So. Hello. I am Midnight Muse, aka Musashy.
I am a male teenage that struggles with some unkmowm form of depression and limited self-esteem issues (I have self confidence, just sometimes I hate myself), I am currently dealing with a myriad of physical health issues that are bothering me as well, and I live in a dysfunctional and ... I guess the way to say it would be emotionally neglectful, household that makes my life a whole lot harder.
But anyways. I've come here seeking advice.
I'm a bit... i guess the term is romantically reliant? As long as I can remember, I've been reliant on romantic relationships to keep me going, like, I manage fine when I'm not in one, but when I don't regularly talk to my girlfriend, I feel a whole lot more depressed than usual. Generally, it used to not be so bad, I guess because I mever really had any real, meaningful, lasting relationships. Until recently that is. Well, like. I haven't been talking to here recently because she has been overwhelmed with stuff, it's a LDR, by the by, but, ...~~~~
Tangent, I do apologize.
In short, she ain't talking to me because she got a full plate, not because we're having relationship troubles*
But anyways, I get more depressed when I don't regularly talk to my girlfriend. And I mean, I'm still semi depressed when she does, but it's minor and more situationally catalyzed depression. However, when she's not, such as right now, I'm far more depressed, every day is a struggle, I find romantic things make me very sad, I cut more often, I rely more heavily on distracting myself from my problems and I'm just generally not a happy camper.
TL:DR: I'm a changeling who relies on romantic love as sustenance.

Does anyone have any advice? How do I cope? How do i break this reliance? How do I get past this?

5527243 I also suffer from a lot of emotional disorders so I can relate to where you are coming from. I have depression, social anxiety, PTSD, agoraphobia, and some other problems which effect my ability to interact with people face to face on a daily basis.

Having depression, I also struggled with finding happiness through relationships and friendships over the years. Also, because of the fact that I came from an abusive household I have struggled with pleasing other people in fear that I wouldn't fit in or be rejected.

The way I have personally dealt with this is to take time to build self confidence. If you have confidence in yourself, you don't need to receive it from other people.

Building self confidence comes in many different forms. You can start with just telling yourself everyday that you are valuable and a one of a kind person.

You can also continue to build it by working to achieve short-term goals and then long term goals.

Remember that all healthy relationships are built around the people in building each other up. If one person is doing all of the encouraging it can be exhausting for them. So remember to build your girlfriend's confidence up to by telling her how much she means to you and also being there to support her in her time of need.

I hope that this was able to help you and if you have any more questions, feel free to ask. I will help you in any way that I can. :)

5527294 be... Positive?
What madness is this? This... Positivity you speak of? I'm a cynically realistic pessimist.
.--.
Probably need to reword that, we're not having trouble, she is just really busy and doesn't have time to spend with me.
And I'm lonely, and when I'm lonely I'm excessively depressive. .-.

5527294 I plan to deal with my self confidence through ignoring it, I got bigger problems right now, that was just a side note. XD. Think it will go away as I accomplish my goals, I think it's partly caused by my struggles with achieving meaningful things in my life so far.

5527294 like, I have no problems when she's around, as I said I'm pretty sure that's purely situational, we get along really well and I'm there for her and et cetera et cetera,
I need help coping with when she's not around
.err .
I need to be more independent and less dependent?

5527312 Yeah, working on being more independent in a relationship is important.

You have to work on finding things (hobbies and so on) that make you happy when your girlfriend is not around.

5527323 i play guitar, but that's extremely temporary relief, and generally only helps for a little bit.
I can't right now due to wrist problems that I am working on, running a stretching routine to clear carpal tunnel .-.
Other than that? Virtually nothing, I'm saving uo for a drumset, as that's my dream, to play drums, but I'm a lot of money away from that, and am again not really in physical shape to do that, though that's a minimal concern.
I play some video games, but I get bored playing them quickly nowadays.
I have resorted to semi extreme measures in the past to distract, would prefer to avoid those.

Was hoping for something a little more helpful than 'find a hobby' 0Oo..oO0

5527333 It can be something other than a hobby.

Maybe it can be hanging out with family or friends.

Watching YouTube videos.

Taking a walk and clearing your head.

There are a lot of ways to keep your mind off of being away from someone or the stresses of life in general.

I can relate a lot because my husband has been teaching over in Asia for six years and I don't see him very often.

I've had to think of a lot of ways to be emotionally independent and keep my mind from drifting to being depressed that he isn't here at the moment.

I hope that I am helping a little bit. If you have any questions feel free to ask. :)

5527333 Here's what works for me: I do the right thing. Whenever a decision needs to be made, I make the correct one, regardless how I feel about it.

I imagine a perfect me, being in my shoes. What would the perfect me do? Would a perfect me be cutting himself? No, he'd never do that, it wouldn't be the perfect thing to do. Would he go do something productive? Yeah, that's more in line with his character.

I then just imitate the perfect me and emotions don't even play a part in it. Not in decision making and not in execution. I just do the correct thing and ignore everything else.

I'm saving uo for a drumset

There's your clear goal. Think of the ways you can earn money and ways you can save money. Dedicate your life to it and you'll make your dream a reality.

5527397 sorry if I sound rude, but that sounds..
Irrelevant? I guess, like, you're saying to just ignore my emotions and do what I feel is 'right.'
I am saying I am having issues handling my emotions, I'm not talking about having issues with doing the 'right' thing. I don't worry about whe the perfect decision is, trying to be perfect just sounds like a pathway to being a self righteous prick. I do what I believe is the right thing to do. It ain't perfect, it's pretty fucked up in all honesty, but eh, trying to achieve perfect just ain't my style.

And yeah, goals. That's not a particularly healthy goal, I've had a shit ton of setbacks and it's felt impossible to raise the funds I need. .-. before ya ask, yes, I have a paying job.

I do appreciate y'all taking time out of your day to give your two cents, thank y'all

5527348
._.
Friends? What are those?
Jk, I've got a few, all over the net though.
Family? What is that?
Jk, I know what that is, but mine is pretty small and consists entirely of my closest friends, not people I'm related to by blood.

Waste endless time on YouTube?
I hate wasting time, YouTube is wasting time .-.
Not to mention I tend to dislike YouTube, too many idiots.
I don't even watch tv.
I rarely even stream media.
.-.
Taking a walk is an opportunity to think more. That wouldn't help either. Not to mention the amount of bullshit I would have to deal with to be able to take a walk isn't really worth whatever going on a walk will help with.
._.
I am easily bored and not a lot really grabs my attention. Anything that does I achieve proficiency in, get bored, and move on. Doesn't help that I'm intelligent and cannot stand anything stupid.
Thanks for trying though

5527666 Well like I said, I have a lot of emotional and physical disorders which prevent me from leaving the house or interacting with people face to face without having a complete breakdown or passing out or something. So I don't really have any friends that are not online, except for one really close friend from my childhood who understands my emotional disorders and is willing to just hang out with me over the Internet.

I grew up in a highly abusive household. My mom escaped from it six years ago and have been on the run ever since from my step dad who intends us harm/ wants to take our lives. My entire family took my step dad's side because they believed the lies my step dad told them about my mom and I. So needless to say, I really don't have any family either.

However despite all of this and the hardships I face on a daily basis I am always able to find the positive side of things.

I am greatful that I at least have my mom, even though the rest of my family hates me and wants nothing to do with me.

I am greatful that I have one offline friend, even though I don't get to see him very often both due to moving around to escape my step dad and the fact that I can't really emotionally handle being around people without breaking down for long periods of time.

I am greatful for the friends I've met here and other online sites that have stood with me through my hard times, offered me advice, and been supportive of my situation.

Despite what you go through in life, there is always something to be greatful for and to be positive about.

Think of all of the things you have to be greatful for and focus on them.

The last six years my mom and I have struggled with homelessness, not having food, and being cut off from everyone we know with little to no help. Meanwhile, my step dad continued to take everything from us (including the money I saved up for my college education and even our house at one point).

But despite this I am just do greatful to be alive. I am greatful that I have food at the current moment in time, even though I am getting it from a food bank. I am greatful that at least for the moment I have a roof over my head. But due to some recent events we might actually be homeless again in two days.

Anyways, try to find the things in your life to be greatful for. Feel greatful you have a girlfriend. Feel greatful that you have good. Feel greatful that you have somewhere to live.

Think of all the small things and focus on them. And try not to let the small details weigh you down.