Ok it might seem like a small thing yeah, but it's on my cousin. Yeaaah you can cringe and vomit now, the problem is it's getting out of control. I need a way to get her out of my head, because a while back she said something to me. She said that way back when she liked me too but she didn't know it was wrong. So, that came as a shock, I was a bit happy, she wasn't. She didn't like the fact that she fancied me, or was comfortable that I fancied her. She would bring up strange topics, once she said that our grandparents were also cousins, or that most of her crushes were tall, smart and had glasses (yes, no and yes). So I'm like, "oh you're dropping hints right? That's a thing you're doing right now?" so I try to subtly ask her about it but she turns me down and goes "I don't want to talk about that". She has had some problems, like cutting herself, self-hate, I've seen a whole lot of crying and breaking down when we were alone together. I just want to help her, my crush isn't anything dirty, It's just that I feel responsible for her because we were childhood friends. It pains me so much to see her hurting or with someone else. I really can't take it anymore, I've done scouting to take my mind off of things, then ROTC in high school, I'm actually leaving this weekend for PMA to see if I can apply and get into the military. I feel the military is the only thing that can put an effective barrier between me and her, but nobody even knows my plans yet. I need advice, desperately, because I may just start resorting to the things I've been trying to stop her from doing.

5504311 Join a Christian Militia in Syria.

5504311 Okay, take a deep breathe. I don't know why people start with that, actual. But anyway, having been in those shoes before, having a crush on your cousin isn't a bad thing in and of itself.

You say that it's getting out of hand? I'm not sure I follow you on that with the details your giving. You just seem to want to help and be there for her, while realizing that you have sincere feelings towards her. The fact that you recognize those feelings, and you don't want to act on those feelings are a good thing. It's always hard to see someone we care about getting hurt, but creating a "Barrier" for yourself from them isn't the answer. That's not going to confront why you're feeling this, and getting over it.

I went though something similar, but it was getting my own friends and doing my own thing that helped me to draw out of it. What I'm saying is as much as it pains you to just let her be, and live your life, you need to. But that doesn't mean you have to go and join the military because you have to create distance.

We all need our own space to grow, and it sounds like you need some of your own space too. Does it mean you're going to stop caring about your cousin? No. But if you start having friends that you hang out with, and maybe even meet a girl, then you'll find those feelings that you don't want start to lessen. They don't go away, not entirely, but it helps you to not think about it and to feel like you're in control, and not your emotions and feelings about her.

I'm no doctor, I'm just speaking from my own experience. I hope this helps some.

5504376 Helped a lot, in a sense I've got my mind straight now. With the military portion, I feel that it's my only future for now. It may take me a bit but you're the only who has given sensible advice, or any advice really. Thanks, and have a good one.

5504326 Don't have a reason nor the means to do that.

5504763 I'm glad I could help, and I wish you well.