It's that time again! This week's story on the reviewers' chopping block is A Challenge for Fleur, written by yours truly, PaulAsaran. Challenge was the winner of January's FleurXBig MacIntosh contest, bumping it up to the top of our review list!

Our reviewers for this story include our Lord and Founder, The Bean, and the ne and only TimeLord_Whooves!

First up, Timelord:

The story starts out with Fleur de Lis meeting with her boss, Fine Crime, where she also meets Big McIntosh, who, being his normal stoic self, pays her little mind which she finds insulting. Leaving the red stallion to his work, she sets off to the Everfree to do her job. As Big Mac is about to leave Fine Crime’s house, he spots a worried looking mare running into the forest which he follows to find out why she looks worried. As he is barreling through the trees, he passes by Fleur who then gives chase to keep Big Mac from finding the dark secret she and Fine Crime had been trying to hide from everypony.

Now, I’d normally see this as a con unless it’s done right and it’s done right in this story, the switch between the perspectives of Fleur and Big Mac was masterfully placed at key points in the story. I like how it takes a while for the love to develop which isn’t seen in stories as much as I’d like. I absolutely loved the big finish on this; definitely my biggest pro is the buildup in the last chapter. Enough of the good stuff, I did find some minor grammar and spelling mistakes, about 2 to 4 per chapter which is not bad at all, even for such short chapters.

In the end, the story was very good; I absolutely loved it. It had me hooked right from the first chapter. I would definitely recommend it to anyone up for a good story.

Aww, you make me blush.

And now, The Bean:

A Challenge for Fleur is actually a pseudo-sequel to October contest entrant The Challenge of Fleur. Whereas in The Challenge of Fleur, Belle Fleur de Lis was merely the driving force behind the plot; in A Challenge for Fleur she’s the protagonist.

The premise seems simple enough; Fleur comes to Ponyville to take care of something or other for her boss, Fine Crime. But this actually, brings us to our first problem: in the world that this story takes place in, Fleur de Lis is a master illusionist. And nowhere in the beginning of the story is this mentioned; in fact, it’s not actually mentioned until after the major conflict is over. Essentially this means that if one is not familiar with Asaran’s previous work, they’ll be left scratching their head trying to figure out why a Canterlot supermodel is throwing fireballs around like unwanted fruitcakes at a holiday office party.

But I digress, anyways, at Fine Crime’s mansion, Fleur meets Big Macintosh (I refuse to spell his name McIntosh) and this is where the story’s second problem becomes apparent: the driving force behind Fleur’s visit to Ponyville—and consequently her meeting Big Macintosh— is none other than the illustrious Sunny Town. If you have no idea what Sunny Town is well, that’s the problem. Sunny Town is a macabre flash-game on Newgrounds. It has what amounts to a cult following on Fimfiction and a few fanfic adaptations. And Sunny Town’s presence within the context of the story is never explained. It’s just there. And it’s evil. And unless you’re already familiar with either the game or one of the fanfics (which I was) you might little confused as to why there is an EVIL GHOST TOWN IN THE MIDDLE OF THE EVERFREE FOREST!

Needless to say, the proverbial fecal matter hits the proverbial turbine and our two protagonists find themselves alone in the Everfree Forest. This of course would be where the proverbial sparks should proverbially fly. And this is where the story does shine through, as the story starts, neither Mac’s nor Fleur’s opinions of each other are very charitable, but as the story progresses, they both come to realize that the other is not quite what they seem. And Fleur goes through a spout of personal growth which I personally found to be rather uplifting.

A Challenge for Fleur is not a bad story, not by any stretch. But it isn’t a great story either. But all in all, though it does have its problems, I’d give it my recommendation. You won’t miss the time spent reading A Challenge for Fleur. I certainly didn’t.

And I shall offer proper responses in a comment. Feels odd trying to put one down here.

Curious how two people can see things so totally differently. Bean, I find it interesting that you called me out on things that, so far, not a soul has noticed, including myself.

But at the same time, this story was written based on the assumption that the reader would recognize Sunny Town for what it was, and I didn't think Fleur's status as an illusions master had any bearing on the main point of the story. I felt that Fine and Fleur's conversation in the first chapter provided enough insight to suggest that Fleur was more than a mere supermodel, but perhaps that was a mistake on my part.

But I'm glad it at least earned your recommendation!

TimeLord...well, what can I say? Other than "thanks"!

I quite enjoy seeing how other reviewers' opinions compare and contrast with mine own. We are each a product of our experiences and I've always found differing opinions to be much more interesting than similar ones.