The Writeoff Association 927 members · 663 stories
Comments ( 61 )
  • Viewing 1 - 50 of 61
RogerDodger
Group Admin

Here is the place for the blah blah blah.

Please refrain from saying anything that might compromise your anonymity. Doing so is grounds for disqualification. It's recommended you do dummy reviews of your own stories should it otherwise be easy to deduce which you wrote.

Dublio
Group Contributor

Good luck any potential writers! Looking forward to see what kind of entries we get this time. :pinkiehappy:

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer
Group Admin

I've got four drafts done this is so exciting why must the writing time be only 24 hours ohmgaaaaaah

3230911
Present, you're making me cry :fluttercry::applecry:

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer
Group Admin

3231070
oh that's what you meant :B sorry

Cobbled something together. Probably pure shit, like most anything I write these days...

RazgrizS57
Group Contributor

Can we submit more than one story?

Aquaman
Group Contributor

haha I actually did something this time

god dammit

Well, tried to write a thing, but work got in the way. 24 hours plus the timing did me in :ajsleepy:

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer
Group Admin

3231966
always :B (I can confirm, Roger said so in another thread)

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer
Group Admin

TWO HOURS LEFT FOLKS

That is totally enough time to write and edit 750 words. Or write two entries! Let's push that number way, way up!

Axis of Rotation
Group Contributor

Egads, this was hard! First draft was 1800 words. I felt like I was decimating it to get it below 750. :raritydespair:

But still it was lots of fun though. And large number of submissions too. :yay:

Chris
Group Contributor

I remembered that there was a write-off event about 50 minutes ago, dropped over to the site to see when that was coming up... and stories were due in, like, half an hour. Managed to bang out a story and get it submitted with about 90 seconds left. Tried to make a last-second edits, but time was already up.

Oh well, the important thing is I actually remembered that there was an event this time, and got something finished. God, this writing thing is hard!

RogerDodger
Group Admin

3232871
Did you receive an email about the event?

There was an error before where only the first 100 or so people on the mailing list were getting them, but I believe I got that fixed. I can't be sure that the emails actually landed in inboxes, though.

Chris
Group Contributor

3232880

I got a message on the 17th announcing that there would be a minific event. I just didn't remember the details (like, when the event started...) because there was more than a week between announcement and writing time starting, and I am a forgetful person. :derpyderp2:

Dublio
Group Contributor

3232871

This is quite impressive. You go, man. :yay:

Dublio
Group Contributor

3232880

I didn't get an email. I only knew about the contest cause Present Perfect mentioned it. (or maybe it was Pascoite. I forgot who.) But luckily I managed to do... something. :pinkiesad2:

Axis of Rotation
Group Contributor

3232880
This is probably a fimfiction issue, but I don't get notifications about new threads for the group here, even though I've got the setting clicked.

RogerDodger
Group Admin

3233125
Well I don't have the setting enabled myself, so I can't speak for its functionality. You'd have to ask knighty about it if it isn't working.

Chris
Group Contributor

Okay, 21 stories totalling about 15k words sounds pretty manageable for reviews, so that’s exactly what I’m gonna do (this is the place to post reviews, right?). These will mostly be short reading impressions rather than highly articulate walls of text, so set your expectations accordingly. I’ve got a story in the mix, but I’m gonna leave it a comment or two too, and hopefully leave y’all none the wiser as to which it is. With that said, let’s dive in! In order of appearance:

Alone I Clench My Gun: Not a big fan of combining ponies with land mines, bloody decapitations, and the like. At least, not without enough scene-setting to justify the disconnect from the nominal setting, which a limit of 750 words obviously doesn’t give you. As such, this one didn’t work at all for me. Also, minor thing, but “ngrah” is a really weird sound for an injured pony to make, at least to my ears.

Worth It: At first I thought this was a little too shallow, even for a minific, but the last scene brought it all together. I’d say it’s still a little disjointed—Spike’s confession doesn’t tie directly to the topic at hand, so it seems to come slightly out of left field—but definitely a strong entry.

Basking: I like the idea here a lot… but part of writing a good minific is picking a topic that fits well within the constraints of the word limit, and I feel like this story failed on that count. The revelations about Celestia and Luna’s symbiosis just don’t have enough weight when they’re brought up so quickly, then left unexplored. I really liked how the first scene was constructed, though.

Cabbyl-Ushtey: This is a story I’ve seen many times before, in myths and in modern retellings, and I don’t think it ponified particularly well. It was a well-told version for all that… I just think it would have been rather stronger with a human, as it’s usually presented.

It Never Changes: I’m a sucker for princess stories, so I may be biased, but the penultimate scenelette got me misty-eyed. Very nice use of repetition here. I can already tell this will be one of my favorites.

Experimental Error: This could have been a really great dark comedy; I LOVED the bit about finding a book about disposing of bodies. But the rest of the story really isn’t that funny, so it came out more awkward than comic. If the entire story had had the twisted logic of that scene, rather than just being Twilight Sparkle: Murderer, I’d have liked it a lot more.

Wrong Book Rose: This one was fine for what it was, but the ending didn’t really add anything; it was kind of a weak note to leave on, really. Also, when you mentioned the “pile the size of a ball of parasprites,” my immediate thought was that you missed an opportunity to have parasprites be the clean-up method, which would have actually been really amusing. Well, potentially. Still, the story was mostly inoffensive and funny, so props there.

For Her Own Good: Another one which lost some effect because it was too short. I mean, that’s the nature of a word-limited event, but it also needs to be something the author plans for. AJ and ‘Blooms’ actions and reactions aren’t the problem (there’s a great outline here, really!), they’re just so compressed that the whole thing feels rushed and loses a lot of its impact.

Mowe: Baby ponies creep me right out, with their beady eyes and bulbous heads… ugh. Anyway, maybe my predisposition to be creeped out by them helped, but this was just the right kind of ridiculous for me: so earnestly over-the-top in its pseudo-monstrosity that you can’t help but laugh.

A Simple Prank: Oh goodness, this was excellent. Pinkie is used just perfectly here, and that’s a difficult feat to pull off. Couple Twilight as a spot-on straight mare and that wonderful list at the end, and you can color me impressed.

Colticus’s Continuous Caramel Cascade: Two goofy ones in a row (also, alliteration; awesome!)! I really like the imagery of the penultimate paragraph, but I’m not sure all six ponies were really needed here—AJ, at least, barely has anything to do.

Handy Dandy: I love paragraph #5—I’m a sucker for that kind of narrative humor. Unfortunately, I’m not a big fan of the rest of it. Equestria Girls crossover plus tired “hands” gags (and really, how could Dash have never heard of hands? She’s friends with Spike and Gilda, well acquainted with Discord, etc.) just don’t hold the slightest appeal for me.

Rainbow Dash Gets a Big Ball of Lame Stuck in Her Throat: Ladies and gentlemen, your winner of the “Most Eye-Catching Title” award. This one has a lot in common with the Colticus one: both have big ol’ titles, both use all of the main six, both start post-event and are based around the ponies discussing what happened while bringing the reader up to speed… I’m gonna go ahead and guess that people who like one will like the other.

After Work: This was well-written, but a little too obvious for me; I was maybe a third of the way through before I knew what was going on, and how the story had to end. I don’t know if that’s because of excessive setup on the author’s part, or if it’s just that I’ve seen plenty of variations on this theme before… but either way, that took away from the impact for me.

Muffins: Well, thank you for not shoehorning in a bunch of Dr. Whoof. This one felt pretty insubstantial most of the way through; it wasn’t until the last hundred or so words that it really caught my attention. Still, it was pleasant enough to read, and blueberries are overrated, so I’ll call this a good one on balance.

Insufficient Postage: Any fic which uses Carrot Top, even tangentially, gets a bonus in my book—I couldn’t help but smile at the end. The rest was a nice escalating set of events, though some of it was a little meme-heavy for my taste (the Celestia/cake thing). Still, very funny take on the “for want of a nail” idea.

Keepers: I’m not a big fan of pony swearing in general, so I’ll admit up front that that part didn’t really work for me. This whole fic, though, just felt… underwhelming. Happy’s motives are unclear (I honestly have no idea if she’s supposed to be Berry’s friend or her psychiatrist), and her voicing is inconsistent, while leaves her disappointingly unrealized. I feel like I don’t know any more about her or Berry after reading this story, and that’s a problem.

Sweet: Tuning one’s cello a “a few hours ago” doesn’t really help if one is hauling it across town in a case in the interim, FYI. Also, bows us rosen, not resin. Sorry, musician. ANYWAY, I thought the resolution was really sweet—I’m not an easy sell when it comes to ScratchTavi stuff, but this one made me grin.

Last Day: The slice-of-life burr-pulling was well-written, but I’m not sure what the effect of the ending revelation is supposed to be. I just don’t have enough context to feel… anything about it, really. It’s just a thing. I mean, it’s kind of surprising, but it left me wondering what the point was, from a story standpoint.

The Right Thing to Do: This made good use of cuts between scenelettes to create a broader picture than the wordcount would otherwise allow. Still, I’d have liked a little more temporal grounding—the time shifts aren’t always clear, or at least, they weren’t to me. Nevertheless, there were some nice things in this one.

Bat for Lashes: Okay, this was a really stupid story, but dangit, it was exactly the kind of stupid I love! It’s a fun little story with a nonsense premise that isn’t afraid to revel in its dramatic conveniences, and sometimes, that can be downright refreshing.

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer
Group Admin

3232871
THIS IS THE WAY THE TRUE WRITERS WRITEOFF :D

3233125
knighty disabled group notifications recently. :B

Okay, so I'm being an overachiever again. Apologies. Nothing really amazing or really terrible this time around. Lots of weird. Also, writing lots of stories sucks because then you have to fake-review them all. D:

Alone I Clench My Gun: I read that as “Gum” at first, which was really hilarious. Well, that was depressing! I’m not too sure what happens with the guy who touches him on the back, and I think this piece is a good illustration of why showing cries of pain/anguish/etc. is often times less desirable than just letting us know shouting is happening, but the pacing is nice and frantic, fitting the scene, you spell everything out just enough so it’s obvious what’s going on, and while a bit more gruesome than I was perhaps anticipating, it’s not bad!

Worth It: On the one hand, you successfully demonstrate the only way TwiSpike can work. I mean, that whole “it’s normal” speech is just perfect. On the other, you kind of hand-wave the entire immortality debate for the sake of shipping. This one might be suffering for the wordcount. And, well, is it really a mistake? Hmm.

Basking: Not a bad way to get this kind of idea across. I’m not sure it’s entirely clear what’s going on, but I do like the trust angle.

Cabbyl-Ushtey: We’re Manx now, I see. Unfortunately, having looked that up and being knowledgeable about the legend, I kinda knew exactly where this was going. Not to mention, this isn’t particularly pony. I mean, obviously our POV character is a talking horse, but that’s about it. What this really needs — obviously, outside the scope of this contest — is something to set him up as a character, so we can see his need for companionship or somesuch. Make him more of a tragedy, in other words, rather than relying on “stallions gotta rut”.

It Never Changes: Thank the Matrix this wasn’t about war. This is fluffy as hell, but it’s right up my alley and I enjoyed it.

Experimental Error: Is a “sacchitaccharino” a cross between saccharine and a tachyon? Anyway… what? This could have been a really hilarious dark comedy, but everything comes across kind of… calm? Also, not giving us any real indicator of what experiment was taking place makes that “I can’t do transformation magic” line very confusing.

Wrong Book Rose: This has lots of potential, but it feels like you left out large portions of the story, without necessarily leaving in the most interesting bits. I mean, rounding up a gross of carnivorous roses has to include some kinda hijinks.

For Her Own Good: Not long ago, I read another story about the same thing. This one, I am pleased to say, ends in a far better place, but it still has a similar issue: how do you justify corporal punishment in Equestria? We’ve never seen it in the show, and it just doesn’t make any sense. The line about it not having been done since Granny Smith’s time was illuminative, yet Applejack continued on with it nevertheless. I’ll still give you credit for a better denouement, at least.

Mowe: Well, uh… think this may be a bit too gruesome to be an effective comedy. Also, the final line looks tacked on to avoid suggesting incest (thank you for that). But, uh… Yeah, not sure what I just read.

A Simple Prank: I wasn’t expecting too much from the Sad Pinkie opening, but boy did this take a turn. And I 300% appreciate the way it turns out, too, that’s a great thing to have Pinkie learn! But seriously, massively entertaining, this is the kind of thing I look for in minifics.

Colticus’s Continual Caramel Cascade: I really like the title of this piece. I’m so glad it delivers on the comedy. Pinkie’s part was great, especially with Rainbow explaining the joke a few beats later, and the punchline is really solid. Good stuff!

Handy-Dandy: They just explode and die, don’t they? I have no idea what to think about this one, other than it’s kind of amazing how you fit like four different things into this space. Not sure how well Trixie’s explanation holds together (and that picture, why), but this is definitely a thing.

Rainbow Dash Gets a Big Ball of Lame Stuck in Her Throat: Speaking of Things, this is most certainly a thing. It’s kind of not really a story, but for what it is, well… What? Who even remembers a line like that to write a story like this? I wonder if the joke mightn’t’ve been subtler without the accent over the e.

After Work: I love it when I think something like “wait, that’s Death, isn’t it?” and then the author follows through with what I was thinking. That said, it does tend to dull the impact of the story, and I can’t say this isn’t something I’ve seen before. I do appreciate that it was Scootaloo (she dies a lot, after all). Most of the satisfaction I get out of this piece is morbid, however.

Muffins: I’ll be honest: this one didn’t connect with me at all. Apparently my aversion to Doctor/Derpy shipping counts regardless of what they’re called. The conflict stemming from a ignorance was not a great idea. And the rest is just kinda fluffy.

Insufficient Postage: Though Derpy’s actions (kind of) start off this whole string of problems, I’m very pleased that she’s shown as being quite competent in the opening. I’m also very pleased about everything else, when you get right down to it. “Cake first, sun second,” my god. Cakelestia isn’t the greatest joke, but neither is it the worst, and tracing that whole line of events is just loads of fun.

Keepers: Pony Bob Ross is a sassy black woman? I am totally down with this. This is a great character sketch, though not much more. I would definitely want to see this character elsewhere, however.

Sweet: That was very strange. With all the focus being on Octavia finding a bow and being late, I didn’t realize the point of the story was her being mad at Vinyl. I mean, those parts were in there, but there wasn’t enough emphasis really to get the point across, leaving the ending feeling rather flat.

Last Day: Okay, the payoff was kind of worth it. It’s definitely not something I expected. The juxtaposition of vague dialogue and really calm imagery was odd, but in its own way served as a buildup to that ending. One thing that didn’t work was that paragraph filled with time-related exaggerations. It’s the kind of hyperbole that usually makes itself seem overblown and silly rather than actually conveying what the character things. Still, I appreciate being surprised, so I appreciate this.

The Right Thing to Do: Is the future scenario a what-if? What I’m getting out of this is that Celestia didn’t consult Luna about freeing Discord to reform him because she was afraid something would happen to turn him against them if she did. Yes? No? I’m kind of lost, that’s not good.

Bat for Lashes: Okay, so that was a weird idea. Eyeball bats? But this is one of the few entries that manages to be an entire story rather than just a scene or an idea.

Axis of Rotation
Group Contributor

3233304
Oh. Well, thanks for the heads up, cuz I was totally go ask him about it. Saved me from looking like a doofus. :twilightsmile:

Chris
Group Contributor

3233304

Beat you to the reviews :derpytongue2:

I didn't spoiler mine, though, so I'm gonna go ahead and edit some of those in.

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer
Group Admin

3233308
You can use the "groups" tab on the left side of the toolbar to see the newest posts in stuff you're following. But it won't tell you about brand-new threads with no replies, and there's no way to see more than one page, if you follow a lot of active groups like me. :B

3233313
Totally didn't see those, thanks for the notification. :O

Axis of Rotation
Group Contributor

3233454
Yeah I guess that's just what ima have to do now. See, I was basically trying to be lazy and wanted the site to just tell me so I wouldn't have to go to ALL the trouble of clicking the groups tab, but, well, life conspires against me. :derpytongue2:

3232880 3232890 Ditto. Got the initial email, but there's no way I was going to remember for a whole week...

Bad Horse
Group Contributor

Alone I clench my gun: I had to re-read the opening because I didn't realize he was carrying Luck. This was especially bad because I at first thought “That’s wh—what happens when you step on a landmine!” meant Luck had just stepped on a landmine and "it hurt". ... Okay. That was cold and brutal. I think you can't go that over-the-top in descriptions in a single scene; you need a larger context for that kind of thing. But more importantly, you just made me feel horrible for no reason. I am worse off than if I'd just stared into space for the time it took to read this story. I write horrible stories, but I think they say something. Nitpick: If Luck stepped on a landmine, it means ponies were on the offensive.

Worth it: For some perverse reason I was kinda hoping Twi was secretly in love with Spike and crushed. I think that's how PP read it. Is that what the writer intended? That would be the better story. I like the last line. It doesn't resonate with me as a story, because I'd think anybody who didn't want to live forever was an idiot, regardless of Spike.

Basking: " her thoughts oozed like thick sap," nice. '“And now you know what else eternal night implied,” Celestia added with a sympathetic nod toward Luna.' -- the 'sympathetic' confused me; it implied Luna was torturing Celestia. The writing was nice. The story is good, but it hasn't got much tension. It needs more words, or to be part of something bigger.

Cabbyl-Ushtey: Good at what it attempts, but predictable. This should be a scene in a larger story. By itself it's just reader abuse. I know there are countless folk tales like it, but folk are into abuse. Lots of folk tales are awful and are meant to scare children rather than to be good stories. Stories like this weren't originally stories; they were one-liners like "If you talk in bed, the bogeyman will hear you and carry you off to the swamp!" They don't really work as stories.

It Never Changes: I find it unlikely that fillies would make fun of their god-princess for having both a horn and wings. It's sweet, but I've been here too many times before. This is a parasitic story, one that works only because it's siphoning off emotions created by earlier stories. It doesn't add anything to the Luna-Celestia relationship; it just reminds us of it.

Experimental Error: Some viewpoint problems. Should probably end on "Falsifying data is a cardinal sin for a researcher!" The idea is solid, the jokes are cute, but (and I rarely say this) the execution isn't over-the-top enough. I agree with PP: It sounds overly calm, like Maude Pie reading a Monty Python sketch. The short paragraphs give it a slow, serious tone, which is the opposite of what you want.

Wrong Book Rose: There's a funny story idea here, but this story spends all its words on the boring parts and skips over the parts that would be funny. Then it kills off Thunderlane for its punchline, which is more horrifying than funny.

Bad Horse
Group Contributor

For Her Own Good: Nice. Not sure whether I agree with PP's claim that it was too short. It was not a complete story, but the answer is to weave it into something else, not just to make it longer.

Mowe: Cute horror? Is that a thing? Sure, why not! Cute, if bewildering that AJ had just this one day of carnivorous behavior. "The Breezies would have to wait" ruins the great MacJack ending joke you'd just set up.

A simple prank: Hilarious! '“I was dry after a few minutes,” Fluttershy added.' is a perfect Flutterism. The ending is great. Nitpick: Pinkie kept Twilight's library from burning down, so she did change the past that time.

I expected a lot more short hilarious pieces like 'A simple prank'. Either that, a short twist-ending horror piece (like many of the stories in The Twilight Zone), or a character sketch, are the kinds of stories that work well at 750 words.

Bad Horse
Group Contributor

Colticus's Continuous Caramel Cascade: See, this is what I was talking about. Short and silly work at 750 words. The characters were all done well, Spike's appearance is funny, Rarity's closing line is great. This, "For her own good", and "A simple prank" are my favorites so far.

Handy-Dandy: I was intrigued. Then "Handi-Snacks" yanked the story from interesting character/magic/narrative to silly, but it was too late for that. Then Rainbow Dash exploded. Too random for me.

Bad Horse
Group Contributor

Rainbow Dash Gets a Big Ball of Lame Stuck in Her Throat: So the purpose of this story is to make a pun about the word lamé? But you didn't make the pun! :flutterrage: Wait... was that the joke? :fluttershysad: It's, like, the next evolution of a Ferdinand Feghoot, where you tell a story just to make an awful joke at the end, & then you yank the rug out from under the reader by not telling the joke? :rainbowderp: You're truly evil.

After work: Now here we have our first ambitious story in this bunch. It's a good concept and it's well-written. The idea's been done before, but that's okay.

Bad Horse
Group Contributor

Muffins: Cute. This might have worked better using OCs. My expectations of Derpy subtracted more than they added to the story.

Insufficient Postage: For want of a nail... Cute. “Cake first, sun second!” is its high point. I don't understand why Derpy is still sitting in front of CT's house days later.

Keepers: I love this to pieces, but it suffers from being so compressed. The description of setting and characters feels truncated to get under the word count. I'd like the dialogue either to have descriptive speech tags, or to be written artfag style, something like Cormac McCarthy, to remove our expectation of descriptive speech tags. The story flies by too fast, which is probably why Chris & PP didn't realize that Berry is pregnant, which is what the story is about. That might need to be more obvious. This is the first story to develop an OC, which is hard in 750 words, and she's well characterized for that space. Chris is on crack again; there is no pony swearing. EDIT: There is swearing, if "bitchy" counts as swearing. But you can say that on TV now.

Bad Horse
Group Contributor

Sweet: “Yes, I tuned it a few hours ago”: You can't do that with a cello, particularly when you just carried it through the streets and into a building. The temperature change detunes it. I like the repetition of “Not currently, no.” I don't buy that Octavia would be unable to recover from a bad note; we need another reason for her breakdown. I like the idea. The characterizations are on, which is a silly thing for me to say about background ponies, but that's how I feel. :eeyup:

Last Day: Loved it! Loved that you didn't take the lazy way out and rush to the last line, but inserted the business about "You all got picked almost three years before I did." ... "Maybe somepony just thought we weren’t ready for you yet." Chris is still on the crack he snorted earlier.

Bad Horse
Group Contributor

The Right Thing to Do: Nice writing, on a per-line basis. Did not understand.

Bat for Lashes: I liked "It's like a herd of buffalo forgot to flush!" which is kinda funnier because buffalo never flush. But I still want brain bleach.

RazgrizS57
Group Contributor

First time I've taken part in a minific write-off and I have one story to show for it. Apologies if my expectations were too high going into this, as I haven't really done this sort of thing before.

Alone I Clench My Gun: This was well written and certainly made me feel like I was there. The pacing was frantic and inputs were coming in from all over the place, which served the story well, but the emotion was lost on me; the "ponyness" as it were was absent on my read-through. Too many unknowns leave this story feeling more like a scene taken out of a much larger thing, which isn't bad per se, but I certainly felt lost. What's here isn't that bad, but if you're willing after this event, it would certainly benefit from being flushed out and expanded on. As is, I feel disinterested.

Worth It: As Chris said, this all seemed a bit disjointed. It was awkward and heartfelt, which I guess is what you were going for, but certain sentences seemed too tangential and telling for my taste. Still, good work on the ending scene, which I do think salvaged the story from running on, but I hesitate to wonder if it was at all necessary. With a bit of tidying up during Spike's confession, I feel like the scene between Twilight and Spike could've been all that was needed.

Basking: This was cute. Relaxed and not much difficulty understanding, if a bit straightforward. Good show.

Cabbyl-Ushtey: I like the idea, but I think the protagonist’s characterization hindered it. What emotion there was in the beginning was ruined by his cheesy, awkward attempts at communicating with the white mare and trying to get with her. I suppose that’s what was needed to draw him in, a sense of lust or wanting, but it was executed poorly. The story started almost poetically and then suddenly I felt like I was with some stereotypical douche. I feel like you wanted this story to end in tragedy, and it did, but it lost the emotion it needed.

It Never Changes: A bit unsteady in pacing and conveyance, but I don’t think that hindered the story much, if at all. The bits about alicorns being made fun of because they were alicorns was weird, especially since it victimized them when these two ponies are supposed to be loved as much they love other ponies, or at least with proper justification for what’s here to be actuality. Which there isn’t any. Regardless, I really liked this. I liked the idea behind it and the read was enjoyable, if a bit uneasy in places. I’d really like to see this flushed out more and cleaned up, perhaps having some events rethought and/or added, because I’m certain it has the potential to be much greater.

Experimental Error: Is the subject of Twilight’s experiment supposed to be a pony? Either way, it’d make for something really interesting. What’s here feels like a scene cutted out of the middle of something else; I’d like to see more information. The morbid humor was done well, but without any explanations to what exactly is going on, I feel a bit lost. This isn’t a bad story, but it’s not exactly good either as is. Needs more meat on the bone.

Wrong Book Rose: Another story with a great idea that is hindered by the wordcount restrictions. The prose was a bit too telling in some areas, which again, I figure has to do with the wordcount. Definitely consider turning this into a full-fledged story. Also, I’m arbitrarily nitpicky when it comes to names, so I must say it irks me you don’t call her Roseluck.

For Her Own Good: I get the idea behind this, but it was executed poorly. Everyone’s harsh reactions to each other made them out of character, not to mention that, while not so badly, you did force their accents, which is quite annoying to read. The prose was telling and overused emotions and ellipses. What resolution there was was undermined by the telling and flip-flopping emotions. And what’s a switch? If that was ever defined, I missed it in my three read-throughs. The only switch I saw was sudden and in the characters.

Mowe: Wat

A Simple Prank: Damn, that was adorable. Believable and executed so well I don’t think there’s any real room for improvment. Fluttershy’s “I was dry in a few minutes” quip was hilarious, and so was Pinkie after her sudden mood swing. Twilight’s role as a mentor of sorts really played well, especially considering that’s what we’ve seen her portrayed so much as in canon. This is certainly one of my favorites of the write-off. Please, do see if you can stretch it to a thousand words so I can favorite this.

Colticus's Continuous Caramel Cascade: Another great, hilarious piece that doesn’t suffer at all from the word restrictions. There really isn’t anything for me to say here. I liked all of it; the characters’ quibbles were timely and characterized well, and everything happened just when it needed to, and this story is perhaps the most well-executed of the bunch. No complaints from me.

Handy-Dandy: Wat 2: Wat Harder

Rainbow Dash Gets a Big Ball of Lame Stuck in Her Throat: Wat Hard with a Vengeance

After Work: This is beautiful. The execution was nearly perfect as far as I can tell. At first I thought the two characters were Rainbow Dash and Scootaloo, but the small tidbits of information that suggested otherwise engrossed me. I didn’t get who the protagonist is or signifies until that last few paragraphs, which is an admirable feat to pull off. That said, I wouldn’t mind a bit more information about the protagonist to further keep my mind dancing trying to figure out who this. Well done.

Muffins: I’m sorry, but the Time Turner / Derpy pairing irrationally irritates me to no end, to the point it detracts my attention from the story. Sorry, but I’m not going to wage a vote here.

Insufficient Postage: Kudos for showing Derpy to be quite competent and not a complete dolt. I find it hilarious she seemed to “freeze up” at realizing there was a problem but couldn’t figure out what, but that could’ve been made a bit clearer. Following the transpiring series of events was good fun, if they became a little bit more rushed to the end. Like I’ve told others, I feel this story is constricted by the wordcount limit, and that it’d greatly benefit from more flushed out scenes, and perhaps even some more being added to it.

Keepers: What goes on in this story happens a bit too fast. I understand the idea behind it, but Happy was rude when it felt like she should have been sassy. It seemed like the painting were more talked about instead of being analyzed, which would make the story stronger. Instead of taking the time to go over each piece, the story pushes the reader along just like Happy does with Berry. Also, the cursing was a bit of a turn off. Slow the story down and I’m sure it’d be something good, but as is, it’s lacking.

Sweet: This story is lopsided. Too much of it was spent on Octavia worried about being late and finding a bow instead of her being mad at Vinyl, which was more or less shoehorned in at the end. The formatting of Octavia’s internal thoughts was off putting, as such thoughts should be treated like dialogue (which it was) but felt tact on in the beginning rather than being properly inserted. All that said, the ending was certainly sweet. Octavia / Vinyl is an overused pairing, and while you might not have breathed new life into it, you certainly didn’t detract from what’s made the pairing so used to begin with.

Last Day: I don’t know what it is with people and needing to force Applejack’s accent in her dialogue. Granted, yours is pretty mild, but it’s still a minor personal annoyance. That said, I actually found myself saying “Get on with it” when reading this. For instance, you have Applejack tell Rainbow Dash something, and then there’s this big meaty paragraph that tells a very small thing, and then we get Rainbow Dash’s reply. There’s a story to tell, but it feels like the story itself doesn’t want to say it. You saved why for the very end but I don’t think it does much except for invoking some surprise. Well written, yes, but there’s nothing real interesting here. (Thanks, M.A. Larson!)

The Right Thing to Do: I didn’t quite get what was going on until the last scene, which did tie everything together well enough. Still, I felt like there was something missing early on, something to show what I was reading. I thought I was reading an Alternate Universe story where Discord won the first battle however many millennia ago, and gradually became more confused until that last scene. Maybe I missed something, I dunno. Clarity is key, and I didn’t see much of it. Also, the formatting was a bit strange. Single sentences isolated by line breaks? Many of those could have easily been combined into paragraphs, and it felt like forced dramatization to keep them separated like that, especially when said dramatic parts were largely unnecessary.

Bat for Lashes: I’ve ranted before about forced accents. Applejack’s is a bit much and Rarity was a bit verbose. Nonetheless, I liked the idea behind the story. I actually blew a raspberry at the jokes at the end. But that’s kind of all I see to the story, as everything was set up for Rarity to save the day. I suppose that’s the point, but it certainly could’ve been handled better. Everything was a bit too sudden. But hey, nonsense stories are fun. Fun story is fun.

FloydienSlip
Group Contributor

I was in the same boat as 3232871 here, in that I submitted a story minutes before the deadline. I had a lot of fun writing, and I enjoyed all of the other stories submitted.

Will post reviews sometime this week, maybe tonight if I can swing it.

Chris
Group Contributor

3234990

I may indeed be on crack, as I just re-read Keepers and I'm still not getting any pregnancy vibes. I mean, I can see how "You've got a b**** inside you" could be talking about that, but... I don't know, maybe I'm just being obtuse, but even with you dragging my face in it, I'm still not seeing anything which makes that feel like an obvious, or even natural, reading of the initial conversation to me.

Eh, I'm probably just being an idiot again.

As for "there's no pony swearing," though? You'd better believe I'd write you up for cursing if you used that word in my classroom, mister!

Bad Horse
Group Contributor

3236127 I'll agree with you on 2 points:
1. We're unlikely to hear the word "bitch" on the show.
2. If she isn't pregnant, the story is pointless and kinda bizarre. But consider: The title is "Keepers". The only reference to it in the story is the line "I know which mistakes to keep." Berry came to see Happy because she made a "big mistake" involving a stallion and thinks Happy knows about mistakes, and Happy responded by showing Berry mistakes she's made that she decided to keep because they worked out for the better. She ends by giving Berry advice on how to make her decision (what decision?) and telling Berry that she can be strong, and we find that her full name is Happy Mistake.

Aquaman
Group Contributor

It's 3:30 AM and I'm only awake because of the soda and ice cream that got me through eight hours of work tonight. This seems an excellent time to go ahead and write up my reviews for all 21 entries. Lesgo.

(Also I'm gonna add in the votes I gave each one because why not, and leave them unspoilered because who has time to read full reviews anymore. There weren't any 1s or 10s in my book, but these definitely ran the gamut between those two extremes.)

Alone I Clench My Gun: I'll admit to having a heavy bias against depictions of warfare in Equestria, primarily because they're really easy to screw up and a lot of "edgy" authors do so often. On that front, this is far from the worst I've ever seen, but as was the case with many of these entries, this was a concept that needed way more than 750 words to work right. The enemy soldier going full cheesy Nazi analogue at the end was the last straw that pushed this below the median for me. 4/10.

Worth It: I waffled between 7 and 8 for a while on this one, and eventually leaned towards the latter at the last second. There's definitely a sense that the word count maximum limited this one, but it handled that a lot better than most others did. As it stands, it's a nice little slice-of-life piece that, for once, doesn't paint immortality as a miserable existential curse. Sometimes it's nice to look on the bright side. 7.5/10, rounded up to 8/10 for voting.

Basking: This one raised more questions than it answered, and the more I think about them the less I'm inclined to think I just missed or misread something. Celestia says she "didn't have the luxury" of sleeping in when she got sick while Luna was banished, but it doesn't really seem like her sleeping in was a "choice" this time. And at the same time that I don't get what Celestia's trying to imply about eternal night, I'm also picking up a weird vibe of Twilight thinking about abusing her newfound sun-raising abilities. The last bit's probably just me wanting to turn everything grimdark like I usually do, but the rest stuck out enough to knock this down a few pegs in the rankings. 5/10

Cabbyl-Ushtey: Heh. "Water Horse". Clever thought, and nice job anticipating that I'm a sucker for horror stuff. Unfortunately, that proclivity of mine also means that I saw the end coming from a mile away, and that level of predictability combined with a lack of characterization or noteworthy style means I can't give this much extra credit. Perhaps this is another one that would've been better suited to a larger word count. 6/10

It Never Changes: God, this was hokey. I mean, full-on syrupy-sweet, the exact kind of thing I normally have little patience for, if any at all. And yet, for whatever reason, I found myself more or less okay with this one. The repetition of the central phrase worked well thanks to the thematic shift in its meaning with each scene, which is something that a lot of the corny stories I hate don't do very well. So with that being said, it may be nothing more than a well-executed sugar-fest, but I suppose that's reason enough for a passing grade. 7/10

Experimental Error: Man, this one just blue-balled me. I swear I thought this was building up to a reveal that Twilight had killed a clone of herself or something so the black humor vibe I was getting the whole way through would pay off, and then in the end there was just... nothing. No punchline, no addressing of Twilight and Spike's morbid complacency in lieu of that, not even really any conclusion at all. Just an interesting train of thought that never finished boarding at the station. 3/10.

Wrong Book Rose: Very much like the previous entry, this one suffered from a bad case of Disappointing Payoff Syndrome, though at least it had a definite conclusion to it. This is definitely one I would've wanted to see more length to if the situation allowed for it, but as a writer you have to be able to play by whatever rules apply if you want to win a contest like this. The ending stinger could've been reworked a bit too, since it comes off as really forced in its current form. 6/10

For Her Own Good: I'm going to give this one perhaps more credit then it's due based purely on my interpretation of the events surrounding it, which is that it occurred relatively soon after the death of AJ and Apple Bloom's parents. If that assumption is given, this is a pretty powerful display of emotion for the two of them, if a little extreme at times and cramped by the word count. 8/10

Mowe: There's definitely an audience for fics like this, and I am and have always been squarely not in it. I can grant it a point for sheer what-the-fuck-itude, but that's about all a random-tagged pseudo-hard-vore fic that just barely doesn't imply Applecest is gonna get from me. To each their own. 2/10

A Simple Prank: Of all the entries, this is one of the few that worked perfectly within the confines of the writeoff: it's short, simple, silly, and begins middles and ends neatly inside 750 words. Plus, Pinkie has a time machine and a novel's worth of adventures with it completely off-screen. The best time-travel jokes are the ones that technically never happened. 9/10

Colticus's Continuous Caramel Crusade: Another silly one that's designed for a short and sweet (pun intended, because duh) payoff, but with a couple issues that prevent it from equaling the previous entry. First... Twilight fucking up a spell. Ech. Second, Twilight fucking up a spell in a way that she clearly should've known better than to try. Ech^2. And third, it's a bit of a copout to use your 750 words to give a Wikipedia summary of a longer story. Not quite ech-worthy, but still a minor deduction. 7/10

Handy-Dandy: I was all set for this to be a one-off joke about Equestria Trixie and EqG Trixie switching places. I was happy reading a one-off joke about Equestria Trixie and EqG Trixie switching places. And then... Lyra. Hands. Explosions. God dammit, we went full random again, and this one almost hurts more because it could've totally worked without that. 3/10

Rainbow Dash Gets A Big Ball of Lame Stuck In Her Throat: There are certain somethings that terrible puns need in order to work as jokes, and they include the following: a timely revelation of the punchline, a proper buildup to said punchline, and an actual punchline at all. This entry had none of those somethings. All it had was a terrible pun. That's one out of four, and I'm rounding down. 2/10

After Work: So this is literally just The Book Thief compressed into 750 words and written about horses instead of Nazis. That being said, it does a really good job of being The Book Thief, down to even the specific stylistic trappings (i.e. the personification of Death as a curious observer, the thematic focus on color, the implication that Liesel is a chicken). And honestly? That works for me. I've never been a stickler about concept over style, and this one's dripping with the latter. Plus a second read-through reveals a lot of deliberate word choices that really hammer home the twist at the end. It won't beat something like A Simple Prank and it probably shouldn't, but it's still up there in at least the top 5. 8.5/10, rounded up to 9/10 for voting.

Muffins: It sounds petty to say that I didn't hate this one as much as I thought I would, but given how much I'm not a fan of anything Doctor Whooves (especially anything shipping him with Derpy), that means a little more in context. It's a little awkward and kitschy at times, but also genuinely sweet through its stumbles. Considering my admitted preexisting biases, middle of the road's a fair spot for this to be in my mind. 5/10

Insufficient Postage: Big points for this one fitting neatly into 750 words and still managing to make a multi-part comedy through escalation work. On the other hand, the opening scene gives some big mixed messages about how competent Derpy is--she seemed refreshingly capable at the beginning, and then the (somewhat forced) narrative confusion over what was wrong kind of felt like it was negating all that. It's a little blemish, but enough to put this one just below the frontrunners. 8/10

Keepers: This was probably the one I changed my vote on the most out of any other, and in the name of full disclosure, I only made my final decision once a couple other reviews pointed out the pregnancy angle that completely flew over my head. Assuming that's valid, this is a pretty fantastic bit of subtlety centered around an entertaining OC, but at the same time Happy Mistake is both a little inconsistently characterized and a little too complex to be satisfactorily expressed in 750 words. And although I don't personally mind it at all, there's definitely a case to be made about the swearing being unnecessary too. 8.5/10, rounded up to 9/10 for voting.

Sweet: In the sense that it's a ship I'm not a huge fan of that manages to do a little something special with it anyway, this one's very similar to Muffins. That being said, several of the points against this brought up in other reviews rang true for me as well, and I'll add on that I don't think it's very common for classical musicians to play without sheet music (though I could be totally wrong about that). 5/10

Last Day: Fortunately, it was a rarity this time around for me to find an entry with a great concept that didn't quite have the execution to pull it off. Unfortunately, I felt this was the exception to that trend here. The prose is unnecessarily verbose--in a weird way, it almost felt like the author was trying to inflate the word count to reach 750. At the same time, it seemed they were trying for a naturalistic style, but the asides to elements of the setting didn't mesh with what was supposed to be happening to the characters residing in it. It's a neat idea with a good emotional kick to it, but it could've been neater and had a bigger kick. 7/10

The Right Thing To Do: Of all the entries, this was the one that most needed to be more than 750 words. I actually had a bit of trouble even piecing together what was happening, and even once I figured it out I wished there'd been more detail to help me along. For what it's worth, the author did as well as they could with the space they had, but some concepts can only work so well within certain boundaries. 7/10

Bat For Lashes: The proper setup and execution of the horrible pun here was offset by the fact that holy shit that was a horrible pun. A groan is worthy of a score above the median, but just barely. 6/10


I stumbled onto this group thanks to Chris' blog. I'll definitely be keeping an eye on it, maybe I'll even submit something at a later date...

That said, I wanted to post some short reviews of the stories.

1. Alone I Clench My Gun - For something so over the top, I found it to be kind of dry and far too reliant on the shock factor of war in Equestria. The problem is that there is no real personal connection to any of the events, and the violence is standard war story fare without anything to make it stand out in any way. The dark oppresive nature of the fic is overused and loses impact thanks to needless repetition. The ending wasn't shocking as much as it was thrown in there without any real purpose, I don't know what I'm supposed to take away from it. Finally, I could have taken the Pony elements out of this story and there would not have been a single thing lost. It's far too generic. I didn't like it at all.

2. Worth It - A somewhat fluffy story, but enjoyable none-the-less. I like Twilight's and Spike's interactions, and the ending is both thematically coherent and ties the story together very well. I've gotten somewhat tired of the whole 'Immortality Sucks' theme a lot of similar stories try to force down my throat. While I probably would have preferred a little more discussion of the pros/cons of immortality, I was moved enough by the ending to forgive the fact that I want to see more. (That's more of a compliment than anything anyway). Definitely one of my favorites.

3. Basking - I really enjoyed the build-up here. Especially the first few paragraphs where Celestia's condition is revealed. The pay-off was somewhat underwhelming, mainly because lifting the sun seems somewhat incidental to the plot and the pacing feels a bit rushed. Regardless, I did enjoy the concepts put forth and would look forward to seeing them explored in greater detail. It's definitely very good, and the main complaint is the pacing, besides that it was very enjoyable.

4. Cabbyl-Ushtey - Usually, I enjoy stories in the vein of fairy tales. In this case however, I just couldn't get into it, part of it was how this just feels like it's been taken from real-word mythology and thrust into equestria without much alteration and because there really isn't much here besides 'stallions are perverts and should be careful they don't get killed by monsters disguised as pretty mares'. Things just sort of happen and I just couldn't really get invested into what was happening. It was just too obvious and lacking nuance.

5. It Never Changes - A simple story about the love of Celestia and Luna. I like the way this fic uses repeated dialogue and repetition of themes to really drive home the point the author is trying to make. Love doesn't change, regardless of what mistakes we've made or how big those mistakes are. I liked the beginning with Celesita and Luna as fillies, and while the basic idea isn't that new, I felt it was well done and helps me connect with what the sisters are going through. I really enjoy that it ends by having the normally reserved Luna break her previous silence in order to comfort her sister; it's shows that their love goes both ways and is a nice role-reversal from earlier in the fic.

6. Experimental Error - Was funny at parts, but it felt somewhat sluggish and restrained. Things are stated in a very matter of fact way and just don't have the nuance that would have made this fic a darkly humorous work. The tone was just too belabored to really reach it's full potential, instead it just feels clumsy.

7. Wrong Book Rose - Another story that had some nice humor at parts, but this time the problem is that it feels like there could have been a lot more humor had with the concept. Waddling monstrous plants should have some inherent humor to it, but there just isn't enough wackiness to really make the joke work. I probably would have been fine with the story if it hadn't been for the utterly pointless ending. If randomly killing off a character is the only idea for one last joke that you have, you may want to rethink the joke.

8. For Her Own Good - This was definitely something. I liked the ending, but the story was somewhat awkward as a whole. The portrayals of Applejack and Apple Bloom just don't feel right here, they seem too hateful, and being an older brother myself, I know that even the best of families get into harsh fights, however, the character's seem to flip-flop too much and I can't really become invested in the conflict. For example: early on there is a line where Applejack cuts off a curse at her little sister, this seems just so out of character for her, even if she's angry, later she wants Applebloom to punish her which just comes out of nowhere. I think that the core idea of this story can work, after all, the love/hate relationship between siblings is what I love about Lilo and Stitch. In fact, if it were those characters in this situation instead of AJ and Apple Bloom, I'd probably buy it, because it was set up in the film just how dysfunctional they were as a family unit. Here, though, it just doesn't work, at least, not without some more set up.


9. Mowe - I didn't like this very much; the premise was bizarre, but not in a way that I found funny. I freely admit that this isn't a story that I would have liked unless it was well done; however, I don't see anything that stands out enough for me to I can vouch for it's quality despite my preferences.

10. A Simple Prank - This was funny, heartwarming, touching and even had a good message at the end. I loved the characterization, the writing was excellent, the situation was believable and the only part that reached into ridiculousness (the time machine) was appropiately played for laughs. There are lots of great moments throughout and I honestly think that there's something for everyone here.

11. Colticus's Continuous Caramel Cascade - Another goofy comedic piece, though this one is focused completely on humor. It's a ridiculous concept, but the characters reactions while they explain what's happened are really good. There are good jokes throughout and I got quite a few chuckles from such a short fic. Note: the premise is extremely goofy and extremely over the top, if that bothers you then your enjoyment of the fic will probably suffer. I'd still check it out though.

12. Handy-Dandy - Wierd, random and not very funny. At first, I thought that it would be interesting, with Trixie giving some ridiculous expanation to RD, however, the poorly concieved meta-jokes, extremely unfocused plotting and a generally nonsensical story make it hard to really treat this seriously as either a comedy or random story. The story relies on this bizarre nature to carry the fic, but it comes across as self-indulgent and relying on the strange events over good comedy or coherent storytelling.

13. Rainbow Dash Gets a Big Ball of Lame Stuck in Her Throat - For a fic that was basically all for one silly pun, this is adequate. Also, I laughed hard at the flabbergasted-because-Pinkie Pie line. That should be a default descriptor for Pony Fanfics. The story as a whole is not constantly laught out loud funny, but it is not offensive and is has enough funny to keep the reader interested.

14. After Work - I saw the twist coming pretty early on, and it reminds me of a lot of similar stories about death. In fact, in many circles, this interpretation is starting to become the primary characterization for death. Fortunately, it's handled very well here, and having Scootaloo being the dying pony is a great way to subtly poke fun at one of the fandom cliches. My only real complaint is that it wasn't as shocking or emotionally wrenching as it could be (and I felt that the final conclusion made by death was a bit hastily made) but I enjoyed it greatly none the less.

15. Muffins - Cute, fluffy, inoffensive. It's not my thing, when I go for shipping I generally want something with either more characterization or with a stronger plot. I won't deny that it is a quality story, and for what it is, it was fine. I will say that making the characters Ditzy and Time Turner seemed unnecessary and that I felt that almost severely hurting Ditzy could have been handled with a bit more weight.

16. - Insufficient Postage - I have a positive predisposition towards stories that have overblown consequences as the result of a minor cause (also known as 'for want of a nail'). This one was especially good because as I was reading it I was following along, wondering the whole time how the author would incorporate everything, only to laugh once it all fell into place. Now, the reveal is telegraphed, but the buildup for the punchline is excellent with each event flowing into the next one in a easy to follow manner. Also, despite not being the hugest fan of Cakelestia jokes, "Cake First, Sun Second" had me in stitches.

17. Keepers - Good OC characterization, a solid concept and a good moral help make up this story. Now, I originally didn't think that Berry was pregnant, but seeing Bad Horse's explanation, it makes a lot of sense. Assuming that is the case, this is really, really good. It's subtle, but the clues are there, and the pregnancy gives the fic some sorely needed gravity. As there is now something tangible to deal with, and it helps ground the story.

18. Sweet - Not bad, it's a nice character piece about ponies not getting along. There isn't anything especially new in that regard, however, the conflict seems mostly believable, the moral is solid without being condescending and it works fairly well for what it is. It does have issues with coherency, and I have to say that it's not immediately clear that the main issue is Octavia's anger at Vinyl. There are also some issues with plotting, events happen a bit fast and can be hard to follow.

19. Last Day - This fic managed to believably keep me in the dark about Rainbow becoming an Alicorn (to a degree, I realized it before the actual reveal was made). I felt that the ending is important because it frames the story as Rainbow having one last day as herself before a big change, and it symbolizes her own fears and worries about inadequacy, which is completely in character for her. She has to deal with all her baggage one last time before the most monumental change in her life takes place. I relate to that. Very enjoyable story.

20. The Right Thing to Do - I could not follow this very well, is this supposed to be a tragedy, showing the consequences Celestia's decisions? Is it simply a look at a possible outcome for Discord's reforming? Is it supposed to be about Luna's and Celestia's relationship being tested? The scenes don't seem to be in any order and it's not clear just what is actually happening and what the point of the story is. It's simply too incoherent for me to make any real judgement on it.

21. Bat For Lashes - One last goofy story. I honestly didn't find it all that funny, and the message was laid just a bit thickly, however, it works well for what it is. Things like Rarity using mascara as a bludgeoning weapon and as a way to save AJ works, and it's funny enough to be enjoyable on it's own right. It's not great, but it's a nice straightforward story that works well as a Rarity/AJ centered fic.

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer
Group Admin

3236301
This is an extremely interesting reading and would elevate the piece beyond simply an introduction to an admittedly interesting OC.

Bad Horse
Group Contributor

3237605 The problem with it is: When does Happy know, & how does she know? She doesn't know at the start; she doesn't get enough info to figure it out; she doesn't seem to realize it at any point; yet she knows by the end.

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer
Group Admin

3237784
She has Sassy Black Lady sense. :B

Aquaman
Group Contributor

Just about 24 hours left, y'all. I'm hype.

Even though it's been four days since anyone's been active and I'll never understand why voting always has to be a week long when it's always basically done after three days.

FloydienSlip
Group Contributor

Spoiler-free reviews (took me long enough):

Alone I Clench My Gun: This didn't really feel like a pony story, per se. To be honest, it was too repetitive and formulaic for the payoff, which ultimately didn't amount to much. It would work far better as a longer story.

Worth It: Very cute story. The interactions between characters work very well. The ending was also nice and brought the story together, but it could use a bit more substance.

Basking: I really liked the first scene in this, but this is one of those stories that needs to be expanded in order to fully explore its ideas. Nice work.

Cabbyl-Ushtey: Interesting idea, but I disliked the protagonist. He made the ending completely void of emotion, which I think is the opposite of what you were trying to go for. This also didn't feel like a pony story.

It Never Changes: Very sweet and fluffy, but I take some issue with the second scene, because it doesn't really make sense as far as what we've seen in the show. Still, nice one.

Experimental Error: I feel like this had potential to be both dark and funny, but it's ultimately not fleshed out enough in either section to achieve this. Still, there were some good bits, and I really like the idea.

Wrong Book Rose: So this had a lot of potential, but the execution was lacking. It seems like you didn't include the interesting parts, and the ending was meh. The idea itself is worth expanding upon, though.

For Her Own Good: Another which would have worked better as a longer piece. The whole exchange seemed to come out of left field, and some more setup would have made this better. Liked the ending, though.

Mowe: Well, this was... uh... something. I'm not sure whether you were trying to make this comedic or not, but I ultimately was turned off by this. The writing itself is fine, but... man, I don't even know.

A Simple Prank: I think this may be my favorite entry. Everything about this just worked so well, from the idea to the characters to the writing. Excellent job on this.

Colticus's Continuous Caramel Cascade: That alliteration, though. Another one I really liked, particularly because of the dialogue and sheer ridiculousness of the concept. This was also one of the few that functioned extremely well as a minific. Nice work.

Handy-Dandy: Also ridiculous, but this one didn't quite work. There was at least one fandom take on the show that added nothing to the story, and the ending wasn't particularly funny.

Rainbow Dash Gets a Big Ball of Lame Stuck in Her Throat: This one certainly caught my attention first, I'll give you that. Unfortunately, the payoff just wasn't enough to make the title worth it, and the ending needs work.

After Work: Very sweet and meaningful story, but it was a bit too predictable to give the ending any real impact. Well written, regardless.

Muffins: This would have been slightly better had this been written in past tense. I applaud the attempt at the setup, but I feel like expanding the last hundred words or so would have made for a better story.

Insufficient Postage: I'll admit, I love stories like this, so I might be a little biased. That said, I really liked this one. The only advice I have is, if/when you publish this on Fimfic, absolutely consider expanding each scene.

Keepers: Wow. This one was powerful. My only complaint is that of slight inconsistencies in characterization. The moral was good and really strengthened the story.

Sweet: Unfortunately, I've seen the idea done to death, and it felt far too chaotic and rushed. There were definitely parts that could have been dropped without losing anything from the story.

Last Day: Really strong emotional impact, but this one felt... verbose, really. A lot more could have happened here than what did, if only you had cut out some of the purpleness. Very nice, regardless.

The Right Thing to Do: Intriguing concept, but I must admit that I got lost. This did not belong in a minific writeoff; a lot more setup and detail needed to be included in order for this to have worked.

Bat for Lashes: Out of all of the stories here, this story's characterization is the one that really stuck with me, and I'm sure it was a blast to write. I'd love to see this as a full story. My only complaint is that the ending is forced (and y'all know exactly what I mean by that).

Great job to all of the writers who participated!

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer
Group Admin

OKAY

This was my worst showing in a writeoff ever, and goddamn did I have a ton of fun doing it. :D I have no regrets, though I'll apologize for bamboozling the voting crowd. Got my second Wooden Spoon though! :3

Bat for Lashes was written entirely to spoof on Sleepless in Ponyville, I'm sure most people noticed that. I thought it was my best shot for a decent score, and it did finish the highest out of all my stuff. I don't think I could really turn it into a full-length story, but thank you to the people who thought I could. The title, fyi, is the name of an indie band.

Rainbow Dash Gets a Big Ball of etc. riffs on a single line from Three's a Crowd. I actually had to Google the title to remind myself just where the idea came from. I didn't do a good job making it a story, per se, but I'm glad people were amused. Mowe comes from something a friend of mine once said: "Applejack was a fat baby. And her parents are dead." I guess I messed up actually making it funny and not mind-scarring. Oops. :B

As for Handy-Dandy, it's the culmination of three separate ideas (Trixie likes Handi-Snacks and Rainbow Dash doesn't know what hands are; Trixie and her human counterpart switch places regularly; and Rainbow Dash doesn't know what hands are and meets Lyra, then explodes). Y'all need to get some appreciation for bad fandom references, I swear. :V On to the feedback.

3233291

how could Dash have never heard of hands?

At the end of the movie, she goes, "What are hands?" So regardless of whether or not she's seen them, she doesn't know what they are. :V It's canon!

3234945

So the purpose of this story is to make a pun about the word lamé? But you didn't make the pun!

I did though! (This was the hardest thing not to respond to!) Regardez-vous:

Rainbow Dash massaged her neck, glaring balefully at the large, spit-covered yellow wad nearby.

I just cannot for the life of me figure out how Rainbow Dash was able to swallow an entire bolt of my best gold lamé!

3235919
Know that your responses to my stories amused me. :V Did you figure they were written by the same person?

Aquaman
Group Contributor

Well, since the results are out, I can go ahead and admit that my review of my own fic pretty much covered all of my thoughts about it. I got the idea quickly enough to not think it through before writing it, and after realizing halfway through that I was just doing what The Book Thief already did much better, I figured what the hell, might as well go whole-hog down that route. It was a lot of fun picking what words and motifs I wanted to focus on, and making it all work in 750 words felt pretty awesome no matter what the results ended up being. And all things considered, I'm pretty happy with placing 4th anyway (and with being 4 for 4 on showing up on the most controversial list too).

Bad Horse
Group Contributor

3252125

So the purpose of this story is to make a pun about the word lamé? But you didn't make the pun!

I did though! (This was the hardest thing not to respond to!) Regardez-vous:

I was expecting Rainbow Dash to say at the end, "It was... lamé." :rainbowkiss:

Bad Horse
Group Contributor

3233291 3249376 Can you remember the specific parts where you thought voicing or character was inconsistent in "Keepers"?

Chris
Group Contributor

Well, congrats to all! I really liked both of the other top three stories, and this was overall just a fun group to read. A few thoughts:

-I got really excited when I saw Bob had written the winner, thinking he might be back... but I guess not. Oh well. Bob, on the off-chance that you ever see this, I'm just glad that you're in a headspace where you can write--especially when you can still turn out a well-deserved winner like that.

-PP, don't you go telling me that us voters don't appreciate puns. You just need to learn the difference between a pun and a reference. Repeating a meme does not a joke make--it's the joke you make with the meme that matters. Now, go sit in the Seltzer-Friedberg corner and think about what you've done!

-Lot of great names here! That's always nice to see. And a few newbies--also always nice to see. Aw heck, it's nice to see you all! I may still be in a good mood because my story did well.

3237407
-Now that the voting's over, I feel obligated to point out that Twi did not, in fact, f*** up a spell: it worked exactly as intended, dangit! And we know from the show that casting something without knowing what effect it will have isn't exactly new for her...

3252586
-Perhaps "inconsistent" was too strong a word, in retrospect, but I'm thinking about the fact that she talks about her art like someone who's had a formal education, and is speaking at least semi-formally ("Look how stiff his back is, how straight he sits. I copied the pose from a sketch of a player at the High Tails"), yet the rest of her dialogue is, as PP put it, "sassy black woman." Those two verbal traits could, obviously, be reconciled within the same character, but (due to space constraints preventing you from expanding upon Happy's personal style, I have no doubt) to me they felt disjointed side-by-side.

-For reference, the story I personally thought got the least credit from the other reviewers was "Mowe." I mean, I think I gave it a five or six, so it's not like I'm saying it should have won... but how can I possibly be the only one who thinks that Babyjack nomming down mom and dad while Mac looks on in mute horror is to over-the-top absurd to help laughing at? (No Present, you can't leave your corner yet)

-In conclusion, good job again to everyone! I had a lot of fun reading these, and I know I'm not the only one.

Axis of Rotation
Group Contributor

3233291 3233304 3235023 3235919 3237407 3237436 3249376
Man, what a blast! :yay: I appreciate all the reviews and criticism guys. I had never attempted something like this before--and it shows--but now I feel like I have a good grasp on it. Confidently shall I stride into the next minific writeoff!

Anyway, I wanted to clear the air a bit concerning "The Right Thing To Do" (crappy title :P), since, to quote presentperfect, the general reaction was: "I'm kind of lost". In short, the inspiration came from a single scene I had thought up a while ago, which began with Luna and Celestia fighting Discord, leading (I hoped) the reader to assume this was right before his pre-Nightmare Moon imprisonment. I would then, mid-battle, reveal a discorded mane six, revealing the truth and (hopefully) eliciting surprise. That was basically the drive behind the story; to create a feeling of surprise. As the prompt was about mistakes, obviously Celestia choosing to reform Discord was the obvious thing to focus on in that regard. But since that was a rather big mistake, and the prompt said "little", I added the (albeit not much smaller) mistake of Celestia not telling Luna her plans prior, and focused more on that. I tried as well to emphasize Luna's anger at her sister, as well as Celestia's guilt, both of which prevented them from utilizing the elements.

The structure was three scenes, A, B, & C, split up as A, C, B, C, A. And here Alphabetical order represents chronological order (so scene A is the earliest in time, and C the latest). Yeah, obviously I tried to be way too complicated and subtle for a simple 750 words. The original draft was 1800, and it really shows, so I don't blame anyone for being super confused. Paragraphs were also practically nonexistent because I cut most of them down to one or two sentences, but didn't think to combine what was left into new paragraphs. Oops.

So that's just about it. Thanks again for all the feedback. Speaking of which, I did write reviews, and I'll post them right after this, if anyone still happens to be interested in what I thought (unlikely).

Oh! And congrats BobFromBottles, Chris, and RazgrizS57 on getting the top three! :yay: It was a lot of fun reading everyone's entries, and with how short they were, for once in my life I felt like a fast reader. :derpytongue2:

  • Viewing 1 - 50 of 61