Three hundred years since the fall of Equestria, fractured states stand in its place. Now as an old threat stirs Adagio Dazzle and five other mares must face one of the architects of Equestria's collapse.

Wow. Juggling reading a longer fic with trying (and probably failing) to pass exams seems to take quite a while. But, eh, I got there.

Summary

I'm not sure what to say about these summaries, it must be said. Indeed they are detailed enough to give a vague idea of the story's premise, without giving away too much information which would spoil the story. Kudos there, author. However, on the same note, both are also very slightly lacking in detail. We don't know much about this new world we find ourselves in at all, and it is as such that the reader enters the story feeling more than a little "left behind" in the lore department.

Plot

This was a pleasantly original take on the very overdone "alternate main six" trope. There is plenty of solid worldbuilding, and right from the get-go we get the impression that this version of Equestria is vastly different from the one we know. The portrayal of class-segregation among the nobles and the commoners was well shown, and really made the reading feel pleasantly like a modern take on "ye olde Equestria".

Furthermore, the plot takes a refreshing twist on the (also overdone) idea of the alternate cast fighting Nightmare Moon. Indeed, in this reality, we get a much more threatening villain who genuinely could pose a threat to the Heartlands—as the setting is dubbed—and this creates a much more tense and enjoyable plot. Mixed with the constant threat of other, more minor (but not to be underestimated) challenges, this story nailed its adventure tag.

But, as with many a story, it is not all good. As mentioned before, the first-time reader does not know much (at all, in fact) about why the original Equestria fell, and it is a struggle to catch up to this new land without enough clues to help us along. The story attempts to help us understand in the first few chapters, and I will admit that the world building helps a lot in doing so—but at a rather great cost. That cost is the reader's immersion in the tale.

This story struggles with pacing, I would say. The reader enters this fic hoping for an epic tale of adventure, and while this is met quite well later on, getting to the juicy bits is something of a chore. Though the new world was very intriguing, I struggled to read the first few chapters and had to force myself to do so, knowing that I had a review to write for it. Had I not taken this challenge on, perhaps I would not have gotten to the later chapters where the story really began to shine. Because, as is so often the case, this started slowly. Though it set up the world nicely and hinted at numerous possibilities for plot points down the line, it honestly was dragged out too far by a few thousand words. The reader, at this stage, is not going to be particularly interested in Adagio's every debt and woe. We are not yet invested enough in her as a pony to worry about the troubles she is having with money, and as such a lot of the first scenes were redundant. This was somewhat fixed in the second chapter, by which point we are beginning to get a sense for her as a mare and things are starting to get interesting, slowly, with the first hints of a minor crisis creeping in. After that point, the pacing improves very rapidly. But that first chapter severely lets the rest story down and, as mentioned, could probably do with slight condensing in some places.

Characters

I struggle to decide what to think about these characters. It is, indeed, a strange setup for an AU. We have established canon characters who are thrown into an alternate world, and while this is done reasonably well and while each is well developed, I found it hard at times—especially at the start of this—to see their original characters past the new versions. In many ways, it could be written as an original character story.

The sirens are ponified in this, but show none of their original desires. Such is natural, I suppose—they're portrayed as ponies now, so have no need to feed as they did before—but it is jarring to begin with as we try to get used to the idea of Adagio Dazzle being... relatively nice? Furthermore, the reader has to take great care in reading this to fully appreciate the portrayal of the characters as the author intended. So easy is it to imagine Adagio being evil, and the fact that Aria and Sonata are completely unrelated to her is also a bit odd.

But, in fairness, this issue doesn't last the whole time. As we get further into the story, the characters are shown to take their own paths more and more so that they are, by the 50,000 word mark, almost like seperate entitites from the ponies we previously knew. There are nice hints to their original natures—Adagio's singing spells, for example, were very inventive—but not so much that they can get confused with their canon portrayal.

There is one thing, however, which severely bugs me, even up to the 50,000 word mark. Queen Chrysalis and King Sombra rule the heartlands, and do so in such a manner that they are revered as Celestia and Luna are in the show. Unless I have missed it, however, there has been no solid explanation as to why this is. Maybe to some it seems a minor detail, but for me personally it was an initial intrigue which was dragged out too long so that by this point, the lack of knowledge is less of a hook and more of a frustration. Chrysalis and Sombra are innately bad ponies; for them to be so reformed that they could take over a nation and rule in harmony together? It's a hard fact to swallow, so I would suggest dropping a few more hints throughout the story—or make the existing ones, if they are there, slightly more obvious.

SPAG and Formatting

Though not bad, this is perhaps one of the points which prevents me from giving this story a masterpiece status (though, of course, the facts above still stand). Every story is expected to have flaws, it is true, however this one is in need of an editor to live to its full potential. There aren't any massive, glaring issues, but small things—incorrect sentence structure at times, coupled with small typos here and there (specifically "it's vs its")—detract from the tale slightly over time. It's not enough to ruin the flow, really, but it was frequent enough to be obvious.

Overall Impression

This was a pretty enjoyable read, if you like adventure AUs as I do. I must warn, it does get very bleak and things look quite hopeless for large periods of time, and for many readers—especially on this site—that can be a big issue. The worldbuilding looks solid, though, and the characters become well developed individuals after a little while. All in all, if you are looking for something to pass a few hours with, this would do in a pinch.

Thanks for the review Aeluna! I really appreciate your honest feedback.

Good, detailed review here.

5960912

Quite welcome. It was a pretty good AU, especially considering the holes which you dug yourself with the character choices.

5962925

But digging my way out of the holes is half the fun of AUs!

5963047

True, dat. I should know, even if I usually end up still in said hole xD