//------------------------------//
// Buckball Season 
// Story: A Dream 
// by totallynotabrony 
//------------------------------//

	The challenge, when it came, originated from a most unexpected source.  Three buffalo walked into Ponyville and dared all comers to play them at buckball.
“Who even knows how to play buckball?” said Rainbow as the girls gathered in the back room of the pub.
“I guess that’d be me,” replied Applejack.  “And maybe cousin Braeburn.  But that’s still not enough because you need three ponies per team.  Also, the rules allow one of each race.”
“Well, I’m your…” Rainbow trailed off and started sulking again.
A pouting Rainbow was not the best, but her friends had all quietly agreed that it was a whole lot better than a pranking, arsonist Rainbow.
“So I guess we should put together a team,” said Applejack.  “I’ll need a pegasus and a unicorn to join me.”
“Is there an instruction manual?” Twilight asked hopefully.
“Not that I know of.  I can train y’all.”
“Well don’t look at me,” said Rarity.  “Sports, honestly.”
“Do we know any other unicorns?” said Applejack.  “Fluttershy, could you be a unicorn for a game?”
“I’m not even that good at being a pegasus,” said Fluttershy.
“I can jump really high!” offered Pinkie.
Applejack thought.  “Trixie and Cordoba might want to play.”
“Would they choose you to play with them?” said Twilight.
“I have to admit, I probably ain’t their first choice of earth pony,” Applejack acknowledged.
“Bet it’s not me, either,” said Cracker.
Spike walked in with a letter.  “Twilight, this just arrived.  It says Princess Celestia wants to see us in Canterlot later.”
“When is later?” Twilight asked.
Spike read the letter.  “Later today, not too soon.”
“I suppose that means we can take the train, since we have time,” said Twilight.
“But the buffalo wanted to have the game this evening,” said Applejack.
“You can ask them to move it up, but that doesn’t mean anything if you can’t find a team,” said Rainbow.
Applejack mulled it over.  “I guess I can ask Braeburn to take over.  I hope he’ll have better luck finding ponies to play.”
As it turned out, Braeburn did not.  He had no friends and ponies around town still thought of him as that weird cyborg.
“Dunno what Applejack was thinking,” he muttered later that day as the event drew near.
“It’s not like anypony cares about the game,” said Merry.
They both heard the chanting crowds and ignored them.
Columbia walked up.  “Hey, does anyone know what’s going on?”
“Some sporting event,” said Braeburn.
“I love sports!” said Columbia.
Braeburn glanced at her.  “How good are you at magic?”
“Really good.”
Braeburn considered it.  “Merry, can I ask you a favor?”
“Am I going to like this?”
“All you have to do is hover in front of the goal and block rubber balls from going in.”
Merry considered it.  “I think I can do that.”
Braeburn turned to Columbia.  “All you have to do is stand behind the other team’s goalie with a basket and catch balls that I buck your way.”
“Is that it?”
“That’s it.”
Columbia grinned.  “We’re going to win!”
They didn’t win.
They dominated.
Merry, simply hovering in place, completely obscured the other team’s goal.  Braeburn, with his cybernetic legs, could buck like none other.  And Columbia had a great talent for putting balls into baskets.  No pun intended.
Of course, it helped that the buffalo team was all ground-based.  There was neither buffalo wing sauce nor Red Bull anywhere around.  They left town in defeat.
Braeburn was glad.  Ponies generally had short memories, but he clearly remembered being trampled by the buffalo that had overrun Appleoosa.  Beating them in a game and sending them packing was about the best possible outcome.
The ponies in the Ponyville crowd were still weirded out by cyborg Braeburn, helicopter Merry, and hermaphrodite Columbia, but a winner was a winner and the three of them were the stars of the show.
Columbia relished the attention and took the opportunity to formally launch her campaign for President of Equestria.  “I’m glad you’ve all come here today!  I have a special announcement that I take pleasure in presenting to you.  I, Princess Columbia, hereby declare my candidacy for President of Equestria.  At the election later this year, I welcome your votes.  Together, we can change Equestria for the better and open up a new era of prosperity and strength for our great nation.”
The crowd collectively shrugged and applauded mildly.  Crazies were a dime a dozen, and none of them had ever heard of a President before.
Grinning, Columbia turned to Braeburn.  “That went well.”
“You’re trying to get into politics?” he asked.
“I was made for electoral races.  I’m totally going to win!”
“One problem,” Braeburn pointed out.  “President isn’t something you can run for.  At least not in Equestria.”
“Yes it is.”
Braeburn knew that arguing with her would get him nowhere.  He turned to Merry.  “Some game, huh?”
“I didn’t really do anything, except hover in place.”
“You’re the best buckball goalie I’ve ever seen.”
“I’m also the widest buckball goalie you’ve ever seen.”
“Well, maybe Kettlebell from back in Appleoosa-”
“That’s not what I’m saying!”
Braeburn held up a hoof.  “Please, Merry.  I’m not trying to insult you.  I’m trying to steer conversations away from you being a seventeen-ton flying machine.  It’s not your fault.  I’m trying to help, but I need you to work with me and do something to stop falling back into the pit of self-loathing.”
“I mean, you’ve basically got life by the short-and-curlies,” said Columbia, jumping in.  Braeburn almost stopped her, but it wasn’t like she could do anything to make Merry’s mood worse.  And he had to admit, she wasn’t bad at speeches.
“What do I have going for me?” Merry demanded.
“Well, you’re basically invincible.  You don’t have to worry about money, food, or a place to stay.  There are lots of ponies who would be friends with you if you were slightly more pleasant.  Braeburn already wants to be in a relationship with you, but you turned him down.”
“What do you know about relationships?” said Merry.
“All I’m saying is that at least you don’t have my problem.”
“What’s that?”
“A massive penis that scares boys.”
“...point,” Merry muttered.  She decided to take Braeburn's advice and not mention her 30mm.
Braeburn looked up at the sky.  “Uh, y’all?  I didn’t think snow was in the forecast today.”
Sure enough, it was snowing.  All around town, weather ponies were taking to the skies to push the clouds away.
“Huh,” said Columbia.  “Is there supposed to be a big thing about global cooling?”
“If the planet was cooling, I’m sure the Princesses would just turn up the heat,” said Braeburn.
“What if that’s what they want you to think?” said Columbia.  “When I’m President, I won’t let that kind of thing happen.”
As it turned out, the Princesses hadn’t, either.  The band of snow clouds extended far enough north that the train the girls rode to Canterlot saw a few flakes.
“That’s weird,” remarked Rainbow.
“Is it some sort of mixup with the weather ponies?” asked Twilight.
“Well, you can’t just accidentally make snow clouds,” said Rainbow.  “Somepony had to do that on purpose, but everypony knows it’s not winter yet.”
“Can’t imagine why,” said Applejack.  “Or who.”
“Nutmeg eggnog?” offered a train snack pony, pushing a cart of treats by their seats.
“Okay, is somepony messing with the seasons?” asked Pinkie.  “Not that I mind an excuse to drink eggnog, but this is weird.”
“Somepony changed our menu,” said the snack pony.  “I don’t know who, or why.  This is all we have to serve, though.”
“Maybe you should bring this up with the Princesses when we meet with them,” said Cracker.
“You might be right,” agreed Twilight.  “Shifting the weather and snacks to the holidays isn’t in itself sinister, but with as many strange things and mysterious groups around Equestria lately, we can’t afford to ignore any possible warnings.”
“Would you three like some eggnog?” Fluttershy asked her slaves, Daisy, Lily, and Rose.  She’d decided to treat them, since they were always so helpful.  Fluttershy did not really understand the concept of slavery.
“You’re so kind to us, Mistress!”
The group arrived at the station a short while later, and headed for the castle.  A yellow earth pony with a red mane suddenly ran up to the group.  “There you are!  We’re late!”
“Sorry,” said Cracker.  “I need to get going.”  She waved goodbye and went with the other mare.
“Does anypony know who that was?” said Applejack.  “In all the time Cracker hung around us, I didn’t know if she had any family or friends.”
“We may never know,” said Rarity.  “She’s gone now as mysteriously as she arrived.”
The hairs on Twilight's neck began to stand up.  “Why do I get the feeling that there’s something big afoot here that we aren't seeing?  There have been so many strange things lately, but I can’t see how they’re connected.  Hay, maybe they aren’t.  But what if they are?  What kind of massive conspiracy could we be facing?”
“If my dad were here, he would know,” said Cordoba.
“He probably would be behind it,” Twilight retorted.
“That’s what I said.”
They walked into the castle.  A royal page informed them that the Princesses were not yet ready for the visit.
“Well, they didn’t specify a time in the letter,” said Spike.
“It might be a while,” said the page.  “I was asked to get you all a place to stay for the night.”
If they were planning to stay the night, Applejack was glad she’d had Coloratura come with them, to keep watch over her.
After dinner, the group went to bed.  Applejack made a point to get a room with Coloratura.  Fluttershy used the excuse of staying with her slaves to get Pinkie to stay elsewhere.  Pinkie, of course, was not deterred in the slightest by having other ponies around, but the Princesses had a strict no-orgy policy for the guest rooms.
Despite being away from Ponyville, staying in guest bedrooms in the Princess’ castle, and sleeping in a bed across from Applejack, shortly after midnight, Coloratura was again visited by her mysterious late-night experimental surgeon.
Fortunately, due in part to the aforementioned circumstances, when the cloaked figure teleported into the room and set down a bag of electronics, Applejack woke up.
She blinked a couple of times and saw a glow of magic from across the room.  Jerking upright, Applejack demanded, “Who the hay are you!?”
She stormed out of bed, flanked by a couple of meat puppets.  The mysterious visitor looked surprised, as surprised as a completely cloaked figure could, but got into a combat stance.
Applejack threw two meat puppets at them.  Literally.  Applejack be jacked, yo.
However, the cloaked figure reared up and slashed the pair of meat puppets to pieces - quite a feat for two pony-sized objects hurtling towards them.
But while they were distracted, Applejack herself had come forward and planted her hooves for a buck.  Cloaky McCloakerson got a one-way ticket on the Applejack Express.
Clang!  Crash!  They flew out the window, glass shards going everywhere.  But then, to Applejack’s stunned amazement, they teleported away.
The others, and some castle guards, were there in seconds.  By that time, Applejack had come to a conclusion on why she hadn’t bucked the bedroom intruder into a pancake.
“They must’ve been wearing armor,” said Applejack.  “That was why it sounded like metal when I hit them, and why they were still able to function well enough to magick their way out of here.”
Rarity made a face at the meat lying on the floor.  “And what happened here?”
“I think they had blades attached to their hooves or something,” said Applejack.  “Not like a sword, like big claws.”
Twilight went over to examine the bag that had been left by Coloratura’s bed.  “This must be theirs.  It’s got lots of electronics in it, but speakers?  Who needs this much audio equipment?  What do sound parts even have to do with biologic-electronic interface?”
She looked at Cordoba, actually wanting an answer.  Cordoba processed it for a moment, but shrugged.
“So…” said Coloratura.  “Am I supposed to start sleeping inside some sort of anti-magic cage now?”
“That’s an awful determined creep you’ve got,” said Applejack.  “I’m in favor of finding out who that is and making ‘em stop.”
Cordoba raised a hoof.  “I’m already on it.  They’re really hard to find, but that means I will enjoy killing them that much more.”
Coloratura wasn’t sure whether to feel reassured.
After the night’s excitement, it was going to be difficult to go back to sleep for all of them.
“I know what we can do to pass some time,” said Twilight.  “Who wants to see the biggest library in Equestria?”
Nobody.
Still, Twilight managed to drag Cordoba with her.  They took some candles and went inside.  Being Twilight, she plopped down in front of the historical political law section.
“Ooh, did you know that the Princesses have not always had executive authority?” said Twilight, opening to a random page in an old legalese book.  “They granted themselves that nearly twelve hundred years ago.”
“Who had executive authority before that?” Cordoba asked.
Twilight frowned and flipped a few pages.  “It doesn’t say.  Hmm, now I’m curious too.”
She grabbed a couple of other books, but didn’t manage to find an answer.  Cordoba glanced at a few titles, regretting asking.  Never ask a nerd a question you don’t really want to know the answer to.
Twilight found a dusty tome on a high shelf, a book that looked like it hadn’t been cracked in a thousand years.  Maybe it hadn’t.  She opened the cover, searching for the subjects contained therein.
“Ah, here we are, ‘Original political appointments of the Equestrian Government.’”  Twilight ran up the list, from local mayors to nobles to the Princesses.  Then, her eyes went wide.  “President…”
“What?”  Cordoba came over.
“According to this, Equestria used to have a president, the ultimate authority of the country.  However, nopony has been president for nearly fifteen hundred years, since an election when the citizens found all the candidates to be lacking and simply refused to vote for any of them.  Power then defaulted to the next in line, the Princesses, and the position has been unused ever since.”  Twilight swallowed hard as she read the next part.
Cordoba said it out loud.  “But the position is still open.”