Everything Wrong With...

Everypony lives By Chinchillax

Spoilers...

(DUH!)

This *(ding!)* is ten dings. And this *(ding!)* is a hundred.

無

1: no. *(ding!)*

I added the last ingredient to the potion and watched the cauldron’s green glow turn gray.

2: Of course it was green, something not magical if it doesn't glow green every so often after all. *(ding!)*

3: Also, it's grey you used the wrong vowel. *(ding!)*

I breathed a sigh of relief; she usually caught on and intervened by this point.

8: Ah the pronoun game, always such a delight. *(ding!)* *(ding!)* *(ding!)* *(ding!)* *(ding!)*
Well since you're going to be coy i'm going to believe 'her' is Twist.

9: Twist is in this story *(ding!)*

Stepping away from the stove, I trotted away to my cat’s kennel, opening the door. She hissed at me and raced toward her food dish. It had been a while since I last fed her.

10: That's animal abuse. *(ding!)*

ladling out the gray potion into a cup.

11: You ladled a what potion into a cup? I'm pretty sure gray isn't a word. *(ding!)*

I stared at it for a moment, taking in a deep breath and exhaling slowly. My heart was pounding. I lifted the potion to my muzzle and downed it in two gulps.

12: Wasn't that just on a stove? So that's a lot of second degree burns down your throat. *(ding!)*

I immediately started shrinking.

112: Far too much information. *(ding!)*

I lost my grip on the cup and it clattered to the wood floor. My yellow coat turned gray, my hooves fractured in front of me into tiny paws. I felt the hairs in my tail fuse together and elongate into a pink wormlike tail.

12: Oh, carry on then. *(gnid!)*

13: Okay but where does your 'mass' go? Is it magic BS? I think its magic BS. *(ding!)*

By the time the transformation ended, my new heart was racing far faster than my stallion one ever did.

14: Yea, by so much in fact that you should be in a state of shock from the transformation. *(ding!)*

I sniffed, and my mouse brain started screaming every instinct it could throw at me to run away from the cat.

15: Your mouse brain came with instructions? Did it come with games as well. *(ding!)*

I ignored the instincts and scampered to the famished Clover. I felt the paw as it struck me, the long sharp claws ripping into my back.

16: Well improper care of cat claws will do that, well that along with getting all your possessions shredded. *(ding!)*

At long last, I felt the sweet release of—

17: I told you i didn't i don't want to hear about your 'release'. *(ding!)*

“Care Free!” shouted the Princess. “What are you doing!?”

18: The name of our main character, "Care Free" everybody! I'm still calling him Sad lairy. *(ding!)*

23: Hello again pronoun game.*(ding!)* *(ding!)* *(ding!)* *(ding!)* *(ding!)*
I've got four legitimate choices lets go with... Princess love bites.

24: Princess love hate is in this story. *(ding!)*

25: Sad lairy's playing a game of cat and mouse, he's just finishing it up actually. *(ding!)*

I stared down at my tiny paws and the crystal floor beneath them. I felt my entire body seized in a lilac magic,

26: Crystal flooring? Swanky. Also really impractical, slippery, and quite dangerous. *(ding!)*

27: How do you feel a magics colour? And what does it feel like? Does lilac feel like plastic? I think it does. *(ding!)*

all traces of the potion vanishing away from me.

28: So its an active potion not a passive? And only last a certain amount of time? Would your body have transformed back after the duration was up? If Clover had eaten you would you have reverted back inside of her? That's kinda evil. You're really bad to that cat, you shouldn't own a pet rock let let along a cat. *(ding!)*

My paws hardened back into hooves, my legs straightening out as the crystal floor zoomed away from me. My eyes widened as the chasm surrounding the crystal bridge came into focus.

29: Now where exactly does this does this mass come from? Can magic be converted into it at will? If so it sounds like more magic BS to me.
*(ding!)*

I looked up to face Princess Twilight. Her glowing eyes made her look alien and unnatural. Her strange servants stood by awaiting her every command.

49: ...How would you know what would know what looks unnatural for an alien? I think there is a story that i want to be reading. And i hate it when stories do that, it's like ending a chapter on a cliffhanger that will never be resolved. *(ding!)* *(ding!)*

50: Aw no princess love triangle, she really needs to be in more stories that aren't pure smut. You know, to get her out of her comfort zone
*(ding!)*

“You already know what I was doing, Princess Twilight.”

51: Yea a game of unfriendly cat and mouse, which is like a friendly game of cat and mouse but for keeps. *(ding!)*

“Need I remind you that we no longer allow death here in Equestria?”

56: So Sad lairy just needs to cross over the border to Griffonia? Or is that your the name for the planet? See this is why you can't name your country and the planet the same thing, it's confusing. *(ding!)* *(ding!)* *(ding!)* *(ding!)* *(ding!)*

Her words rang all around me, echoing throughout the crystal tower.

57: And that's another reason crystal is a terrible build material, that echo is still to going to be ringing around three days from now. *(ding!)*

I said nothing.

58: That didn't need to be said. *(ding!)*

I turned to see the frightened face of Red Ribbon.

61: The army, the Bakeshop, the one for awareness of a illegal drugs, drunk driving, and HIV/AIDS? If it's a new one there didn't need to be there is already three. *(ding!)**(ding!)**(ding!)*

Discord stared at me out of the corner of his eyes

62: Discord isn't discording or causing chaos here. *(ding!)*

and her dragon looked down at me with pity.

63: Is Sad lairy a fool? if so Mr T is gonna sue somebody. *(ding!)*

“Red Ribbon,” the Princess began. “You were assigned to be Care Free’s friend. He just now made an attempt to violate our supreme law. Where were you and why couldn’t you prevent this?”

64: Assignment isn't how friendship works. Wow, with how off that is someone might think you didn't study friendship for years.*(ding!)*

65: 'Supreme law'? shouldn't that be murder? or does the "supreme law" cover both? *(ding!)*

66: I don't know at home sleeping, at work, out shopping? None one can spend a hundred percent of their time with friends. Now if she was his wife that question would be slightly more reasonable, but only slightly. *(ding!)*

“I… I visited as much as I could, just like you requested, Princess.” Her voice was shaky as she tried to give her explanation. “But he wasn’t… umm… receptive. He wouldn’t let me talk to him for more than a few minutes every week.”

“Then why didn’t you send me a letter explaining that? His mandatory quota of friendship would be reassigned to another pony.”

“I—I would have, Princess, but he begged me not to. He umm… told me he was closest with me out of all other ponies he’s met. Even then he only wanted to spend a few moments at a time. I just thought he was really introverted.”

“Care Free? Is this true?”

“Don’t you know the answer?” I muttered quietly.

67: Care Free would be excellent at Reading sins. *(ding!)*

Her eyes narrowed. “Spike, prepare letter template 4963-B. Red Ribbon, you will report to Calm Day for debriefing and therapy. Be sure to spend a long time recuperating after this traumatic experience.”

68: Therapy? Jeez i knew ponies where soft but therapy after only hearing somebody she barely knew had attempted suicide? What are these ponies made of? jelly? I may just be jealous of the time off. *(ding!)*

“We may or may not inform you of his condition afterwards,” she said, the rhythm of her words hinting nothing.

69: You uncaring wanker, what are you? government? Oh yea, you are. That's a stereotype. *(ding!)*

“Spike, are you ready?”
The loyal drake nodded his massive head before breathing fire on an enormous parchment. I watched as the letter shrunk before disappearing into emerald embers.

70: Did that shrink literally? or shrink as in the fire burned it slowly? because if it's the latter Calm Day is going to be crushed by a giant letter.
*(ding!)*

Red Ribbon completely vanishing into nothingness. If only Princess Twilight could do that to me— except modify the spell so that I didn’t come out afterwards.

71: Yea but that wouldn't be creative. *(ding!)*

“The last time you were here,” said the Princess, “I told you to make friends.”
“Sorry,” I said, with no hint of an apology in my voice.

72: I guess he doesn't like to be ordered around. have you tried reverse psychology or leading by example? *(ding!)*

I glanced at the symbols of the bearers above me, long dead from before transition.

73: looks like somebody's carrying a lot of baggage. also that's creepy and quite morbid. *(ding!)*

I got further this time than I ever have before. She's losing her grip on monitoring everyone. A couple more centuries and the population will be large enough that I might be able to pull it off.

83: I've got to come back to this later, so you'll see it again and why it's worth ten dings. *(ding!)*

84: With Twilight watch them all constantly she really should of notice Sad lairy not making friends sooner. Plot holes, not just ponies have them. *(ding!)*

The Princess said nothing.

85: no kidding. *(ding!)*

But what if I told her the truth this time and she gave me permission to pass on?

86: Right she'll just let you do the thing she been preventing anyone in/on a country/planet from doing for years just because you want to. Why don't you think about it for five seconds! *(ding!)*

She has more valuable things to do with her time than to wait on me.

87: i don't doubt that, without death there are a few problems that Twilight would constantly have to be dealing with. Like a very strained economy, if it hasn't collapsed yet.

But then again, the previous four tries I didn’t tell the whole truth, perhaps that’s why I didn’t succeed in convincing her?

88: You didn't do it because it's a bad idea, don't do it. *(ding!)*

“I don’t intend to live, Princess.”

93: Now you've done it, you idiot. *(ding!)* *(ding!)* *(ding!)* *(ding!)* *(ding!)*

Her eyebrows rose. I could almost see her iris slip to the surface as her observation spells weakened and she focused more on me.

94: Twilight.exe has stopped working please reboot to continue normal operations. *(ding!)*

I’ve heard of the grief you felt for your friends when they died. Your biggest regret is not discovering the immortality spell soon enough before they passed on.

95: Yes rub that salt in the wounds, that'll get you what you want. *(ding!)*

I won’t have that problem when I die,

96: Yes that is usually an issue for other people. If you end up morning your own death something has gone horrendously wrong. *(ding!)*

Her monitoring spells stopped, her amethyst, piercing eyes far more intimidating than the white vagueness that had been there before.

98: Purple! no matter how you say it's still Purple! lilac is Purple! amethyst is Purple! *(ding!)**(ding!)*

it felt like the stars had been pounded into mist beneath me.

138: I'm really starting to wonder what interstellar adventure you had to know what crushed stars feel like under your hooves. And knowing you won't tell me is so infuriating! *(ding!)* *(ding!)*

It was the same strange place where she made me immortal, where she made everyone immortal.

139: Immortal or ageless? the distinction is kind of important. if you're you are truly immortal rather than ageless then then most would see your suicide attempts as futile. *(ding!)*

“You will live forever, Care Free.” The Princess brought out record upon record, the sky around me filling with scenes I’ve lived through and some from ponies I’ve never met. “You and everyone on this planet will never die.”

140: Who Wants To Live Forever? *(ding!)*

She brought out a scene of the great Statue of Life in the Griffon Kingdom, which stood atop where the last creature to die in Equestria before the great transition was buried.

141: Oh the irony, i hate it. *(ding!)*

“You have no need to fear leaving behind grieving friends. There is no need for that kind of pain in the paradise I have strived to create and sustain for Equestria.”

142: Pain is life. Without pain life has no consequence, and without consequence life is ruined for it is not precious. Congratulations Twilight Sparkle you have single hoofedly ruined the greatest, most exciting, adventure, anybody will ever have and you made it dull and uneventful, well done you.
*(ding!)*

“But I am going to die someday. I’ve been wanting to die since my one-hundred forties.”

143: You remember the exact year that you lost the will to live? Is that weird? Not on my scale but you get a sin for it anyway. *(ding!)*

I have overstayed my welcome in Equestria and I would like to be done now.

144: No you're still welcome, in fact Equestria is keep you in it's basement chained up and is very much not letting you go anytime soon.
*(ding!)*

“You are idolizing a disease long made extinct,”

145: Psh, that's like saying fire is extinct. Here's a hint it's not, you're just wait for it's next appearance. *(ding!)*

“The absolute worst disease that ever faced Equestria. The most vile affliction that equinity ever had to suffer through!”

146: Yep and that disease was called life, some say it has a one hundred percent death rate of those afflicted. *(ding!)*

“Celestia and Luna didn’t think so.”

147: That's the equivalent of saying "but mom and dad said not to swim i lava." it's an awful argument and barely an excuse. *(ding!)*

“They didn’t know that death could be eradicated. I’m sure if the idea had ever come to them they would have gotten rid of it the same as I did.”

148: That sounds like an excuse rather than a reason. *(ding!)*

“They ruled for over three millennia, Princess. They knew they were immortal, but even they didn’t tamper with death itself.”

149: And in all that time they never became queens. Say what you will about chrysalis at least she knew she was the ruler of her people.
*(ding!)*

“Tamper with—“ she huffed. “It was a plague on ponykind!”

150: No it's the cure to it.*(ding!)*

“Then why did Celestia and Luna choose to die and have you succeed them?”
Her head lowered and her muzzle turned into a sharp scowl. “They didn’t die, they disappeared.”
“They died, Princess! They went on to a better place!”

151: Look there is a quick way to settle this, is there a large amount of missing cakes? *(ding!)*

Anything you can imagine can be created right here in Equestria.

152: A pony who can dance without making themselves look like an idiot. *(ding!)*

“The only thing I want is to be allowed to die.”

153: Then start a protest/petition if you annoy enough ponies one of them is bound to end your suffering. *(ding!)*

“We can keep you in a coma for a number of years. How does that sound?”

153: He thinks this! This is in his mind!
"A couple more centuries and the population will be large enough that I might be able to pull it off."
153: And guess what he says!

“I don’t want to be taken care of. I don’t want to be here at all!”

183: You could sleep all those years off so quickly that when the apocalypse happens you wouldn't even notice yourself exploding into atoms!
*(ding!)**(ding!)**(ding!)*

“Discord,” the Princess said, turning to face him. Her servants must have heard everything.

184: I suggest you don't call Discord 'twilights servant' out loud it will only make your life worse. *(ding!)*

“Is there anything physically wrong with his mind? Any illnesses that somehow escaped our notice?”

185: Our? you're both watch ponies through you special eyes? Well here's one sin for each of violating pony privacy. *(ding!)**(ding!)*

Discord snapped his talons and I felt my brain light on fire as if I had tried to guzzle down powdered snow.

186: When you eat too much cold food you get a brain freeze not a brain fire. you could have said "it like you rubbed chillies all over your brain" and that would have been better. *(ding!)*

“Shall he attend hell again, Twilight?” asked Discord.“
I’ve been to your two-week prisons before,” I said. “They don’t work. You think that by depriving me of comforts that I’ll appreciate your paradises more.

187: Two weeks? of course they don't work. Psh a two week hell that like a two week vacation in rural australia. *(ding!)*

But be it paradise or prison, everything is the same level of pain for me.”
For the first time, the anger in her eyes softened, and the muscles on her muzzle weakened. “That’s because you’re doing it wrong.”
I stared at her. “I’m doing what wrong?”
“Life,” she said simply.

188: And you watch other ponies lives for a living, i don't think you have any room to judge.*(ding!)*

The rows of locks on my door were deadbolted on in a culture that hadn’t needed locks for centuries.

189: locks are important damn it! The most dangerous thing in the world is other sapient beings. Don't make me prove this. *(ding!)*

“You’re trying to live life by yourself!” said the Princess,

190: Well not all of us have a huge magical crystal castle to live in princess. *(ding!)*

“Even when death was normal it was important to have friends to help you every step of the way. But with immortality it is absolutely essential that you share your long life with somepony— everypony!"

”I shook my head. “I— no. They’ll only be sad when I inevitably die.”

“But what if that’s not inevitable?”“What if you gained so many friends that you didn’t even have that feeling anymore?”

“No… this feeling isn’t going to go away with time, or with friends… or anything. Please… just let me go.”

195: You're just repeating yourselves now. And i'm going to repeat myself too. *(ding!)**(ding!)**(ding!)**(ding!)*

“You’ve done a commendable job, Princess.” I said. “I’m sure everypony else is enjoying their infinity. But as for me, I would like to be done participating now.”

194: The way you said that made me laugh. *(gnid!)*

The Princess looked down at me, her eyes drooping. Her horn glowed for a moment and I felt…

Nothing.

144: Huh, i guess you where right to tell her. *(gnid!)* *(gnid!)**(gnid!)**(gnid!)**(gnid!)*

続

145: 'continue'? What is thi- you didn't just murder block me did you? I will fight you. *(ding!)*

The stallion lay slumped in slumber at the foot of Princess Twilight.
“Thoughts?” she asked.
The dragon leaned his long neck over to the stallion, setting his head down right next to the pony’s body and watching him breathe.

245: Oh you dirty Ratbag! You get everything back, and guess what, it's been doubled! *(ding!)*

“I know this isn’t what you want to hear, Twilight, but in his case… I think it would be okay if we let him go. It looks like he’s been in a lot of pain for a long time.”

"I'd have to agree with Spike," added Discord. "Not everypony is meant to live forever."

“No,” said Twilight. “I promised that I would never allow death to touch any of my little ponies ever again.”

246: Sparkle you got out voted, it's a shame equestria still doesn't have a democracy. But at least you show off why having an immortal princess for a ruler is such a bad thing so well. *(ding!)*

“Can’t we make an exception for him, though?” asked Spike. “Just this once?”

“And what about the hundreds more just like him?” said Twilight. “Do you want to let them die too?”

“A few hundreds out of billions. We compromise and help them on whatever other wish they would like, why not this one?”

249: Yes, just go and repeat yourselves more, it makes this so much quicker. *(ding!)**(ding!)**(ding!)*

“No, Spike. I will not reintroduce that plague to Equestria. Ponies grieved too much over death and loved ones before the transition. And besides, I know if he managed to make some friends he would be fine.”

254: No twilight you grieved too much. Normal ponies took time to grieve but then they picked them selves up dusted off their coats and soldier on. You're still stuck in the past grieving, evident by the huge engravings of the pictures on the arse of your passed friends.
*(ding!)**(ding!)**(ding!)**(ding!)**(ding!)*

“You may be fine with exploring the upper limits of immortality, Twilight. Perhaps most of Equestria is as well. But there’s a limit as their lifetimes approach infinity. And some may reach that limit sooner than others.”

255: Well you're right everything has a limit, well except maybe my hardheartedness and my callousness. Also you don't approach infinity it approaches you, from behind, with a crowbar. *(ding!)*

“You’re wrong, Discord. Whether they are sixty or six hundred, when ponies are struggling we help them! We don’t stand idly by being depressed about a problem that can be fixed. We fix the problem and continue!”

256: Unbridled optimism, have all of my hate. That should kill it. *(ding!)*

The draconequus frowned.

246: An appropriate response to that. *(gnid!)*

Twilight sighed, staring down at the pony. “Discord, do you think he might like that second Equestria you’re terraforming?”
Discord continued to frown. “Not the way he is now.”

247: Another country or another planet? *(ding!)*

“Isn’t there some kind of compromise we can make for him?” asked Spike.
“A compromise between life and death? Of course not, there is nothing in between.”
“There can be,” said Discord.
A yellow crystal flashed into Discord’s paw as he pulled the sleeping stallion into the air with his magic. In a haze of blue light the stallion slowly got younger… and younger, his cutie mark vanishing. Discord siphoned off every scrap of memory the stallion had into the crystal, leaving nothing behind. By the time he was done, a sleeping baby foal was all that remained.
“The compromise between death and life: reincarnation.”

252: As it turns out coming to a compromise with an unconscious pony is pretty easy. They just don't seem to be able to say no.
*(ding!)**(ding!)**(ding!)**(ding!)**(ding!)*

And thus ends that adventure of Sad lairy.

Story sin tally (252)
Bonus sins (1) there was no Twist in this story.
Final sin tally (253)

sentence: Being killed until it dies to death.

You skipped to here because nobody could possibly read that and survive, i mean i barely survived and i wrote it.

5894780 Well I knew I wasn't going to win I may as well not do the same thing as everyone else.

5894748
Necro but something to point out. Gray/grey is like color/colour. It's Gray in America and Grey in England.