//------------------------------// // Part 1: Challenge Accepted // Story: Diamond Tiara: Foalsitter For Hire // by deadpansnarker //------------------------------// The bell hanging over the threshold lightly jingled as I made my way inside the cafe. Silver Spoon, in the middle of placing our order to the irrepressible Pinkie Pie, looked at me in surprise as I ventured over to the counter. "Di, I told you to relax, while I got us our snacks! Heh, that rhymes... did you hear that just now?" My friend giggled at her accidental display of poetic genius. I shook my head in bemusement at her self-congratulatory statement. "Yes Silv, very droll. But I'm here to talk to Pinkie actually, as soon as she's finished serving you... well, us." "Oh, okay..." My bestie seemed pensive for a second. "I thought for a moment there you wanted the two of us to sit inside, which would be crazy on a boiling day such as this. Or, that you believed I'd forgotten to purchase your ice cream that you asked for just a second ago. I mean, I know sometimes I have a bad memory, but expecting me to need to be reminded of something this soon is daft..." "Silv..." I interrupted my aggravated friend with a reassuring hoof on her back. I knew what a sensitive subject her occasional forgetfulness was for her. "It wasn't either of those things, I promise. I always had complete faith in your ability to get our order right the first time of trying. Now, if you'll just finish things up with Pinkie here, I'd quite like to have a little word with her afterwards. Between you and me, this may provide a solution to my monetary worries..." "O-oh really?!" Silver Spoon wasn't sure what to make of my optimistic proclamation. "Well, I'll get out of your mane then..." She turned back to Pinkie to conclude their transaction. "So, as I was saying, that'll be one extra-large triple-scoop of vanilla ice cream with all the fixin's, and a blueberry muffin for yours truly, please. Because I'm in such a giving mood today, I might even hoof you a bigger tip than usual if you serve us fast enough. Do you think you're up to the challenge of not getting distracted, for a change?" "Who, me?" Pinkie seemed shocked at the mere insinuation she could be anything less than a model of vigilance at her job, but a closer inspection of her track record would reveal extended delays caused from anything ranging from a passing fluffy dog to a falling leaf. "Why, how rude! I'm never anything but the perfect waitress, isn't that right, Gummy?" She made a kissy face at the beloved pet by her side, a not-exactly responsive toothless baby alligator. Me and Spoonie looked at each with concern, if she was going to linger until she got a reply from her reptilian companion, we'd probably be here until graduation. "E-er that's fine, we trust you to hurry things along..." Silv stated, not altogether convincingly. "I'll wait for you outside, Di. Please make sure she's got our stuff before you join me..." She added as a whisper, before scampering through the front door into the midday sunshine. "What's with your friend..." Pinkie asked me as Silver Spoon left, the older mare wearing an expression of somepony who was a little offended. "You'd think she was questioning my powers of concentrat... oh, wow. I didn't realise we had white chocolate sprinkles in stock!!" As her face suddenly plastered itself against the glass case containing the toppings, I sighed in annoyance. Same old Pinkie. One of the nicest mares around, but the attention span of a particularly high-strung goldfish. "I think I've figured out who wrote that note outside..." I pondered to myself. Somehow she heard me in her own little world, and tore herself away from the cabinet to respond. "Note? Oh, you must mean the advert I placed on the wall! Yep, I'm not too proud to say that was all my own work! Me, me, me! The Cakes didn't think I could do it, they wanted to hire a professional. But, as soon as they saw my wonderful hoofwriting and the way I described the gorgeous twins, they practically begged me to fulfill the task! Or was it the other way around...?!" "Well, anyway..." I wiped a bead of sweat away from my brow. Getting through to this space case might be even harder than the foalsitting gig itself. "It doesn't really matter. I'm here to declare my official interest in the position. I mean, I'm not sure how many other applicants you've had so far, but I can honestly say, that despite my tender years and complete lack of experience in foal care, I'll be a committed..." "You're hired!" Pinkie's sudden interruption put a complete dampener on my brilliant speech, which I'd rehearsed for at least two minutes before entering the building. "I'm sure you'll do just fine. I can tell just by looking at your enthusiasm and drive for the assignment, here and now!" "W-what, just like that?" I couldn't believe my luck, not to say I wasn't happy. "B-but, what about the other ponies who applied? Also, you don't know anything about me. For all you know, I could be an escaped..." "...Diamond Dazzle Tiara, nine years old, scion of the Rich family line, recently reformed school bully. Special Talent: Ordering other ponies around. Likes: Swingin' cute ceneras. Dislikes: Brussel sprouts. Can I share a secret with you? Neither do I..." She murmured that last part in my ear, after rattling off virtually my entire CV. "E-er..." I stuttered, unsure of how to react to this excessive reveal of so much personal information. "Okay, I take back what I said about you being in the dark about my background, but I don't see how any of that has to do with my competency at being a..." "You'll be great, of that I'm absolutely, positively, one hundred per-cent sure!" Pinkie beamed. Well, I guess that clears things up. "Plus, me and the Cakes were starting to fret a little. You see, that notice has been up for a good while now, and tomorrow's the day we go away..." "T-tomorrow?" I raised my eyebrows at this knowledge, which didn't leave me much time to prepare, before I realised something even more revealing. "W-wait a second... if the note's been up there for ages with no reply, t-that must mean..." "That you're the one and only applicant! Lucky you!" Pinkie's concept of personal space was a little different to mine, and she began squeezing my cheeks vigourously. "Anypony would think it was a hard job... but it's not, really. Okay, so they can get a bit rambunctious at times, but as long as you know what you're doing, the three of you should get along swimmingly! Just don't take your peepers off them for a second, find somewhere to hide if the going gets tough..." As Pinkie continued to prattle on during her unrequested massage of my facial area, her words began to drift into a steady stream of inanity. I began to weigh up in my head just what I'd agreed to. Why, in the middle of unemployment-hit Ponyville, had nopony else bothered to apply for such an apparently simple job? Was there more to these foals than I'd been told? They'd looked so sweet, the day of the school election results when I saw them, hugging their parents lovingly during my depressing trot around town. The twins had kind of reminded me of what I'd been missing out on for all these years... "Hello? Are you listening to me? Equestria to Diamond Tiara: Please come in..." My deliberations were abruptly cut short by a frantically waving Pinkie, and I realised, not for the first time that day, I'd paid an unscheduled visit to La La Land. "U-uh, my apologies. I-I've got a lot on my mind right now." I stated, trying to sound as officious as possible to save face. "What was it you were talking about again?" "I was explaining about the flour, silly filly!" She chuckled, not offended at all by my lapse in attention. After all, I still had a ways to go before I caught up with her on that score. "Do you know what to do with it?" "O-of course I do." I huffed, unwilling to admit I hadn't heard a single word she'd said on the subject. "I get it as a bonus for the job, and then I go back to my mansion and make pies with it. I've recently started cookery lessons, funnily enough..." Much to my surprise, Pinkie burst into spontaneous laughter upon hearing this obviously inaccurate answer, and put a hoof around her pet in her merriment. "Did you hear that, Gummy? She really was on another planet a few moments ago. I tell you what... you still seemed a bit jet-lagged from your trip back to reality, so if you arrive nice and early tomorrow, I'll show you the ropes before me and the Cakes leave. Better not get dressed up all fancy-schmancy though, things could get kinda messy..." "M-messy...?" I scratched the back of my head in bewilderment. I wasn't exactly planning on wearing anything chic for the occasion, but that sounded rather ominous. Also, if I tracked any kind of muck onto the freshly cleaned floors of the mansion later, my mother would have the perfect excuse to go ballistic at me once again, and sanction even more unfair reprisals for my 'insubordination'. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all... "Yep. Not to worry though. As I indicated in my supremely done advert, you'll have lots of fun, and it'll be good practice one day for when you have foals of your own! See you at the crack of dawn here, yes? By the way, here's your order... I took the liberty of putting it together while you were exploring the galaxy inside your head just now. Will Madame Fusspot waiting for you outside finally be satisfied, do you think?" Pinkie hoofed me a tray with two treats delicately balanced on it, still bedazzling me with that omnipresent smile which never seemed to fade. Meanwhile, my own mouth was uncontrollably salivating at the sight of that delicious looking multi-tiered ice cream Madame Fussp-Silver Spoon had been so kind as to treat me to. Walnuts, almonds, candies on top as well... I'd be in taste nirvana after the first mouthful. How my bestie could munch on that plain old muffin while I tackled this decadence of dairy is beyond me, but hey... it was her idea. Also, despite her protestations to the contrary, I did plan to make it up to her at some point. She deserved nothing less. So grateful was I for the party pony in front of me for creating such an unhealthy masterpiece and so desperate was I to rush outside and introduce it to the interior of my gullet, all thoughts of quitting the job left my brain instantaneously. I staggered to the door, a pool of drool left in my wake, holding the tray aloft, determined not to spill one tiny piece of this gastronomic marvel... In my deep trance, I barely heard Pinkie's farewell remark. "See you tomorrow, then!" Neither did I see the tiny white object left lying on the ground en route, before it was too late. CRASH! BANG! WALLOP! My backside was firmly planted on the floor all of a sudden. The tray spun around in the corner, vibrating rapidly from the impact of the unscheduled fall. And, the ice cream... was everywhere. Especially around my fur and mane. Mother would absolutely flip, as I'd already predicted. Great, just what I need right now... My mood of desolation was undercut by Pinkie wandering over, her silent pet perched snugly on her spine. "Oh Gummy, what did I tell you about leaving your new false teeth where other ponies could trip on them?!" She playfully chastised him. "It's a good job you're so darn cute I couldn't possibly get mad at you, because otherwise..." She nuzzled the emotionless reptile with real affection, while I looked on with wide-eyed incredulity. "Erm, hellooo... what about me?" I gestured to my own good diary-product-saturated self, with a hint of my old acrimony creeping into my speech. "Oh, Whoopsie! My bad! Well... mine and Gummy's bad, really. Tell you what, we'll slap a fresh one together for you, right away! Also, as a token of our apology, I'll ask the Cakes to pay you double tomorrow what they were going to! How does that sound, Miss Tiara?" "That's all fine and dandy, 'Ms' Pie, but just look at me! My parents will have a heart attack if I go home like this! What on Equestria am I supposed to say to them?!" "...Hey, I've just had a great idea! Gummy can clean you off! He loves ice cream, dontcha know. Little known fact: It's how his lost his teeth in the first place. I always felt partially responsible for that, seeing as how I introduced him to the stuff, which is the reason I saved up enough to buy him the falsies! They cost me a small fortune, it's not easy finding them baby alligator size, oddly enough. Anyway, I'll go over and rustle you up another mega-sundae, which I promise will be a squillion times tastier than the last one! Gummy, get licking. I expect this good filly to reemerge as pink as when she arrived when you've finished. See you both ssooonnn..." "But Pinkie, I really don't think..." My voice petered out as I watched her skip blithely into the distance, my stomach sinking to the extent I almost felt my belly hit the floor. Suddenly, I'd just lost my appetite... I stared down at the unblinking reptile in front of me, feeling an unexpected kinship with the statuesque creature all of a sudden. "How do we do it Gummy? I mean, cope with our overbearing guardians? Unsung heroes, both of us. Oh well, you better get started, I suppose. You can begin with my fetlocks..."