//------------------------------// // 16. How The Newfoals Saved Equestria // Story: Adrift Off Fiddler's Green: The Final Conversion Bureau Story // by Chatoyance //------------------------------// Adrift Off Fiddler's Green A C o n v e r s i o n B u r e a u S t o r y By Chatoyance 16. How The Newfoals Saved Equestria Above the streets of the megalopolis of Ponyville, the sun had stopped moving. This, in itself was not immediately terrifying, because there had been times in the past when Celestia had chosen to make a day longer, say, for the benefit of a celebration or some other event. What made this particular halt of the suns progression frightening was the fact that it had collided with the moon, which had stopped moving in the sky the previous night. The two great disks had clearly suffered from the impact, and both were riddled with fractures and regions that resembled what happened when Cookies Crumbled. There was a real and pressing concern that if they were to fall from the dome of the sky, the result would lay waste to the entirety of Central Equestria. This, of course, brought up the reasonable question of why the princesses were not doing something about it all. When ponies - and those griffons, dragons and diamond dogs currently visiting - were not openly gawking at the wreck in the sky, they were rushing about in various stages of numerous emotions. None of the emotions were glad ones, and some were unpleasant in the extreme. When it was noticed that the blue of the sky had a widening crack in it as well, there was not an unsoiled spot in the city. Fear turned to panic, and no Chicken-Little was needed - they sky really was threatening to fall. It was then that a lovely and hypnotic voice was thaumatically broadcast across the whole of Equestria. The Lady Soliloquy, one of the first ponies to ever exist - brought back from ten thousand years of lithified stasis - was speaking words straight from her heart. She had discarded the speech written for her by Celestia, as Celestia knew she would, and with her own unique message, brought calm to every living thing that heard her. Nopony could remember anything she said even moments after her announcement ended, but they found themselves imprinted with her intent. The situation was serious, but the princesses were currently sorting it out. Everypony should remain calm, and go about their day. It would be wise to visit family and spend time with friends. That would be nice, very nice. More information would be coming soon. Soon. The few visiting dragons in the city watched the ponies visibly relax. The ponies trotted about, pushing brooms, cleaning up what small disgraces had besmirched the city when panic had met bowels. The dragons were unaffected by the special magic of the Lady Soliloquy. "Dad..." The dragon did not look like dragons normally did. He was, in fact, small, brown, and shaped very much like a pony. On his back were mechanical wings powered by small, precious Bevelmeiter tubes. "This isn't good, is it?" The dragon's father, an enormous, green-scaled monstrosity, sipped the last of his brimstone tea and set it down on the table in front of them both. "No, I expect this is what I warned you about. If Celestia has resorted to blatant pacification measures, then it is entirely possible we shall not live to see another sunrise. There is nowhere to go, no course of salvational action we can participate in, and no means of escape. As a dragon, as my son, what do you suggest we should do?" The smaller dragon put on a determined expression. "Order more sandstone biscuits. And more tea." The great green wyrm smiled down at his son. "Yes, indeed." He turned his armored head "Waiter!" Celestia towered over her sister, Discord, both Crimsons, and Frontpage. She seemed distinctly larger than normal, and absolutely more imposing. When content, Celestia was regal, and a tiny bit whimsical. In rage, she was indomitable, and well beyond fierce. "Your suggestion is completely unacceptable." The solar diarch's words were quiet, but it was the the quiet of restrained anger. New Crimson had kept her peace entirely long enough. "This is YOUR FAULT! You used the cock-eyed beliefs of a FOURTEENTH CENTURY HUMAN as a design for REALITY? What the FUCK is WRONG WITH YOU???" Even Discord, lord of bedlam, stared, mouth agape. Luna sat very, very still, visibly shocked. Original Crimson was right there beside herself, having nearly said the very same thing at the same time. Frontpage slowly closed his mouth. There was no movement. In such profound silence, Frontpage could hear his own heart thumping in his chest. Luna's contracted pupils jumped from pony to pony to Discord and back, concerned for all present. Celestia was simply frozen, as was New Crimson, locked onto each other like some form of Pony Mutually Assured Destruction. Minutes passed, in tense, uncomfortable silence. The edge of the Solar Diarch's muzzle twitched, just a bit. New Crimson's ear flicked, faintly, as the side of one cheek lifted almost immeasurably. Celestia's eyelid twitched, the edge of her mouth beginning to raise. New Crimson's upper lip began to rise. Celestia fell onto her back, royal legs kicking the color-splotched 'sky'. Belly laughs roared from her, then coughing and choking sounds. New Crimson and Crimson likewise were draped over each other for support, howling with equine laughter. Luna blinked, finally. Discord seemed oddly shaken. Frontpage couldn't help himself and began chuckling without knowing why. Suddenly, Celestia was upright, sitting now, but utterly stern. "And you want me to reconstruct the fundamental structure of Equestria based on a failed scheme invented by an extinct species of killer apes as a hedge against their own incompetent and fatal mismanagement of their now vanished world?" New Crimson and Crimson Classic caught their breaths. Original Crimson nodded. "Yes, precisely. Just that." More silence. Some glaring. Chance of doom. New Crimson waved a hoof at the void. "You've already basically done most of it! Equestria is essentially a big... holoshow... it's a cosmic virtual world, even if it is solid and real. And we're as close to being 'uploaded minds' as it is possible to be. You have total control of being itself! It doesn't matter who or what came up with the idea, the principle is sound. Death was always stupid. Nopony liked death, not really. They just made excuses for it because the situation was hopeless. Humans made up religions because they had ontological Stockholm Syndrome!" Original Crimson wanted in "You don't need some dumb afterlife. Trying to run two concurrent versions of the same universe, one for an arbitrary mortal 'living' and the other for an arbitrary immortal 'dead' is just redundant. It's bad universe design!" Frontpage stepped forward. He didn't want to. It wasn't the job of a reporter to make the news. But this situation was unique, and all ponies had a personal stake in the outcome. Him included. When Celestia had arrived within the strange cosmic control room, she had not come gently. Apparently the very cosmos was cracking apart, and whatever Luna and Discord were supposed to have been up to, they had failed entirely, in her judgement. The world was full of ghosts, the sky was literally falling, and the sun was flickering as if it had a bad connection to whatever powered it. It was Ponygeddon, and no two ways about it. Frontpage cleared his throat. "Celestia!" The princess of the sun was not overly excited to hear more advice about how to run her personal universe from some random little pony. Her response was through gritted teeth. "Yesss?" "I've been a reporter in two entire worlds. I've seen a lot of tragedy, a lot of suffering and horror. And you need to know that not all of that was on the earth side." Frontpage adjusted his tie. For some reason it seemed strangely tight around his neck. "Celestia. Princess. I've stood at the bedside of ponies as they've watched their loved ones die of old age. And I've seen the misery that old age brings before death. None of these things are nice, none of them are friendly, or kind. They hurt, and then they cause pain that lasts entire lifetimes. Grief that never ends. Sorrow that never heals, but only turns to bitterness or helpless resignation. "On earth, death was inevitable. It could never be prevented, only held at bay for a short time, and that only for the wealthiest and most powerful. Death was the natural result of a universe dominated by entropy, by the tendency of things to be lost, to degrade, to reduce to a common state. Our universe was an uncaring one, and every human that ever lived understood implicitly - whether they dared admit it or not - that the fact of death was the proof and the sign of that utter disregard. "Nothing to any human was as hateful as death and old age. Both were the greatest horror that humankind ever suffered. Just about everything humans ever did was motivated by the need to manage their own terror at their own inexorable demise. The one absolute evil all humanity could agree upon was death, it was the ultimate, final and absolute bad, opposing all good." Frontpage focused directly upon the majesty of day's eyes. "No afterlife is worth the suffering of losing somepony you love. Hoping for some unprovable heaven is not a real comfort. The surprise of waking up in some distorted copy of the life you just left, however comfortable, does not stop the pain of parting. Equestria, as you have made it, is paradise enough. Trying to mimic death is literally destroying your universe, and I think I know why - eleven billion new ponies is too much for this thing..." He motioned with a hoof toward the floating monolith "... to handle. Especially with more on the way all the time. That eleven billion will double and double again, and all will die, and the dead will soon vastly outnumber the living. It's unsustainable. If you do not eliminate death - and birth - all will die." "Actually, you don't need to completely eliminate birth." New Crimson stood by Frontpage's side. "Just recycle! That was part of the original concepts of human Singularity. In a virtual world, you could have any experience. If ponies want foals, and other ponies want to start over, or just experience being infantile again, then let them!" Original Crimson joined her other half. "Why not? If eternity gets boring, a pony could just start over. And some ponies like to mother other ponies. It's win-win!" "Oh!" New Crimson bounced slightly on her hooves. "What about coming back as something else? A griffon or a dragon even? Or just as a different sort of pony, maybe an earthpony could try being a pegasus for a while!" Original Flavor also started bouncing. "Why not just be able to do that anyway! There should be respawn points where anypony can become whatever they want to be - oh, that might be fun - 'Pegasus For A Day!'" "And if you like it, you could keep it!" "Or try something else!" "What about mix-and-match bodies?" Discord popped in. "YES! That's a fabulous idea! Oh... but nopony gets to be a draconequus - that's my schtick. Just me. Make up your own bodies." "What if somepony wanted to become a lady draconequus? Aren't you ever lonely?" Original Crimson batted her eyes seductively. "Or a really beefy male draqonequus. We should't just assume." New Flavor nodded at her counterpart. First Edition Crimson pondered this "Good point. Maybe, considering, he'd like a little of both in the same..." "ENOUGH!!!" Celestia clearly had shut her suggestion box for the day. Wildfire, Perspicacity, Featherhoof, Amaranth and Sweetflower were all clustered around the middle of the fancy Bevelmeiter pump of Greater Fetlock's new fire engine. They had clustered there, just a ways behind the singletree and the tug, as close as they could get to the glow of the tube. It kept the ghosts away, specifically the ghosts of Wildfire and Perpicacity's son Rocket, and Wildfire's old Fire Chief Bluey. Both had died over a decade ago trying to save a pony family from a burning apartment building. The ghosts had seemed very intent on haunting them, which made sense after a fashion. After all they were either related or former employers. That said, spooks were innately terrifying, especially to Wildfire. Wildfire hadn't read any forbidden horror novels in Equestria; he'd already been exposed to such materials when he had been a human, a century ago, on earth. Suddenly, a rippling wave within reality itself passed through the firehouse. It made everything appear distorted for a moment. Then everything - the world, the flickering sun in the cracked and broken sky, the very ground - dimmed and vanished several times. The Starshine family found themselves floating bodiless but conscious, within a vast, intensely blue void, with nothing above, or below, or anywhere they could see... except for some strange symbols. The symbols were unreadable, some language - if that was indeed what it was - none had ever seen before. The white markings hung in the infinite blue void, all in several rows. They were gigantic, big as clouds, big as mountains, and not one was recognizable. Then everything went black. There were some strange clicking and whirring sounds. A short refrain of music played. Then the world gradually came back. First the land, then immediately after, the sky. The sky was no longer cracked, and the sun and moon were no longer in collision. Clouds appeared, across the perfect sky. Half a second later grass and trees and flowers came into being, a wave of flora that swept across the bare soil and stone. Instantly all the buildings and every other last detail of the world returned to existence. Wildfire moved his legs, glad that he had a body once more. Perspicacity tapped him with a hoof. Wildfire looked up. "FINALLY!" Rocket Racer and Bluey were no longer ghosts. They were flesh and blood, solid, alive once more. They no longer glowed, they were not transparent any longer. And they could be heard. "Hiding, running away - it's ME, dad! Sweet Celestia, what did you think I was trying to do? Scare you? Why would I do that? I was trying to get you to help me figure out... oh! Hi, mom, mom, mom and Featherhoof dad! Look! I'm back!" "Oh, thank the princesses! I'm alive again!" Old Chief Bluey wasn't old anymore, he was in the prime of life. But he still sounded like himself, more or less. "It was so dull being dead, you can't believe it! There was just nothing to do. Clouds and... more clouds... and harps. Muffins, if I never hear another harp it will be too soon!" Wildfire, who had moved close to his formerly dead son, gave him a jab with a powerful forehoof. "OW! What was that for?" Rocket rubbed his shoulder with one of his own hooves. "I'm really alive, okay? Dang... I have to pee. Real bad. Just a moment." Wildfire watched his son make a run for one of the community toilets. "That's him alright. He's really back." Wildfire looked up at the sun, alone in the sky. "Fixed. Everything is fixed. I knew Celestia was on the job, that sly old thing." "No you didn't, you little scaredy-foal." Perspicacity nuzzled Wildfire. "But, everything is different now. Look." Greater Fetlock had seen some strange things for such a small town. Only occasionally, but odd enough when they happened. Celestia had visited, once. The Happy Pony Show had come through decades ago. Sometimes a dragon and his son came to visit. But Greater Fetlock had never been host to a historical reenactment society before. All around the town walked, trotted, and stood every manner of creature. Griffons, dragons, diamond dogs... and countless dogs and cats and rabbits, pigs, chickens and other small animals all suddenly come back to life. The ghosts that had prowled the town, frightening everypony, were now very much alive, and very confused about the fact. Some openly wept while others simply stared at every little thing in amazement. An armored griffon soldier, in the regalia of centuries past faced off against a shaggy, almost feral looking pegasus pony in armor of its own. They stared at each other for some time. The pony finally broke the silence. "I... we're alive, Boryslaw! I don't know how... but I don't want to go back, I'll tell you that." "Agreed, my good friend Passingwind." The griffon began removing his armor, right there in the street. His sharp claw gauntlets were thrown down with disgust. "Finally, finally I can remove those accursed things!" The pony had done the same. His armor and side lance were heaped beside the griffon's. The two former enemies, from a time long before the Pax Equestria, embraced, weeping into each other, holding each other tight for comfort. Wildfire gathered his family together - Rocket had finally returned. "Whatever has happened, it doesn't seem bad. Other than the mess. There's a lot of nasty hardware being dumped all over the place." The streets were rapidly being filled with discarded lances, gauntlets, bracers, pauldrons, armored saddles, tail scythes and many other historical arms and armors. "We're going to need to build a scrap yard." Perspicacity, ever the entrepreneur, was already working out where it should be constructed, and who best could run it. Teacup held Cornflower and Durum so tightly that they began to complain. "We're both fine, ya silly filly! Ain't that right, Durum?" Mister Provender nodded. "Ah thinks so. Ah got all my parts, fer as I kin tell. Young agin, too." He grinned. "Ah kinda likes that." "Durum!" Missus Provender hugged her daughter back. Teacup just couldn't seem to let go, even for a moment. "It'll be awright, there, Teacup. So much carryin' on, goodness. Ya need ta settle ya down some, seriously girl. Yes, yes, momma's back... an' ah don't intend to be leavin' agin, ifin I kin help it." "Do you promise?" Teacup could barely breathe from crying so hard. "As much as ah kin. Only so much ah kin do, but it's mah intention to stay. Durum too." Durum was stretching his new, young legs. He stomped several times, savoring the power of fresh new hooves. "No question 'bout it. Ah'm done bein' daid. Taint what its cracked up to be, thas fer sure." Teacup was crying again. "I'm SO glad you're BACK!" She just kept repeating that, over and over for the longest time. Cornflower endured. Teacup had taught her that sometimes they do come back to the farm, even if they leave. Apparently that was true for everypony, not just flighty daughters. The world was a right strange place. Ralph Vitoni hid behind the Tacksworn Community Library, crouched low, using bushes for cover. Gradually, he caught his breath. He had used every bit of his earthpony strength to run all the way down the spire of the dragon's home, nearly tumbling several times from the path in his panic. "We'll ain't this a hell of a turn of events. Jesus, I'm fucking alive!" Ralph shook his head, unable to grasp anything that had just happened. "I don't want any part of any fucking dragons again though. God damn that was awful. And then that lousy lame-ass heaven? Leave it to a prissy pony princess to screw up the afterlife. Real brimstone and fire damnation would'a been better than the hell she made - all the singing, god the awful singing!" Ralph quickly checked his head with a hoof, he moved too rapidly and clocked himself. "FUCK! Dammit... no halo though! Christ, thank god for that. Fucking halos. Goddammit. No more dragons. I gotta stay breathing from now on. I can't face going back to that shit. I just can't face it!" The scruffy brown not-quite-a-pony dared a look beyond the bushes where he was hiding. "Motherfuck. Dragons. Dragons fucking everywhere!" The streets of Tacksworn were filled with milling dragons in ancient armor, diamond dogs and griffons too, all looking like wealthy and eccentric visitors from every Renaissance Faire and Fantasy Convention ever held. "I'd say just kill me, but shit - been there, done that." Ralph Vitoni sat in the bushes and softly cried, but did not, for even an instant, begin to reexamine his life. "...your desire to retain the essence of your earth cultures. Each citizen, upon their discorporation, will be presented with the facts of our compact, and offered either rebirth within your cities or permanent embodiment within the greater whole of Equestria. Your lands will never be encroached upon, and your cities will remain in isolation indefinitely. Your civilizations will endure, in isolation - save for those tests and challenges which are the price of our agreement, and which represent your service to the crown." Celestia towered over the representatives and their staff, all of whom appeared visibly shaken. Yefim Tarasovich Salkovski, the president of Neo-Volgograd took a shaky, but brave step forward. "Printsessa, of what you say, I have great concern. What of population of the future? Surely, over time, few will choose rebirth - they will wish to keep identity, keep ego and not lose themselves to infancy. The population will steadily drop, and all be lost forever!" "This will not be a problem, Yefim Tarasovich. Each new life which a citizen lives will be preserved, and when the time comes that they should wish to leave and join the rest of Equestria, it is possible to merge all of the lives into one. Those leaving forever will have the option to become the sum of all they have been here, alive with the memories of every lifetime spent within your three cities. Indeed, I have recent experience of just this process, and I can assure you that it is an effective solution." Celestia smiled confidently. "More than this, my good president Salkovski..." Celestia walked to the window of the conference room and peered out at the remarkably earthlike architecture of the city of Lost Angeles "...I am confident that there will be those newfoals from the greater part of Equestria that will, in time, feel nostalgic for their old lives. There will always be those who will become curious, or desirous of exotic experience, and they will choose to take birth within your shared lands. When my little ponies become restless, I will present your realm as an option, and knowing the newfoal heart as I do, I have no concern that your cribs will be indefinitely filled." Great Minister Zhang Ziyi put her hoof forward. "Then we are to be merely a theme park for you! New Chengdu will not serve the entertainment of foreigners!" Celestia stood tall looking down at the tiny, well dressed mare. "Not entertainment, Great Minister. Your three cities, your three civilizations will serve Equestria in the manner of scientists, researching specifically for the defense of Equestria - which includes yourselves. You alone will be charged with developing that force which may be needed in times of insurrection or even invasion from beyond." The Minister of Lost Angeles stood at the window which Celestia had just been looking out of moments before. "I believe I understand." He scratched under his chin with a perfectly manicured hoof. "The princess will leave us alone. We shall be allowed our isolation, and the preservation of earthly culture and civilization. No citizen of our cities will ever know of the existence of the rest of Equestria at all. Our values will be preserved!" The Minister turned to face his fellow leaders. "But there is a price, as there always must be. Several prices." The minister harrumphed, clearing his throat. "First, we must die. Death will be maintained here, while the rest of Equestria is granted true immortality. Is this correct?" He turned to the regent of the Daylight. "Yes. But this is in your interests - without the cycle of birth and death, your effort to remain human even as ponies would fail - your societies would change beyond all recognition, and the vast landscape that isolates you would cease being a barrier if no pony should die attempting to cross it." Celestia looked at each leader in turn. The Minister of Lost Angeles nodded. "Just so, just so. But you will send us challenges, will you not? Threats and problems which we must solve. You would seem to need us, Princess. It would appear that the human culture we have created here serves your interests!" Celestia smiled, softly. "Yes. Because you work to maintain a human outlook, you will naturally think in terms of matters of defense. Because you are ponies, the weapons you devise will naturally be nonlethal. And because you alone will still know death, your management of existential terror will assure that your science will be driven in that uniquely human way that made you, upon your own world, indomitable." Zhang Ziyi lowered her ears. "We are not your theme park then. We are to become your defense industry! That is the price to keep our values." Celestia gently touched a wingtip to the Great Minister of New Chengdu. "Is it so terrible to know that what you trade in exchange for your desired isolation might, one day, preserve the peace of not only yourselves, but every pony beyond your lands and all of Equestria itself? Is your separatism so absolute that you have no love of anything beyond yourselves?" "As long as sun shines, stallion not ask for moon." President Salkovski grinned. "You are wily, in this I find amusement. I think we will agree to this thing you present to us. Think, my friends - " He turned to the other pony leaders " - our states endure, certainly we can meet any challenge we are sent, and the price is blessing for all! What benefit is there not in this?" He faced Celestia and snapped to attention. "Neo-Volgograd agrees, Printsessa!" Caprice and Alexi could finally feel the streets of the City Of Summerland. They began to walk with confidence, to the monument. There, cast in silver, set upon a great slab of marble with plaques of gold, were five ponies. Beside the monument was a wall of dark stone with gold filled letters, lists of names. "It is gaudy, sydänkäpynen, this thing. But I think I like it. I do not recognize our home now. It is big city now, filled with much bustle and hustle!" "Equestria has changed, my love. More than I ever imagined." The peach earthpony sniffed the breeze. The scents of fruits and flowers filled her senses. "I could not find our old home if I tried. If it still stands." She dug at the grass with her hoof. "It wouldn't be our home anyway. Some other ponies would be living there now. It would be their home. Alexi! We don't have any place to live!" Alexi turned and pulled his mare close with his neck and jaw, a pony hug. "Minun pikku ponini, you should fear not. Ponies with statues of them never lack for homes. That is something my great grandmother never told me. It is true even in Equestria!" "Never told you?" "I wish to comfort you, but I would never lie to you. Closest thing to old saying I could think of in the moment. I was counting on you not noticing that part. Peach pony is clearly too smart for Alexi!" Caprice snuggled close. "Always be silly for me, Alexi. I love you, you goofy stallion." "Alexi does what Alexi does best: be complete ass. So, what is the plan, lovelies of all mares?" Caprice looked around at the massive city that had replaced her beloved village of Summerland. "First, we find Pumpkin, Buttermilk and Strawberry. And Rose too. I bet she's returned to our old cottage on Kimberwicke Lane in Clydesdale. That or her clinic. Next, we find the sculptor of this thing..." She nodded at the massive statue "...and have them re-do my face. They got my muzzle all wrong! Lastly, if there's time, we find a big old house we can all agree on and start living the strudel out of whatever all of this is!" She thought for a moment. "And get fed. I'm starving!" "After the statue is fixed?" "Of course. Priorities. Art before food." "Food is art, I am thinking, and I am also thinking that now you are the silly pony." Caprice smiled wide and glad. "Yes. I am. It's a family tradition, or so my great grandmother never told me!" Alexi kissed his beloved Caprice. "Since there are not many other... zombie horror ponies like ourselves... here, I am thinking food first, and ask the server many questions until we can work out any better way to find loved ones. Statue is good idea, is probably known place whic..." There was a flash of intense and powerful thaumatic light, the clear side effect of a direct teleportation. The mare was dressed in the august robes of the Royal Unicorn Corps. Under the robes, she was the palest of yellows, her mane even lighter. Her eyes were a brilliant, golden yellow, piercing and severe with intelligence. She stared at Alexi first, and then turned her gaze to Caprice. "M-mother?" Caprice knew instantly. "Buttermilk! My sweet little Buttermilk!" The grand and powerful Royal Unicorn Corps Supreme Thaumaturgist lost her wide-brimmed, peaked hat as she ran, tripping over her own robes. "MOMMY!!!" Crimson Beauty Acres finally managed to turn her eyes from the mirror. She and Frontpage had been given a room in the castle at Canterlot. She had not yet even noticed that the head of the Royal Maids had placed them both in a room with only one, large, canopied bed. She was still far too overwhelmed to consider much else beyond her singular self. "You're sure you're alright?" In the back of his mind, his profession was still trying to force him to get his notebook. It wanted him to take notes, to observe and record. Perhaps, one day he might. But right now his special purpose, his very cutie mark, could take a hike. Crimson mattered to him. She was the Feature Article in his heart. The realization had dawned slowly, but it was now the entirety of his personal Publisher’s Statement. Crimson turned and slowly managed a quavery smile. "Yes. It's just odd, is all. Yet, in another way, it feels utterly normal, and that seems strange by itself. I suppose that doesn't make very much sense." Frontpage came close to her, he could smell her warm scent. "I've covered a lot of stories in my life. On two worlds, in two universes. And only half of them ever seemed like there was any sense to any of what I reported on, and in retrospect, I long ago realized I was just kidding myself. Life's weird. There's no understanding it. You can get the full set of W's with an H on top, and still only have column inches to show for it, and be no wiser. "All I care about is that you are alright." "Yes. Or I will be. It's not so strange, really. I just have double memories... or a longer memory... that includes seeing myself. From two sides. I've talked to myself many times. I just never imagined being there, with myself, in the same room when I did it." Crimson lay her head and neck across Frontpage's back. She closed her eyes, resting, for a moment. "I - both of me - still feel it was the best choice. Of course there is only one me, now, so... oh, it is very strange, isn't it?" Frontpage returned her embrace, his own neck and head across Crimson's back in return. "I still say we could have made it work. Besides, Equestria could always use more..." He pulled back. She raised her head and found him staring intently at her. "Much more...of someone like you." Crimson looked down, her ears tall. Frontpage could swear she was blushing under that coat. She raised her head, elegantly. "I didn't tell you the real reason I chose to let Luna merge me with myself." Frontpage tilted his head slightly to the side. "Should I get my notebook? Is this a scoop?" Crimson softly smiled and took a step forward. Her head was beside his now, just a fraction of a hoof away. He could feel the heat of her cheek. "I think... you might find it... newsworthy. You see..." He could definitely feel her cheek. "...you see, I was getting just a bit..." Her muzzle was directly in front of his now. "...more than just a bit, actually..." Frontpage felt warm and his ears were twitchy. "Just a bit what?" Crimson leaned in. "Just a bit jealous of myself." "Jealous. Of yourself. Is that so?" The confirmation was not something that could be set in print. At least not in a publication intended for general audiences. One week before the Zero Point Centennial, before the great celebration of a century having passed since the final Inclusion Day, Equestria was changed forever. The day when the planet of the transformed humans was itself transformed, now became a celebration also of the transformation of Equestria, as well. Equestria had been based on long-vanished earth. The very first newfoal, Willelmus Learmount, the Wayward Minstrel Of Eslaforde, had convinced Celestia to save him. He had forced her promise to save all Mankind from its soulless and uncaring cosmos. And then he had filled her mind with the notion that her work was incomplete and lacking in order so long as it was devoid of death and an afterlife. Men may dyen an gew now to colde grave An so ye deye an gew to all savacioun An thow shalt not be deed But that thou lyve in stede As soule for tyme perpetuelly In no world of peyne and wo Insteed of al and sweete goodnesse Surely, no other man had ever caused so much good, and so much ill, for two entire universes. But in the final hour, as the whole that was Equestria teetered on potential collapse, the transhumanist, singulatarian notions of a country mare provided the solution that saved every pony who had ever lived, or who would ever live in the future. A country mare who was also a newfoal, a former human, offering a rationalist repair to a fourteenth century faith that had nearly ruined an entire cosmos. From now on, there would be no old age nor death in Equestria. Likewise, there would be no natural birth. There was no afterlife - just life eternal. The population would be static now, and grow no larger, thus there would be no requirement to make ever more room for it. Pony heaven was dismantled forever - the energy, time and space reclaimed. And in answer to all of this, the great HMS Equestria creaked a brine-soaked sigh of relief. In the future, some ponies might choose to be reborn, to experience foalhood again, even to become new personalities entirely. Some might become other breeds of pony or species. But it was no chaotic existence, despite the desires of Discord. Ever the fixed point of Order and law, Celestia worked out solid rules and conditions for every circumstance within the new order. Equestria had experienced repair, upgrading, and tuning. Equestria 2.0 was as near to paradise as could be done, and the ship had never run better. Far, far, far in the future, the Newfoals would prove their value yet again. Scientific values surviving earth found purpose as pony and zebra became allies in repairing the Multiversal Mover that was Equestria itself. There came a day when Equestria flew freely, once more, between the universes. It became a beacon of hope and freedom and light to countless trillions, and in strange eons, even led the charge to teach friendship and compassion to the weird and alien Krawlni, the original builders. A multiversal empire of friendship and kindness was forged, that spread through all dimensions and times. It happened all and only because a selfish human bard once convinced a princess among Environmental Support Systems to save a bunch of hairless apes. It is upon such curious things that great histories turn. But long before such cosmic glories, long before harsh alien forces were brought to heel, long, long before the names of Celestia and Luna became revered as saviors of a vingtillion worlds, there had been a party. A party to celebrate the very last day of a dying world, and the Inclusion of all newfoals, everywhere...