Reviewer: That one RationalCritic
Author: Milo_Chalks
Story: Public Boundaries
Amount read: ALL
Verdict: 7/10 Reject (seconded by OkemosBrony)
Date: 31 December 2018
Public Boundaries by Milo_Chalks is a highly studied story that had a considerable amount of thought put into it. From the beginning we are given characters, though clearly in different circumstances from their canon counterparts, that are more than skin deep. The characterization of Sunburst and Flashsentry is something to consider, the two match each other quite well with their in-story circumstances. With what’s going on in their lives we can get a feel for what kind of relationship they have, and the trials and tribulations they face on a daily.
Starting off strong the story establishes a clear ground story and base-time in which to give the soon occurring events meaning and explanation. This is something that is often times neglected, unfortunately. We learn a little bit about each character, and how with their work the two have to go to great lengths in order to be together. The story deals with very real issues that plague many people. And the challenges the characters face are not just challenges faced by homosexual couples. Anxiety of public affection is something that impacts many kinds of people, and it is something that often times is deeper and more nuanced than sexuality (it can often come from any other things). In the story, this issue to presented in a very believable fashion with the supper scene.
While the story did start of strong, and end similarly, it does suffer from a few issues. First the minor issues. There is a simple capitalization issue early on in the story: “did anypony hear it?” This sentence should have had a capital letter for “did”. The next (very) minor issue was in the graveyard scene (although there are two issues in this scene). There was a mechanics issue with the dialogue from Sunburst:
“I’m… sorry. I should have told you sooner. And, I’ve always regretted it.
So. Damn, Much.
I owed you so much more and I should have been confident enough to tell you. The worst day of my life was hearing that you were gone and… and…”

There should be a quotation mark at the beginning of So. Damn, Much. And I missed you so much more… This issue wasn’t present in the previous long string of dialogue; however, it was here. The two stated issues are extremely minor issues that can be fix in a quick edit, however, there is one major issue in the story that warranted its score.
The big issue is with the graveyard scene, because at the date scene the main thing that impacts Sunburst the most was the fact that his father say him kissing another stallion. The father from this point was established as a major character, despite his lack of up-close show time. Sunburst clearly has many emotions tied between his family and his sexuality, which is understandable. The issue is that in the graveyard scene the father is all of a sudden dead. He is dead with no rhyme or reason. Did he die from the shock of witnessing his son? Did you die from natural causes? Was there any reason for his death? The father plays a key role in Sunburst moving past his anxiety, and the fact that he is now dead feels conveniently pushed in order to move the story along. It is almost, dare I say, a Deux ex Machina. Had there been a few paragraphs added to the date scene explaining the father’s reaction (and if he did in fact die from the shock) this would not be an issue. Likewise, had a new scene been added to explain the transition from the ‘Getting back Together’ scene to the graveyard scene the story could have improved so much.
Ultimately, this story had the potential to be a solid 8/10 or possibly a 9/10, however the main plot device of the father’s death seems too shoe-horned in in the current state. If the author added a few more paragraphs, possibly another scene, the story could rank highly. This Reviewer still hopes to see more from the author, and It is his hope that the author will still continue to submit with the Reviewers café.

Thank you so much for your very valid comments, I wholeheartedly agree I didn't go in depth with the father enough. I believe this is very fixable though, and I definatley plan on submitting again with the intent to fix these errors. Thanks again for your informative review!