What do the blue and yellow ribbons mean?

Ooh... SO close to the pedestal. I have been bursting at the seams to fess up about the fact that I wrote 'Listen,' and very much enjoyed watching you all speculate. A few of you hunted down the evidence that it was me, seeing as how I left a comment on Skywriter's page asking permission to use his continuity. I just might have to revisit it later!

Also, a shout out to Morning Sun for writing a Hard Reset inspired entry! I was quite flattered.

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If you hover over them with your mouse, it says 'Participation ribbon.'

Congrats to winners, I didn't expect the first place finisher, but all of those near the top got above average from me so not completely surprising. I will say though I think some type of standard should be set for what the votes represent. Not to offend the author, but Quotes neither had anything to do with the prompt nor could be classified as a story, yet was rated higher than actual stories that, while did have problems, still stuck to the prompt and many got favorable reviews. That shouldn't be occurring if you want the results outside the top 10 to have any meaning.

3569887 Ah, but what is a story?

Feels good to have the most ribbons again. Eat my dust, PP.

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an account of imaginary or real people and events told for entertainment

3569886 So basically, ?

The first thing that struck me on seeing the results list was the number of ribbons down the left-hand side (as opposed to the blanks that come from a single author's multiple entries). We had 37 contestants, folks. Thirty-seven. The list of names I haven't seen in a writeoff before (having been here for four months) is amazing. I hope all of you stick around!

The contest was closely fought — not just at the top, but all the way down the line. There were 13 entries within a point of first place, and another 12 within two points. I don't think there's a story outside the Top 10 that couldn't have jumped halfway up the rankings if it had gotten the review feedback in this thread early and done some editing before submission. I hope this was educational, and I really hope all these stories get cleaned up and posted to FIMFic (expanded to 1,000 words, or added to minific collections). Don't forget, when you do, to add them to the Writeoff Association FIMFic group!

When I catch my breath, I'll post the cash-prize winners list and start contacting the authors for payment. In the meantime, I look forward to the post-contest discussion of reviews and explanations of your stories!

3569892 So why doesn't "Quotes" count? Sure, it's not a traditional narrative, but it is a story, albeit in my opinion a week one.

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If you can tell me who the story is about, then I will concede it to be a story.

Welp, cat's out of the bag now!

As you can see, I wrote four stories:

The Pony and the Phoenix

This was the first story I came up with for the contest. As I was writing it, I wasn't actually super enamored with it, but after I finished it, I realized that it was a lot better than I had been giving it credit for. I came up with the final two lines of this story first, and a lot of people commented that they were quite strong.

The phoenix was, in fact, intended to be Philomena, in order to lend his dying words extra weight (and irony, thus making them both famous last words in the literal sense of being the last words of a famous person, and famous last words in the ironic sense, of being something someone said that was later proven wrong), but fridge logic told me that, well, how would anyone know her name was Philomena later on down the line? Starswirl was dying here. I suppose one could argue they found her later...

Eh.

It ended up winning third place, and was the highest rated story of any new participant.

The Dying Words of Starswirl the Bearded

Whoever guessed I wrote Starswirl's name as a single word because it was so close to the word limit gave me too much credit; I just didn't realize it was supposed to be two words. Honestly, I like it better as one word; it looks more name-like to me for some reason.

I'm not really sure what there is to be said about this story other than that I screwed up with a very critical line originally; the repetition of the word "words" was unintentional, and the result of simple oversight. That has since been changed to "Clover the Clever said that his dying words were so profound, mere ink on paper could not convey them."

I have to admit to enjoying snarkiness a lot.

Fun fact: This story's first draft was exactly 750 words long.

It won sixth place.

Moving Heaven and Earth

Everyone said this story felt too short. I felt the same way. It was originally a few hundred words too long; the final scene went on considerably longer, and some of the setting stuff from both scenes had to be cut. In retrospect, someone noted that it would have been better if I had just cut the first scene and made the story entirely about the second scene, which might have been wise.

Bad Horse's comment about democracy surprised me a little bit, as the intention was that the Council was the most powerful unicorn wizards, who all had to band together to move the sun rather than any sort of democratic organization. That being said, I think this story was a victim of being shoved into the contest; it was what it was, but it needed more space to breathe and to make the council and archmage less cartoonishly evil.

I'm going to expand this story into a short story proper. And write the prequel event, of Celestia's first dawn. This won't be going up with the other stories I wrote for this contest. I have been intending to write these stories for ages.

This story bought me tenth place. Three stories in the top ten ain't too shabby, I think.

But wait, there's more!

Final Witness

This, too, was my story. As I noted, I like Granny Smith; she's a character who you can use to say all sorts of terrible things.

I've gotta admit that the ending of this story was... I'm not even sure how to feel about it even now. A couple people said that Granny Smith wasn't sad enough about the death of her son, and maybe that's so, but the intent was her being strong for her granddaughter - not to mention, I'm not really sure how sad people are supposed to be when people die, as I personally don't get all that sad, and certainly not for several days, and my family members are generally very good at dealing with death on a personal level. Some people said that they felt like the final line worked well. And Horizon said that there was no sign of concealed bitterness on her part over losing out on all those bits, which... well, I can see why that might have worked, but my goal wasn't for Granny Smith to be bitter, but to be forgiving of Applejack.

This story got me 13th place.

Almost all of my stories were surprisingly divisive; every one of them was cited by multiple people as one of their favorites, but I think all of them were disliked by several folks. PresentPerfect listed three of the four of them as his favorites, which did my ego no favors at all.

I ended up posting the stories here for future reference; I tweaked all of them slightly, but haven't made any major changes as of yet. I might yet alter Final Witness per some of the feedback I've gotten on it.

I also apparently have jumped to first place in the recent competition points standing. Who knew that writing three of the top ten and four of the top quartile stories would boost you so high?

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I think you're missing me; I have never put an entry into one of these before.

I got third place.

...And sixth place.

...And tenth place.

...And thirteenth place, though that puts me behind you.

3569934 See, given how many entries you put in and your general awesomeness, I just assumed you were a grizzled veteran. Consider that a compliment, I guess.

Woot, results! Time to say a bunch of stuff. I'm gonna break this down into three parts, each of which I'll handle bullet-point-style:

Thoughts on my story

-Every single fanfic contest I've ever entered, with exactly one exception, I've placed second or third in public voting. I'm nothing if not consistent, I guess.

- 3548480 3553837 3560130 3567914 3569207 I swear, I didn't set out to write a meta-story, it just sort of happened. It's not the first time it's happened either, come to think of it; I guess I just have a recursive mind.

-A general thank-you to all the reviewers (except Bad Horse, who commented on almost everything except my story... surely a coincidence, right?). It was nice to see that everyone seemed to enjoy it, and that I didn't, in fact, get too cutesy.

-On that note: PP, Pasco, I'm still looking forward to seeing what you have to say! Y'all are not forgotten.

-@ horizon, re. "Twi's message is undermined because the last line actually is important": I totally did not notice that until you pointed it out. When I clean this up, I think I'll rejigger the ending to make it clear that Twi is telling him not to worry about endings, specifically.

Thoughts on my comments (which are back here, by the way 3549545 )

-Because I breezed past one key line, I didn't realize that the clown in Laugh, Laugh had committed suicide (and thus, I didn't make the Robin Williams connection)--I assumed he had died of old age, long after his heyday, and that Pinkie was going to make sure he wasn't forgotten by the younger generation at the end. Author, I tell you frankly: the story I read was much stronger than the one you wrote. Leaving aside any Williams baggage, suicide carries much different connotations than death, and preserving a legacy takes on different tones in the wake of tragedy as opposed to in the face of the passage of time. Something to think about!

-Although I've read Hard Reset, it was a while back, and I didn't make the connection until other reviewers pointed it out. Sorry author, but this one didn't make sense without that grounding--as others have already suggested, compare to Listen for an example of how to do a fanfic set in another fanfic without alienating readers who aren't pre-aware of the connection.

-I didn't make the connection in The Once Lived a Princess, but I don't feel like that one was on me. When you're using a minor bit of fanon as the capstone of your story, you really need to explain it, so that readers like me who didn't know the prince and princess from the love poison episode even had fan names can follow along. Others may disagree, but I really don't think you can be too blunt with this one: I wanted the words "love poison" literally spoken in the story, to help me place this. At that point, It's 100% my fault if I can't remember a major plot element from one of the episodes and infer the rest.

-Apparently, I'm like the only person who got Daring Do and the Curse of Ahuizotl right away. I don't know what to tell you, author; the hints, the portents, and the reveal all felt perfect to me, but I'm clearly in the minority. I compensated by missing some other obvious things in other stories, I guess (see: suicide, Laugh, Laugh), but my personal reading experience was that there was exactly the right amount of suggestion here.

Thoughts on Authors and Rankings

-I had The Pony and the Phoenix as my only ten, and I had all of the top seven ranked 7+ (I think--I didn't write down my rankings, so now I can't double-check them), so it looks like I wasn't too far off everyone else in my idea of what the top fics were.

-The lowest-ranked story that I had as a favorite was The Steed of Theseus. That said, I don't really disagree with the low ranking--the writing on that one was rough, to the point of interfering with readability. Still, I loved how it gently played with Tyrantlestia in in a natural, believable way; morals do change over time, and an immortal either has to be able to change with the times, or else be... well, a tyrant. Celestia did what was not only acceptable, but normal and right... back then. That's an idea with a whole lot of potential.

-Let the record show that I'm not even a little surprised that neither Skywriter nor Eakin wrote the two fanfics-of-fanfics which were based on their stories. Like I said, seems tacky to me (for an author to do it of their own work, not for someone else to do it), and those are two untacky dudes right there.

...And that's about it! I had a great time reading all of these stories, and all of the comments on my and others' work, so thank you to both the authors and reviewers who contributed. I know that I read every single word written for and about this contest, and I'm sure I'm not the only one, and I loved every minute of it. Thank you all.

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You can pretty close with "25 Famous Last Words", but still fell just shy of what I did. I just copy and pasted this and said, "Now use the remaining 500 words to make this make sense." I originally had a link in the authors notes, but decided it was already obvious and someone would google it. Guess I should have left it in. Was intending it to be a quote find game to see if you could find all the quotes.

And to those who figured out the YOLO joke, thank you. So many people passed it up and I was sad. I started with the last line of the story being a YOLO joke, and worked backwards from there. It was also originally 1100 words long, so I had to cut quite a bit to fit the word length. Funny thing is I thought Build boards looked wrong so googled it, saw picture of billboards but it didn't show the spelling so just assumed I had done it right lol.

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Ah man, when I saw your name next to Listen, I was like "Man, if that's the case, I hope Skywriter wrote the Last Reset fic, just to mess with us."

Of course, instead he wrote Fall, which was certainly enjoyable and deserved fifth place.

This contest was very closely contested. Less than a point separating the top 12 entries, and less than a fifth of a point separating first from third,

I suppose I should actually read Skywriter's Cadance stories at some point.

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I was more surprised by what got second place; Final Resting Place was quite good, and I am not at all surprised that it did well, but I was expecting Listen to be in the top three, despite my personal lack of enthusiasm for it. I didn't really notice a lot of people really loving The Final Line, so was surprised by its placement. Then again, maybe I just had blinders on as I was looking too closely at how people liked or disliked my stories.

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I've been eyeing entering these for a while, so hopefully now that I've been given a sharp shove into doing so, maybe I'll actually do so on a regular basis from here on out.

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And TD's ego grew three sizes that day.

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Well, I liked it. It got a 10 from me.

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I was expecting Listen to be in the top three, despite my personal lack of enthusiasm for it.

I was the same. I ranked FRR in my 6 range. It was well written, but I didn't really care about the characters (other than Sisters Doo was never a fan of Daring Do). I thought Last Line was also well written, but it felt too much like many other spike stories. Like I said earlier, I rated some stories higher if they did something unique with the prompt or surprised me. I was surprised liquid pride was so far down the list seeing how it got mostly good reviews.

Well, the results are in, and I can finally give my reflections on the whole shebang. Firstly though, congratulations to the winners! I don't know if it normally comes down this close in these writeoffs, but boy was it. Wonderful jobs, all of you! Ya'll certainly deserve it.

Just to close off my involvement in this event, I'd like to share some detailed opinions about my own entry. If anyone's interested, here are my final thoughts!

Brother of Mine (6.19, 19th)

I ended up kicking myself harder and harder as the reviews for "Brother of Mine" started coming in. Almost unanimously, everyone seemed to have a problem with where it ends and the general lack of story/conflict. What I'm so upset with myself is that this could have been totally avoidable had I not had my head so firmly stuck in my own hubris.

Originally, I had planned this story to be almost entirely about Star Swirl and Scorpan's friendship. My primary inspiration was the fact that in the flashback bits of "Twilight's Kingdom", Scorpan chose to return to his homeland rather than stay in Equestria with his newly-made friends.

In the original draft of "Brother of Mine", Scorpan and Star Swirl continue to hold a conversation after Tirek's banishment. Basically, Scorpan, who has been shaken by Tirek's words, decides that he cannot stay in Equestria. Despite the pleads of Star Swirl and the Princesses along with his own desire to stay with his friends, Scorpan chooses to return to his homeland and attempt to right the wrongs he committed there. Only then, he decides, will he know for sure that he has truly changed for the better. The "famous last words" of this draft were Scorpan's promise to return to Equestria after his journey of self-rediscovery. The tragedy is that (as we all know) he never does return.

The ultimate issue with this draft was that it sat at nearly twice the word limit. After some frantic trimming, I had it down to 1100 words, but that was all I could do without seriously hurting the dialogue or the world-building. In the end, it came down to either axing most of the first scene or everything after Tirek's banishment. Fueled by equal parts of my love of world-building and my confidence in my ability to tell this story's message, I chose the latter. I simply thought that the mood/tone set-up was too important to lose.

Well, clearly that was not the right call. Chris was on the spot when he said that there was no conflict or actual story anymore. A couple of reviewers even said that knowledge of the eventual events of show cannon actually detracted from their experience of this story (the exact opposite of my original intentions ). In fact, the only reviewer who was somehow able to piece together the original message of the story was FanOfMostEverything (God bless you, sir). Nearly everyone wanted more inner turmoil , conflict, greater character interaction, or simply just "more." Which are precisely the things I decided to trim out. Horizon was right to give this a "Consistency" score of 0; the more I re-read my submission, the more I am utterly jarred by the abrupt ending.

Also, some readers pointed out my use of present tense. Basically, I was afraid that the far-past setting would alienate or bore readers when they figure out that this was all territory covered in show-cannon. I hoped that present tense would instill a greater sense of urgency and action. Another bad call, I guess.

In the end, though, I'm very glad to have participated. I've learned a lot from hearing from your reviews, and I want to thank all of you for taking the time to write them! I hope my own reviews have been equally helpful, and I want to say that it's been fun. I'm taking a lot away from this one, and I hope everyone else is too. Cheers!

Woo! I placed!

My only story qas Quotes. Consider my story a proof of concept, if nothing else. I seriously want to make it work, but I think I was too ambitious as some people had pointed out, and should narrow the timeline down.

I also want to thank those who found at least an inkling of a story there, and especially to those who reviewed for the first time. It's awful, isn't it? I hope to see you all again in future writeoffs.

Sadly, I didn't get around to doing reviews of all the fics, and I hadn't read and voted on them all either. My time simply didn't allow me. I may or may not complete reviewing them all in the future.

I know some people questioned my story's connection to the prompt, and I will vehemently defend that it answers the unasked question of what words one will be remembered for after they're gone, if I'm not lazy. Furthermore, I must admit I'm slightly disappointed by how critical some people seem to be of a story and its connection to the prompt. I'm not saying my score should've been higher (I'm surprised it isn't lower actually), but I really don't think some ulterior aspect should get in the way of the actual story at hand. Or maybe that's just me. I know I commented before (page 2?) on the topic. I seriously doubt anyone would submit a story to any contest if it wasn't somehow related to the prompt.

Now I'm on my phone, and FIMFiction is a bit of a bitch on mobile, not to mentikn I just woke up. Anyways, if Honeycomb is out there, I'd love to hear more about what you thought, since you seemed to have found my story interesting but you didn't appear to expand on that.

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The problem I would have had revisiting the Time Loop Trilogy for Queen Sparkle's last words is that, well, I've already written them. They're the capstone of an entire 150,000ish word trilogy; a 750-word minific isn't gonna top that.

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I think everyone and their brother agreed with that sentiment.

Plus you already WROTE the story about Queen Twilight Sparkle's last words.

It was pretty well received, from what I hear.

Wow, the result rankings I can get behind (although a fic here and there seemed criminally underrated IMHO, such as no one understanding the ending to Awful Rumors, please confirm 3569394 ) But more than the ranking, the scores seem quite brutal. The vast bulk of the scores fall into the 3.0-7.0 range, the winner didn't break 8.0 (not unprecedented), the 5 top controversial all have controversy scores over 2.5, etc. The main thing I take away from that is there was no slam-dunk. Opinions were varied. Different fics spoke to different people. Don't let the score or even the place necessarily get to you, because that's merely the mathematical average, not the full story.

Further, with an average score of 5.3ish, and a ton of the reviewers (self included) scoring approximately on a bell curve, a score of 5.0 isn't bad at all. That score is Average, and being average across this collection of authors is nothing to sneeze at. Moreso than the scores though, hopefully everyone found the feedback to be useful. It's my favorite part from the writer side (didn't have time to participate this round, blame alex) so while it might not be the "aha! this is the secret i need to excel as an author!" (especially with this divisive crowd) it hopefully at least gives you some food for thought.

Well, now that the authors are revealed, a bit more information (and answers) about my stories, in the order I’ve written them.

Epitaphs

This one started planning as a common “Twilight visits graves” story, though I was undecided about who would be in there; main candidates were Shining Armor and Star Swirl (which would have broken the barrier of half a dozen stories with him in a single event ). Then it morphed to Celestia and Luna, Cadance, and finally Discord. I’m not sure if visiting six graves in a minific was a good idea, though; too few words for each.

I’m not sure how many noticed (I attempted to be subtle, and I tend to be too subtle for my own good), but the hints that the narrator is Discord get progressively stronger as the minific goes; it starts with his way of speaking, then his random choices, keeping secrets just for the sake of it, the overblown emotional reaction to Fluttershy’s grave, being insincere with himself, how it took the element of honesty to unambiguously state that the mane 6 thought of him as a friend for him to accept it, and finally him flat out stating that he was a spirit of chaos previously. Judging by the reaction, I think in this I managed to achieve what I set out to do.

I’m not sure I was as successful with the post-apocalyptic hook; originally each grave was to have some mention of how the pony inside was a hero in the end, each in her own way, but size concerns made me remove this from almost every grave (except for Pinkie being known as Hope, and Fluttershy turning enemies into friends; I didn’t mean Manny there). I should have left Twilight’s heroic sacrifice in place, though, as it would have served to nail it down for everypony else. Luna’s double cutie mark did seem to achieve the effect I wanted, though I wish I had enough words to have left Discord also averting his eyes from the Solar Memorial that cut the Canterlot skyline.

The one part where I think I failed was the emotional content. It was supposed to show how Discord changed, but I didn’t do nearly enough with this, and I fear my inexperience had more to do with it than deadline or word count.

I also had to leave out almost completely Discord’s new role as the spirit of harmony; the only thing that barely remained was that he had a part to play in saving the world, and a typo slipped in there

And, final note: I can’t do deep. Not yet, at least. Though I tried to hedge it by hinting that Pinkie wrote her own epitaph as a joke based on her assumed nickname, and that Fluttershy was merely trying to reassure Discord that he was not evil.

The Bearded Geezer

This one falls prey to having a too elaborate setup for too small a fic. The idea behind the scenes was that Celestia had a number of hidden “tests” to find worthy candidates for her school, the fake tomb being one of them; this is why Trixie could get through the guard and to the tomb (they were supposed to let her pass), why the image didn’t appear for everypony (the magic in the doorway would only trigger it for unicorns with good magical potential), why it was a riddle that used what was supposed to be Star Swirl’s last words, why the tomb was full of fake items of power (not leaving with any of them was a test of the pony’s character, though the seemingly worthless hat and cape were free for the picking), and why Celestia was promptly there with an offer to enter her school.

The center piece of the action was that the last words about being humble were three times the answer; the password for the door, a hint to not pass the inner door with head held high (blatantly stolen from Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade), and a command to not take the (fake) items of power later. The joke, of course, was that Trixie passed the first test fair and square, but of the two she would have flunked one she passed by dumb luck and the other by having an unrelated skill.

The small scene at the end was supposed to tell this (and to show what would have happened if Trixie didn’t unwittingly dodge the magical trap, thanks to Celestia’s mental image of a robber sprawled outside).

But it had at least one grave edit error (Trixie was supposed to trigger the magical image by accidentally touching a particular engraving with her horn as she lay her head in despair), the trap in the middle wasn’t clear (I thought the Indiana Jones reference would make it clear, but I guess it only works for someone as addicted to the first movies as I am), and I had to keep the Celestia scene in the end so short it stood out like a sore thumb.

And I had to cut my favorite part; Trixie looking at the hat and cape and loving them, but thinking that the bells had to go.

Curious note: the working title for this one was “A Hatfull of Stars.” I discarded it because it was too close to the title of my Trixie fic in the previous Writeoff, and because it sounded too much like aping “A Hat Full of Sky.” The contrast would have been nice, though; in that book Tiffany finds that having an impressive hat is not needed to be great, while in my fic Trixie in the end thinks that having an impressive hat will help her be great.

And, incidentally, I think a tophat would have fixed many issues with this fic. It would have shown from the start that Trixie likes hats, having her refer to it as her magician hat would have further pointed at her personality and future, blowing it out of her head (and damaging it beyond repair) would have unambiguously shown the trap she avoided, and replacing it would have given a more solid reason for her to take the hat with the matching cape.

(Ah, and names; I didn't name the bearded geezer because I couldn't picture a filly Trixie naming him after already having given a nickname, and — from bearded and the starry hat and cape — I thought it was clear enough. Trixie would never be named from the start; I was going to describe her cutie mark, but it was cut out due to size.)

Caped Crusaders

This one was about the joke more than the CMC — and I now believe this was an error. I should have focused more on them, and — just as important — have them, rather than the Mane 6, face the villain in the end. I might have been able to pull this by having the Mane 6 cordon the area and merely prevent the villain from escaping, while the CMC disarm the villain as he is still stunned with the Mane 6 presence, to then have the villain surrender; oh, well.

(The joke, in case anyone didn’t get it, was about how villains tend to call victory ahead of time, only to be thwarted by the heroes; every villain in MLP suffered from this.)

I tried to keep a fair number of hints about the identity of the disguised Mane 6; the way they speak, how they behave, the colors they use as disguise (Applejack → Big Mac, Pinkie → Maud, Rainbow Dash → Daring Do, Twilight → Trixie, Rarity → Cadance, though I drew a blank for Fluttershy), Twilight being tall, and so on. Seems like I achieved mixed results in this also; I should have fit somewhere the CMC thanking the Mane 6 for their help.

The back story, which I don’t think I managed to convey, was that the CMC were following in the steps of the Mane 6 in fighting threats to Equestria (I tried to indicate that with “legends both old and new”; too little). That event was a trap to catch a villain that only attacked when he could secure hostages, so the Mane 6 pretended to be defenseless civilians and the CMC created a false press conference.

Also, no, they aren’t super heroes. The uniforms are, from a story point of view, just them aping the Wonderbolts, and from an author point of view just an excuse to not have to invent cutie marks.

You Had to Say It

This was just something I quickly whipped together to tell a single joke, but couldn’t come up with a way to justify Discord not using his power before the deadline.

Incidentally, if I were to write it now, I would have added a very short exchange to the start with Discord commemorating that he was out of the health bubble, Twilight asking if his power had already returned, and Discord telling that it was still on the fritz but he could sense things improving; and an “as you know” to when Discord is told that Fluttershy is away. Having a good in story explanation for Discord not having his powers would have done wonders to make this setup plausible.

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I would defend that there was a story to Quotes, in the sense that we do see the evolution of Equestria over the ages. We see hints of key events, e.g. a movement away from tribalist behavior into the unified race we see today. The underlying issue here is, if non-prose stories like Quotes should be allowed. As I mentioned in my review, I didn't see anything in the rules about requiring prose, and historically the issue has rarely/never come up before. So for this round, I didn't really ding it on those grounds (thought I did knock it a few points for the relatively weak ending). But it does raise the question, for future contests, if non-prose should be allowed. Quotes collections like this one? Poetry? Scripts? You're at least constrained to "a word count limit in American or British English" so that eliminates really goofy interpretations like word art.

EDIT: For that matter, what about vignettes, which are prose but where arguably there is not a traditional plot arc?

Thank you everyone for participating or just generally being awesome. I'd especially like to thank all the people who put a lot of work into giving feedback to the entrants. It's pretty rare that fanfiction gets discussion without the author getting involved, and I think that's a very valuable thing.* Thank you also to our corporate sponsors horizon, yamgoth, and PoniacDeville for providing tantalising cash prizes.

You guys make this thing a reality, and I love you all.

* Now I'll proceed to tell everyone how they are dumb dumbs and just didn't understand had salient thoughts on my pile of words cobbled together after midnight entry, Forging Harmony:

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The thing is, everything Serene says is right, and Celestia says some stupid and naive things.

That was, essentially, The Point of the story. Assuming that Celestia was, at some point, not Princess, by what means and by what right does she become Princess? She thinks that she can unite all the ponies and get them to live in peace, but by all accounts ponies are subject to the same vices we are. The incumbent ruler won't want to step down, and the people happy with the incumbent ruler aren't going to like change.

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A couple issues: first off, the very first sentence in the story contains a grammatical error. This is a big no no. Secondly, Serene “flicked her eyebrows off to one direction”, which… I’m not even sure what this is supposed to mean. I also felt that “Celestia’s steely countenance showed the slightest tremor of temper” wasn’t that great either.

Mein Gott, I had only a handful of sentences that were actual narration and you've called almost every one of them out individually.

I don't believe the first sentence to be grammatically incorrect. Without the absolute it's a very simple sentence. The absolute itself I'm not too sure on, but the second pronoun is certainly ambiguous. (Technically the "who" should be a "whom", but I intentionally opt not to use "whom" in narrative because I think it brings too much attention to itself.)

Flicking eyebrows... I tried doing this particular motion that I intended her doing in the mirror, and I felt that the movement of my eyebrows were the most notable part. You're directing someone to do something with as little movement of your face as possible. It's a small inclining of the head combined with the eyebrows being used to indicate to the servant "dispose of this sandwich".

I spent at least 15 minutes trying to get that expression right, and apparently I still couldn't make it clear.

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I, er, am not sure what Cadance has to do with any of this.

She's pushing for change because she sees ills in the world and thinks she can fix it all because she's The Chosen One, which she might be, but why should anyone believe her?

3569207

Villains continue to crop up, and hard choices made even once Celestia does take over.

And she doesn't even fix any of those problems when they show up. She gets her lackey (Twilight Sparkle) to do it for her. Some Princess.

3570112
Re: Cadance, I was conceding that alicorns were not born into the princess role. So if Cadance had rather irreverent jobs as a filly, I could wrap my head around young!Celestia doing non-princess duties as well. It's merely that, for a before-Princess-Celestia fic (since most of those have turmoil and this seemed likewise given the shenanigans that Serene was up to) "knight" invokes a very medieval, violent image, compared to for instance a "guard" like modern day Shining Armor. For how stoic and wise present-day Celestia is, a potentially violent prior job seemed surprising. In your defense, 1) violence was entirely a presumption on my part, and was not explicitly mentioned in the text. She could have been a knight in the sense of a protecting peacekeeper and 2) yours wasn't the only fic in this round that dealt with a Celestia who had mellowed with age.

3570138
Ah, okay. I think it's mostly a given that pre-NMM Celestia was much less "wise old wizard" and a little more cavalier, which lead to the whole NMM business. And you're right: the whole business with Cadance (and Princess Twilight to some extent) gives weight to the idea that being an alicorn isn't as revered as we used to think back in S1.

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Whatever, I still have more stuff than you. :V

Although I'm slightly concerned that Titanium Dragon was able to move into first place, and second overall, just on the basis of one contest. I mean, that's... I dunno if that's a good thing or not. :B Maybe it just means he's a good writer?

Anyway, I guess I don't care about the scoreboard, because otherwise I would stop doing minific contests. I always enter a lot, and they consistently do poorly (though 15/51 is nothing to sneeze at this time around), wrecking my score. I'm down to a 0 for recent, and dropped to 4th place overall, after a good... I dunno, I've been in second for quite a while. c.c Enjoy it, Titanium and Pav! The writeoff giveth and the writeoff taketh away!

Also, y'all need to lighten the fuck up. :B Writing an entire story in 750 words? Hard. Writing a joke is far easier, and I find these contests are perfect for getting rid of all the tiny, insignificant "there's no way I could stretch this to even 2k words" story ideas I have laying around. So you get stories about Scootaloo having too many parents and Dis Lee World. And you don't appreciate them. D:

Anyway, that means it's time to TALK ABOUT MY STORIES

Those Awful Rumors 'Round Town

I would like to thank Pav Fiera for being the only person to get this story. Obviously, we are both geniuses and should laugh heartily at the plebeians who surround us. Mnyes, ha HA ha, yeeees.

Yes, you were supposed to take the ending literally. Scootaloo did something (I don't even know what, though the Mirror Pool wasn't even on my mind at the time) and now she has too many parents. There are just mothers and fathers everywhere in her house.

For the record, I have never read Hard Reset, and I am rather irked that one person bringing that up seems to have destroyed any good will anyone else might have had toward the story. Granted, given the number of people who couldn't figure it out means that it wouldn't have done well anyway, but that seemed to be the one theory that most people picked up on, and it's just 100% false.

Unfortunately, I can't think of any way to make it clear that Scootaloo is not hallucinating/daydreaming/etc. Also, whoever pointed out that Sweetie having been over to her house before kind of destroys the ending: yeah, it kind of does. :( I hadn't thought of that. I might be able to shore it up with an explanation somewhere, but it'll probably be clunky. Oh well, it was a weird idea no one liked, it won me a thumbtack, moving on.

Laugh, Laugh

This one people did at least get. Yes, it was me venting emotion over Robin Williams's death. Coming into the contest, I knew I was going to write Awful Rumors no matter what happened (if you check the prompt list, you can see the section of four Scootaloo-themed prompts that were mine), and then Robin died, and I said, "I have to write this too." I decided to use Ponyacci because I figured ponifying Mr. Williams would be too on-the-nose, not to mention somewhat disrespectful. But getting Pinkie to feel some of the things I felt (admittedly, she deals with death better than I do) for someone else seemed like the right way to go about it.

I do want to address one criticism a lot of people brought up, that being the narrative voice. Pinkie in this is a good twenty years older, at least, than in the show. Maybe it's just headcanon, but I've always thought that Pinkie would slow down in her old age, while still retaining some of that spark and spirit. I tried to put in a few bits that would suggest that she was older, but I guess no one picked up on them? Anyway, I tried to be deliberate with a lot of her thought processes, making them still Pinkie while not too Pinkie. I actually had to Pinkie them up more than not.

Also, as for the letter, she's not really writing a friendship report in the middle. It's basically a metaphor for her thoughts. I guess that didn't work.

Oh, and no one mentioned this, but the ending? It's meant to imply Fluttershy's been dealing with depression recently, Pinkie hasn't been seeing her as much, and is taking what she learned from Ponyacci to go and be with her. Because, y'know, change is plot and something needed to change. Probably need more words for it.

And a Smile Means Friendship to Everyone

Yes, that's a line from It's a Small World. I'm sorry. I wrote this entirely to make fun of Gameloft's egregious misspelling of "de Lis", and I didn't expect anyone unfamiliar with the game to get it, hence the A/N. (I'm pleased one or two people did though!) I really need to stop writing stuff that borrows heavily from non-show things, since apparently no one pays attention to them. (Really though, that's more on you than me.)

Seriously though, I'm pretty sure it was for copyright reasons, but "Dis Lee" in French is pronounced "dee lay". It's retarded!

And now you all get to read my reviews! I probably haven't said anything that hasn't already been said, and I listed off my top favorites a few pages back.

Falling Apples: A nice little look at Cheerimac. (I still feel like that ship would never happen thanks to H&HD, but I guess that’s just me.) You do a good job showing them off as a couple. Not sure how I feel about Cheerilee baiting him into that old trap, but okay, it’s at least amusing as a punchline. I guess my only complaint besides “not a lot happens” is that I somehow missed the POV and was shocked by the second “I”. But then, I guess that’s my problem.

The Last Words of Star Swirl the Bearded: Well played. I like the highly academic tone of this, but really it all comes down to that punchline. I’m hoping that’s what many of these entries will turn out to be.

Love Thine Enemy: I’d imagine a pony named Tundra would be able to stay cool in a hot environment. Nice inversion at the end there, and a good use of the title. I didn’t get much of a feel for Tundra. Is he an old veteran? Some kind of advisor? As a scene, this works pretty well regardless.

25 Famous Last Words: Had a hard time following who was speaking. Also had a hard time figuring out what the point of this was. I mean, Twilight gets a concussion and says a bunch of goofy, out of character stuff, and that’s about all there is. So I’m really not sure what to make of it, other than it needs a good proofreading.

You Had to Say It: I guess Discord going through Feeling Pinkie Keen had to happen eventually, but I think it needs a bit more than 750 words to work out well. Characterization is a big problem in this, not to mention proofreading.

The Worst It Could Possibly Be: This is really too snarky to be Spike. I was honestly surprised at that reveal; I figured this would just be an OC. That said, the reveal of Pinkie being a changeling was handled fairly well. The way the just rolls right on through it makes it a definite comedic highlight. Ultimately, I don’t know what’s going on in that final scene, so I can’t figure out what the point was. Definitely needs a few more words.

Pinkie Pie Makes Brownies: Part of me is stuck on “are brownies technically pastries?” The rest is very disappointed that Pinkie dies at the end of this. I mean, it’s not the funniest story I’ve ever read, but some kind of actual punchline could have counted for a lot, and would have been preferable to what’s here instead.

Rain: There’s some word choice issues going on here that really obscure meaning in places, especially the first sentence. :/ This is also full of expository dialogue and neither Celestia nor Luna sounds like herself. And while I’m not a fan of war fics, I can definitely say that this doesn’t do enough to redeem Blueblood. I mean, why was he even in battle? Why was he in command of anything, on the field? Likely another story idea that needs more than a minific to be done justice.

Listen: I like the name “Sister Locquacious”, but since someone called me out on it once, I have to ask: why do ponies have an abbey? This setting seems very far removed from Equestria, though it does work for setting up something. Also, what’s a “Reduit”?

Moving Heaven and Earth: While the ending is wholly predictable, this was still a joy to see unfold. The conflict, and the bond between the two sisters, are both told excellently within the short span of words. That said, the writing could use some polish, especially in the first scene, and this certainly wouldn’t be hurt by some expansion. But for what it is, it definitely works.

The Last Line: Nice show commentary, not to mention writing advice. And there’s enough TwiSpike bonding to make this just a bit more than only that. Well done.

Half-Moon: This is a fairly condensed version of every fic I have ever read that had the same basic premise. As such, it doesn’t add anything to overall body of work. I felt the dialogue was a little off-base, too.

Disconsolate: I think you pulled off the “figure out yourself” ending fairly well, and I like Twilight’s helplessness at attending the funeral but having no other reason to be there. That said, this kind of rushes through everything it has to do, and I didn’t really feel like that was Twilight narrating. I was surprised at every reveal of who the narrator was.

The Bearded Geezer: Cute origin story. I do like that you didn’t go about explaining whose tomb she was at. The rhyme was a bit stretched, if you ask me.

It’s Liquid Pride: Oh, okay. I was going, “Wait, ‘liquid pride’ has nothing to do with tears of sorrow.” Okay then. ...Okay.

Eponalepsis: I feel myself stumbling blindly over the epic, pretentious fantasy names. I really couldn’t figure out what was going on. In a contest of few words, few words should be wasted on artifice.

The Shortest Possible Distance: A fun Harry Potter vibe to this. I will say I had some difficulty following what exactly was going on, but seeing Twilight science her way out of a magic puzzle was kind of fun.

The Pony and the Phoenix: The idea of Starswirl dying a failure, at least in his own eyes, has always been a powerful thing to me. I mean, that whole “he didn’t understand friendship” thing makes him a pretty tragic figure, and I think you’ve captured that with this. It’s a bit sappy, maybe, but as a look at his final moments, it works.

Brother of Mine: Making Scorpan Tirek’s brother really opened the door to stories like this, but I’m still mad he wasn’t in the episode more. >:( For being such a brief look into their relationship, this is pretty strong. I really heard Tirek’s voice.

A Moment of Clarity: Right in the feels, this one. Talk about tragic figures. Granny Smith’s questionable grasp on reality is usually played for laughs in the show, but this is the sad reality behind it. I do wish there was more to this, but, well, I guess that’s a vain hope.

Generations: Uh, okay. I honestly have nothing to say about this. Apologies.

The Darkfire Phoenix: Well, that was cool! The “she had a hotter fire” bit is kind of cheesy, but the titular monster is pretty awesome. This could easily be expanded into something publishable on Fimfic, I think. FYI, were I you, I’d change the title to “Twenty-Four Ways to Kill a Phoenix”.

Race the Sun: The bit in the middle about Lightning was pretty overwrought. There’s a lot of awkward phrasings in this that deflated my enjoyment of the story, plus it doesn’t really have enough buildup to make the not-quite-payoff worthwhile.

Once More With Feeling: I don’t get it. Is Twilight a changeling? There are a couple ways this seems to go, but I can’t figure out which one it is, and so it has pretty much no effect on me.

Lessons of the Heart: This doesn’t really impart anything on me beyond the show’s story, save that Twilight is terrified of Celestia, which I absolutely cannot believe.

Epitaphs: I’ve read this kind of story over and over, and this one doesn’t do anything new with the concept. Her finals words are a cheap play for emotion, and the rundown of what each pony meant to her/did with their life was dull. Plus, I noticed some editing errors.

Regrets: We never use transformation magic as punishment, Professor Moody. :| Beyond the fact that I can’t believe Twilight would do something so reckless to one of her friends, well… The Scootaloo scene was silly. And the rest wasn’t terribly funny. A good attempt, but I don’t feel like this really sells its main idea.

Humming Brew: Amusing, but weird. I feel like this banks a lot on Twilight being really careless toward Spike, which is sometimes funny, but in this case doesn’t have enough wordage to build itself up. Also having a hard time imagining popping bubbles humming, but that’s just me.

Sunset Rising: Can we please write stories about girls taking showers without having them look at themselves as well? Or, better yet, just skip over that part and write about something that’s both interesting and not driven by hormones. At least this is short enough you didn’t go into any detail. Beyond that souring me on the story from the get-go, this is kind of just Sunset learning the same lesson over again, only on a smaller scale. It doesn’t really appeal.

Why Pony Pants Were Invented: Okay, so, given those names, I have to assume this is trolling. Well, and I know it’s trolling given Rarity’s final line. Which is not to say it’s not funny; the last words in the story-within-a-story and the reaction to them are hysterical. I just have to wonder why?

Final Witness: I’ve seen stories about AJ beating herself up over her father’s death, but I think this one actually stands out a bit. It’s entirely because of why she’s specifically feeling guilty for what she did: not that she couldn’t save him, but that she wasn’t there for him when he died. Granny repeats herself at one point, but otherwise this is… Oh shit, I was not prepared for that ending. Fuck. Goddammit. Best troll since Nothing Gold Can Stay, tenouddaten.

Caped Crusaders: So wait, the CMCs grew up, became superheroes, and held a press conference with the mane cast disguised in the crowd to lure this guy out and capture him? That’s either brilliant or unbelievable. Anyway, I thought that this was them still as fillies, playing make-believe. There’s that quality to the dialogue in the first half. Not amazing, but certainly fun.

Spring Cleaning: Kind of your standard “Derpy best mom” story, but it’s pretty solid slice of life. Narration’s a bit shaky toward the top, but I rather liked this, and I tend not to go for stories like it.

The Steed of Theseus: Some writing issues can be easily read around, but multiple speakers in the same paragraph is not one of them. I had to work for this, in other words, and I don’t feel like it was worth it. This could maybe be a scene in a longer story, but being the focus of one doesn’t really do the idea any favors. I mean, it’s a good lesson for Twilight to hear, but there needs to be more than just that.

Quotes: This reminds me a lot of xTSGx’s Statistics, but it doesn’t work as well. The narrative thread through these quotes is weak (I kept asking myself, why were these specific quotes chosen for this piece?), but what I think is really lacking is historical context. Only a few of these names come from the show, and the rest seem to have a lot of weight behind them without my actually knowing what that is. I mean, with no context, the words of “unknown unicorn mare” are far more meaningful than those of “King Aer of Equestria”. A valiant effort, well written, but it falls short as a story.

The Curse of Ahuizotl: I kind of find it hard to believe that she would be able to sleep so well after watching her arch-enemy die before her eyes. I mean, yes, he’s obviously got a lot to pay for, and him dying is certainly revenge, but revenge is hardly ever so cut and dried. I’m also not sure if the lesson is supposed to be that she broke the curse, that there never was one (admittedly, I really like the “there is only Ahuizotl” line) or that she should still be afraid of it. Also, I wish people would stop using the word “fewmets”. It doesn’t really fit as a fantasy swear in this world (what’s wrong with “horseapples”?), and it’s not a direct synonym for “shit” either.

The Next Viral Ad: The bold-faced character descriptions do this story no justice; there’s no sense in wasting words on that sort of thing when you’ve got so few to work with. I had a hard time believing these were ponies, given how directly earth-analogue this setting is. Also, the narrative is very… uh, non-narrative? It often sounds like it’s Scatter’s thoughts, yet it isn’t. The dialogue needs a lot of work, and, well, those wasted words from the opening could have been used to shore up the horror angle. This doesn’t work at all.

One Day in the Crystal Library: Decent backstory for Sombra, though the ending feels rushed. This probably just needs some more words. The thing I think works best is the way young Cadence acts, so perfectly like a child. Well done in that regard.

Alawst King Do(ne): That’s awfully far to go for a pun, though I suppose I’m one to talk. Boy, we sure do like killing Ahuizotl off, don’t we? :O I didn’t like the overly expository dialogue, especially given that this is just a monologue, but I do at least see why she was doing it. That said, I’m not sure what the final passage is meant to suggest.

Next Step: While the dialogue slowly and comedically reveals what’s going on, it stands in stark contrast to the very telly narration. This is funny, but not consistently so, and passages like “AGK, ok man, get off. I get it, ok.” really leave something to be desired. ...As does the pun at the end. I can’t believe that just happened.

...But Whose?: Nice Lovecraft vibe on this! Does it have anything to do with ponies? (Okay, there’s a pegasus at the end, but that means nothing.) I’m confused, though: they killed the Messengers because they wanted to bring the glory of the Eater, but then the Eater shows up and they’re ready to take the glory themselves. Is it just what happens when you look upon it? I mean, I could grok that, I’m just not sure, and it seems like a contradiction at the surface. Also not sure what the purpose of the final line is, unless the suggestion is that this is Rainbow Dash and she’s being badass. There’s really nothing supporting that hypothesis in this story, however.

Some Things You Just Shouldn’t Say: Cute idea, very show-like, and I can definitely see Spike freaking out about this kind of thing. Granted, we sort of already got this plot from Feeling Pinkie Keen, and this absolutely suffers under the word count. Still, it’s good slice of life, which is not something I often say.

Fall: I wonder at the meaning of the king’s name. This has that problem of “everyone conveniently reminds themselves of what’s happened so the reader knows too”, but I gotta say, that betrayal was timed perfectly. Did not see that coming. Unfortunately, I feel like the ending didn’t have any real weight behind it.

Forging Harmony: I feel it is worth noting that female knights are usually addressed as “Dame”. The “Madam” really threw me. I did find it hard to believe this was Celestia, though the idea that she wasn’t always in charge is a good one. That said, this kind of starts up and just stops, rather than end.

There Once Lived a Princess...: I think this is another story that needs more words than the contest offers. I didn’t really get a connection with this princess, and so didn’t really care about her sentencing. That said, given that this is all OCs and obviously in another time and/or place from the show, it was hard to take this as fanfic, given the reactions of the ponies in the courtroom. Ponies calling for death just doesn’t sit right.

The Dying Words of Starswirl the Bearded: I feel like I’ve read this before. The vast number of Star Swirl-related stories in this contest are starting to blur together. D: You can’t be faulted for that, of course, but this doesn’t really go anywhere. I mean, the buildup is good, the silly last words are kind of expected, but then the reaction falls flat. Could have been funnier than it is.

Final Resting Place: A nice scene, if rather grim. It’s interesting seeing a pony like Daring Do confronting her own mortality like this, however. The opening descriptions were pretty strong, too, and surprisingly didn’t eat up the words count like I thought they would. That said, this would be more at home in something longer; it needs something beyond the ending, or else something to reflect on in the middle.

Once Upon a Time in Appleloosa: Okay, ponies with guns is a bad enough idea. But for crying out loud, why does Braeburn go “Aaaapleloosa” in the middle of a tense scene? It’s not like he’s incapable of saying the town’s name normally. I really did not appreciate that tonal flub. Beyond that, Buck’s not a particularly notable character, there wasn’t enough space to really play him up as a villain, and the non-ending is just that. This doesn’t work.

3570067
Let's see here...

Epitaphs - Yeah, I think you got really overambitious with this one and thus made it a bit trite. Some folks really liked it, but I didn't really get the feels out of it.

The Bearded Geezer - I totally missed the idea that this was some sort of test set up by Celestia. I don't know if I really like it.

And I had to cut my favorite part; Trixie looking at the hat and cape and loving them, but thinking that the bells had to go.

You should have kept that; that's a great gag.

I also missed that it was an Indiana Jones reference until someone pointed it out to me; I did get that the final room was similar to the Last Crusade, but I didn't get the penitent man thing.

Caped Crusaders - Why would you need to invent cutie marks when we can't actually see them?

You Had to Say It - Honestly, I don't think Discord is invincible to begin with; there's really not much evidence in canon to suggest that he is, and several things suggest he is not.

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I wasn't overfond of it to begin with, as I delineated previously. I don't have a problem with people trying to be clever, and I think this could have been clever, I just didn't feel like it was tight enough (or on-theme; Raz said that they were the last words that these famous ponies would be remembered for, but I didn't feel it). I felt like it being a story was fairly tenuous. I think it could have been interesting if it was a list of last words which better outlined the flow of a story, but... it didn't.

3570112
I'm not sure why I thought the first sentence was grammatically incorrect other than the who/whom issue. I do think it isn't a very good sentence, though. Probably would have been better as dialogue.

"Would you like something to eat? The servants tell me you have not eaten since you arrived at the castle."

As for the flicking eyebrows thing... I think I know what you're saying, but... I dunno. Why wouldn't you say that they flicked their eyes or glanced at the person, if it is the expression I'm thinking of?

And she doesn't even fix any of those problems when they show up. She gets her lackey (Twilight Sparkle) to do it for her. Some Princess.

Delegation is the best kind of leadership!

3570162

Can we please write stories about girls taking showers without having them look at themselves as well?

...b-but naked girls

3570164

they were the last words that these famous ponies would be remembered for, but I didn't feel it

Yeah, thats a very shaky argument. That last thing Luna and Twilight are remembered for would only make sense if they died soon after Twilights coronation, or they basically disappeared from the spotlight. But the Celestia one being "I'm sorry" as the last words she is remember for, 1000 years ago, doesn't make any sense. I agree that it could have been something, as its not that the story was made out of quotes that bothers me, its the lack of anything that could be called a story. I hope that a set guide for what the voting system is geared to review is made, since as it stand in the next contest I'm just gonna see who got first three and ignore the system all together, focusing on what people say in reviews.

I don't know about you guys but I check myself out whenever I'm done showering.

3570112

The thing is, everything Serene says is right, and Celestia says some stupid and naive things.

That was, essentially, The Point of the story.

I like it a lot better with that reading. I think the last few lines muddled it. Given this was famous last words, you could've ended it with Celestia's last words, something about the perfection of her coming reign, something that we already know she didn't deliver on. Ending it on "There's always a next time" does other things, like hint that Twilight will overthrow Celestia. But in a 500-word story I don't think you can grasp for that much. "There's always a next time" is misleading given the expecations of "famous last words". We expect those last words to be wrong, so the implication appears to be that Serene is wrong and there will not be a next time, because Celestia's rule will last forever.

3570162
And a Smile Means Friendship to Everyone: if the wiki is ti be believed, Fleur Dis Lee is her official name anywhere she was ever named: card game, Gameloft game, official pony games that name her cutie mark, etc.

The Shortest Possible Distance: I actually had no issues following this because the test is a Hogwarts and multiplayer version of the Scarecrow level of Arkham Asylum. Not sure if this was the inspiration or if it's just a coincidence, but it did mean that I had a mental image fully prepared and ready to go.

Once More With Feeling: If you've never read Hard Reset then you are not going to get this. The main part of the entry builds on the darker part of Hard Reset, and the ending is the recurring gag of that fic. It's basically fanfic of a fanfic.

The Bearded Geezer: Well, I unfortunately can't really rhyme. I mean, I can use a site that finds rhyming words just fine, but English metre is still alien to me. I do intend to do something about that, Zecora is among my favorite characters, but I fear it will take a long time still.

3570162

For the record, I have never read Hard Reset, and I am rather irked that one person bringing that up seems to have destroyed any good will anyone else might have had toward the story.

huh, thats actually one theory I didn't see. Guess it could make sense with all the changelings becoming ponies and having multiples like Cloud Kicker. I think the problem with the ending be taken as a serious, no tricks she just has a bunch of parents, is that the world it occupies is already pretty ridiculous and the many fanfics makes it even more so. So we take ridiculous circumstances and try to connect them to the other ridiculous circumstances first before just taking it at face value.

As the author of the next viral ad, I can vouch that this was a rushed piece of crap and I have no idea why I went through and submitted it. I have no excuse for how bad this turned out to be. The idea worked in my mind until I realized that it made absolutely no sense whatsoever. I'll be back next month and hopefully write something that is actually better than the self insert crap I was writing in 5th grade.

Also, since people were wondering why I bothered including the main character's colors, I made them orange and blue to go with the visual marketing technique of over using those two color together. I thought it was clever, but I guess no one made the connection. As for the artichoke green building... I like complex color names? Just an annoying quirk I have then.

3570515

I made them orange and blue to go with the visual marketing technique of over using those two color together.

That's actually pretty clever. The problem was the complexity of the idea you wrote about. As shown by the top 4 stories, simpler is better. They all have basic, straightforward plots, with two characters that work off each other, and have a easy to understand conclusions that facilitates discussion without leaving the reader confused. Fall kinda fits that, though arguably a little more complex than the first four.

3570529 Yeah. I tried to do way too much with 750 words. I'll take this as my lesson on mini fic ideas and overthinking them.

3570249 I have minions to do that for me.

3570162 Regarding Laugh, Laugh... don't assume NO ONE got some of the things you put in there. As I noted in my review, Pinkie's voice was done nearly perfectly in my opinion. Likewise, it was very clear she was older, exactly what happened with ponyacci (without just saying it) etc. I'm bringing this up because, having read and reviewed every single story in this contest (including my own) this is the ONLY one I rated 10/10. So relax!

As to Awful Rumors... I got it as literal as well. I assumed clones of some kind, but I definitely took it at face value. I also didn't in any way think it was related to hard reset. I generally don't read other reviews before I've written my own, but even if I had, I wouldn't let someone else's opinion influence my interpretation negatively. To me, the only failing was that it just didn't work for me as an interesting ending, since it was the often seen trope where "seemingly metaphoric turn-of-phrase is surprisingly literal."

3570308 As the author of "Shortest Possible Distance" I'm glad it worked. I've never played the game in question, but it did remind me of some Zelda puzzles. Also yes, it's obviously quite harry potter inspired. You can't have an elite magic school in a castle and NOT think harry potter. Glad the scene worked for you, but I know it needs improvement with all the action involved.

3570162

I would like to thank Pav Fiera for being the only person to get this story. Obviously, we are both geniuses and should laugh heartily at the plebeians who surround us.

Omigawd, aren't these guys a bunch of butt? Let's go hang out at the mall. We can buy some froyo and make fun of all those lame people out shopping.

3570234
In your defense, it wasn't the most egregious scene of that sort that I've read.

3570308
I believe "Dis Lee" happened at Gameloft first. It is of course hard to keep track of the timelines on these things, but I'm sticking by "make fun of Gameloft".

3570393
I think I misconstrued commentary in this contest. Solitair just pointed me to the actual Hard Reset story, when all this time, I thought people were talking about Rumors. c.c So mea culpa on that one.

3570532
That's what contests are for! :O

3570544
I was going for haughty intellectual here, not hipster. :|

3570548
Can we be intellectuals and still eat froyo? I'm just hungry.... *adjusts glasses* and man cannot survive on philosophy alone.

3570162
In all fairness, I did win 3rd, 6th, 10th, and 13th places, meaning that all of my stories scored in the top quartile, and one of them medalled. And none of them would have been outside of the top 10 if they were my only entry.

On the other hand, that's a lot of points from one competition. Though if in the future we have more big competitions (here's hoping!), it won't be such a big deal.

Those Awful Rumors Around Town - I thought that this was the case as well, that it was playing it literally, but I didn't... well, like it because it didn't make any sense and seemed like a cheap gag. I mean, it could work, I guess, if there was something more to it, but...

Also, why the heck did you go so crazy with the LUS at the end? I think the ending would have worked a lot better without so much LUS; it really stuck out.

Laugh, Laugh - I didn't get that it was set in the future at all, unfortunately.

And a Smile Means Friendship to Everyone - I read the first two arcs of the comics and the comics which were out at that point and gave up on them. Hearing about what came afterwards never made me want to come back to them, and I don't even own a mobile device, so... yeah... not really going to catch a lot of that stuff.

Glad to see I wasn't the only person who decided to write a bunch of stories for this.

25 Famous Last Words - Incidentally, I thought that Pinkie Pie, when she referenced Thomas Jefferson, wasn't giving an attribution but was starting to say ANOTHER set of famous last words, namely "Thomas Jefferson lives on!" Said by John Adams as he died on July 4th, the same day that Thomas Jefferson did.

Moving Heaven And Earth - I am going to expand on that story and turn it into a proper submission of its own on FIMFiction. It really was too big to put in this competition. I had been wanting to write it for a while, and at least I finally have a good reason to really do it.

Final Witness - I get increasingly mixed messages about this story from everyone who reads it.

The Curse of Ahuizotl - I wonder if fewmets as a curse word comes from the Dragon's Blood series by Yolen. That's what I always think of when I hear it used as a curse.

The Dying Words of Starswirl the Bearded - I do enjoy how everyone enjoyed at least some of my stories, and didn't like at least one of them. I guess that's the curse of writing a lot of stories; everyone can find something not to like!

3570515
Here's the thing: there's nothing wrong with complex color names, but they draw attention to themselves. If you say something is artichoke green, that NEEDS to be significant to the story, otherwise you're drawing attention to an inconsequential detail. And frankly, most of the time, if you DO use a color name like that, it is better to describe it more and lend it the weight it truly needs.

As others pointed out, details need to be significant, otherwise you should lose them because they don't contribute to the story and draw attention. Because you kept describing the colors of things, and many of them didn't really matter, the color connection which did matter was missed by everyone.

3570548

I was going for haughty intellectual here, not hipster. :|

I don't think the hipsters can tell the difference.

3570561

On the other hand, that's a lot of points from one competition

Yeah, i was thinking that maybe it should only give you the points of your highest rated story, so it can reward those who write multiple stories, without having such huge swings in overall score. I think the score should represent your skill with multiple prompts. Though that could be what the medals are for since winning multiple medals are unlikely.

I thought that Pinkie Pie, when she referenced Thomas Jefferson, wasn't giving an attribution but was starting to say ANOTHER set of famous last words

It is. What you remember is the popular version of the quote, but according to the link I put in the comment:

Some believed that it was Thomas Jefferson still survives that he intended to say, but Thomas Jefferson was the only phrase he managed to intelligibly pronounce as he passed away.

http://list25.com/25-most-famous-last-words-ever-uttered/

I had been wanting to write it for a while, and at least I finally have a good reason to really do it

Thats the feeling I got from reading that one. Like it was just an idea that you had already thought of and tweaked it to fit the prompt.

As others pointed out, details need to be significant, otherwise you should lose them because they don't contribute to the story and draw attention. Because you kept describing the colors of things, and many of them didn't really matter, the color connection which did matter was missed by everyone.

It was precisely this reason why I did not bothering describing my OCs in Next Step at all. I felt it wasn't relevant to the story and I was already having to cut word to fit the rules.

Since scoring results are public, there shouldn't be any surprises in this list, but here's the official list of:

AUGUST WRITEOFF PRIZE WINNERS

• $20.00 USD to the first-place story:
Final Resting Place by Solitair (7.65)
• $10.00 USD to the second-place story:
The Last Line by Chris (7.54)
• $5.00 USD to the third-place story, and also
• $20.00 USD to the first-time submitter with the highest-scoring story,
for a total of $25.00 in prize money:
The Pony and the Phoenix by TitaniumDragon (7.46)

• $10.00 USD to the Most Controversial story:
Laugh, Laugh by PresentPerfect (2.77 S.D.)

And now for the Sponsors' Choice awards!

• The $5.00 USD "Horizon's Idiosyncratically Titled Excellence Cash" award goes to:
Listen by Eakin
Horizon says: "Not only is this a fantastic story in its own right, it also is a pitch-perfect lesson on how to write a crossover accessible to readers unfamiliar with your source material. … This has all the magic of the story it's cribbing from."

• The $5.00 USD "Yamgoth Award For Most Hilarious Gallows Humor" (or YAFMHGH, for short) goes to:
Next Step by thisisalongname
Yamgoth says: "I want to go all in and award my prize to Next Step. There is a saying that seems to be floating around: 'You only YOLO once.' :S "

• As of posting time I had not yet heard from PoniacDeville regarding the winner of the Poniac's Personal Choice award ($5.00 USD). I will follow up and make certain the final $5.00 in prize money is announced and distributed.

Congratulations to our winners! I'll start getting PMs and/or e-mails sent out to arrange payment, but feel free to PM me, post here, or e-mail horizon (at.) tomorrowlands {dot-} org with questions!

3570592
Well, the thing is that submitting multiple stories is risky, in that you can lose points as well as gain them; low-ranking submissions are actually worth negative points. It is actually zero sum; the best entries gain as many points as the lowest entries lose points.

Anonymous got a score of -122 from this competition, for instance, for submitting three stories, all of which were very low ranking. Even PresentPerfect had a score of -32 on the round; he had one story which did very well, but two stories which fared poorly.

So you can get a ton of points by submitting multiple entries, but you can also lose a ton of points by doing the same; I think the system is designed such that doing so is a risk.

Thats the feeling I got from reading that one. Like it was just an idea that you had already thought of and tweaked it to fit the prompt.

I will admit I did not consider using it for the contest until I went for a run and realized that it could be written in 750 words.

Apparently my running self is really terrible at estimating writing length.