From 2135D:

The Marionetter

Ever since her return to the strange kingdom of Canterlot, Luna has had to adjust to significant change. While some of it has been bizarre, one change she adores is the newfound nightlife.

Of late, there is an addition to this nightlife that has drawn her interest; a performance said to be unlike any other. While she does not take interest in the so called 'unseen', she does wish to see it before the week is done. This is the first act she has heard of that dares to tell the story of her fall to Nightmare Moon.

There are many bizarre changes in the new kingdom; this one, however, will prove to be the strangest one yet.

There's just nothing that grabs one's attention about this in the first couple of chapters. Writing is serviceable, but not fantastic, and I'm just not invested in the plot.

Meh. It's not terrible, but it still gets a thumbs down.

Read through the first three chapters.

There were some elements here I appreciated a lot, including much of the performance in the first chapter (And that the rhymes were actually not bad - egregiously awful rhyming sets me off. Plus the twisty syntax to make them fit actually works in the setting of a play)

But that being said, there are issues that just made it hard for me to continue. First, there's a considerable number of grammar, spelling, etc errors floating around that kept distracting me. A really good proofreader would help a lot. Secondly, and harder to fix, huge chunks of the story are nothing but dialogue, no actions, not even any speech tags, and it makes it tough to get through. The style is very formal (except for a couple of occasions where it breaks from the formality, and where it sounds a little odd) and as a result, it comes across as wordy, compounded by a lack of action and conflict. That hurts in terms of connecting to the characters. From ch3 I can guess as to the overall arc you're going for, but the characters seem so detached that there's not as much of a reason to want to continue on.

Normal caveats, re: not reading the rest of the story, but if you can't give me a solid hook in 3 chapters, you're already missing out on much of your audience.

-thumbs down-

This is ambitious, and coming from me, I think that's not small praise.

This is the kind of story I like seeing told, the sort that seems to try to use HiE not as a crutch but as a tool for a purpose. It's clear this isn't lazy storytelling but a labor of distinct effort.

Unfortunately, the beauty of any raw gemstone is difficult to see. Diamonds look like chunks of most other crystals to a plain eye, and it's hard to catch sight of the ambitious effort involved in a fic like this because of the rough edges and lack of polish.

I want to give this a thumbs up. It's gutsy. It clearly makes no bones about wanting to do something great, and it's solid. Unfortunately, it needs to go further than it does in terms of polish.

Thumbs down, reluctantly.