Title: Starlight Glimmer (finally) loses it
Author: Samey90
Amount read: All
Genre Tags: Narcotics, Violence, Comedy, Drama, Slice of Life
Verdict: 6/10 Reject (seconded by FoxLikesPancakes)

Review
Hey there, familiar face! Thanks for continuing to submit your stories to the reviewer's cafe and I truly hope I can help you on your writing journey.
Your prose and the way that you incorporate your humour into your prose is enviable. It’s fantastic and you have this brilliant way with that dry sense of humour that is fun to read. It also flows well into pace. From a technical standpoint, this is an incredibly well thought out fic with pretty solid pace, structure, flow, and grammar. I will say that this fic had a distinct lack of dialogue, which is quite damaging. Dialogue is an important piece of show (show and tell), and whilst there is a stylistic absence of dialogue, this fic is not one of them. I feel like this fic would have really benefited from more interaction between maybe Starlight and Spike, maybe with like a vain attempt at getting Starlight help or something. It all seemed to be just a bit too quick.

Starlight Glimmer has little motivation in this story. She is just kind of sad and lonely and cynical because of reasons. It’s never explicitly explained, the root of her problems, and this is an issue because I have no feeling for her. I know this is a comedy but it still needs to have that or I’m just taken out of the fic. She is sick of her life but all the reasons seem very out of canon and not really justifiable. It just sounds so dark and pessimistic for no reason.

In the end, Starlight being unnaturally angry, impatient, self-destructive, and cynical for no reason reads as jarring and interesting, it may initially sell your story, but leaves it with a lack of clear distinction from any sort of other black comedy. There just isn’t anything crazy special about the way the issues are addressed. If you gave it maybe some more depth, gave her character real, more explored reason for being this way, this would have been a fantastic fic.

Despite this, the harder stuff about writing is really well addressed and you have immediate potential to get this sucker, and others like it featured in the cafe. You have genuine comedic skills and a great prose to support it. Keep at it, and I’m definitely going to be looking for more of your fics come sub time! You’re a great author and it’s fantastic to have faces like you still around.

-Milo