Good morning everypony! I had to be up really early this morning to babysit. Yay! I figured since I had some free time. I would read another story!

It is time. For a Tidal Commentary/Review. Be ready for gifs, emotes, and possibly some tears. (Not really)

The story being Reviewed is called Skittish by JMac

Let us begin.

The Chalk Family Cemetery is said to be the most haunted place in all of Equestria. On Nightmare Night eve Miss Cheerilee's class take a guided tour of the cemetery. An old-fashioned ghost story.

So at first while reading the description I'm like hmmm. A scary story. I wonder how this will play out. Will I experience sad feels? or feels of scaredom...ness... We shall see! *I Click on chapter 1 while I munch on Doritos*

“T-thank you,” said Cheerilee, doing her best to summon a smile for the friendly mare at the cemetery gate. She did not feel like smiling. Cheerilee had wanted very badly to avoid this.

Hmm. Avoid what cheerilee? YOU scarrreeeeed?

She and Big Macintosh were chaperoning a class field day in Manehattan.

Oh. Its gonna be one of THOSE types of stories

Dusty looked to Cheerilee exactly like a cemetery guide on Nightmare Night. Her coat was white, and so pale Cheerilee thought she might have bleached it for the holiday. Against that pale coat Cheerilee could barely make out Dusty’s cutie mark; a white rosebud. Dusty wore her steel gray mane in a style that hadn’t been in fashion for over 30 years, and the frames of her glasses were even older. An antique cameo choker on a black ribbon completed the costume.

Cheerilee. Just kill yourself. SHE BLEACHED HER COAT? You have a bad feeling and your in a cemetery. Odds are. Everypony will die

“I really need to stay with my students…” It went against Cheerilee’s every instinct to leave her class. She could face any fear; even a haunted graveyard in the dark on Nightmare Night eve; to remain with them. But Cheerilee had other reasons to stay behind. For one, Zecora had approached her that morning before they had left Ponyville, claiming to have received a message for Cheerilee in a dream. ‘You need not pass through the scary gate,’ the zebra had told her. ‘Fate will sort itself out if you just sit and wait.’ Cheerilee didn’t know what that meant, and she doubted Zecora did either, but it made a compelling excuse to pass on the tour.

Sigh. This is just asking for ponies to die.

“They are serving hot mulled cider inside the Chalk Mansion,” said Dusty. “Why don’t you and the gentlecolt sit and have a mug or two, and a pumpkin donut, and wait for us? The tour will not take long.” “Eeyup,” said Big Macintosh. “That sounds good.”
And that sold it. Cheerilee had to admit she would enjoy a little private time with Big Mac, to ‘let fate sort itself out.’ “All righty, then. Children, behave with Miss Dusty. We’ll see you when you’re done.”

I bet you would like some private time with Big Mac.

“And until 30 years ago it was a dangerous place after dark. Many members of the Chalk family died tragically; and their angry spirits remained here. They were known to vent their anger on the living.”

Man it sure is pretty coincidental that Cheerilee predicted the date of Dusty's old style to be thirty years. So around the same time frame that the Haunted Cemetery stopped being... haunted.

“What happened 30 years ago that changed things?” asked Applebloom.
“A new spirit joined the resident ghosts,” said Dusty. “Or…at least that is what is said. She did not have the same anger about her passing as the others, and in death she continues to care about the living. She…is able to protect them. But that is another story. We will get to that shortly.”

Oh. Oh ok. Seems legit

All of the foals’ ears shot up at a sudden hissing sound. Each might have dismissed this as just their imaginations; except when they look around and saw that all of them had heard it.

Oh... S***...

Now, only one thing remains that terrifies me. To be alone in the dark.”

Um...

“Everything is worse when you are alone in the dark. You can always hear something following you. But there is never anything there when you stop to look and listen. Does that mean all you’re hearing is the echo of your own hoof steps? Or perhaps whatever is following you is just very clever, and hides whenever you stop.”

You stop right now. Stop it.

“For the Chalk’s only daughter, Rosemond. She…was like me. Very, very afraid to be alone in the dark. I’m sure she would appreciate the gesture, if she were here.”

This is so damn obvious. But it is too late. I'm already hooked.

“That’s a good thing, ithn’t it, Mith Dusty?” asked Twist.

F*** Yeah

“Eventually Hammer walked her all the way home to the mansion. But he was not ready to just say goodnight and let her go inside. Hammer suggested that they come back here to the graveyard to spend some private time together. And Rosemond agreed.”

And then Rosemond was never seen again. Her picture glued to every jar of zap apple jam all over Equestria. Lol jk

So I don't Spoil any of the story for anypony else. I'll go ahead and end the commentary here.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

NOW FOR THE REVIEW!

FEELS METER
This story didn't move me emotionally, so it would have to get a 4 out of 10 on the feels meter.
The story was kinda creepy though not gonna lie. I had to turn on a light.

MOOD
So the mood of the story was pretty mysterious. Actually a lot of these sad stories I've reviewed have been pretty mysterious. It starts off with Cheerilee very nervous about going into this cemetery. But at the sound of Big Mac's eeyup she's gone.

Then we transfer over to the Fillies of her class, following Dusty around the cemetery while she tells the tragic history of the chalk family. The author does a good job of slowly but surely getting creepier... and creepier... As Dusty tells more about the history of the Cemetery some weird s*** starts to happen. Noises all around the fillies and even the random appearance of some odd scary characters. It was a fun creepy read that's short history was easy to follow and while maybe a little predictable for me, still I enjoyed reading it.

GRAMMAR
Well... about the grammar. It wasn't bad or anything... I just really wished you had put spacing between you paragraphs.

“Hello, and welcome to the Chalk family cemetery.”
“T-thank you,” said Cheerilee, doing her best to summon a smile for the friendly mare at the cemetery gate. She did not feel like smiling. Cheerilee had wanted very badly to avoid this.
She and Big Macintosh were chaperoning a class field day in Manehattan. Huge lines at the Museum of Science and Industry’s “Science of Fear” exhibit had delayed them, and she’d hoped this would make them too late for this last stop on their itinerary. No such luck. They were apparently just in time for the last tour. There was no way out now. No force in Equestria could keep her students from their visit to the haunted cemetery.
The mare turned to the students and said, “Good evening, young ones. I’m happy to be your guide tonight, to the most haunted place in all Equstria. You may call me…Dusty.”
The foals were so excited they almost cheered. Cheerilee herself could not see how the phrase “most haunted place” was something to cheer about.

These are the first few "paragraphs" I mean its not like its really hard to follow. Just a little odd to see it like that. But the rest of the grammar was overall pretty good, So I'll give it a 3 out of 5.

STYLE
The whole story is third person, most of the dialogue comes from Dusty, with the fillies of Cheerilee's class doing the background dialogue up until the end. Dusty does well in telling her stories, with a sort of wise creepiness and did well reassuring me as a reader that the children truly are safe with her. (Cause in the beginning I had no idea what would happen and I thought that ponies were gonna die.) What earned it its sad tag would have to be when I as the reader made the connection between Dusty's story, and where they are in the cemetery. Cause I mean it is actually a pretty sad concept. I think this story is great the way it is, I mean sure you could've made it more sad or tragic but its written well the way it is. Just... space out those paragraphs? Please? Besides that I honestly can't think of anything else that needs Improvements... Well done.

So the final grade I give the story will be a 7 out of 10 along with an I ENJOYED IT
Earning a like from me. I recommend this story to anypony who enjoys a cool ghost story with some quick but good history behind it. It wasn't too scary, but wasn't in anyway boring. While it isn't exactly the kind of story I would normally read your writing kept me interested and the final line did get a pretty big "AWHHHHHHHHHH" from me.

2636248 Thank you. Your review was both fair and fun.

I must say, I was surprised you rated the feels so low and the creepiness high. Most readers I've talked to went the other way. And I'm surprised you were so worried about the characters; it's not tagged Dark after all.

I think it's rude to critique back at a reviewer, but I have a couple of points, if you don't mind. Firstly, while I thought the commentary first half of the review was fun and entertaining I want to warn you to tread lightly or you might get spoilery. Now, Skittish is almost spoiler proof, the more 'in on the joke' the reader is the better the impact when the characters all get it as well. Most other stories, not so much. Secondly, sometimes you write as if you are talking to a potential reader, and sometimes as if you are talking directly to me. For clarity, either pick one and stick with it. Or, if you do both then separate them into two sections.

Thank you again. I've just gotten a big bump in readership, and I really can't thank you enough for that!

Oh, and if you didn't like the You stop right now. Stop it. part here, then don't read "They're Not Touching You!" Just sayin'

2639712 no by all means critique me, I wanna make sure I'm giving the best review possible thank you pointing at those things, I'll make sure I work on doing it from one point of view!

Yeah it didn't make me as sad but did make me curious and creeped out (that's just my opinion I still liked it!)

Lol you realize when you say don't read it... You're telling me to go read it... So I'm gonna check it out lol. Keep doing what you do and thank you for your advice in how I can make my reviews clearer. I'm glad you liked the fun parts... I try to be as entertaining as possible!

2639712
We'll keep your advice in mind thanks