Reviewers Tags: Gore, Dark, Sad, Mature (SFW)

OK, so let me start out that I had a whole other review set up for this story. Then what happened? My write goes against my laptops touch pad and deletes everything! all the nice beautiful work I did! Now I am stopping myself from deleting the software to work that blasted touch pad. Those useless waste of space! No words can describe my anger! The World will burn! after I rewrite this review to the best of my abilities.

So Let me start over with the story description and go back in time to before I started reading this work.

When Equus Mortis, Ponyville's only mortician and coroner, does an autopsy on Rainbow Dash, he uncovers

a dark secret only his family is supposed to know. "Death is our life" is his family motto. But is death all he will ever find when he tries to avenge Rainbow Dash?

Alright, so upon reading this, It seems to have a murder mystery to it! I am actually exited to get into this simply because of the skull, if there is a skull then it must be good.

Before I start reading though, I am going to let you know that out of the seven chapters I will only do commentary for the first three. The rest will be for your own enjoyment! So here we go!

Cromegas' Commentary

In this world of candy-colored ponies, full of optimism, light and life, I represent (at least to the locals) that part of everypony’s life where optimism is pointless, light dims and life can no longer linger.

:Nice touch, no joke. Simple and holds the punch!

A flash of light, a tingling sensation on both sides of my posterior, and presto, instant outcast.

:No joke!

:Its Cupcakes isn't it?

:OK, ya I know its related to Cupcakes some how, but Its hard to pinpoint the finnal verdict this early in the game.

:on to chapter two

We are all haunted. I don’t mean we have specters floating around us, wiggling their hooves and going “Oogly oogly oooh”, I mean that our deeds and memories stay with us long after the fact. They drift away, then come back unexpectedly.

:This is probably one of my favorite quotes so far, it just holds to the feels. Makes you look behind you, knowing there is nothing there other than your own mind playing tricks.

“It’s Pinkie Pie, isn’t it?”

:Or is it?

On to chapter three.

: I love this seen! Walking through the Mad house! Of all things in the story so far, this is the part you need to read!

:

His wings were twitching. Steel wanted so badly to just fly away from the spooky death-pony. But I wouldn’t let him budge just yet. Sweet Alicorn of the sun, it felt good to scare the piss out of a jock. Did I mention I was bullied at school?

:Triggered a personal back story! When in school, people would just tell me out of the blue, "I am not scared of you" It confused me for a while. Yes I was bullied, but I never wanted people to think I was intimidating, so why would they think that? It only took some time for me to realize that they were in fact intimidated around me. Interesting, I never really knew that.

:OK so I am going to stop here, and let you read the rest! :) Now on to my Review of the whole story!

OK, so Like I said before, my computer played a mean trick on me because of natural muscle moment so I had to start from scratch, so here goes Nothing!

So back in the day in scout camp, I had to do reviews. And in doing so, I always shared the salt before the sugar. So lets start with the salt.

There were a few flaws that hit me hard, some are probably because I went in ignorant of any head cannon, so I was completely blind.

The first flaw is with Nightmare Moon, not about her involvement (though I did not care for her involvement). No my issue is about the time laps and inconsistency with cannon. But this is Fanfiction, so Its ok and can be forgiven.

That first flaw was to how all the mane six seemed to know each other before the return of Nightmare Moon. With this Nightmare moon is the main catalyst of the story! No joke, read it and enjoy!
With this comes the confusion that hit me like a rock, how did Pinkie Pie and Dash have a relationship before Griffin Brush off? So when you go into this story, ignore all of cannon and just read to enjoy. Otherwise you will go crazy and turn into a polish hot dog.

Now the next flaw was around... you know I can't remember.... I might add that in in the comments. I want to go to the sugar. Nope I remember now, since the tags did give a Dark and Sad, I can't really call this a flaw, but more of a personal taste. After the fourth chapter it lost the feeling of darkness, and it just felt like a sad and heavenly experience. I am not kidding about that either, so for me the first three chapters were the best.
I also think there should be an Alternate Universe tag on it... I don't know what do you guys think?

Now to the sugar!

I loved how you were able to write in first person without getting to sticky to the feel. Its not easy to write purely in first person without it feeling like you are reading a massive flash back journal entry. So kudos with that.

I also loved the beginning of the third chapter, why I loved the whole chapter. The part where Equus is walking through the ward listening to all the inpatients and how his mind is taking it all. Really well done mate, well done!

I also liked how you were able to tie some past events into current events, like how Her father came back to haunt her as a real solid form. It was touching having Rainbow Dash there in his limbo state before he came back to reality. Then the end where you had Pinkie receive Rainbows final message, that was a nice touch.

I am usually not a fan of shipping, but I can take it, but to all readers be warned.

There is allot of mature talk. Still safe for work because it never goes into detail, if it is NSFW let me know and I'll fix this, but I found nothing that was of the state. Just rather suggestive.

The Grammar was alright, I did not find very many mistakes.

I have to say I enjoyed the story quite a bit

First and foremost, thank you very much for the positive review. Yeah, I was thinking about putting an Alternate Universe tag on the story, but I figure Dashie's autopsy in the first chapter would lend a fairly big hint that this ain't The Hub.

I knew people would like the third chapter. I'm also happy you liked the scene where Equus used his tombstone stare.

If the story seemed less dark after the fourth chapter, I hoped the not-Dash brought some of it back. Heh-heh-heeehhh.

I'm also glad you liked the final touches to the story. Heck, I'm glad I was able to entertain you! I hope I'll be able to do again this year.

Again, thank you very much. I'll make Life an Adventure, don't worry.