--LINK--

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The first thing of note to me is that this story , or at least this opening chapter is written in first person perspective. Stylistically there's nothing wrong with that, though as most (if not all) Lunaverse fic are written in third person it is a little jarring. Not really a concern in regard to canonicity, but still perhaps something worth mentioning to the author.

Other than that I think the fic is off to a promising start, though could use some edits here and there to bring it further in line. Notably if Luna herself is taking the time to recruit Zizannie in person I think she should make it more clear outset that the terms of this of are entirely non-negotiable -- the princess should not even for a moment indulge in the petty "conditions" of an incarcerated criminal, at least not unless there is a world ending crisis at stake. Furthermore I'm not sure Luna should accompany Zizannie onto the train carriage -- making the offer in person is all well and good, but afterwards it might do better to turn Zizannie directly over to a Shadowbolt handler for briefing, though perhaps said handler might initially pretend to be an ordinary guard escort while "testing" Ziz.

Additionally, I also have concerns in regards to Zizzani's cutie mark story as it is generally implied that young ponies earn them during pre-adolescence, so the idea of a full grown mare already employed as an actress not yet having hers rather incongruous -- though I suppose she could just be lying, but that should probably be made more clear even if it's only over the course of subsequent chapters by having her make up more fake backstories Joker-style.

Anyway, as the fic currently stands, I think my vote would have to be for non-canon fanfiction, but there is some promising material here. So if the author were willing to address my above concerns, I think this could be a good addition as a semi-canon tie-in.

I vote for non-canon fanfiction. Setting aside the serious grammar and spelling issues, the character's personalities aren't right--Luna in particular seems very 'off' here, giving in way too easily to Ziz's demands, and Ziz also acts way too incautiously for someone who knows she has no real power--and the pacing is all off. Also, I don't think there's enough here to evaluate the story in terms of canonicity yet--I'd at least want to know what missions Ziz will be going on.

I vote fanfic.

Also I'll put in a vote for fanfic, for reasons you two already expounded upon.

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3876725
3876743 Yeah I don't think it works in its current form. Reworking the grammar and syntax would help, possibly shifting to a third person view could work... I'm not sure we're ready to be in Zizanie's head just yet. Plus it feels too early to really decide.

I like the idea that her Cutie Mark story would be a lie, because in my own head she was trained by her father.

There's an interesting idea there for sure. I'm sure our readers wouldn't mind some side stories about the Shadowbolts.

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So baring IAH making some compelling argument I think we have preliminary decision here. So in the interest of expedience (LightSpeed has already been waiting a week) shall I pass the current list of suggestions on to LightSpeed so that he can decide whether or not he's willing to make any of the revisions? Also, does anyone have anything further to add in that regard?

3878831
Sure, pass the message along. And I don't have anything more to add, no.