Title: Dazzling Illusion
Author: ChudoJogurt
Reviewer: That one RationalCritic
Amount read: ALL
Verdict: Reject, 6.5
Date: 30 November 2018

Dazzling Illusion by ChudoJogurt is by no means a bad story. In fact, it is quite the opposite, reaching out with the resources available and crafting an original story with a different take of the Battle of the Bands. The story sets up the setting with the world’s rules and limitations quite early, after all the setting is not Equestria, and it does well with following those rules and limitations. This may seem like a simple statement, however, when dealing with a slightly more realistic world that has Sirens singing their songs this is very important. The author sets out and completes their objectives, we have clear surface problems and we can easily get a sense of the over all story-worthy problem. All of these aspects come together well to craft a believable story, but, unfortunately, there are quite a few different things that damage this story.
Dazzling Illusion first suffers from a very common problem with its beginning, that is the overall quality of writing (flow, specifics, descriptions, etc.) starts relatively low and then increases as the story goes on. This is mostly a problem that goes away with more experience, fortunately. After this issue there really is only few more different kinds of problems left with the story, and those are grammar, dialogue, and formatting.
For grammar, the largest of those issues, there are numerous problems that are prevalent throughout the story. And most of the largest offenders are tense errors.
“The warmth of the touch lingered long past the goddess has ascended on the podium of the dining table and moved on.”
The highlighted area features the word that is out of the tense. I’ll present an error from chapter 2 as well.
“Adagio hand pulled Trixie tighter”
While this isn’t a tense error, it still is an error none the less. Many words in the story are missing letters, and just throws off the flow of the story completely. There are numerous grammar errors throughout the story, so It would be incorrect of me to display them all here.
In chapter 1 we also have some problems with the exchange between Trixie and Photo Finish. Photo Finish at times changes from her 3rd person style of speech to a 1st person style, and for a character that is known partially for that aspect (and for one as minor as she is in this story) it only detracts from the believability of the story.
Also, in chapter 1 we have some formatting errors with the dialogue.
Dazzling Illusion is a well-made story, as far as story elements are concerned, however it suffers largely from mechanical issues. Issues that can be mostly ironed out from a proofread or two. And for that reason, this story really takes a hit with its rankings, because mechanical issues are present throughout the story. With a few proofreads and edits this story would have ranked as a 7 or possibly an 8, but in its current state it doesn’t make it. Hopefully, the author will take these issues in stride and work to eliminate these issues for the future, and I hope to see more of ChudoJogurt's stories in our submissions for the future.