Title: They Shall Not Grow Old
Author: Stellar_
Genre Tags: Alt. Universe

Rating: 9/10 (Accept)

The Review

“They Shall Not Grow Old” is a short yet impactful fic about an old war veteran recounting his contributions and regrets as he revisits a memorial made in his and his former comrades’ honour. 

Personally speaking I’ve never been a huge fan of war stories, not because of their grim nature, but more because the way that they’re often told falls into very similar story beats, to the point where the only difference that often remains is how the represented nations present their propaganda. These war stories often seem so incredulous at times that they don’t feel human (or equine I guess, since we’re on Fimfiction and there’s a weird obsession with pony-personification here) in some ways, though I guess the arguments that could be made there would be that A) war never changes and B) if these stories weren’t all spiced up for the camera, then they wouldn’t make for particularly gripping narratives. 

My point is that war stories often forget that those who are sent to war are often no more spectacular than the next door neighbour or a former classmate. This story however seems to remember and hone in on that, at least indirectly. The elder pony whom the story centres itself around is unremarkable, his name does not matter, and he’s fully recognized the brashness he wielded in his young age which led to him seeing horrific sights that no one should have to endure. Yet at the same time, he ends up reciting these memories of his with such indifference that the reader ends up getting the idea that he’s become jaded in his old age. Irritated, sure, but he’s learned that he has no choice to accept his mortality and the events that had happened to him as events. Nothing more, nothing less. 

There’s a specific point that indicates this, where he ends a short spiel about one of his friends who died in his arms. Princess Celestia, his escort and companion on the short trip to visit the memorial, replies by saying:

“I’m sorry.”

To which he responds 

“What for? You didn’t start the war.”

I was also particularly gripped by the setup and payoff of the amount of detail put into the setting towards the beginning of the fic. Far too often I will see fics that over-explain their settings down to minute details that don’t exactly need explanation since they don’t matter to later parts of the fic. Here, it’s necessary as a way to paint a full picture of exactly what we’re looking at, wherein each part of narration sequentially reveals the next piece of the painting. We start with a field, coat the field in orange morning sunlight, add some oak trees on the side, and then bathe the field in red poppies to the point where

There were hundreds of thousands of them, growing so wild and thick across the fields and hills that they seemed to replace the grass in some areas.

And while the ties to Remembrance Day are obvious, this detail has some payoff hardly a couple of paragraphs later

The two figures walking the path stopped a moment as a light breeze blew between their legs, ruffling their fur and carrying with it the faint smell of the poppies.

The visual is so vivid and it takes the time to set in this sombre yet peaceful tone, wholly appropriate for the story. 

With this style of narration, it would be easy to say that it says too much, but honestly I feel like every part was intentional and doesn’t need to be trimmed out for any reason. The reference of fully automatic weapons and military grade explosives feels a bit odd but then again with an “alternate universe” tag I’m allowing myself to suspend disbelief, especially for the sake of something as elegant yet to-the-point as this. 

I also want to add that I appreciated this piece of subtle comedy:

“I guess it’s just… weird, seeing your actions having an effect on the lives of many, knowing your actions caused something huge in the world. But I suppose you wouldn’t know anything about that, Princess.”

“No, I suppose I wouldn’t.”

The sun shined brightly, the last traces of orange finally fading from the sky.

Very well written. Only took a point off for how some of the narration towards the start felt a bit redundant at times, like how the cobblestone path cutting through the field is referred to as a “grey gash of harsh contrast”, as if the harsh contrast wasn’t already implied from the difference between it and the surrounding “blood-red poppy flowers”. 

Based on my critique I would recommend this story to be accepted by the Cafe, should the administration ever come back and start reorganizing the folders. 

That’s all I have. Thanks for reading.

- TK

7586939
Hey, thanks a lot! Surprised someone actually touched some of my work, even after submitting this about 3-4 years ago now XD Glad you enjoyed and gave a good review :)

The reference of fully automatic weapons and military grade explosives feels a bit odd but then again with an “alternate universe” tag I’m allowing myself to suspend disbelief, especially for the sake of something as elegant yet to-the-point as this.

Though you might want to be at least a little bit familiar with the AU a story is from before reviewing something from that AU. It was listed in the description of the story, so hard to miss. ;)

Just a small nitpick. Thanks for reviewing :)

7586976

Though you might want to be at least a little bit familiar with the AU a story...

Fair enough. If my talking points are worth anything, it was just a thought that crossed my mind partway through the story. As in, the train of thought went something like "why are they using frag grenade-- Oh right, AU tag."

Surprised someone actually touched some of my work, even after submitting this about 3-4 years ago now

Yeeeeaaah, before this group fell apart they weren't exactly known for being prompt, either. But hey, better late than never and I enjoyed your story thoroughly.

Cheers.