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BronyWriter
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Everything Wrong With: Shining Armor Follows His Muse
By Chengar Qordath
Sins by BronyWriter
Spoilers (Duh)

But that’s why I was spending my Saturday on the other side of Canterlot, poking around a fairly nice apartment complex and searching for unit number 111A instead of meeting up with my buddies for our usual weekend game.

Chengar misses out on an opportunity for a Pixar A113 joke Ding 1

Or helping Twily look for her favorite books in the library.

If they're her favorite books then Twilight, who has an amazing memory, should have no problem finding them on her own, especially since she's obsessed with proper filing. Ding 2

maybe the mare Mom had sent me to talk to was out? Out doing something fun, the way most ponies would on a Saturday afternoon.

This really should be one sentence. Otherwise it reads a bit clunky. Ding 3

The unicorn mare glowered blearily at me.

Lavender Unicorn Syndrome Ding 4

revealing a pair of bleary pink eyes beneath a messy electric blue mane. The unicorn mare glowered blearily at me.

Also using "bleary" twice in succession. Ding 5

She rubbed her eyes, then did a double-take at my uniform and stepped back. “Oh! Hey, Mister Guard Pony!

If Shining is out on a Saturday afternoon, one where he'd normally be hanging out with his buddies, why is he wearing his uniform? Isn't it his off day? Ding 6

I was a single, unattached stallion. Despite my best efforts to correct that with Cadance. It ... it was a bit complicated.

Shining Armor tells us all his Facebook status. Ding 7

I just don’t know what went wrong

Only one pony in this universe can say that, and it isn't Shining Armor. Ding 8

“Down, Musette, you just met him.

Musette? We find out later that she's a being called a Muse. And she goes with Musette as her name? Isn't that like a vampire calling itself "Vampette?" It's weird. Ding 9

“Exactly.” Musette shot me a loaded look that sent some very inappropriate thoughts rushing into my brain. Or at least the part of me that was doing a lot of thinking.

Awkward. There is no way Shining could hide an erection from the two mares he's in the room with. Ding 10

The DJ rubbed at the back of her mane.

Lavender Unicorn Syndrome except with occupation. Ding 11

Musette found a present sitting in front of the door one night. You know, all nice and wrapped up with a bow on top. And inside of it was a dead rat.”

Be thankful you don't own a rabbit. "I will not be ignored, Vinyl!" Ding 12

Okay, that definitely qualified as messed up. “I don’t suppose you still have it? There might be some evidence.”

Right, because I know I keep all of the dead rats that fans give me just lying around. Or I might if a fan had ever given me a dead rat. They're usually alive. And rabid. Ding 13

Professionalism was practically my middle name.

"Blank" is my middle name cliche. Ding 14

Now I was the one blushing and rubbing my mane. Pretty girls smiling and thanking me tends to have that effect.

Then Shining Armor is the one with weird social skills. Ding 15

“Artists. They all have a few lovable eccentricities.”

You don't want to know what mine are. But apparently somebody thinks it has something to do with rabid rats. Ding 16

She grinned, leaning back on the couch

The narration said that Musette grinned in the previous paragraph. Ding 17

Cadance kept trying to use diplomacy on all the bad guys, and Twilight had come up with the most horrifyingly overpowered character ever thanks to figuring out how to combine half a dozen loopholes I’d never noticed before.

Shining Armor could be describing them playing Mazes and Magi or Civilization V. Ding 18

“You ... hooked up?” I was pretty sure she meant that in a non-romantic sense, given what Musette had said earlier, but I wanted to be sure.

“Yeah, you know, became friends and all that,” Vinyl explained, much to my relief.

Why his relief? He's said several times that he wants to stop those thoughts about Musette since he's pining for Cadance. Ding 19

I could already feel my cheeks heating up as my brain went to some very inappropriate places.

Shining has made it clear that his brain has been in those places pretty much since Musette walked in. Ding 20

Plus if things got nasty, I would have a much easier time arresting the mare if I looked like a Guardpony.

But Shining said earlier that he doesn't actually have the power to arrest her. Ding 21

I normally wasn’t the type to make up wild stories,

Then Shining might be the most boring M&M player ever. Ding 22

“Don’t worry, I have plenty of experience getting into places while wearing my uniform.”

Bars, other ponies' homes, jewelry shops late at night, brothels... Ding 23

I was pretty sure I’d been permanently deafened.

My ears wouldn’t stop ringing. All I could hear was the deep, throbbing echoes of Vinyl’s music bouncing through my brain over and over again. Like a massive herd of elephants tap-dancing on my eardrums, except louder.

Since Vinyl lives in an apartment complex, wouldn't this be an issue for the neighbors? Ding 24

Fortunately, I knew enough about magic to protect my poor, ravaged ears from any further harm.

And he didn't use that earlier for several hours of listening to Vinyl's deafening music in a small apartment because... Ding 25

On top of that, the dance floor was a mass of wildly thrashing bodies

Let the bodies hit the floor. Let the bodies hit the floor. Let the bodies hit the floor. Let the bodies hit the FLOORRR!!!

...

Actually, yeah, that's what that song is about. A mosh pit. Bet you didn't think you'd come to Reading Sins to learn stuff.

I mean, I’m a semi-decent looking and reasonably charming stallion.

Decent looking maybe, but charming? Uh... no. Not at all. Ding 26

Now was hardly the time for bruised egos, though. I took a deep breath and stiffened my spine

If it had been a prettier mare then his spine isn't all he would stiffen. Ding 27

“I mean, you’d think if she was actually an ancient fey that preyed upon the creative energies of artists, she’d at least come up with a better alias.”

Even Shining Armor realizes that Musette's name is dumb. Ding 28

Not to put too fine a point on it

Say I'm the only bee in your bonnet. Make a little birdhouse in your soul...

“I was investigating the potentially dangerous fey. Vinyl Scratch is of little interest to me beyond the fact that she seems to be Musette’s current target.” She paused, then grudgingly admitted, “Though I will grant that she is a rather talented performer, albeit one whose abilities are limited on account of her chosen genre. Pity she didn’t study the classical styles; she might have been great.”

Talent in one area does not immediately mean talent in another. I could make the best chairs ever but suck at making tables. Of course, I suck at both of those things (if the multiple restraining orders are any indication) so what do I know? Ding 29

Sure, I was ninety percent sure Octavia was perfectly sane, but that still meant there was a ten percent chance I might wake up one night to find her in my bedroom smearing cream cheese over me. Or whatever it is crazy ponies do.

Actually cream cheese isn't usually a problem since we... I mean they usually bring bagels to go along with it. It's when they tell you to "get the butter" that you need to start worrying. Ding 30

Still... “When I said I wanted backup, I was thinking maybe a squad of guardponies or something. Not ... er, you.”

Mom turned to me, slowly raising a single eyebrow. “Is there something wrong with me? Need I remind you that I was the Archmagus of the Eastern March for a decade?”

"Every Hearth's Warming, Mom. Every single one as far back as I can remember you get drunk on elderberry wine and reminisce. "I killed this warlock! I only got four of my partners killed!' That kind of thing." Ding 31

I shuffled uncomfortably, trying to come up with a diplomatic way to explain myself. “Well yeah, but that was a long time ago.”

Mom’s eyes narrowed slightly. “And what exactly are you saying, dear? That I’m too old and out of shape to handle myself in a sticky situation?”

"You're trying to Brett Favre this, aren't you Mom?" Ding 32

As the old saying goes, there’s no such thing as an ex-archmagus. How many times were Sunbeam and Midnight pulled out of retirement to deal with some new crisis?

"Every Thanksgiving, Mom. Every Thanksgiving as long as I can remember you get drunk on mulled wine and..." Ding 33

“I’m not sure what I think,” I answered levelly. “But back at West Hoof, one of the lessons the SIs drilled into my head was to never assume or rule out anything. I’m not saying I buy what Octavia’s selling

Aaaannnnddd you just gave this dangerous monster the name of the pony investigating her. Great going, lover colt. Ding 34

Despite the circumstances, she managed a wry smile. “Sorry to disappoint, that’s really my sister’s field of interest. Well, one of my sisters. I’ve got eight of them. But ... yeah, unless you want to challenge me to a sing-off or poetry slam for my freedom... Maybe even a rap battle?”

“Think I’ll pass on that.”

"Oh come on, Shining! I've even got your Princess Luna costume all ready!"
"W-wait, what?" Ding 35

She said, and I quote, ‘I would die to be as good as he is.’ I’m sure you can guess at the terms of our agreement. Rather ironic, given the artist she admired.”

I choked on the air as her words sank in. “Wh-what? You made a deal to kill her?! I thought you were her friend!”

“I am,” she answered matter-of-factly.

That's why I'm not using the woodchipper... this time. Ding 36

“If I am incapable of fulfilling the terms of our agreement, it would fall to my sisters to provide the services and collect my payment,” Musette countered.

And they would use the woodchipper. Ding 37

“Though speaking of fey...” Mom continued despite my wishes, “that does remind me of this one time with a hippocampus—mind you, this was years before I met your father...”

"Every Celestial Easter, Mom!" Ding 38

Also, it's never established who put the dead rat on Vinyl's doorstep. Ding 39

Final. Sin. Counter: 39
Sentence...

...

...

I'd die to be the best author ever. (Wait... uh-oh)

5897220

Also, it's never established who put the dead rat on Vinyl's doorstep. Ding 39

Musette is a lying liar who lied.

5897220 This is the only one that has managed to make me chuckle so far.

it got to me four times.
8: An almost fake laugh.

13: Oh so that's where my collection went. I don't know how it got mailed to you but if you could send 'em back with the return address that would be great.

29: I want the story for this one

36: Dark humour my favourite.

I was amused by this.

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