Review of "For All To See" by Pearple Prose.

This was one of the first stories I did that I somewhat enjoyed. While my disapproval of the latter half of it was no exaggeration, it's always better to have a story that disappoints than one that doesn't engage me at all, at least from a reviewing standpoint. As far as enjoying the story goes, being disappointed is... well, more frustrating, but at least there's more to talk about.

Enjoy!

Also, a note for the other reviewers: if you want, you too could leave a few words about your own reviews when you post them. Think of them as a sort of "commentary" or "retrospective" or whatever. Might help make these things more interesting to read as well.

Well, it seems I am going to tackle a real beast with this review, because my neverending quest to steadily clear the sodding backlog of the group has now led me to one of the much dreaded “one-shot stories with a ‘romance’ label.” And not just any kind of romance, but the “Oooh, I am going to have my favorite canon characters shag each other” kind, which is pretty much the definition of the rest of the world’s distaste for the brony fandom. With the exception of the manufacturers of extra-absorbent tissues, of course. After all, no matter what orifice it comes out from, as long as there are fluids oozing out of their bodies, they are more than happy to provide something to clean it up.

Having said that, despite my contempt for this particular genre, I am willing to accept that there’s a possibility for any story concept to be done well, no matter how unappealing it may sound at first. And this story certainly did not harbor much appeal at first glance. Twilight and Luna shipping? Have I truly descended to such a level? Of course, I must mention that the only things to actually give away this detail were the character tags, since the title and the short description were not nearly as informative. Instead, they actually felt quite subtle and interesting, enough to actually give me some hope that this voyage might not be a doomed one after all.

I won’t bore you with a very detailed description of the plot, because: a) it is very short, and b) it isn’t particularly interesting. Luna is apparently a self-proclaimed “artist” who likes to work incognito from time to time, and while I was hoping this involved something along the lines of “drowning Canterlot in hateful graffiti,” or “performing an orgy on a crowded street,” obviously her true “art” is “redesigning the night sky with the Equestrian equivalent of MS Paint every now and then.” Short story shorter: she struggles to come up with the perfect gift for her lover, the purple unicorn with a syndrome named after her herself. She confronts her inner demons, Miss “I’m a princess too now” comforts her at her weakest moment, she gains true inspiration, I fall asleep. As far as a story concept goes, it is anything but original, and its short length leaves little room to expand upon it and thus give it a great deal of distinction from the rest of the dozens of identical stories that came out during the five minutes that you have already spent reading this review.

This is the point where an author must instead rely on good characterization and atmosphere in order to make their story interesting, and as far as these details go, For All To See does fairly well. Despite it not being that remarkable, I found myself genuinely immersed in the scene playing out before me. The writing maintained its subtlety almost all the way through, never “outstaying its welcome” with what it tried to present to me, never really trying to force a message in a scenario where most make the mistake of trying to shove an emotion into the readers’ brains like a fucking ice pick during a “do it yourself” lobotomy. All the way until the end, unfortunately, where we are forcefully introduced to Luna’s “inner Nightmare” or whatever, as it attempts to exploit her vulnerable emotional state. On its own, this still wouldn’t be a problem, but the cliches start piling up very rapidly from that point on. The pacing, too, manages to stumble over this very pile and crash straight through the window, plummeting to its untimely death on the street below while the bystanders just point and laugh.

Oh yes, here we go again: “Shut up hysterical love interest with a kiss out of nowhere, calming her down instantly.” How many times will I have to see this shitty trope? And the fact that it is immediately followed up by a jump to “You poor thing, you were alone for so long”, and then to… Actually, I’m not even going to quote that. Not because it is “mature content”, but because I find it embarrassing to even know that it exists. All that you really need to know is that Twilight speaks and acts like a cross between herself, a whore, and a retarded child, and all three of these personalities attempt to burst forth at the exact same time. One tends to wonder just what kind of taste the princess has to want a lover such as her.

Anyway, the point is: pacing. Don’t try to cut corners with it when you shouldn’t. If you actually intend to be taken seriously, you can’t just jump around with the mood in a single section like it’s a fucking pogo stick. Either have the characters confront each other properly, or cut out the confrontation altogether, and have your main character resolve their issues on their own.

Moving on, the ending does its best to get things back on track, providing a decent visual and what I could more or less call “closure,” but at this point the damage had already been done. No amount of good atmosphere and characterization (which, by the way, is missing entirely for Twilight) is going to redeem the author for creating the image of these two characters getting intimate in the stupidest way imaginable. I almost feel sorry for the person who decided to record a reading of this story, and thus forcing themselves to actually read this section out loud, but then again it was a decision that they made on their own, and that pretty much tells me everything I need to know about their level of intelligence.

Overall, while it is otherwise a fine example of Pearple Prose’s capabilities as an author, the taste this story left in my mouth ultimately relegates it to just one more unimaginative bowel movement produced by a pathetic fandom that wanks to colorful talking horses. It’s stories like these that actually keep one of my friends unwilling to read any MLP fanfiction, since “they always have everypony shagging everypony in them.

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Well done! Very funny and insightful.