My new group is here for anyone who feels as though life has become too much to handle. If you wish to chat let me know, and I`ll do my best to help you. Also; I`m looking for people willing to network with others on here so we can help as many people as possible. Just pm me and we`ll set something up; or just join and start on your own. Suicide is no joke; if you or someone you know is thinking about it; help them, before it`s too late.

So, I'll go first, since no one seems to be aware of this yet.

I have problems with guilt. Whatever brain chemistry thing that regulates emotion in my brain seems to think guilt and shame are way more important than things like joy and contentment, which makes my default mood a kind of regretful sadness. Things that other people would shrug off I obsess over in the minutest detail. Remember Twilight obsessing over tardiness in Lesson Zero? Think that, except instead of Princess Celestia doling out punishment, it is only me giving the punishment to myself. Which is like, sad times infinity. How sad is a person that is so sad she has to give herself her own punishments?

I've seen forums like this get really depressing really fast, and then people don't want to come back because it just makes them sad, so with pvtread's permission I'd like to introduce a ground rule an optional suggestion. I'd like every post to try and end with an uplifting statement. Sort of a gift to everyone reading. We all know how sad depression is, and none of us would wish that pain on another. You know, "The loneliest people are the kindest, The saddest people smile the brightest. The most damaged people are the wisest. All because they do not wish to see anyone else suffer the way they do." etc. I don't want this forum to bring its members down; that's not what it's for. It's to help those of us who are struggling, and I think we could do that better if we tried to end our posts with a happy thought. It doesn't have to be big, or life changing, or anything like that. It can be as simple as, "I went outside today, and it was warm. I'm glad it's warm again," or, "I was staring up at my ceiling today, and the little rough patches kind of look like bubbles. I like bubbles."

So, here's my happy thought. Today I had one of those twin popsicles, the kind you're supposed to break in half and share with a friend. I ate it by myself, but I haven't had one since I was really little. It was nice, reminiscing about my childhood and eating a favorite childhood treat.

3260355

Who needs to talk/get something off their mind?

Warning: Long Rambling Nonsensical Rant Below

I was on Facebook earlier and saw lots of pictures of my college's alumni homecoming. Normally, I don't care about social gatherings and parties and such, but seeing those pictures made me feel really bitter that I didn't even get an invite to the thing. It was supposed to be my first, if I had known about it.

Normally, I could just say "meh, whatever. I had other stuff to do that day anyway" and leave it at that, but it triggered something in me. Right now, I feel like no one cares enough to remember me, and I feel horrible for feeling that way because I see it as an attention-whoring tendency, and I hate getting too much attention. But i don't know... Why can't people at least remember I exist? Like, last year, I achieved something that brought nation-wide honor to my college. A funny thing was that one of my professors congratulated me, but she couldn't remember who I was even though we were pretty chummy when I studied under her. We have a very small school population, so it's kinda weird to not be remembered. And then now, no one invited me to the homecoming... So yeah, who cares, right? It's not like i'm a contributing member of society or whatever.

And it's not just my college. My best friend wouldn't message me unless i messaged her first for the last few months now. That's not normal for us. And here's the funny part: When I chatted with her the other day, we talked like how we normally did. Then she said she's glad we talked, that I never failed to make her feel loads better. And I'm feeling like, "Then WHY didn't you message me all those weeks before if you needed me? You see me online all the time!" *sighs* I dunno, I reckon we're on eggshells or something or other...

And there's this thing whenever someone compliments the webmanga I'm working on, they only mention my collab partner who does the artwork, and never me, who writes the damn thing. But, well, it's not like writers do much in comics making right? After all, I only write the dialogue, develop the worldbuilding, describe the scenes, draw names, storyboard, etc. C'mon, it's collab work for a reason. But of course, they only see my dear artist friend because she's the artist.

I'm aware i'm depressive. I go to counselling and all that. I'm not highly at risk to commit suicide, though. I mean I get suicidal thoughts every now and then, but I don't act on them anymore.

But right now I just, I don't know what to think right now.

But then, maybe I just needed to rant I guess.

</end rant>

Okay, Now that I got that off my chest so I think I feel better now. Thanks for listening/reading.

Now for a happy thought: That season finale was so AWESOME!

3263220

Remember Twilight obsessing over tardiness in Lesson Zero? Think that, except instead of Princess Celestia doling out punishment, it is only me giving the punishment to myself. Which is like, sad times infinity. How sad is a person that is so sad she has to give herself her own punishments?

I understand that feeling. I'm like that too...

Another happy thought: Do y'all like haiku? I've been practicing my haiku writing for a while now, and I think I'm getting better at it. I love writing haiku because they're short and simple, but they could also be complex in their simplicity. They're like morsels of poetry that could be exploding with flavor or something.

Also, ice cream. I love ice cream.

3272034
I know exactly what you mean about people forgetting you exist. I named myself Mossy Mare because no one seems to remember moss exists, either, even though botanically it's kind of important. Once I had a whole conversation with a person who didn't know I was there!

I think your name is interesting, matcha cheesecake. I know what both of those things are, but I didn't know they could be combined! Do you like cooking, or just eating?

Thing that made me laugh: At my job, I work with a lot of old specimen folders compiled by mycologists. (scientists who study fungus) I was laying out one for scanning, when I noticed this note made by one of the scientists:

Sphenospora is the worst genus ever named and the worstest telia to study. You may try to take pictures of these stained slides if you wish, though the results will be poor.

I guess famous scientists with PhDs can get fed up with their jobs, too!

SORRY GUYS, I caught a cold monday and have felt like crap ever since. I`ll be on again when I`m better.

Hey all, I,M BACK.

3348973 Welcome back.

3355795= Thanks, yea colds suck lol. How has everyone been? If anyone needs to chat hit me up.