behind her smile." "Fire froze over." "...heralded by hellfire." The fragments piercing the longer sentences (with 'already fragmented' presaging!), 'Had to. Ought to. ..."

Unfortunately, I am having a hard time making sense of what is happening and how it fits into the historical context in the opening. Is this Celestia growing tired of having to save ponies from their (major) mistakes? Apologies, but I am at a loss.

6060439

As others have commented, as a story, this one is questionable--Twilight explains physical chemistry and didn't explain enough. (I can respect having very little of an idea to work with.) This being the case, the great bulk of the story centers on a textbook explanation of the physical process, with pony serial numbers on the side.

The only (very minor) comments I might contribute, then, are (1) Spike's initial question could be woven into dialogue, guiding Twilight to focus on boiling exclusively; (2) remove Twilight's "Uuggggh"--at most, an 'uhh' fits better with my understanding of her character; and (3) on principle, I avoid "...(.*)" speech like the common cold--it usually comes across as clunky and unimaginative (Here, I concede that words are at a premium, and you probably had little choice unless you changed things elsewhere).

6069636

To contradict others, I had very little difficulty parsing Twilight's "talking around the spoon" speech.

The only strong complaints here are how Twilight shouts Rarity out, rather than explaining the necessity of No. Magic., and the insertion of the non-canon epithet started at the very end. Might tweak a few descriptions slightly, but it would be very subtle and I am not your editor.

6071769

While the descriptions are vivid and precise, it isn't clear where exactly they are leading until Octavia speaks; similarly, the tone could be (and has been) interpreted several ways. The minimalist approach here makes it somewhat inscrutable. Would be more approachable had conventional storytelling techniques been used.

6072862

All speech elements are followed by the pattern of "SPEECH SPEECH SPEECH <verb>ed <character>.", which I find quite dull. Related, the pattern of "Did that help?" asked Thorax." is redundant, as is "...than a brushfire." complained Ember--consider expressing your intent with other means.

Shipper gonna ship, it mumbled.

6073259

It took me days to finally get the pun, the distortion was so extreme. Beyond that, competently composed--I have nothing of use for you.

6073625

This opens with the cliche of bad noir stories, being vague for the sake of vagueness. I see little reason for not giving the reader clearer cues for what is happening (or, happened), unless you were deliberately playing with the form. I'm still not entirely sure who the spat involves, perhaps because I've not seen the episode you allude to.

The opening line suggests that the friendship ended terminally, yet the "Spike knows it's a brief spat..." (emphasis mine) and the closing line together can be interpreted in a way to contradict that... amazing how that one word, knows, casts ripples.

6075364

Celestia gets her hooves on the Alicorn Amulet?

There are a number of small editing changes I would make, mostly punctuation, but will not list them here. The description of how Celestia is conversing with the amulet is well-placed and well-advised, but seems rather heavy-handed, given its relative length... prune some? I am also of two minds in that the agent of melting/destroying the amulet is left unspecified--it would make sense for Celestia to have destroyed it, but maybe it self-destructed in fighting her will, or even something else.

I like this Celestia.

6077745

Is this Celestia growing tired of having to save ponies from their (major) mistakes?

Yes. Exactly 100% yes.

Between SweetAI Belle's comment and yours, I'm starting to wonder if I made the fic a bit too vague.

6045077 6045119 6060439 6069636 6071769 6072862 6073259 6073625 6075364
Right, now that it's the 24th (in the UK, at least), I'll make the results post. I think the number of entries was creditable, given that it was BronyCon month. As always, thank you to everyone who entered.

Three little things I want to say before getting to the winner. First, to Impossible Numbers: I seem to remember that you don't watch every episode of the show, so: libertydude's story is set during a scene in "Fame and Misfortune" (the most recent episode at the time of writing). Doesn't invalidate your criticisms, but that's why it has to be vanilla-strawberry cream. Second, to Pascoite: that is a dreadful pun. I am indeed impressed! Just a shame that "two-penny" is pronounced "tuppenny" in the sort of archaic Britspeak I insist on using, so it doesn't work so well for me. And third, to KwirkyJ: I have a tremendously frustrating feeling that I'm nearly getting your story, but I can't quite grab the thread that I'm pretty sure is floating almost within my grasp.

Anyway, with entry numbers in (high) single figures again, it'll just be the winner and one hon mensh this month. The hon mensh goes to Impossible Numbers (again) -- very nicely written and certainly an interesting idea, but I also found it just a tad too obscure. Or maybe I'm just thick. One or the other. The winner, then, is... *incompetent drumroll* FanOfMostEverything! Yeah, okay, both my awards go to Celestia stories. This is not a fix. It's a nice twist, it feels right for her in this situation and it made me smile. So well done!

So, FOME, please think about what prompt you would like for the September contest. It's fine to take a day or two to decide. When you've done so, please post in this thread, so I can prepare next month's contest for posting on the 1st.

Everyone, please feel free to continue discussion here too if you like.

6078851
Oh! Wow, talk about beginner's luck. I'll have to get back to you on the prompt, but thank you very much!

6077745
It's not that the Amulet self-destructed. It's that the entire story is taking place inside the sun. When the story mentions "the depths of her sun," it isn't being figurative.

6078851
Oh crap, I though results were tomorrow. Well, I'll still try and read the entries then. The winner of the first one was also a Celestia story. I think we now know the key to success! I will write a Celestia-based feghoot next time.

6077745
Ah, but you've said something quite useful. There's always a balancing act of making the pun complex enough that it's not too easy, yet not so buried that it's tough to discern. Or choosing a phrase that's not familiar enough for people to even recognize. I was hoping that choosing a phrase that was topical would help even more. But this is a good data point for refining the pun to where it isn't too subtle. If the reader doesn't even realize it's a pun, he's just going to be scratching his head. As opposed to realizing it and coming after me with a pitchfork. I am curious whether it just struck you after a full day or if you read it again to try figuring out what the deal was.

6071769

Will provide some explanation in due time.

6078851

And third, to KwirkyJ: I have a tremendously frustrating feeling that I'm nearly getting your story, but I can't quite grab the thread that I'm pretty sure is floating almost within my grasp.

This story takes nearly verbatim an excerpt from something I read once that stuck with me (paraphrased below)...

To say "I am mad at you because you cut the bread in the wrong way" is to seem at once infantile and insane--however, as infantility and insanity largely define the human condition, it is time that we as a culture stop indulging in (and suffering from!) more enlightened notions.

While interpreting the story as a joke is valid, that is not the intent. To 'get' my story, one must first accept that it is possible to become livid (irate, insensate, etc.) over the smallest and most illogical of things. Road rage, for instance. It is funny because it is insane. It is sad because it is real.

Thank you all for your responses.

Tangential, if you want to see more the troubled Octavia/Vinyl dynamic in this kind, I have at least two other minifics that may or may not be of the same continuum...
Looks like only one published on the site? Reply or message me if you want me to dig up one with Vinyl the one having problems.

6078881

I am curious whether it just struck you after a full day or if you read it again to try figuring out what the deal was.

I read the story through initially, re-scanned the end knowing that there was a pun somewhere, and it didn't strike me so I moved on. Didn't dwell on it in the intervening time. Returned to it to compose my review, re-read twice, raked through the sounds a few times, and finally it occurred to me. Hope that qualifies the data point better for you.

6078851
6078858

What!? Another Honourable Mention!?

Drat! Foiled again! I'll get you next time, Gadget - er, I mean Loganberry. You see if I don't.

I kid. Congratulations, FanOfMostEverything. It was a good entry, and I salute you for it. Looking forward to seeing your prompt.

Congrats, 6078858! Well deserved!

6076141, 6077472, 6077745
Thanks for commenting! This format is a real challenge to write and I'm enjoying it tremendously.

6078851
Given the theme of this month's winners, how does Before the Throne sound as a prompt?

6080593
Sounds fine to me, so let's go with that.

Though I want to make it very, very clear that nobody's going to win just because they write a Celestia story!

6045163
So aren't you going to weigh in on what you've wrought?

Okay, I'll finally get around to reviewing these. now that we already have next month's prompt. At least the thread hasn't started for it yet.
6045077
Kind of odd for me. A number of editing issues for one, but there's kind of a lack of context here. The demands sound ominous, but then we don't know what any of them are. Then the very calculated threat of war. It seems more like the griffon's bluffing, as he's banking more on the assumption that ponies won't go through with it than actually being able to fight them. Yet the envoys are basically telling him it'll come to that, so he has good reason at this point to think his bluff will be called. He's an interesting character, but I think we'd learn more about him if the story shifted more to his reactions than the setup for them. He's the only character that gets mentioned as a single entity, after all, so he's where the focus is.

6045119
I'm left a little confused as to what's going on, but the imagery's good. I'd say this was Daybreaker nearly escaping Celestia's control, but then why would Daybreaker care about saving ponies? So then I figure it's just Celestia's frustration. I'm not sure what the threat is this time, either. It seems more of a natural disaster, but lava unleashed from a mining endeavor (a Minecraft crossover, perhaps?) wouldn't threaten the entire nation, so I'm guessing he set something free. The fact that this doesn't go anywhere brings up the old "scene versus story" argument, and while I prefer the latter, I can't fault those who don't mind the former.

6060439
A cute Twilight/Spike bonding scene. I don't get Twilight's (implied) exasperation at the end, though, because the answer is self-explanatory: vibration causes sound because sound literally is vibration. Even if the answer were complex, it doesn't seem like she'd be reluctant to give it. So while I like it as a cute scene, I don't understand the punchline.

6069636
Another cute scene, but as is often said of some show episodes, this could have all been headed off by a little bit of forethought, like hanging a sign on the basement door saying "experiment in progress, absolutely no magic beyond this point." It doesn't seem to me that's the kind of precaution Twilight would overlook. Rarity was kind of shoehorned in there, too. Twilight could have needed to make the same explanation to Spike without her prompting it. But then why the disproportionate response? She could have also told Rarity not to use any magic, but she tells her to bug off while allowing Spike down, full well knowing he can trigger magic, too, and involuntarily at that, making him a bigger threat than Rarity. So, characterization: mostly great, except for how Twilight treats Rarity. Humor: good. Plot: has a couple of logic problems.

6071769
Very nice imagery, and I'm going to assume I made the right interpretation here (I haven't read your explanation yet). I think it's one of the little things in a relationship that for some reason just get to someone. Maybe how the bread's cut is her pet peeve, maybe Vinyl knows this and did it deliberately, maybe it's not the real problem and Octavia's just using it as a proxy for the bigger source of friction. Or maybe you just meant it as a humorous resolution where too much weight is given to something dumb. I'm not really sure. I kind of got both from it, where I thought it was funny, yet it also made me feel like it's a sign of Octavia's buried turmoil. I probably read a lot more into it than was intended, but I liked it either way.

6072862
Well, it's an interesting interaction, I'll give you that. It's shipping out of nowhere, as we get zero preamble as to why these two would like each other in that way. I guess the fact that they got into a hot tub at all might say something, but they weren't acting like there were any undercurrents (heh) beforehand. People will like this if they're fans of shipping for shipping's sake, but it's really hard to develop a romance in 150 words unless it draws on external sources, like a canon love interest, to provide that background. But hey, it didn't take long to write, and I bet it was fun.

6073259
Dumb story is dumb.

6073625
This is rather intriguing. I mean, it's not without its problems. If Lyra is so self-aware of the absurdity of letting this fight tear their relationship apart that she watches Spike and hopes he'll say something, then she's really got no reason to keep shouting. It might work better as an after-the-fact realization than an in-the-moment one, since the latter is contradictory to how she's handling it. If it was out of her control, that's one thing, but here, she wishes he'd stop her from arguing, yet she can stop on her own. The fact that the argument is about something meaningless is telling: there's probably something else going on, and this is just the flash point for it, but in either case, it'd help to know exactly what they're arguing about, as just vaguely saying it's about that filling or icing or whatever doesn't help me decide if there's a legitimate complaint here. But the mental process and the things that are implied are nicely done, and I'd like to see an expansion of this.

6075364
I like this, but it leaves me a little confused. She's already on the throne, so the emphasis of "off" seems to imply she used the amulet to gain the throne, and she's decided she doesn't want it anymore. And knowing what the amulet can do to corrupt, it's a little strange that she'd be willing to take that on, as it would likely cause a lot of harm. I think a more satisfying ending, for me at least, would be not to imply she would use the amulet to abdicate, but to call it foolish to appeal to a sense of power where she had no ambition. To be sure, there are others who could step in to rule if she'd truly tired of it, so it's not even her only option. If it offered her that, she wouldn't need to accept it to get the same outcome at far less cost, yet her wording seems to imply she would have agreed to it if it had chosen that particular temptation, and I just don't buy that. Maybe this is just my headcanon of how the amulet works, but I don't think it mind-controls the wearer. It just makes them seek what ambitions they already had without regard to anyone else, so if retiring is what Celestia truly wants, it shouldn't matter what the amulet is suggesting—she could make it give her that anyway. Still, very good writing quality and atmosphere. Just that one line and its implications that kind of unraveled it for me. I would have ranked it first or second anyway.

6085519
The truth is that I kinda ran out of words. But I'd like to say it's because Spike doesn't understand the most basic things.

6085519

Thanks for the feedback!

6085529
Fair enough, but I was getting more at why Twilight balks at explaining how vibration causes sound to him, not why he wouldn't already know.

6085533
Well, I guess i have no excuse except running out of words and still needing to end it.

6085519
Are you not current on the episodes?

6080593

Before the Throne

Sounds like a good time to link this.
Does this herald a revival of fibrous nuggets?

No?

Awww.

6085577
I've watched them all but Campfire Tales so far, and I didn't see anything in Triple Threat that I'd take as romantic overtures. Point taken that they have a basis for friendship, but it's a big step from that to kissing out of the blue without any lead-up to why he'd want to.

6085598
Ah, that's fine. If you ship a lot you tend to see high-octane shipping fuel almost everywhere...

That said, it was supposed to be a bit out of the blue. I have a history of bad things happening to me in spas.