Their hoofsteps echoed. Behind the green glow of unicorn magic, the light of the library faded away and the brown rock gave way to interminable blackness. Before it did so, Carmine squinted along the dark wall and thought she could make out the slight slit of an alcove to her left. Beside her, Vanilla gaped as she ambled along.
“Now just be careful where you place your hooves,” said Carmine. “Places like this usually have plenty of tripwires, plenty of pitfalls, all kinds of traps and torture devices.”
Vanilla yelped and hit the ground.
The unicorn sighed. “And tiny pebbles.”
“Sorry, Carmine.”
A scrabble and a dust-off later, they continued down into the blackness. Carmine focused and for a moment her horn shone with a white burst of magic. One pulse shot down the cavern like a bleached comet.
“Clean of magical traps,” she said. “One less thing to worry about.”
“It’s almost like she was dying to tell us, don’t you think?” Vanilla piped up suddenly.
Carmine pouted at the thought. “How’s that?”
“Well, she gave us the book that the agency told us to get.”
“Hah! Eventually.”
“Still, she could’ve given us a fake and run for it. So she must’ve known we’d figure it out sooner or later, however obscure it was. She knows how legends work; she’s studied them all her life. And after all,” and here, she stuck out her chest and grinned until her cheeks were scrunched up against her ears, “we are professionals.”
Carmine grunted and her horn glowed brighter, sweeping the floor for traps. “Well, that and I kidnapped her family soon after we arrived.”
The smirk vanished at once. “Carmine! What the hay?”
“Relax, Vanilla. I’ll let them go once we’re done. It’s only a bluff. Besides, this is what it means to work for the agency.” She tossed off her sunglasses and gave her companion a stare. “Sooner or later, you’ll get your hooves dirty too.”
“You told me you were going out for a hike! Getting familiar with the lay of the land, you said!”
“Oh come off it! You mean to tell me you bought that? That was sarcasm. You can tell when I’m being sarcastic. My ear twitches when I’m sarcastic. Besides, it got us the book, didn’t it?”
“That’s… That’s…”
The horn flared, exposing a burst of cave from shelves to ridge up ahead. “That’s the job! Suck it up, Vanilla. The boss’ll ask you to do this at some point.”
Vanilla gulped. “Y-Yeah, but…”
“Now come on. Enjoy it while you can.”
Their hoofsteps echoed in the darkness. After they passed what seemed like a gallery of crumbling stalactites – bits of gravel and drops of water tapped their backs and heads as they passed underneath – Carmine raised a hoof to her mouth and coughed.
“You, uh…” she said in a none-too-casual tone. She scratched her chin. “You did well back there.”
“Thanks.” Vanilla’s voice was cold.
“Never would’ve thought of that trick with the eyes.”
“Uh huh.”
Carmine looked across at the wall, away from Vanilla. “I mean, I would’ve beaten it out of her. Left to myself, I mean.”
They carried on in silence for a while.
“Not beat her hard, of course.”
“Right,” said Vanilla.
“Just enough to scare her a bit.”
“Right.”
“You know, in some respects, it would’ve been a very gentle beating.”
“If you say so.”
“Practically a massage, if you think about it.”
“Uh huh.”
“I can be very humane that way.”
“I see. It would’ve been a very humane beating-to-a-pulp-for-information.”
Carmine grinned with relief. “That’s right. And I would've bought us a round of drinks afterwards,” she added brightly.
Finally, the cave opened up, and the light flared out across the vast domed ceiling above.
The cavern was a natural hallway, vast and round like the inside of a monstrous egg, but it was an empty vastness compared with the centrepiece. A pyramid of bronze rose up from the heart of the cavern, smooth and gleaming under the glowing embers of Vanilla’s firefly jar. Only the pyramid steps interrupted the sleekness of the slope, a jagged gouge from base to peak that ran right through the centre of its triangular face.
Stretched out around it were pits, stepping stones, net-like panels, and a ring of a maze, all fashioned and hewed out of the natural rock. The effect was of a petrified moat around a castle. This “moat” was bordered by four rings of clouds, arranged so that they could box in anything up to the size of a wheeled catapult if it dared cross the first barrier. Then, the limestone rose up the bank to the ridge, from which the two squinted down upon the carvings and the shadows.
“Cripes,” murmured Vanilla.
Carmine noticed she too was gaping, and hastily closed her mouth. At this, she threw Vanilla a pitying glance and shrugged.
“First time, eh?” she said as casually as she dared. “Yeah, it’s a cute little thing all right, but it’s a manageable obstacle if you know what you’re doing, and no obstacle at all to a seasoned professional.”
Vanilla skewed her lower jaw unconcernedly. “Ah well, in that case, it should make a good learning curve for a rookie, then.”
Before she could take so much as a step, she was almost rammed backwards by Carmine, who moved so fast she came close to teleporting ahead of her earth pony companion.
“Hold it! You’re not going down there. Not if I have any say in the matter.”
Vanilla snorted. “Is that so?”
“Yes it is, and don’t you take that tone with me, Little Miss Swagger. I’ve seen one too many novices blunder into traps an idiot would spot a mile off. You can stay here and watch and learn.”
For once, there was no argument. Vanilla simply curled her lip and sat back on her haunches, pouting and glaring after her retreating back. As she waited, she cast her eye around the cavern and to the peak overhead. A white radiance flared up there, standing out even against the blackness immediately beyond the podium. If she tilted her head and squinted and used her imagination a bit, she could just make out something angular and compact within the radiance.
Below her hooves and the ridge, Carmine was sliding down sideways, dislodging gravel as she went. She was stiff and poised as though it was deliberate, but the slight wobble at the tips of her hooves stained the overall effect. Despite herself, Vanilla felt a pang of sadness for her. It was kind of pitiable, the way Carmine insisted she was a seasoned veteran. They’d only signed up six months apart.
Her gaze cast about the cavern again. Commander Strykem must have been busy to make all this finery just for his crystal. Which was odd, because if anything, the chronicles said the pegasus ponies back then were a Spartan lot. Carving traps out of the bedrock and hauling bronze for a temple wasn’t what she’d have expected of them, especially when they went in for clouds and lightning and deluges and floods.
No. This had to be a more recent addition.
Carmine stood outside the cloud barrier, seemingly waiting for something. A slight swaying of her haunches suggested she was building up to a leap, but Vanilla just assumed she was chickening out.
“Why don’t you come back up here?” Vanilla cupped her front hooves and called down to her. “This doesn’t square with what I know about pegasus defences. I think we’re missing something.”
She was rewarded for her efforts with an arrow of a glare fired from Carmine’s upturned head. Then, the unicorn lowered her front half, faced the clouds again, cracked the joints in her forelegs, pawed the ground with each hoof in turn, took a deep breath, and pounced.
And flipped in midair.
“No!” she shouted. Her four hooves hit the ground. The clouds buzzed as her tail flicked towards the cloud barrier.
Vanilla raised an eyebrow. “What now?”
The unicorn cantered up to the top of the crater, frowning and chewing her lip. “Just noticed something. Uh, check that wall.”
She pointed seemingly at random.
“Why?” said Vanilla.
“Just do it. And while you’re at it, I’ll check a few more clues over here.”
“I’m right, aren’t I?” Vanilla smirked.
“Don’t backchat, learner. Just do it!”
For a while, the two of them patted and slapped the cave wall, the slaps echoing around the chamber. Then a click, a crack opened, and Vanilla jumped forwards as a part of the wall slid back under her hoof.
“You found it at last, did you?” Carmine said. “Hold on.”
She hurried over. Heaving and growling, they both pushed and then the slab screeched into a slot and slid down into the floor. Both of them stumbled through the sudden cloud of dust, and coughed and spluttered as cobwebs and blackened, twisted roots dropped out of the crevice overhead.
“Found it,” said Vanilla, and gave a blast of a cough. “‘At last’.”
The chamber beyond was large enough for a cart and two yoked ponies, carved into the rock as a sphere through a bottleneck large enough for the two of them. Blinking and shaking the debris off them, the two looked up and saw…
“A lightning sceptre.” Carmine grinned. “Clever old son of a gun, there was a trick.”
“A what?”
“Watch.”
Carmine summoned the aura along her horn, and the sceptre rose up and floated beside her smirk. She made an about-turn and marched back out, back down the slope, and right towards the cloud barrier.
Vanilla chewed the inside of her mouth. This was not the work of one secret keeper. A secret society, then? A society that had built upon the original design?
Gasping, Vanilla lunged out the entrance and galloped down to catch her. “What are you, insane? What are you doing?”
“I said watch!”
And Carmine stepped through.
At once, Vanilla covered her eyes as a forest of yellow lightning strikes burst in on them, searing veins of afterglow through her eyelids and so deep into her pupils that she could barely see what was happening. She lowered her head and, peeking out, tried to watch it through her peripheral vision.
“Enjoying the view?” Carmine marched onwards, holding up a thicket of lightning as the cloud’s sparks lunged for the sceptre’s glowing tip.
Lightning arced and branched and searched for weaknesses. Carmine didn’t stop smirking until she reached the other side, and even then she couldn’t resist pirouetting and laughing with a twirl, landing on her rear hooves with a flourish. Instantly, the sceptre cleared the cloud barrier and the lightning flashed out of existence.
Vanilla blinked and rubbed her eyes. “What just… Huh?”
“Someone obviously wanted to come back sometime.” Carmine took a bow and slung the sceptre over her shoulder like a club. “It’s just common sense.”
She stepped forwards.
Vanilla blinked in surprise when the spikes rose up. She cocked her head at the battering rams that swung down. The screeches and yelps tickled her ears, which flicked at the sudden sounds.
“Huh,” she said as Carmine yipped at the boulders dropping down. A few joints crunched.
She turned around and, ignoring the hissing and fizzing behind her, strode back up the slope. Vanilla reached the open side chamber just as a burst of flame turned the cave orange and Carmine whooped in shock. Explosions ripping the cave floor apart behind her, she narrowed her eyes and focused on the cracks in the wall. A few seconds of screaming, yelping, crunching, booming, and cracking filled the otherwise thoughtful silence.
Finally, she jumped forwards and pressed a part of the wall. It rumbled inwards, partially drowning out the demented laughter of a pony getting bitten by some unseen creatures. As before, the slab clicked and fell down.
“Huh,” she said.
The noises ceased from outside. Vanilla hurried out to watch.
From the top of the pyramid, Carmine shouted, “Ai made i’ do de dop!”
A spit dislodged a loose tooth onto the stone. Carmine fumbled in the tattered remains of her trench coat, which promptly fell apart, and stuck a set of false teeth into her mouth.
“I made it…” She gave a yelp and landed with a thwack onto the next step down. “I made it to the top. Ah. Near the top.”
“You OK?” Vanilla shouted back.
The swaying figure raised a smoking forelimb and managed, after several false starts, something resembling a side-to-side motion. “Nothing… to it! Just a little…” She yelped at a bolt that jumped from head to tail. “Hiccup!”
Shaking herself down, Carmine turned and forced herself to climb back up the step and onto the platform.
Up ahead, shining and glowing pink with a quiet power, the crystal bobbed and pulsed in the middle of its plinth. Carmine stared until her eyes seemed to glow pink and pulse in sympathy. Her mouth began to drool, which made her wince when it ran over the burnt bits. She limped forwards, dragging one of her rear legs behind her and leaving an ashen trail like a slug. The crystal now hummed at her. She flicked her ear out of its crumpled, shrivelled state; it sounded like the noise made by a wine glass gently tapped, but never ceasing, always harmonious and shrill.
She licked her lips. One hoof reached forwards.
Vanilla closed her eyes at the boom and burst of dust that rammed into her on all sides. Even through her closed eyelids, the light burned into her pupils and she had to wait again for the afterglow to fade away. She opened her eyes, and frantically looked around. The top of the pyramid was empty, and the peak had partly collapsed into the core as though a giant’s telescope had been pressed down slightly.
The lightning sceptre clattered at her hooves. She picked it up and turned it around with interest, marvelling at the pulse of arcing light within the tip. Shrugging, she stuffed it down her trench coat. No one had asked for it, but you never knew what a random bit of treasure could fetch on the market these days.
Standing as she was in the chamber’s entrance, Vanilla didn’t notice the unicorn-shaped hole in the wall until she stepped out and almost walked past it. She reared up and peered inside.
“You, uh,” she said. “You need my help with anything?”
A smoking black mass with narrowed eyes poked out. The false teeth began to crack under the pressure of her jaw.
Vanilla smiled at her. ”Well. It’s a good thing you had on Factor 5000 Sun Cream, isn’t it?”
And from behind Vanilla’s back, the real crystal was produced.
They both stared at it for a while. Then Carmine stared up at Vanilla. Vanilla rubbed the back of her head gingerly and looked down.
“There was, um,” she said with a casual cough, “a second chamber.”
Carmine yanked herself out of the hole and splattered on the ground below. Vanilla instantly let go of the crystal, which hovered in midair. Carmine straightened up and shook the soot off herself.
“Give me that!” Her horn flared and the crystal jumped to her side. “This is my assignment. I’m the veteran. You’re the novice. And this is what I get for showing you the ropes.”
“Sorry.” Vanilla tried a weak grin which did nothing to Carmine’s diamond glare.
“You’ve got a lot to learn about navigating dangerous catacombs filled with traps, you know.” Carmine began marching towards the exit.
“I know.” Vanilla fell into line behind her.
“Don’t think because it paid off once, it’ll pay off again. You have no idea how lucky you were this time. I mean, just pressing walls and seeing what happens!? You must be crazy.”
Vanilla sighed. “Yes, Carmine.”
“Just helping yourself to whatever shiny thing you found in there? That’s a breach of professional protocol. I’ll have to report it, you know.”
“I understand.”
Carmine glared at the crystal floating beside her, and then all of a sudden turned her glare back to her partner. “I mean, you could have freaking told me.”
Vanilla shrugged. “It was just a hunch.”
At this, Carmine’s glare turned venomous.
“I know. I’m sorry. I won’t do it again.”
Carmine grunted.
As they walked along in silence, Vanilla shivered at the thrill of the game. They had actually found it! She knew she shouldn’t feel smug, especially to her partner’s face, but to have actually located one of these things was amazing! She couldn’t wait to tell the guys back at the agency.
Suddenly, Carmine stopped and held up a warning hoof. One of her ears had twitched. Vanilla walked right into the back of her, but suppressed the “oof!” that ran up her throat.
“What’s wrong?” she whispered.
Carmine didn’t answer. Instead, she swivelled both ears forwards and held them as erect as possible.
“What’s wrong?” Vanilla jumped to her side, slightly nudging her elbow-to-elbow to get her attention. Carmine shushed her and focused.
Vanilla tried to focus her ears too, but she couldn’t hear anything above her own faint gasps of breath. For a moment, she wondered if Carmine had stopped breathing, but a quick glance showed her that Carmine’s stomach was rising and falling as gently as waves on a lakeside beach. She sniffed. The air was too dry and still for any scent to penetrate it.
A shiver ran through her spine. Chills broke out through her body. She suddenly felt light and humming, as though something had come alive. Her skin crawled; whatever had come alive, she felt it shouldn’t have. Something was wrong here, no matter how empty everything seemed.
“Don’t,” whispered Carmine, “make a sound.”
“Carmine,” moaned Vanilla. “What’s going –?”
The hoof smothered her mouth so hard she almost got teeth knocked out. She was rammed into the wall. Carmine stuffed the crystal up her partner’s trench coat, adjusting her hoof over the earth mare’s mouth. Then Vanilla’s forelegs were pinned to her torso by a limb like an iron girder. Muffled and restrained as she was, she groaned and squirmed.
“Shh,” hissed Carmine into her ear.
They ducked into the alcove in the cave wall. Behind them, the firefly jar, their only lantern, fell and crashed on the ground, scattering the fireflies and causing Carmine to drag Vanilla further into the shadows as the swarm of glowing bodies passed by.
Vanilla stopped squirming, but she was burning with how close her partner’s body was, and fear had frozen her in a crushed and tight position. She felt she couldn’t breathe.
A moment later, she heard the steps. The edge of a circle of light came into view.
Vanilla tried to back into the wall, but Carmine was in the way, and her partner just tightened her grip.
Five figures entered their field of vision, each bedecked in sunglasses and the traditional grey uniforms of the island police force. All of them stopped to adjust their berets.
Two of them were pegasi. They had flashlights in their mouths and were scanning the ground ahead; their beams focused on the shards of glass and a couple of straggling fireflies. The three behind them were unicorns, suspending jars with their own luminescent insects and looking totally bored. All three unicorns struck up a hurried conversation in their local tongue, which to Vanilla sounded like clicks and blabbering.
As a united force, the three unicorns fell into a row and levitated black prods from their belts. The tips extended like black telescopes, each ending with a curved claw that sparked once the prods clicked into place. Cattle prods glinted under the firefly glow.
The two pegasus ponies flexed their wing muscles and scooped pikes from their own belts. A bead of sweat dribbled down Vanilla’s temple.
The five officers stepped carefully down the tunnel, each putting one hoof after another, testing for traps. One of the pegasus ponies brought up the rear; she turned around and backed her way after them, scanning the tunnel for any hideaways or hidden perps they might have missed. Carmine drew Vanilla further into the alcove; the pair of them only saw the light reflect off the rock, and then it disappeared.
To her surprise, Vanilla found her mouth and forelimbs suddenly freed. Her sleeve was ripped off and yanked away from her limb, throwing her back onto her rump with the sheer force of the tearing. She spun around, but Carmine was already making for the gap, and before Vanilla focused properly, the unicorn vanished into the shadows.
Vanilla peered round. Up ahead, she could still see the faint lights of the four police officers, and only yards away from her was the fifth, taking much longer than the others to clear the corridor of rock. This one was still sweeping the walls as she went.
Had the pegasus swept to the right at that moment, she might yet have seen the shadow flash by.
There was just enough time to see Carmine rise up behind the mare when her hoof jumped out and the torch went off. A muffled groan followed. Legs kicked and scuffled. Vanilla had to strain to hear that much.
Then there was silence.
Something heavy was dragged across the floor towards her, and she ducked out of the way as Carmine nudged her.
The body was dumped in the alcove. Carmine removed the makeshift gag that was until recently Vanilla’s sleeve, and then focused her magic on the uniform, unbuttoning buttons, unbuckling the belt buckle, and holding the badges up so she didn’t jingle them by accident. The beret rose off and landed on her own head. She swapped the sunglasses.
“Is…” Vanilla looked at the body. “Is she dead?”
“Just unconscious. Follow me, and for goodness sake keep quiet.”
When the torch came on, Carmine the fake police officer had it in her mouth. She cantered back down the tunnel and then turned and began sweeping the beam as though nothing had happened. Vanilla pressed her side against the wall, sliding along it just outside the beam’s circle.
Another officer – one of the unicorns with the cattle prods – had hung back, taking a station near the entrance to the catacomb itself. He turned around as Carmine approached, and then turned back, completely uninterested. It was just the silhouette of the officer, after all, with the torch as usual. Exactly what he was expecting to see.
When Carmine drew level with him, she switched off the torch.
He spun around, opened his mouth, and vanished under her leap. Vanilla dived forwards, hooves outstretched, her eyes on the falling firefly jar. Her belly hit the floor.
The jar stopped inches above her hooves. Then, it drifted towards Carmine, who was holding up the second body with both hooves. She dumped the unicorn unceremoniously and knocked her own beret back a bit to expose the horn. This time, she lowered her head and placed the now-useless torch – still switched off – at his hooves.
Then, Carmine reached through Vanilla’s neckline with both hooves – Vanilla wiggled and tried not to burst out laughing – and pulled out the crystal. This she stuffed down her own uniform’s neckline until its pink glow was no longer visible.
Both cattle prod and firefly jar floated up beside her.
“Keep close,” she whispered.
Vanilla slunk a few feet behind, feeling the ripped edge of her trench coat’s shoulder chafe against her pit. Now, they had both caught up with the three remaining officers, who had entered the catacomb and were standing and looking out over the mess. Their faces were impassive.
One of the unicorns barked an order. With a nod, the pegasus stepped forwards and swept the torch beam over the traps and smoking parts.
“We know you are two in here,” said the commanding unicorn in sudden if imperfect Equestrian. “This be the Island Police. We have your only means of escape most cut off, and we outnumber you by a much, and we are fully armed. Surrender, and we will not harm you. Resist us, and you will suffer a bit.”
They waited for a response. The beam travelled up the pyramid, right to where the smoking peak was lying empty of crystal. Framed by her own firefly jar, Carmine raised one hoof and pointed at the unicorn nearest them. Vanilla nodded and crept over to him, each hoof carefully guiding itself over the stone. She held her breath and bit her lip. Both eyes narrowed.
The commanding unicorn sighed. “This you last chance. Come out of you hiding place and turn in yourselves, or we will force to take violent action and detain you and prison you. I repeat, this you last chance.”
Vanilla was now right behind her unicorn target, whose ears swivelled back and forth for any hint of a sound. Beside the earth mare’s crouching form, Carmine levitated the cattle prod higher.
The commanding unicorn turned his head to his fellow and began to nod, and in that brief moment snapped round to look squarely at Vanilla. His mouth shot open in alarm.
Carmine swung the prod with a lightning-fast strike. It knocked the torch clean out of the pegasus officer’s mouth. Before the body even hit the ground, she dropped the prod and threw the jar at the commander. His horn glowed; the jar froze in midair. He raised his own weapon with a snarl.
Vanilla’s unicorn target turned around, prod raised, but not fast enough. With a cry, Vanilla tackled the mare and wrapped her own forelimbs around the neck, holding on tight. At once, the prod met her flesh and her entire body crackled and jolted with a sting. She yelped and let go, tumbling over the hard limestone ground.
Gritting his teeth, the commanding unicorn held up each jar, one on his left, one on his right, and lunged forwards. Both jars smashed where Carmine had been only seconds before. The prod shot for her. Her aura bloomed along her horn; the dazed body of the pegasus rose up as a shield and then gave a full spasm under the prod’s jab.
Carmine smirked at the impromptu rapid-fire dancing. The job did have its moments.
She flung the doll-like body at the commanding unicorn, knocking him back a step or two, and before he could rally for a counterattack, the crystal swung up and cracked his chin.
Vanilla flipped back onto her hooves before she gave a yelp, lost balance, and fell onto her cannons.
The last unicorn officer rammed into her, knocking her onto her spine. One hoof pinned her down by the throat.
Vanilla spluttered, her eyes bulged, she dabbed feebly at her own neck, and the prod came up to stab between her eyes. Despite the officer’s sunglasses, the gritted teeth suggested two eyes wide with fury. Vanilla grimaced and braced herself.
Carmine stabbed with the prod right in the back of the head.
Bolts shot through the officer’s skull, down the forelimb, and into Vanilla’s neck. Both ponies shuddered and jittered and spluttered and gave off a slight smoky smell. Then Carmine threw the prod aside and the crystal swung into the still-juddering skull, sending the officer tumbling with a shriek down the ridge.
“Three,” Carmine whispered, “two, one…”
She grinned at the bursts of lightning that followed. Both grin and bursts carried on for a long time.
Behind her, Vanilla rose unsteadily to her feet. Her hair stood up with all the dignity of an affronted porcupine. She tried to focus, shook her head, and smacked her lips.
“I taste pink,” she said faintly. Quickly she shook her head of the effects. “Hey! What did you do that for?”
Carmine shrugged. “I was improvising. And you have to admit it was kinda fun.”
“No it wasn't! Ow! Sparks!”
“Oh. Well, I found it fun anyway.”
And with that, she galloped back up the corridor. Vanilla gave a start and threw herself after her before ramming into the haunches and bouncing off. Carmine had suddenly skidded to a halt and rounded on her.
“And by the way, what the heck was that?” said the unicorn.
Vanilla was still shuddering at random, stumbling her way back up to her partner. “S-Sorry?”
“You don’t tackle a unicorn with close-quarters. Especially not literal tackling! Unicorns have telekinetic counterattacks, remember? Horns don’t have the same limitations that hooves and wings do.”
Vanilla shook herself down and tried to focus on Carmine. “I thought, if I just caught them by surprise –”
They both ignored a shriek and a blast from somewhere among the traps.
“I mean it was so real!” Vanilla’s voice rose to cracking levels. “They were attacking. They were actually attacking me, and she was going to – and then they just – you shocked me.” She stared at Carmine in horror.
Carmine grinned at her. “First time fighting flesh and blood opponents, huh? You have had a cushy ride so far.”
“I thought it would be like Fighting Class. But she was so fast, and and and…”
“OK, calm down. Calm down. Take deep, steadying, soothing breaths. And be quick about it!”
Vanilla sucked in and breathed out, still shuddering.
Carmine sighed. “Don’t you remember anything from Fighting 101? You must do. You passed the darn thing, or you wouldn’t even be here.”
Vanilla winced. “Um. Barely.”
Carmine rolled her eyes. “It’s not your fault. It’s the wrong attitude in the system. Testing, testing, testing: that’s the problem these days. It’s all about what’ll pass the tests, and then you forget everything as soon as the practical’s over. Look. Quick lesson, OK?”
She handed over the crystal, which Vanilla reared up to and snatched at. Carmine seized her shoulders and turned her slightly to the left.
“OK,” she said. “Now imagine we’re facing those officers again and you’re about to be attacked. Show me a blow.”
Vanilla swung, almost overbalanced, stuck out a leg to stop herself, and recovered.
Carmine shook her head. “I said show me a blow, not actually blow. Try again.”
Eyes narrowing, Vanilla threw her all into the swing and pulled her upper torso back to allow more momentum. This time, there was a satisfying whoosh as the crystal cut through the air.
Carmine nodded. “Not bad, not bad… but you realize you’re not just doing this to make swishy sounds. You need a good swing every single time, or you’re a dead mare. Now, your posture…”
She reached out with a hoof to nudge parts into place, adjusting the spread of Vanilla’s lower legs so that they were more evenly spread out, forcing her chin up, pushing each shoulder back, and raising and lowering the tip of the crystal until it was the right height relative to the chest. Vanilla held her breath as soon as she noticed this. Carmine gave her a smack across the stomach.
“Breathe normally,” she snapped. “Now, watch me. We’re in a hurry.”
Carmine reared up, levitating a nearby prod to chest height and seizing it in her forelegs. She hefted it like a baseball bat, tweaking her grip here and there, and winked at her partner.
Despite being a yard away, the swipe through the air was so fast that Vanilla cried out in surprise and fell onto her rump. She wasn’t sure she hadn’t blinked and missed it. At once, Carmine levitated her back into position, nudging the parts back into place with horn aglow.
“Overawed by my technique! Understandable, I admit, but unhelpful. Back into position. Now you give it a go.”
“Um… OK.”
Vanilla swiped, and to her own surprise felt the gale as she swung at the stale air. She swung back. The whoosh was now a zip of pink, slicing through the air so fast it didn’t even have time to make a proper sound. She nodded slowly at first, and then beat her head eagerly in agreement.
“All right!” she said, and she turned to Carmine. “How’s that?”
“Better. Not great, but it’ll have to do. They’re going to wait for us to run out, and then we’ll have just seconds. Don’t rush out until I give the jump signal. Got it?”
Vanilla nodded and stuffed the crystal down her trench coat.
“Good. Now come on. We gotta get moving. The police wouldn’t have sent those five after us without a backup plan.”
They fled up the tunnel, Carmine’s ears straining for the slightest sound, Vanilla’s eyes straining for any movement at the exit. Once they got within a few yards of it, however, Carmine’s horn flashed – a signal – and they both began to slow from a gallop via a canter to a trot, and finally they crept one carefully placed hoof after another to either side of the exit.
They both flattened their backs against the rock, Carmine with the prod levitating beside her, Vanilla hefting the crystal from the trench coat. They looked across at each other, and then at the light pouring out of the open cave mouth.
Cheeks puffing with suppressed breaths, Carmine lowered the tip of the prod and met her partner’s eye. In the dim light, Vanilla could just about read her lips: four, three, two, one. Carmine’s horn flashed for the jump signal.
They leaped out, weapons raised.
The forest of pikes all pointed at them. From all angles.
Both of them froze. Officers surrounded them, all wielding cattle prods or pikes, the unicorns covering the ground, the pegasi covering the air overhead. An inch ahead, and both of them would’ve been reduced to meat netting immediately.
“Ah, fudge,” muttered Carmine.
Vanilla glanced sidelong at Carmine, who lowered her prod to the ground, shut it off, and removed her magic from it.
“What are you doing?” she hissed. “I thought we were fightin’ ‘em out.”
“Rule 101 in combat situations,” Carmine hissed back. “Know when to fold. No one’s good enough to fight off dozens like this at once.”
“But… but that’s cowardly! Why would you –”
“Good grief, Vanilla! This is real life!” Carmine hissed. “Stop thinking in myths and legends, and start thinking in basic mathematics!”
A chuckle rose up from the back of the crowd. Carmine narrowed her eyes and tilted her head so she could see past the mass of sunglasses, suits, and gritted teeth before her.
A zebra stood at the back, grinning and leaning heavily on her left legs.
“Zodos!” Carmine snapped. “Ah, double fudge.”
The zebra reared up and spread her forelimbs in an expansive gesture. “My my, dear Redhead! How funny to see you here!”