The Writeoff Association 927 members · 663 stories
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Axis of Rotation
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And here are my super late reviews, minus one for my own.

Alone I Clench My Gun
As a short piece on the hellishness of war, I liked it. I’m glad you used a canon character like caramel since with it being so short and all I didn’t grow much investment for Lucky, other than the sheer horror of it all. I wonder if I might have preferred Caramel to live, only because the loss of Lucky would have had more impact that way, at least for me. Caramel dying is sad, sure, but getting to be with his buddy isn’t. It removes the sadness of Lucky’s death—to me, anyway.

Worth It
I really enjoyed this. The conversation between Spike and Twilight was, in my opinion, very believable, and I wasn’t expecting it to be a story about Twilight becoming immortal. I liked how you treated that particular element with more subtlety; it didn’t feel at all in my face, like it usually does with stories that address it.

Basking
I liked the concept in this one, about Celestia and her connection to the sun. Though just to point this out, since as the author I would want to know about it: you could technically complain that Celestia doesn’t behave believably in the beginning, where she puts off assistance or medical aid, because if she knew the trouble she could get herself in by just not rising the sun, then I would imagine she’d be a lot more careful and sensitive towards catching even the smallest bug. So just a heads up about that. Otherwise I liked it, and thought it was well written and paced, and worked fine as a short piece.

Cabbyl-Ushtey
Even though I was expecting the twist from the beginning (though I didn’t know for sure you would do it) I still enjoyed the ending. I also didn’t think she would turn into the terrifying creature she did. Overall I thought it was well written, and that you did a good job of making her appear as a mysterious and alluring mare.

It Never Changes
Well written and well paced; you used multiple time skips, but there was never any confusion (something I was unable to do xD). I liked the idea of Celestia and Luna being born with their cutie marks, as well as Celestia stealing the elements—though of course she didn’t really steal them, but saying that had a nice touch to it. These were newer elements to a story that is unfortunately pretty well trodden by this point.

Experimental Error
Hmm, I’m a bit unsure of the point this is trying to make. At first I thought that Twilight getting upset about the one machine running out of paper was just a way of coping with the horrible situation, but I’m not sure you meant that. It’s mentioned other machines are taking data, so why does that one matter more? I found Twilight and Spike believable up until it came to disposing the body, at which point I wasn’t sure if this was meant to be a comedy or not. Same with choosing to find another pony at the end (saying she’s turned into a scientist who has lost her grasp on right and wrong?). I also had a number of unanswered questions, like who was the mare, what kind of transformation was it and why? Though I did really like how it started off.

Wrong Book Rose
This was fun! I liked the set up, and thought it was a nice little piece about Twilight coming to the rescue, as she usually does. The initial scene was particularly well composed, I thought.

For Her Own Good
I liked this for the ideas it dealt with, as well as the emotions involved, which were very understandable. It went in a direction I wasn’t expecting though, and I’m a bit bewildered by the ending—AJ telling Applebloom to scold her with the switch, which I thought was entirely unnecessary (the idea of it, I mean, not that it was included in the story itself). I can understand AJ realizing she was being too harsh on her sister (I don’t really think it was her place to spank her, as it were, but rather Granny Smith’s), and that AJ wasn’t being very understanding of her, but it seems to me Applebloom was still more in the wrong. She’s apparently mishandled and broken the bottle many times. I expected it to touch on why, perhaps suggesting that it was because it belonged to their mother that she wanted to use it so much, but the story doesn’t. I’m unsure if the story was trying to comment on the discipline of children or not, but I don’t agree with the switch in blame at the end, as if AJ was entirely in the wrong. I don’t believe she was at all. Anyway, still voted 9/10.

Mowe
"Mowe appew fwittew?" Hnnnnnnnnng!
Wow. I have to admit, out of ALL the explanations I’ve heard for the death of AJ’s parents, being gobbled up by her is brand spanking new, and completely unexpected. That’s…good? Haha I know this is supposed to be a comedy story, but to be honest I’m more at a loss about how to react—I pretty much went “…whaaaaaat?!” xD

A Simple Prank
I had fun reading this :3 It felt completely believable—to me anyway—and I thought everypony was in character, especially Pinkie (and she can be tough to pull off and not feel like she’s a caricature of herself). I particularly liked the bit about Twilight’s library burning down, as well as the ending. A good comedy piece through and through.

Colticus’s Continuous Caramel Cascade
Also very well done! I loved the idea of everypony just sitting atop a hill, awkwardly overlooking a ruined Ponyville. The dialogue was great and in character too, and I loved how Dash got Pinkie’s joke late.

Handy Dandy
Trixie’s explanation is now my headcanon.
My god, that picture though. And Dash exploded! I don’t even know what to say. xD

Rainbow Dash Gets a Ball of Lame Stuck In Her Throat
Oh, so that where the title came from. Another outrageous story, about which there’s not much I feel I can say. Maybe there’s a way to legitimately critique these, but I don’t know it. I thought it was funny, though not as much as some of the others (personal taste, I suppose). I do totally see AJ and Dash going too far like that though.

After Work
…God dangit.
You turned heartwarming and touching into rip my heart out. >:[ Very well done though, and of course the ending had a good punch to it. I was wondering if the narrator might be Rainbow, but nope!

Muffins
I like this, and I think it would work better as a smaller part of a larger fic, because that’s what it felt like, that I was reading a single scene in a nice slice of life story. I also liked how Derpy was the level headed one here, even though she still did ditzy things (like almost hitting a pony with a newspaper).

Insufficient Postage
I think this could have used a bit of a longer word length, but none of the individual scenes were confusing, except for why the bakery got a low health rating. But I liked the cascade of unfortunate consequences of a single book not being delivered, and how it ended up going so far as to prevent the sun from rising. xD

Keepers
Before I read what this story was actually about, I must admit that the pregnancy thing went completely over my head—though this might be because I was rushing to read it before the deadline today, so I’ll never know if I would have gotten it otherwise, and that rather bugs me. However, I still liked it; Happy definitely shines through as a distinct individual, and I enjoyed her talking about her art—the stallion who stuffs his sadness up inside of him, and the mare looking at herself in the mirror. Knowing about the pregnancy now, I applaud the message of “keeping the mistake”. Overall, I think this is something you can take and really do justice to without a 750 word limit.

Sweet
I don’t read a lot of this pair, so Octavia getting angry at Vinyl doesn’t get old for me—though mayhaps it might for others, I don’t know. I liked how Vinyl cheered her on at the end, though a part of me wants to see the story continued without that occurring, to see what happens when Octavia ruins a recital because she’s upset. Such a situation is very interesting to me, and something I think is full of potential.

Last Day
Alright. You got me. Good on that one. I was expecting some sort of surprise reveal, obviously, but one that was more serious in nature. Perhaps that’s how you meant this? Come to think of it, I have read one serious fic where the mane six are all alicorns. Well, however you meant it, the build-up was done very nicely.

Bat For Lashes
A nice silly one to finish things off :D And now I know there is such a thing as an eyelash curler emergency. And as for where “batted an eye” came from…I sincerely hope you’re wrong.

PresentPerfect
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3252557
...Dammit.

3252798
I don't appreciate puns either. :V I guess you have to respect them to use them well. I'm glad you appreciate Mowe, at least.

PresentPerfect
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3252911
Definitely expand that one! It would likely work better. :D

RazgrizS57
Group Contributor

I'm a little bit surprised I came in Third place. The two above really deserved their spots (I gave them both a 10). Congratulations to everybody, though. I sure had lots of fun and I hope you all did too. For anyone who's interested, I do plan to flush out Insufficient Postage a bit and clean it up. Maybe it'll be on the FIMFiction in a few days.

I also love how almost everyone brought up "For want of a nail" considering I had no idea what that was.

EDIT: Hey, it's there already.

3252125
I had an idea that Lame, Handy, and Mowe were written by you. Mostly because you previously said you wrote four (3230911) if nothing else. I must admit I'm not entirely familiar with your writing style, but there was certain consistency between the three. That's another reason I went with the Wat trilogy. :P

Your fourth story, Lashes on the other hand, seemed a bit hastily written in comparison. Didn't know that one was yours! And for what it's worth, I scored them all higher than what the results gave (if I recall: 5, 6, 4, and 5, respectively). They were funny and enjoyable to read, but there wasn't much to say about them. Live Sane or Wat Hard

3252798
Do you plan to add to Caramel Cascade so it can be published, or is there anywhere else on FIMFiction where I'd be able to find it? That story is my favorite of the bunch and I love it to pieces.

3252171
Though I've been meaning to, I haven't read The Book Thief yet, so any similarities between it and After Work were lost on me. I gave your story a 9 and I'm a little surprised mine came out on top, but yours wasn't too far behind. Good work, and it appears as though I've now got a book to read, and sooner than later.

3249376
Seriously consider working on Wrong Book. I think the idea behind it is neat and the story has great potential, but as it sits, it's pretty thin. (I think I gave it a 7.)

And finally, Bob From Bottles: if you're seeing this from wherever you are, always know you're more than welcome back. You wrote a fantastic story.

Axis of Rotation
Group Contributor

3252949
Well, uh, here's the orginal if you're interested at all. Scroll below the short version.
:twilightsmile:

Chris
Group Contributor

3252934
Well, someone had to :trollestia:

3252993

Glad you liked it! I'm actually putting together all the mini-fics of mine that I can still find or remember--I'll probably have it finished up within the hour. Then you can like it AND marvel at how much better it is than some of the other low-wordcount stuff I've done over the last few years.

Jonathon Smythe
Group Contributor

So, I was pretty well expecting how my fic would go here. Pretty happy with that for a first try.

PresentPerfect
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3253444
We hope you'll stick around for more writeoffs in the future! :D

Jonathon Smythe
Group Contributor

3253514 And I hope I can work up the courage to write more!

PresentPerfect
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3253694
gogogogo you can do it! :D

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