So yea like the title says its been a while since I've thought to log in here. Been through a lot, learned that I really shouldn't screw off in school like I did and then suddenly realize "oh God if I don't manage to push harder I won't complete the course by the end of the year" since its self paced. Learned what its like to pretty much have a boss say over and over "yea yea we're gonna work on getting you into being a shift manager" and never actually do it and its been approaching a year.

But away from that I've felt a loss of faith. Less.. Belief in God as it feels no matter how much I've prayed, how much I ask and plead, things just never go as I ask. And even through it all like they say "stay in faith because he has a plan, it may not go your way now but its all to prepare you" it feels like when I do finally pass an obstacle that there was no one there orchestrating the scene.

And of course spotify would decide to play "Breakeven" as I'm writing this. "Just pray to a God I don't believe in." Really how it feels lately with everything going on? Can't even go to school without thinking I should sneak a pocket knife in on my just incase something happened and I at least have more than my fists. Can't even sleep without a dream of being shot in school even if I live in a state that hasn't had a mass shooting of any kind since 86.

Feels like God really has walked out on America. And if its all true, the Devil has walked in. I just, guess I don't know what to believe in anymore.

6357438
1 Corinthians 15:57
Isaiah 55:8
Romans 8:28
No matter how bad things get, always remember that Christ and the church will have the last victory! I understand how today it seems SO hard to see God's Hand amidst a hurricane of violence and chaos, but by keeping true to the faith and continuing to spread the Good News of Jesus's sacrifice on the cross, we can still be a bright light in this ever growing sea of darkness.
From one pony to another, God Bless You!

6357438
It sounds to me more like you're losing faith in humanity.
From what I conclude about the Divine: is that there is a very 'hands off' approach to how we as humans act and behave.

This might sound like another repeat of what must feel like an endless echo; but even if you're losing faith in the Divine, the Divine hasn't lost faith in you.

I do not believe the Divine Spirit would simply walk away completely from any nation or group of people. Why suddenly abandon or scorn anyone after what Christ did for us?
The important thing is that you don't lose hope. Take a breath and give yourself space and time to stop and think. Find something that makes you happy and do it.
Then smile and hold on to that small dose of happy.
And then, after carrying it for awhile; you'll notice that somewhere it grew.

And with that...remember that truly no creature on this magnificent planet could be happy if scorned by the Divine. If the Divine truly disliked us there wouldn't be any of us left.
May the Divine bless you in what must be a difficult time.

6357438

it feels no matter how much I've prayed, how much I ask and plead, things just never go as I ask.

I recommend reading Psalm 27 for me personally I find it very interesting

Even if you feel abandoned by humanity and it feels like life is dragging you down, always remember that Jesus's hand IS on your shoulders, He's a comforting light in the shadow of humanity, you have to have faith and have faith IN yourself. I used to have doubts about my conviction...

"Am I truly a Christian? Am I actually good enough to be one?"

Life is a trial that we go through it is tough, but there is a rope at the end of the tunnel if we can hang on.

6357438

Sorry to hear it, man.

Even when everything is fine physically, we can have these kinds of doubts. These periods of worries and troubles are something that I think most people go through. I went through a long period of doubts and worries myself, just a few months ago. I'm still climbing out of it. I can tell you, there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Reading His Word and reminding yourself of His promises may help, as well as seeking other believers (both here and IRL) to learn from them. We all belong to the body of Christ, and each part of that body has different experiences that they can share with those in need. In the meantime, try to think positively; if there is work to be done, for example, focus on what is on the other side of that work - namely, rest and relaxation, as well as the satisfaction of a job well done.

I will pray for you. Take courage. Our Lord has overcome the world. And even He had to suffer before His work was complete.

God bless you.