The first chapter of Pandelirium is finished, my prereaders have had a day to look over it, and it's just about ready to go. There's just one tiny sticking point... the ever-important description, which I just made up on the fly about ten minutes ago. I'd like to get some form of feedback on it quickly... but then again, since nothing in a story description is technically a spoiler, I can just ask you guys for your opinion.

The aftermath of Twilight Sparkle's victory over Trixie Lulamoon has brought about sweeping changes in the lives of the Element-Bearers and their closest friends, not the least of which is the need to plan out the grandest ceremony in recent memory. Yet in the midst of all this hectic activity, Princess Celestia decides to undertake a particularly ambitious project: the reformation of Discord. She delegates the task to Penumbra Noctis, who, more than anypony else, can empathize with the draconequus' situation, and who is therefore best suited to showing Discord the magic of friendship. On the surface, it's a very reasonable plan.

Unfortunately, Discord has never had much patience for reason.

So... what do you think?

1013791: I like most of it, but I'm a little confused as to why the defeat of Trixie is such a big deal. My understanding is that she got pretty soundly thrashed, such that the outcome of that wasn't really in doubt. Why would that be the occasion for a huge party?

1013798 - It isn't. The fact that Twilight and Pinkie Pie are being crowned as Princesses of Equestria is. (And don't worry, what's behind the spoiler bar is revealed in the first chapter.)

The aftermath of Twilight Sparkle's victory over Trixie Lulamoon has brought about sweeping changes in the lives of the Element-Bearers and their closest friends, not the least of which is the need to plan out the grandest ceremony in recent memory

This block comes across as a bit vague to me. Is the celebration because of Trixie's defeat, or the changes? What change specifically, if that's the cause? Just tidy that up and the rest is fine to me.

Change the first line to something along the lines of "After the revelation of Twilight's true nature" (worded better, of course), as that revelation is the important part here, not the duel itself.

Can I throw in some headcannon?
Sweetie Belle lead a sheltered life. Her parents were always too busy for her with their vacations. Her sister didn't like the things she did, and was very busy with her new business.
She needed a friend who could understand her. A friend who could be a messy kid with her, when her sister couldn't.
She needed a friend who understood the frustration of being unable to do magic.

And then, one day, the Summer Sun Celebration was announced to be in Ponyville. Rarity was much too busy as the town decorator for her little sister, so Sweetie imagined a friend. A friend who would also be frustrated by the stressors in her life.

And then, the stars released the Nightmare. Sweetie forgot about her imagined friend in her terror, only to encounter her later that night, fearful of the same events, with another, yellower filly.

They met again at the party after dawn finally came. "Hi" she said. "I'm Scootaloo."

It might help to make it more general. As is, the only ones whom this description will get interested in reading the fic are those who are already fans of the last couple stories in the series (which is, admittedly, a pretty huge number of people). Anyone not already familiar with the other fics won't have any idea who Penumbra Noctis is, and might be turned off.

If you don't care about bringing in many new readers, it's fine as is.

1013989
unrelated to the topic of this thread as it is, that idea needs to be made into a spin-off story. now. get writing.

1013989
Scootaloo is a Tulpa? Oh wow.... that could be awesome.

Mind if I steal that?

1015480
Only if you write well :)

1015554 and that they share it with us.

1013989 - Interesting idea, though it'll need some finessing if you want it to conform to the rest of the series, mostly because tulpas are associated with massive bursts of magic in the first place. I'm sure there's a way to work around that, though.

If you or anyone else *cough*1015480*cough* is interested in making that into a story, send me a PM and I'll try to help you develop it.

1015480

...not only would I read that, but I would preread it.

1017678
Well, I was trying to tie Scoots with the release of Nightmare Moon, but I can understand why it wouldn't be.
Alternatively, the power of the release of the tulpa could be directly corrolated with the power of the tulpa, which is why Scootaloo's zaniness isn't as hard hitting to Ponyville as Pinkie's.

1018433 - Actually, the problem is that the power in your example would have to come from Sweetie Belle. Given all the angst she has about not being able to use her unicorn magic, it would be difficult explaining how she could have produced enough to cause Scootaloo to manifest.

Don't get me wrong; I'm positive that the idea can work, especially if you can come up with a reason why it wouldn't have to happen the "usual" way.

1018556

what about spinning it as Scoot being created by Sweetie using magic the first time, a few days prior, but burning herself out in some way (like the biological equivalent of a blown capacitor) before even really getting started, and thinking she failed again. That way you can give her enough magic to create one ans still explain away her lack of ability afterward as recovering from, and perpetuating, the injury she doesn't realize she has?