I thought I would start a new thread to discuss the hot new sport craze that's been sweeping Equestria, which is to say, buckball! Buckball appears simple on the surface, but it will come as no surprise to anyone who's actually played the thing that there are a number of very complicated rules that must be followed to facilitate maximum enjoyment, so perhaps we would all benefit from a thread where we can share our mutual experiences and ask clarification questions as needed. There is no need to thank me.

5468809
Sky, I have a question. My team's fizzgaggler is obsessed with using a non-standard three-basket configuration to best complement my hardbucker's Reverse Pompadour stance. I am of the opinion that we should not be relying on either the three-basket configuration or the Reverse Pompadour, as the official manual explicitly outlaws the three-basket configuration and is at best disdainful of R.P. I can deal with disdain, but I don't want my team to be eliminated on technicalities. This issue is causing significant intra-team stress. My question is, what sort of soothing music should I play to stop the others from yelling at me?

5468812
Well, if you were correct, I would play Yanni, or perhaps Enya. It depends on whether or not anyone on your team has Panflute Dissociative Disorder which will cause them to go into a murderous fugue state upon hearing panflutes (physicians believe that this may be caused by negative experiences with fairies in early childhood). If either your hardbucker or your fizzgaggler has PDD, I would go with Enya.

Happily, there is an easier solution which you probably missed because you are obviously a stupid swoopfoomer (SF). The latest revisions after the Council of Verona clearly state that there's been a reversal on the three-basket stance, which is now acceptable, and you would have known this had you done any research whatsoever. Sadly, you will have to endure the disdain of your hardbucker (HB) using Reverse Pompadour, which is still looked upon as rather silly despite one of the Elements of Harmony using it successfully in the recent Ponyville/Appleloosa exhibition match.

5468817
Question: My fizzgaggler is a whimsical faun, who constantly plays the panflute. We have hit him repeatedly with official buckball balls to get him to stop, but he absolutely refuses. I feel that I may in fact be at risk for entering a murderous fugue state just because the panflute is such an annoying instrument. Are there any rules that I can bring to bear to stop my whimsical faun teammate from playing the panflute?

5468823
Excellent question. Reference "Codes of Conduct" XXIV where it is stated that buckballers should engage in no behavior "likely to induce murderous fugue states" in either teammates or the opposing team. The relative prevalence of PDD in the modern age should be enough to convince your faun to engage in other outlets for his whimsy, such as frolicking.

Do you actually need to have a pompadour manestyle to use Reverse Pompadour?

5468830
No, but it aids in stability, which you will need to endure the jeers of any members of the ruling body in attendance.

5468809

How about a strategy question? We've seen time and again the "Maneiac Defense" (the SF using their mane and tail as extra appendages) is hugely effective compared to normal six-limbed maneuvers. This gives a substantial edge to those who keep their manes long. Is there a good counter for the Maneiac Defense, or a rule against it in competitive play? If not, we could be looking at an arms race of coaches prizing SF hair length above all else, thereby destroying any ability to take the game seriously.

*This question sponsored by the Cloudsdale Barbers Union

5468830

You sir, are a very interesting character. And I love it.

Also. I need to find some time to watch the episode...

5468870
Thank you! It is a fine episode as far as it goes, but it does represent a gross oversimplification of the sport. Was any mention made of defending from Treacle Quarter against a buck from Double Scorpion? No, they do not even cover so basic a concept.

5468861
In actuality, Fluttershy's (artificially lengthened, via extensions) mane and tail were exactly at the legal limit. I am not surprised that you missed this clause, as it is written in a microdot on top of the lower case i of the word "Basics" in the phrase Basics of Buckball. There is a lot of useful information on that microdot and I highly recommend any prospective players to obtain a good jeweler's loupe and study it. So there is no danger of a Hair Cascade Resonance Scenario (colloquially known as a "Fabio") in legal play.

You might think this would give advantage to female swoopfoomers, with their typically longer mane and tail styles, and for this I have a response of one word: mustaches.

5468889
Is it not possible to artificially give female swoopfoomers mustaches in order to increase their effectiveness?

5468891
Sky, this is regarded as an illegal performance-enhancing measure.

When setting up a buckball court in a cornfield, should I hoe the requisite court lines into the dirt and then put up scarecrows to control the play-detrimental corvid population? Or the reverse?

5468943
The reverse, Sky. Always remember: "Crows before Hoes."

My HB has recently been going through a hard breakup with his marefriend. Which team member is allowed to comfort him in order that he might get his head back in the game?

5468964
For stallions, this is the job of the SF. Mare HB's will need to be comforted by their corresponding FGs. Great question.

5468889
What of the controversial double mustache?

5468997
Legal.

5468889

Thanks! In the next game, there did end up being a counter for the Maneiac defense. The opposing SF spoke to her opposite number and stressed the importance of winning and how much rode on this game. This caused the player's Maneiac defense to falter very badly for 22 minutes, which proved enough time to open the lead. There might be a technical name for this, but it was referred to by the winning player as "The Appledash Gambit." As it was an off-season game, the jury's still out on whether it's a legal move.

Also, let's tackle the minotaur in the room: Alicorns! Given their rapidly growing population it seems quite possible one may want to compete in buckball in the future. What position would they play?

5469070

Why stop at alicorns? What about minotaurs, griffons, and donkeys?

5469072

What about them? They have their own thing, in the mountains and shit. Probably.

5469070
Alicorns, as de facto royalty, play whatever position they like and are granted the courtesy of always winning.

5469109

That's logical, but it raises the following conundrum: what if two alicorns on the same team want to play the same position?

5469122
NIGHT ETERNAL.

5469127

Don't be ridiculous, the only time that happened was when Luna turned into Nightm...

Oh.

Huh. Existential terror aside, it's fascinating to see how the humble sport of Buckball has influenced Equestrian history.

5469109
Uh, slight conflict there. In the event of equal numbers of alicorns on each team, does play actually proceed, or is everyone declared a winner? (Well, every alicorn, anyway.) Or was that subclause about an emergency tiebreaker game of horseshoes using tiaras and/or husbands under a chocolate stain in Chapter XII, Section A, Subsection 3 supposed to be there? I can't tell if it's actually just especially stubborn and fortuitously shaped chocolate, and it doesn't seem worth licking my copy of the rulebook to find out.

5469225
All alicorns are declared equal winners by the official rules of buckball. The official rules state that all other participants should then bow a whole lot and retreat to a minimum safe distance, and are silent thereafter. If your copy of the rulebook has instructions for post-buckball tiebreaking rounds, it is an unofficial one and probably belonged to one of the alicorns for their own use. To determine which one, investigate other stains above and beyond the chocolate one and attempt to pair it to the favorite foods of the alicorns. Catsup from hayburgers means H.R.H. Twilight. Cake frosting, likely H.R.H. Celestia. Milk from spilled cereal, H.R.H. Luna. Milk from spilled baby bottle, H.R.H. Flurry Heart.

5469139

5469076
THAT'S RACIST

5469237
I'm afraid this is roughly a fifthhoof copy; it may take some time to discern which stains are the oldest.

On a less theoretical level, I've been having some success with the Untroubled Mollusk school of fizzgaggling, but the rest of my team is worried I'll achieve true enlightenment and abandon all worldly desire, including the desire to play buckball. Is there any truth to this rumor, and if so, how can I avoid reaching Nirvana before the playoffs?

5469260
A very real concern. The "Beginner's Guide to Practical Buckball" recommends that you engage in massive quantities of carnal pleasure in between matches to ground yourself in your body and shake off that pesky transcendence. Hookers and blow are the typical choices of champions, although "all you can eat" barbecue will do in a pinch.

5469281 5469070 5468870 5469225 5471671
As someone who has not yet watched the most recent episode, I feel that I am uniquely qualified to point out how grossly, hopelessly wrong you all are about everything.

5471671
About buckball, or in general?

5471714
Yes.

5471671

That's not what you said last night.

5471936
WELL, MAYBE I WAS A LITTLE BIT UPSET THAT YOU GOT SO DISTRACTED WITH BUCKBALL.

I mean, come on, it's just a game. I don't care if "MY TEAMMATES ARE WAITING FOR ME" or "THIS IS THE GAME-WINNING POINT" or whatever, we had horchata to drink!

5471991

You're right, babe, I'm sorry. I'll make it up to you tonight. I got us tickets to the Manehatten Buttbuckers v. Crystal Empire Glittersparkles, and we all know that'll be one to remember. Manehatten's got their new SF whose supposedly a master of the controversial triple-moustache defense. He better be, because life isn't worth living if we lose to goddamn crystal ponies (seriously, they're like shiny donkeys). afterwards, we can have awesome make-up sex while role-playing our favorite players, uniforms and all.

Side note: I am looking to complete my Buckball card collection. I am willing to pay or trade to acquire any/all of the following:

#144 Shallow Gravy
#2 Damage Report
#666 Satan Himself

Also searching for the "#37 Starswirl" card put out right before he vanished from Equestria. Am willing to pay, or trade the ultra-rare "Celestia Triumphant" celebratory card made after she won a tight 6-5 match against Nightmare Moon and saved us all.

5471671
The big thing to keep in mind with the new episode is that Snails is now a zen master. Some sports stuff happened too.

--Sweetie Belle

5472592
Doesn't the existence of a zen master in Equestria violate every principle Harshwhinny holds dear? i.e., the idea of transcendence implies that there are things above her judgment.

5473002
Only if you assume that Harshwhinny isn't a bodhisattva, who refrains from transcending physicality to better teach professionalism to the unenlightened.

5473410

My Religions of the World class was a long time ago. Is a bodhisattva like a Bhudda+?

5474153
One who can reach Nirvana but chooses not to for the sake of those who cannot. For some, it is an act of compassion. For Ms. Harshwhinny, it is because she cannot bear to lower the average professionalism of Equestria to such a degree.

5472035 ,
5471991
I do hope you two have consulted the official rules manual on the topic of acceptable venues, activities and outfits for post-Buckball dating.

5472092
I̤̲̩̘͔͖̗͙͚͎̍͐͒̀̏͆̎̓̆̓Ī̛͇̩̬͓͈̺̝͙̗͎̔̎̔̀̎̎̔̿ ̢͎̲̱̣͉̟͓̘̹̒͌͆̋̓̒̑͛̍͝h̛̛͙̳͔̭͖̭̬͓̳̣̆̂͊̎͑̔͌̚ä͕̥̳͈̥̫͉̞̮́̏̋̏̿͗̊̓̓̚͜v̨̛͕͍̟͕̲̟͍̣̹̎͗̀͐̈́̈́̀̾̽e͖͕̝̖̠̳̪̰̟̟̅̌̄̿͐͑̆̇̀͝ ̢̫̭̹̜̖̠̹̝̃̿̆̿̏͘̚͝͝͠ͅt̡̘̭̩͇͕̜̫̩̹̒̈́̐̆̀̄̆͂͆̈h̨͚̹̬̦̝̝̣̗̀̀̂͋̾̈́͋͑̐͜͠ȩ͎̰̙̟̬̦̳̥̬̇́̍̌͂͒͑͋̂̄ ͙͎̯̺̪̬͈̖͉͐̏̆͒̑̿͋͂͐͜͝t̨͎̺͕̝̱̭͔͉̗̓̀̌̌̌͊̿͛͘͘h̢̨̨̤̺̳̲̻̥͛͊̆̑̓͆̔̅̕͜͝i̢͎͇͖͍̱̰͙̺̜͋̽͆̈͛͋́̉͆͘r̨̺̜͉͍͚̘͍͈͎̆͛͋̇̆͊̈́̓̓͐d̢͍͈̰͔̯͔͈̖͉̂̈́̋̈́̇̿͛̎̓͘ ̮̱̬̤̞̪̺͍͚̤̃͒̀̊̈́̓͋̾͠͝ò̮̼̪͇͍͎̥̱̭̲͋̒̃͋̃̒̈́͒͝n̢̛̮̰̳̲̻̳̼̝̠̐́̓̊́̃̑͐͝ę̜͔͕̪̙̫͈͕̟͌͑͋́̔̇̓͂͘̕

̢̫̰͈̻̻̙̥̟͊́̋̆̓̑̇͋̾͘͜I̡̦͈̭̺̦͖̫̭̞͂̓͌̇͋͋̓͛̉́ ̥̭͔̩̘̦̰͇̜̓̔̽̾̇͌̒̈͑͐ͅw̨̛̫͙͔̬̹͉̘͎̓̍̉̎̑͑̾̔͜͝i̡̖̰͉͕̞͔̯̗͐̋̋̓̃̇̆͗͘͜͝ļ͇̰̠̬̱̘̟͎̘̒̔̓́̂̓̈̈́͆̚l͇̭̥̫̮͉͇͉̥̗̔̀́́̄̐̒̈́́̚ ̧̨̗̰͍̯̙̥̻͛̈̈́̏͂͂̇̽̚͜͝t̮̯͈̯͍̫͚̣̹̀̋̏́̈́̉̓͌́͗ͅŗ͓̪̲͕͇͖͕̟̃͛͌̾̃͌̽̚͜͠͝à͉͓͈̣̣̭͍̟̖͖̊̓́͂̄͒̒͘͝d̝̹̹̹͈̭̤̦̮͛̎̈́̆̈́̄̋̀͜͝͠ȩ̡̛̦̻͍̰̩̹͙͔̀͌́̄͐͑̈́̕͠ ͕͎̳͉͉͓͙͎̦͔̓̒̒̂̎̈͗̄̈́͘f̢̰̜̱͚͓̩͙͉̈͐̅̽̿̏̉̃̉̕͜ơ̛̤̻͔̥̭̰͚̟̄́͐̾́͒͑͝ͅͅŗ̟̩͇̮̺̗͔̠̼̈́̎͌̓͑̀̔̈́͌̚ ̨̼͙̙̯̞̤̣͎͗̃̄̐̈̾͛͗̉͝ͅḯ̛͕͈̘͕̦̪̲̪͇̊̎̍͒̀̐͆̇ͅt̖͇̗͎͙̗̟͔͖̂͊͆̋̏̽͆̋̈́͝ͅ
̢̤̤̝̱͕̼͔͉̈̎͐̌̉̓̕͘͜͠͝
I̧͚̫̦̜͇̗̤̘͐̆̀̂̋̀̈̊͂̚ͅ ̨̦̳͚̪͇̥̠̟̲́̌́͒̃̉̇̅̏́ẁ̨̢̡̙̟̺̣͕̲͓͑̂͒̀̉̚̕͠͝õ̟̻̖͉̜͈͕͈̰̰͛͗̈́̀̈́͑̏́͘u͉̮̼͍̰͖͚̜̘̪̿̒̋̅̌̈̀̏̚͝l̨̧̛̯͍͙̙̪͓͈̟̆̈̃͆̑̏͂̋̕d̡̩̙̩͕͕̤̝͍̬͑̈́̄̈͗̈͗̅̐̈́ ̢̱̘̺̠̪̲̞̤͙̏̈́̒̂͆͂͌̀̈͝l̦̲͍̖̘̥̠̠̯̀̓͂̉̉̿̇̒̎̊͜i̩͇̝͓̻̪̠̥̘̟͛̂̌̎̇̽̅͐̿̚ķ̡̺̰̪̻̦̯͕̪̏͂͋̂͑̂͆͆̀̏e̝̞̲̩͎̟̺͈̙̮̅̏̃̓̐͊̍̓͘͠
̨̙͕͉̻̥̬͖͕͖̀͌̎͐̽̀́̋̅̌
c̙̜̟͚̺̗̤͈̜̟̿̑̓͑̐̏͛͘͝͝ḣ̼̰̻͙̩̦̙̞̞̋̆̽̔͌̔͆̇͜͝e̡̧̛̛̤̟̥͙̬͚̲̪̎̓͋̈͋̌̑͝e͕̹̤͙͎͉͖̖͚̯̍͗̅̀̈́̈́͊̌͐̒s͖̩̞͎͎̖̖̠̳̈́͒̽͌̐͒͒͘͜͠͝ẽ̦̝̳͔̠̻͍̗̯̹̈̐̇̊͌̑͌͝͝ ̧̨̛̗̯͔̺̥͚͈͕̿̏́͗̿̂͘̚͠f͕̭̯̮̪͖̣̪͉͒̉͌̈͋͒̎͘͝͠ͅŗ̨̛̫̺̤̙͈̙̼̜̉̑̔̅̊́̽͂͝í̠̞̘̝͕̟̼̳̝́̏̈͋̆̈́͘͜͠͝e̦͕͈̙̼̟̪͉͉̋̓͑͗̅́͋͛́̓ͅs̡̠̻̙̮̘̥̟̹͎̓̔̇͑̋͌̀͛̚͝

5474295
... you just made me realize something. Since your logic is self-evidently true, and since Ms. Harshwhinny must therefore both wish to maximize the professionalism of the multiverse and be capable of actions up to and including transcendence, we can arrange a way to obligate Her to travel interdimensionally to our Earth and bestow Her professionalism upon us.

All we have to do is become collectively less professional than Equestria.

Once we need Her guiding hoof more than ponies do, She will appear.

5477291

All we have to do is become collectively less professional than Equestria.

HOLY SPIT

YOU JUST EXPLAINED THE 2016 U.S. PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION

5477294
Wait, so this is a conspiracy of the entire U.S. electorate to summon Harshwhinny?

Go electorate! Woo hoo!

5482621

Go electorate! Woo hoo!

Said nobody ever in a sincere forum.

Small point of order: We have SFs and HBs, what's the official abbreviation for fizzgaggler? I've heard FG's, but I've also heard 'unicorns.'

Second small point of order: how do you get your text to be all spoopy like that?