A Stormy Night is 1,331 words long and tagged [Sad] [Slice of Life] [Rainbow Dash] [Fluttershy]

A simple night can change when you have a friend in need. Even something as simple as being there can change a fillies life

The plot: Fluttershy is scared of a thunderstorm, so she visits Rainbow Dash (during the night) for comfort, written 1st person from Rainbow's perspective.

If a crazy man broke into my house, pointed a gun to my head and said to me, "praise this story in the most honest way you can, otherwise I'll shoot you," then I'd say that it is so simplistic, so innocent, and so authentically cute that it captures the appeal of the show really well, particularly that of Season 1. This is a story that feels like it is written for kids, perhaps even by one (though this is probably the case). It is generally not thought as a requirement for stories to mirror the show in this way, but it would be silly to simply write it off as boring and childish without acknowledging that this is kind of what the show used to look like at times.

So this might be fine. Unfortunately i have to deduct a lot of points for grammar – no incorrect letters, but flawed case sensitivity and punctuation at indirect speech (which there is a lot of). I'm generally liberal when it comes to artistic freedom on various issues of grammar, I'd never consider drawing out words to signal pronunciation to a flaw, or tweaking expressions like "uhm," or "oops," but ending direct speech with a dot and adding "She said" with an uppercase S, which is done repeatedly here, isn't only regarded as plain wrong as far as I know, it also sounds quite off to me, and doesn't strike me as an artistic choice. And when your story is super short, and the only thing it has going for it is a captivating aura of childish innocence, then making the reader think about grammar is pretty bad. Finally, "she said" is used a bit too often to indicate speech – to a point, this might also serve the atmosphere, but it is too excessive.

In the end, I'm sure there is an author out there who does more or less the same thing, and does it better. In fact, Harmony Pie sort of does that. Still, I was only mildly feeling like my time was wasted, so it could be a lot worse.

36/100

So I take it you placed a dislike? Also, I'm 20. I wrote them as kids yes but I don't believe that makes me a kid. At least, I hope so... also, wow... a 36... didn't realize the story was terrible.

5773662
No, haven't yet.

As I said I didn't think it was likely that you were young (and of course it doesn't make you young!). I just said it kind of gives that vibe. Not a bad thing.

36 is pretty far from terrible – it's moderately far below "worth reading" which is the 50 point mark. I'd give the majority of stories on FimFiction a score below 50, the fact that my previous two reviews have been above was just quite lucky. I'm very likely going to give scores below 36 in the future.

And like I said in my comment, if it had flawless grammar it'd probably have been a 51 or 52, just barely positive.

Ah. A)My apologizes for the assuming incorrectly although I didn't see it as a bad thing myself. B)I'll admit, I botched the grammar intentionally because they were kids. The only character with that exception is Twilight but that's a whole different story. C) Also, Didn't yet? That implies you did dislike it(to an extent anyways). If so, I apologize for it not being to your liking. D)I thank you for the review.

5774267
Oh, I thought with "dislike" you meant "downvote". Sorry. Yeah, I overall disliked it, but haven't voted yet.

5774350 that didn't make me feel any better but I guess its better then the latter.