The immortal cult of Gak 17 members · 0 stories

Ever get tired of all those New Lunar Republic vs Royal Celestian Monarchy fanfics? Too much commitment! I don't have time to join a growing Equestrian revolution! I want change NAO!

Have you ever wished that there was a better way to deal with politics?

Well now there is! Join the Immortal cult of Gak! We're here to worship the apocalyptic ooze that has been prophecized to one day unite all bronies for our INEVITABLE TAKEOVER OF THE WORLD! (Er, please don't tell the CIA I said that; they get a bit touchy with world takeover stuffs)

Our cult provides various goods and services to its members, such as
-Sacrifices
-Laughter
-Friendship
-Poker nights on Wednesdays
-HATRED OF ALL INFIDEL NON-BELIEVERS
-Free (For 50 bits a month) Colgate dental insurance
-More sacrifices
-A free necrophiliac pony
-Sweet rave parties
-Better character development for King Sombra
-Even MOAR sacrifices

The possibilities are endless!

To join, print a picture of Gak from Google, then sprinkle the blood of your youngest pet (Or closest family member) onto it. Finally, pledge your life to the all-powerful Gak by repeating these three simple lines ten times each:

"All praise the unending power of the great and mighty Gak"

"All non-believers of the truth shall be converted or die"

"All pony fanfiction about Equestrian Civil Wars shall be purged"

Congratulations, you're in!

Well, you could always just click the "Join group" button, but that's boring...oh, and you have to pay the cult twenty dollars. It's a rule.

JOIN TODAY!

Comments ( 9 )
  • Viewing 1 - 9 of 9

293639 *Pat pat* There there, your death shall not be in vain. Our omniscient lord Gak requires large amounts of blood for sustenance...that's why he's so damn squishy! :pinkiecrazy:

293629 Oh, lol, you could've asked me :pinkiehappy:

293592 Yeah, about that, Flintlock, could you step into my office, please? *Smacks over the head with shovel* Okey dokee, got our Friday night sacrifice all ready :pinkiecrazy:

We must recruit more so that we may begin the sacrifices!!

293569 :rainbowlaugh: Sure, these will go straight into the cult funds...*Sneaks them into my wallet*

:trixieshiftleft:
:trixieshiftright:

WOO!! Here's 70 bits for the free dental and for joining!:pinkiehappy:

  • Viewing 1 - 9 of 9
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