Hey! So after a long hiatus, we are back! We (Infinitive Evil) have reviewed a load of fics for you, so we'll get right to it. This month the following stories are being reviewed:
Fillyhood Memories: Fluttershy by our benevolent leader
The Mysterious Box of Harmony by Riffmaster
Rain of Tears by Silver Melodies
Goatse in Equestria by Pastor Pulp
Age Turned by Pen Brush
The Following Story Has Been Discontinued by Fillyphil
The Sun Never Rose by Ekluvstuff
and
UNREAL: United Nations REcon & AssauLT team by Zorphius
Yeah, this is going to be a long one. Now, give it up for the amazing Infinite Evil who literally wrote all but two of the reviews, because he's an amazing guy like that, or maybe he's plotting something. I'm sure it's nothing to worry about.
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I feel like maybe I should do another review for the month of February. It's been a while and I've been busy with calculus punching me in the face. However, I finally have some free time and the four many people of our group will probably take notice of my very serious opinion of fanfics. Right, let me check the calender first just to make sure that I'm not too late.

*proceeds to check calendar

It's the middle of April.

In my defense, integrals suck you into their never ending void until spring break finally rolls around and you are liberated by it for a week unless you count the fact that your calculus teacher gave you a packet of a week of homework, then in that case you return to the infamous void but it doesn't rip you atom by atom and I'm speaking nonsense now. Perfect. Just what these people needed.

Regardless, I have to provide three months which means a metric fuckton of reviews. Hang on tight ladies and gents, this shit is going to take a while.

(The reviewers have this master list of fics to read from because of high priority or some shit like that. For the purposes of this review today, I told that list to go fuck itself and instead went through the archives here. Why? Well, first off, the list doesn't provide an actual link and just the title, which can be hard to operate off of; and I've read a bit from the archives, making it faster to just get it directly from here. Sorry creator of master list, but this isn't personal. I just don't have the time to go through the list.)

Round one features me foolishly tackling our benevolent leader on his fic, Fillyhood Memories: Fluttershy.

We all know the shy and innocent Fluttershy who has insecurities in every aspect of her life. But where does those problems stem from and how did they come to create who she is now.

I'm going to be honest here: this doesn't have much going for it. First off, it's only one chapter and it's a relatively short chapter at that. Now for me, that's actually perfect for a story but for some of the people who read a lot more than me, it could be a problem. I'm sorry that I can only read less than 5k words in an hour while the rest of the world can read 10k+ words in even less time, but that's how I am! A pathetically slow reader!

Right. Sorry Joesph, but the fact that these people can read a mile more of words kinda makes me feel bad.

But enough about me feeling bad for myself. That's what I'm supposed to do in chemistry class! Returning to the topic at hand, the second thing this fic has against it is what it is actually about. From the summary above (with a grammar error at the end mind you), you can tell that this is a story about Fluttershy's youth and the sad tag tells you it ain't a happy youth at that. Now, I'm not against these kinds of fics. I don't usually read them, but I read this one anyhow. With that in mind, the following is probably going to cause my overlord to banish me to the outer borders of Los Santos.

Here it goes (time to prepare for the lightning stike):

The story's a bit generic in general.

I'm sorry. Could you not hear that? I'll say it a bit louder. This stroy has generic going out the ass.

Are you deaf or something? I guess my demise is inevitable anyhow. I think this story is just a tad bit generic.

OH SHIT, HERE HE COMES!!! PLEASE FORGIVE ME OVERLORD!!!

...

Huh. I lived. I LIVED! HOORAY! THE WORLD STILL HAS TO SUFFER MY EXISTENCE!!!

Enough celebrating. Let me continue before I get horribly murdered by the overlord.

I'm sorry, but there's nothing too new about this fic. The first chapter is relatively short and all it really contains is Fluttershy doing the usual expositional opening and then finally actually telling us about her youth. She tells us about Flight Camp, where she was teased and bullied by the others and then she meets Rainbow Dash and then it gets to that part where Rainbow Dash does her racing where she gets her cutie mark and Fluttershy is being confident and shit about flag waving. End chapter.

That wasn't a nice description, was it? Still waiting for that lightning strike.

This fic isn't all bad though. For starters, it can actually be coherently read and it's written pretty decently for the most part. It didn't really get me sad but then again, I'm heartless. I'm like the chick Kanye West talks about in that one song.

This fic mostly suffers from the fact that it's so short. It doesn't allow itself to escape from the cage of generic that it has found itself in. Until the fic is actually complete, I can't give it a score for certain. However, I wouldn't condemn it to the bees. It was alright; what do you want from me? If you want something short and somewhat sad, then knock yourself out. But don't come back to me complaining about you wanting more. Complain to our overlord.

Round two goes to The Mysterious Box of Harmony by Riffmaster.

The Elements of Harmony finally find all the keys to the mysterious box. Together, they open it to reveal the treasures inside.
Really, it's not too much.

This story is about what's in the box. What they find inside pleases none of them, except Pinkie.

I liked this one mainly because it has two of my favorite tags on it: Comedy and Random. Again, it's relatively short but it doesn't suffer the same problem as the previous fic mainly because it's actually completed. I do like that this story is silly and you know what? That's okay. Stories don't have to be this massive, emotional, dramatic, action packed epics. In fact, I avoid the epics mainly because I don't have the time to give them attention. I say that yet I've watched up to season 3 of Downton Abbey. How hypocritical.

She really isn't though.

I can't really think of much to say about this fic that's bad. The only real thing is that I wished it could have been a bit longer. Maybe another 1k words would have been nice, but again, since this is a short silly fic, it does the job anyways.

Pros:
-short
-silly
-nice quick thing to read

Cons:
-maybe a bit too short

8.5/10

Sorry about the shorter review, but I couldn't really find much wrong with it. You'll have to hear my bitching some other time.

Round three goes to that fic in the corner, Rain of Tears by Silver Melodies.

Scootaloo goes to get Rainbow Dash a gift, but in the storm she loses her way and needs a savior. Her gift is made even more precious by the following events.
We will risk it all for those we love. Nothing can stop us, and nothing can break our bonds we form with our loved ones.
Not even death.

Ah yes. Another sad fic. Not just sad but Tragedy as well. Better get some mood music on.

Wait, I can't read this fic to this. Mainly because it requires me to pay attention to the lyrics and keeping me from fully paying attention to the fic, but it's also a tad bit inappropriate for this fic.

Right, let me find something more less lyric heavy and less inappropriate.

Shit, this works perfectly. Now that the perfect mood music has been found, let me actually discuss this story.

This story is a tragedy and my policy with spoilers is: If someone dies before 30 minutes of a movie, it isn't a spoiler; it's a plot point. This is why I feel no remorse when I tell everyone that IN THE LAST OF US, JOEL'S DAUGHTER DIES IN THE BEGINNING!!!

That got someone mad for some dumb reason. Whatever. I don't care. It's seriously a plot point later on in the game though.

The one person's reaction to the spoiler. Well fuck.

Returning to the actual fic itself, the one thing I will give this fic is that it genuinely made me sad. Not bad. However, I have to counter that compliment with the fact that the story feels kinda rushed. It goes from doomed character doing shit that matters later, said character suffering, character going to die, final moments, death and aftermath in about 2k words. That's not a good thing. Hell, I would have been okay if this fic were longer. The emotions didn't really stick in that deep in the tiny amount of time it was given. It's sad, but not as sad as I would like it to be.

Word wise, this story is pretty well written. The emotion gets put in you enough for you to feel it, but not enough to make me cry motherfucking Niagara Falls. I didn't find many errors and if I did, they didn't take too much away from the story experience.

I've realized that I haven't really entered nitpicky mode until now. Time to fix that.

About half of the summary is a bit unneccesary. The first half pretty much tells you all you need to know about this story while the second half is there for... what again?

I don't know. I guess the writer had an emotional thing while they wrote this and decided to add that bit into the summary. I don't really understand why it's there, but it's there and I can't really do anything about it.

I've gone through most of the main things so since this story is completed, time for a conclusion!

Pros:
-emotional enough to make me sad
-well written

Cons:
-not too emotional however
-a bit short
-rushed

8/10

It's sad and it's sweet and it's complete, something about my clothes. Okay, the sweet thing is a complete lie, but I'll give you awesome points for knowing what I just referenced.

Round four belongs to a, um, how do we say this polietly? To a rather peculiar fic. I present (get ready for this shit. No seriously, fucking prepare.) the fic that is Goatse in Equestria by Pastor Pulp.

Kirk Johnson's gaping butthole engulfs Ponyville.

I don't really know what to say about this one. It's um... well... uh...

Hold on for a bit. I need to assess how to tackle this one.

I think I managed to figure this one out. Right then. Time to continue the review.

This is a fic that is not taking itself seriously whatsoever. I'm pretty sure that this is also a trollfic. The entire premise is literally someone's asshole engulfs all of Equestria. The one thing I will give it is that it realizes that its premise is completely stupid and it relishes in this fact. It knows its stupid and it plans to make sure that it remains stupid. If you wanted something serious and dramatic, this fic is telling you to go fuck off because it's delivering something that is the complete, polar opposite.

This fic is a complete waste of time and you're better off not reading it. For this, I quite liked it a lot.

The only other thing I can think of about this fic is that at the very least, it's written pretty decently. No real grammar or spelling errors have been found in it and I've been able to fully enjoy the stupidity it delivers.

I ran out of things to talk about mainly because this thing is so stupid, it can't be properly reviewed. I'll just wrap up everything I've said.

Pros:
-written well
-knows it's stupid

Cons:
-complete and utter waste of your time

8.5/10

Why is it such a high score? Because for what it was, a stupid fic with no point to it whatsoever, I enjoyed it. It gave me a quick laugh and I was able to get through it quickly. If you are a so called intellectual who enjoys the finer things in literature, go fuck yourself. Return to your spot of dramatic and emotional 500k+ word epics. We don't want your kind here.

Simmering down from that last round, I give you Age Turned by the lovely decent pretty cool guy fuck adjectives, I'm the only one who gets an adjective in their username writer known as Pen Brush.

What did he ever do to deserve this? All he did was go around and explore the ancient city of Roam. He didn't think that someone was going to hit him with some random spell that turned him into, well, this! And the TARDIS isn't cooperating. Perfect. Just perfect. Maybe someone will believe that the little colt in front of them is actually a 1100 year old Time Lord and help him get back to normal.

A bit of self-glorification from me but I actually typed up that description mainly because the author said in one of her blogs that she couldn't come up with one and asked for help. Since writing descriptions is one of the few things I'm not completely terrible at, I tried my hand at it and after several minutes of her not telling me the premise, she told me the premise and I typed this thing up. Several days later, she published the story and I saw my work helping others. I felt good that I could actually help someone.

But enough about me not being modest. That's what this review is for. Time to do what I do best: either praise this story or rip it a new hole.

TL;DR: the Doctor regenerates into a kid and he has to deal with it.

I'm not too big of a fan when it comes to cute. If I wanted cute, I'd go to reddit for my needs. Reddit does provide my actual needs, but those needs are mostly perverted. In any case, I decided to give this a chance mainly because I helped do something with it and I wanted to actually see the end result since the premise had potential as something amusing.

I can't really say anything about this fic as a finished product. Like our dear leader's fic, this fic suffers from the same problem from being incomplete. It has a small benefit to being a bit longer, but the problem remains. Due to this, I can't give it a final score but I can tell you of what it currently is at the moment.

The beginning was actually a bit confusing for me. It's supposed to begin with the Doctor visiting ancient Rome and dicking around like he usually does. However, he gets attacked or something like that and he retreats to his TARDIS. It starts acting abnormally and the Doctor regenerates before the TARDIS swiftly kicks him out and leaves him. That entire section was very confusing but I sorta got what the situation was afterwards.

The Doctor finds himself to be a colt and he is upset at it. The school is nearby and Cheerilee takes him there thinking that she's one of his students. He goes to school and tries to deal with it. Before long, school ends and he decides to go to Twilight for help.

Now, there's one very important plot point this story circles around that I believe actually makes it suffer a bit. If you don't watch Doctor Who, then why are you reading that fic? Skip ahead to the next review. However, if you're still sticking around, an important thing you should know is that whenever the Doctor and his companions go around to alien planets and foreign countries, they get around the language barrier with the TARDIS since it can basically translate the languages for both the Doctor and companions and the alien people because science! Point is TARDIS gets around language barrier and allows seamless communication.

Now, remember earlier when I mentioned that the TARDIS left? Yeah, without the TARDIS, the Doctor can't talk to the people around him. This means that all the ponies are speaking to gibberish to him and vice versa.

I feel that the story suffers because of this. Sure, it can be silly to see the Doctor try and speak to Twilight only to utter nonsense to her, but I feel it would be better to have the communication actually active. That way, not only can the Doctor actually bitch about being a colt to everyone in an amusing way, but it would allow the story to go more smoothly. Hopefully the communication will be restored until then, but that's my main plot conflict at the moment.

From a grammar standpoint, pretty decent. Not the greatest but again, still readable and I'm still able to enjoy it.

We've gone an entire minute without a gif. We can't have that now can we?

Don't worry Rory, you were cool in the beginning of the episode.

Here's another gif explaining why Rory Williams is awesome:

That's enough useless gifs for the moment. Back to the review.

Last time I reviewed this particular author's work, I did some needless nitpicking. I'm going to do that just now.

When this fic was first published, the cover picture was radically different from the one right now.

Before:

After:

Can you see the difference between the two? I sure can.

This story is supposed to be silly and cute and funny. The first cover nails silly and cute dead on. However, the second one is not any of that at all. It makes the story appear that it's sad and depressing; not silly nor cute. I don't understand why the author decided to change the covers when the first one worked perfectly with the tone of the story, but I suppose she has her reasons. I'm not saying it's a bad cover; it's just a cover that doesn't fit.

Despite the misleading cover photo, this story is an amusing, cute, and quick read. The beginning is a bit confusing but once you get past it and you finally fully see that the Doctor is a colt, it's a nice little fic to enjoy. The plot point of lack of communication hurts it more than it should, but I suppose it's alright. However, I'd like there to be actual coherent communication between the Doctor and the outside world.

In case the author doesn't like what I said about her fic:

Ending this nonsense that you people call "critical review" is honorably given to the fic The Following Story Has Been Discontinued by Fillyphil.

"This is a story about Twiddle and his bad night." Erm... It's straight to the point, but I think I can be a little more thoughtful than that. Let's start again.
"We all have been there, on the cusp of giving up on everything you've ever worked for." Err -no. I really don't want to appear preachy nor make too broad of assumptions either. It shouldn't be so obvious -it should be subtle, portraying a meaningful emotion and moral without ever actually saying it outright. Just try one more time.
"Down under the the stolid stars gazing upon the earth, beneath the smokestacks and thatch roofs, Twiddle sat at his-" no, no, no; this isn't right either. I mean, sure it is an omniscient narrator like it should, but... I don't know, it's nice but it just doesn't fit in with the feel quite right. Ugh.
Okay, focus. The summary needs to reflect the story in a brief selection, so what is this story? Oh Celestia, is it bad that I don't know?

I loved this fic and I'm going to tell you right now to go read it. Why? Well, that's what the rest of this space is for.

Now, my tastes conflict severely with this fic. It's 7k words long, it has the Sad tag and it purely has an OC for the character tag. All of these are red flags to me and it would have gotten the nope'd the fuck out of had it not lured me in with it's short description.

This would have been my usual reaction.

See, I usually operate off of my ipod mainly because my laptop has been dead for months and the other computer in the house is usually occupied by one of my brothers. Mobile Fimfiction lacks a feature box (which is why I haven't read a featured fic in quite a while) and it only has the new fics and newly updated. Fortuantely, the new fics box is at the top and I don't have to scroll through ongoing fics I will never get into in order to get my fix. I saw this particular fic in the new fics box and the short description intrigued me.

The short description in esscence was this:

Okay, um. A short description for my story... Ugh, I can't think. I can never think when it matters most. Maybe I'm getting ahead of myself writing this description before the story's even finished.

A story that is meta about its short description? Now this I had to see for myself.

I already showed you the full description and if you couldn't tell, the author is unsure of what to type as their description. Even more meta. I had the time to get through that many words and so I buckled down and read.

If the description confused you on what the story was actually about, then I'll plain tell you. In short, an author is trying to write a story and is suffering severe insecurity about it and how others will react to it. He daydreams about his potential success, yells at himself for not writing a single page in the last several months, and is hating himself as an author.

The reason I liked this fic so much is because I can relate so much to it. I do daydream about being on the top 50 club and I hurt myself by doing that because upon realizing the reality that I will probably never get there, it hurts my self-esteem. I do have fics that I haven't written a single word in for months and yet I imagine myself as this bigshot writer, despite the fact that I haven't published another fic. I do have insecurities about my work and whether or not people will like it or not. The main character is just like me: an insecure writer who worries about what they write.

This is why I've never actually written anything serious. The only two fics I've published relish in how idiotic they are. One's about Twilight beating up Sonic Team and the other is about implied incest.

No, I did not mean to have shameless self promotion like that, but I suppose one thing led to another and here they are.

Other than the fact that I can very much relate to what the story is talking about, it is also very eloquently written. The struggle and insecurity of the main character are captured perfectly and the length is actually perfect. To the apparently normal "I can read a million words a day" reader on here, they'll be good with how long this fic is. The length gives the story enough time to express the struggles of the main character and their inner emotions.

There is very little bad that I can think of about this fic. The only real issue I can think of the actual topic of the fic itself. I've read a few comments that say that the topic of the fic, the struggles of the author, aren't actually a worthy topic for a fic. That isn't a worthy topic yet Fluttershy getting gangraped at the Crystal Empire is? Well then, I guess that tells me a lot of these people's priorities then.

Enough praising this fic. Let's round everything up.

Pros:
-eloquently written
-main character's emotions can be felt
-main topic is very relatable
-perfect length

Cons:
-main topic possibly not worthy of a fic

10/10

My god, I love this fic so much. It's written so well, but yet it doesn't receive the attention I believe it should deserve. Hell, I even told the author of this fic that they should seriously consider submitting it to one of those good fic groups, like Writing Gold or Twilight's Library. I have never done with any story I have read until I came across this one. I seriously recommend this fic to anyone who wants to read it. If you are an author like me, this fic will get you. Please go read it now and give it the attention it deserves.

Good lord, I sucked that last fic's dick a lot. Probably not good for my health to do that kind of shit, but I just love that fic so much.

Well, that's all from me. Good lord did that exhaust me. That was 6 fics I just reviewed. Good thing I didn't get lazy let this shit go on for longer. I think I might die if I did that and kids, from my experience, dying is never fun. I know because of motherfucking US History notes every weekend. Fortunately, we finished that shit and I am free the shackles of notes.

Until next time (hopefully, I won't be stuck forgetting like last time), this is Infinite Evil signing off of this metric fuckton of reviews.

Wow. SO that's a LOT. Sorry for those of you with old computers (such as myself) who are unable to view this thread without lag. We will get to this sooner next time, we insert name of mod other than Golden Skies promises.
Anyway, lastly we have myself, Golden Skies who wrote two reviews. Congrats on still reading this though for those of you that are.

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Right, so I've already done my intro, I'm Golden Skies and I'm unable to find good gifs worried about exploding this thread with gifs so my reviews will lack those for the most part. Anyway, let's just get right to it. First of, we have The Sun Never Rose by Ekluvstuff

Brief summary, this is a story where Celestia and Luna didn't reach the Tree of Harmony(?) first, and instead an original mane six found it first, thus making those six the rulers of Equestria. Then the elements are passed down generation to generation to 'chosen ones' since normal ponies can't live forever. ANYWAY, it's from Celestia's point of view and in the story she reflects on what could have happened if she had gotten there first like she was supposed with Luna.

So then, overall I actually liked the story. Granted it was a rather short reader, which I normally tend to dislike, but the pacing didn't make it seem rushed or hurried, but also didn't drag the story out forever either. I liked the concept which is rare for me when it come to these types of genre's where it's a 'what if...' sort of thing. They usually make me pretty queasy, but I didn't get that at all so for the .000001% of you out there like me, I'm telling you that this one's safe to read!

Seriously though, give this fic a read, it doesn't look as though it will be continued, but it's set up in a way that if you received permission from Ekluvstuff, you might be able to continue it. Then again what do I know?

Rating (based on similar things I have read as stated below, also keep in mind this is my own personal opinion...):
Compared to other Stories in the Same Genre: 7.4/10
Compared to Other Fics on this Site: 6.2/10
Compared to All Literature I have Read: 5.1/10
A number I like: 8.4

Lastly, we have:
UNREAL: United Nations REcon & AssauLT team by Zorphius

So a bit of background before we talk about the plot, I love the UN. I love doing Model United Nation and through that program I have denounced China's environment as the Swiss Federation, supported health care as the Islamic Republic of Pakistan, fought for the regulation of drugs as the Argentine Republic, and defended using child soldiers as the Republic of Rwanda. It's an interesting experience (especially that last one) and so when I saw a fan fiction involving the UN I was eager to read it. After reading it however I was... disappointed by the way it was portrayed. I generally try not to hate or dislike things, and let each be there own, and I honestly feel like (to say it kindly) a jerk saying this, but I honestly didn't like the story at all.

tl;dr Golden Skies loves UN, fic is not canon UN

I don't even really know how to summarize the story to be honest, far as I could tell the UN was highly shady about everything and was somehow a military organization, I guess. Look at the fic if you want a full description.

So the fic had quite a few problems with it (again I feel like a jerk pointing some of this stuff out). First of all, the UN doesn't have the authority to conduct secret mission, let alone tactical military operations. The UN is for peacekeeping and it's a highly public thing that can't have a shadowy secret police element. Second, the story line was all over the place. One second it was a briefing room at the UN, then the guy walks through a door and he's in his dad's lab. UN doesn't really carry out scientific experiments at its headquarters, or anywhere really (don't quote me on that). I suggest using page dividers in order to space out the fic more evenly or at least make it less jumpy. Finally, the story telling was a bit... bland. I personally wasn't able to connect to the character at all, and the general... tempo I guess you could say was just off putting.

Now, I'm not saying you should all go and dislike the fic or trash talk the author. I didn't down vote the story because it could be improved and I don't want to turn others away from it (although I suppose this review is sort of doing the opposite...). If you really want to help an author out, offer suggestions, PM and offer some polite criticism, heck even offer to help edit. I suppose this might make me a bit of a hypocrite then, but Zorphius, you're a great guy and an excellent part of this group, send me a PM and I'd be happy to help you however I can.

Rating (based on similar things I have read as stated below, also keep in mind this is my own personal opinion...):
Compared to other Stories in the Same Genre: N/A
Compared to Other Fics on this Site: 4.1/10
Compared to All Literature I have Read: 3.9/10
The Square Root of Four: 2

RIght, I have no idea where I'm going with this... I'll just get off my soap box and pretend that I'm not the guy writing the ending for this thread.

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Right, so that's all we have this month, (which was a ton) we will be back next month if you liked what we did here. PLEASE leave a comment letting us know what you thought. If any of you want to volunteer to help write reviews... that'd be great. Just send me a PM and we'll talk. If you want your story to be reviewed, place it in the appropriately marked folder in our stories... folder... thing... yeah... have a nice day.

3252668

give it up for the amazing Infinite Evil

maybe he's plotting something. I'm sure it's nothing to worry about.

3252668
Oh yes, trust me, the language barrier issue will be fixed. I have issues with that problem as well, and don't want to have to continually switch POV 's just for speech sometimes.

3259276 That's good to hear. The idea is amusing for a little bit but after a while, I'd like to see much smoother dialogue.

3259422
It will probably take...more then 7 chapters. As a few chapters are during the same time...

3259437

7 chapters

3259502
You know Vinyl? She be in it.

3259506 Yeah, I know Vinyl. That's sounds cool.