Opacare Prose had it all. He was an accomplished writer, noted storyteller, and acclaimed novelist. He had fame and fortune at his beck and call, and it seemed that no other stallion was so well off.

So when he mysteriously vanishes off the face of Equestria with no warning, it comes as a shock for the nation. His disappearance sparks an uproar of panic and confusion. Ponies and cities alike are put on the watch, looking for him endlessly...

As this is going on, an enigmatic, new pony suddenly arrives in Ponyville. His clothing and belongings look like they've been in several fights, and he looks ready to pass out. However, when ponies question where he came from, he refuses to answer. It seems he has a secret, a dark one, eliciting suspicion against him. He secludes himself at the edge of town, seemingly hiding away from civilization...

The Cutie Mark Crusaders are intrigued, and set off to somehow break through that stallion's cold exterior. Yet, they will inadvertently embark on their own, grand tale, filled with mystery, intrigue, and a troubled past. Will they manage to make it through and understand just who this mysterious stallion is; and what he is hiding?

I'm really looking forward to emptying our review list. Those stories have been in there for so long, I can never tell when a mistake I need to highlight is something the author has already fixed in their following stories. No one wants to be judged for something they did over a year ago when they kept working and improving on their own all that time.

Case in point: this story has one fatal flaw in it, one serious gap of logic that killed my interest in reading any more of it after the first five chapters.

The long description sets the scene pretty well. A celebrated author vanishes without a trace, and so many ponies all over Equestria love his work so much they all search for him. I have a few quibbles with this--the city of Manehattan sweeping their perimeter with friggin' searchlights like they're looking for an escaped prisoner instead of a grown stallion who decided to take a trip of his own volition, for instance--but this disappearance was supposed to be shocking for everypony. Cool. I get that. And everyone is appropriately surprised by this development.

The problem is that no one knows what he looks like.

When I say no one knows what he looks like, I mean no one knows. The police don't know, and they even searched his apartment. The cleaning crew of the apartment building doesn't know. His books don't even have his picture printed on their covers.

Here's the fatal flaw: not a single pony realizes this until the Cutie Mark Crusaders point it out. And not just the CMC, but Fluttershy's animal friends realize this off page, and she rushes to ask Twilight what they should do. Kids and small, furry woodland creatures were smarter than the entire nation of Equestria. The story outright says that the Royal Sisters were notified of the disappearance, and the search was still begun across the land. The oldest and wisest beings in canon did not see this obvious flaw in the plan.

That can't happen. I could buy a pony or two making that oversight. Maybe the police were overzealous and panicky and ordered a search before they found a photograph. But for the police to notify the mayor, and the mayor the Royal Sisters (a process spelled out just like that in the story itself), and for the Sisters to pass that along to every other mayor--plus Twilight in Ponyville--to put police and citizens from coast to coast, from Canterlot to the buffalo in the Appleloosan desert and Steven Magnet in the Everfree Forest, and no one in that chain paused for the briefest moment of thought? I was left pondering those events like one might ponder a meat toboggan.

I just couldn't take the story seriously after this. The author certainly added several interesting plot threads: some shady ponies in Manehattan looking for the author as well, the revelation that the author dodged Equestria law somehow by keeping his picture out of his books, and the mysterious contents in the bag of the strange stallion that makes it to Ponyville. I can tell there's a grand vision at play here. Considering Chapter One, the story could even offer insightful commentary on the idea of fame. The story's plan may be sound, but the with the execution stumbling so much almost right from the start, I just lost any desire to see it play out.

Chapter Five ends with the main character, the strange stallion who I'm almost certain is the author in disguise, acting like he's the smartest guy in the world:

Then, Dusk grinned. But it was different. Instead of mocking, or cynical, it seemed to have smidge of warmth, like he had just finished a satisfying game. “Very well, Doctor Irons. I’ll stay until I am allowed to go.” His voice didn’t sound like a stallion who had lost an argument; no, it sounded more like a gamer who had lost the level but won the game.

...

Once they were gone, Prosa let out a slow breath. That was close. Nearly gave myself away in all that. Good thing I’m a master at this game. He frowned. But, I fear that this game I play will be my last.

And he may very well be smart. But he's coming off as the smartest guy in a nation of fools. The big picture didn't make sense, so why should I trust the little details?

So. That's the big problem. The only other one I saw was semicolon abuse. There's an awful lot of them, and not all of them used correctly. Some phrases they joined together weren't independent clauses, full colons might have been better for others, and just simple commas would have worked for some as well. This is a minor thing compared to what I said above, but I don't recall another story having quite this many semicolons before.

Other than that, the story was solid grammatically. I just couldn't wrap my head around the content.