"But Moooom..." I whined at length, to practically no effect.
"It's no good pining now, Missy..." she sniffed, pointedly turning her back on me with her hooves crossed. "If you choose to act like one of the underclass, you can start earning your keep like one of them."
"B-but..." I protested, desperately scrambling for something pertinent to say. "Y-you can't expect me to do that! I-I'm just a little filly, for Celestia's sake!"
"A little filly who's caused a giant headache for me and your father!" My mother shook her head at my presumed arrogance. "After your careless stunt at the school which cost us the price of an adventure playground, and the finances lost from funding your dismal election campaign, we're dirt poor. I can't even afford to have my annual colonic irrigation treatment because of your thoughtless shenanigans. Oh me, oh my, whatever did I do to deserve such a selfish daughter?!"
Deciding to ignore her blatantly hypocritical final comment, I continued to press my case. "I-I don't regret making a lot of my fellow classmates happy, it's the least me and you can do, after the way we've treated them over the years. Also, you can't say we got nothing out of the school presidency contest... I mean, just take a look in our garden!"
At this point, I trotted over to the silken curtains of our living room where this animated discussion was taking place, pulling the cord to open them with my mouth. A few months ago, I would have used my hooves, but now, such pretentiousness seemed to lose it's flavour completely.
Neither did the predictable disapproval of my mother frighten me the way it used to, and her deep-set scowl upon seeing her daughter engage in such unseemly behaviour barely registered on my radar, where before it might have had me cowering in the corner.
"What exactly am I supposed to be looking at, dear?" She turned around slowly with the appearance of somepony expecting a big disappointment, kind of like her perception of how I'd turned out recently.
"Take a look in the middle of that garden there..." I gestured with my hoof into the distance.
"... Which one where, darling?" Despite using many terms of endearment, Mother sounded as bored as ever.
"The second one from the right. You can't miss it." Of course, being stinkin' rich (sorry, grandpa) has certain advantages, like having the biggest mansion, a huge entourage of servants... and more bought-up land than Sweet Apple Acres.
"Oh, you mean the one where the old fool is embarrassing himself yet again?" She haughtily remarked.
"...Yes, mother. If you say so." I rolled my eyes at her typical callous nature.
She was, of course, referring to Randolph, who was dragging around the lawnmower as he attempted to tackle the forever growing summer grass. Hey, he may be making heavy weather of it, but at least he's doing something. Not like Mrs the-most-I-have-to-do-all-day-is-sign-a-few-papers, before-retiring-to-my-boudoir...
"Sorry, to interrupt your daydreaming, dear..." Mom stood there tapping her hooves impatiently, breaking me out of my spell. "But I do believe you had something you wanted to show me. If you could be quick about it, please..."
"Oops, sorry..." I blushed, while regaining my poise. "I was talking about our new structure in the middle of the chrysanthemums. Look at all of the happy birdies!"
I cited the stone statue that I'd posed uncomfortably for, over a period of two tedious days. Supposed to stand pride of place in the middle of the schoolyard after my anticipated reappointment to high office, it instead now languished in the Rich family grounds, a favourite roosting spot for any passing avian lifeforms to rest and preen their feathers on.
Fluttershy would have been thrilled, but my mother... less so. Considerably. "Oh wow, so the local pigeon and sparrow population have found somewhere new to excrete, all on my coin! I feel so elated, being the proprietor of a new refuge for rats with wings everywhere! Call the media! This is sure to land me in the centre pages of the Canterlot Times! I can just see the headline now: Spoiled Rich: Flying Vermin Enthusiast..."
"Okay, you've made your point..." I hoofpalmed at this juncture, realising I was heading up a one-way street in my argument. In trying to appeal to my mother's better nature, I'd forgotten the main drawback: she didn't have one. "But it's better than nothing, right?"
"'Nothing' is precisely what it is, darling..." She spun about and moved away, her prodigious nose left hanging in the air. "As you seem to have forgotten the very foundations our illustrious family was built on though, I wouldn't expect you to understand that. So, until you regain your senses and start acting like a member of this household again rather than one of the hired help, all you'll be getting from us is the very minimum required by law: Three square meals a day, with free bed and board. Think yourself lucky you have that much, because if we had our way, you'd be braving the elements with naught but a cardboard box and newspaper for covering."
"U-us? W-we? O-our?" I stammered, unable to believe my ears. "You mean to tell me... father's actually on board with this?!"
"Lock, stock and barrel, dear. Well, I won't lie, it did take a bit of friendly persuasion..." Mother smirked, with the look of a spider who'd just devoured a fly. "But I soon had you singing from the same hymn sheet as me, isn't that right, sweetheart?"
"Y-yes, that's right." A very agitated Father suddenly popped his head from around the corner. I didn't even realise he was listening. "N-now, you be a good little filly and do as your mother asks. P-please, for all our sakes..."
My poor Daddy. It must have been another all-night assault on the eardrums again for him. Now that my Mother has seemingly lost control of me for good, no prizes for guessing who's getting the brunt of her frustration. I can't help but feel somewhat guilty at possibly causing him to have a nervous breakdown in the near future. As a lowly child though, what can I possibly do to remedy the situation?
In the meantime, all I could do was mutter the typical refrain of "Yes, Father. Sorry, Mother." While slinking out of the room, with my head bowed and my ears drooping.
As I left in 'shame', I stopped briefly to hear my mother's unmistakable titter of triumph, followed by her saying, "Now, that's what you call proper parenting, dear... when both the grown-ups stand together firmly on their principals like a stone wall. When she discovers she can't even afford to have her precious tiara polished, she'll soon come crawling... and we'll have our obedient little girl back. I shan't let a bunch of uncivilised misanthropes undo nine years of dedicated training in one fell swoop! Now, because you were so compliant back there, I'll let you run along to play with your little toys for half an hour."
"That'll be... pretty good..." Father walked off as if in a daze, to collect his golf clubs.
"Stallions... you can't live with 'em, yet you can't live without their chequebooks..." Mother sighed in resignation, before leaving the room, no doubt to refurnish herself further.
I somehow managed to swallow the bile that rose to my throat and forced myself outside into town, taking one last glance at my sculptured likeness in the garden before I departed. If the birds ever need somewhere else to poop, I have the perfect candidate in mind...
.........................................................................................................................................
"But... she can't do that. Is there nothing you can do?!" Silver Spoon gasped with horror upon hearing my latest tale of familial woe, which even by my mother's despotic standards of punishment, seemed cruel and unusual.
"I'm afraid not..." I sighed in defeat, as the two of us trudged dispiritedly over to Sugarcube Corner. " I hate to say it, but I think she's right. All she has to do is provide me with the basics such as shelter and nourishment, and everything else is a luxury. If that wasn't the case, then half of the poorest pony parents in Equestria would be arrested..."
"Well, you could at least try something..." Silver Spoon frowned, unwilling to accept that as a final answer. "Can't you talk to Princess Twilight? Surely, as the resident royalty 'round these parts, she'd be able to help you..."
"I'm not sure being deprived of pocket bits really falls under her jurisdiction of 'Friendship'..." I replied, certain that I'd be humiliating myself by even turning up at the castle unannounced. "Plus, she's got enough on her plate these days, what with that new student of hers' I've seen wandering around town..."
"Oh yes, I know who you mean..." Silver Spoon pondered, while adjusting her glasses. "She seems like an interesting character. I was at a magic performance the other day, and she did this thing with Trixie that was most impressive. Honestly, if I didn't know any better, I'd swear that showmare's panic after the manticore stunt was completely genuine..."
"Well, anyway..." I wanted to change the subject, having missed out on that particular experience due to my six month grounding at the time, which had only just expired. "That's not an option. I'll just have to find another way of earning some coin, or I'll have to go without. I'm certainly not going to return to the bully I once was, whatever I do next..."
"I'm very proud of you, Di..." I suddenly felt a grey hoof around my neck, as my best friend looked at me with undisguised pride. "You've made a clean break from the past, and regardless of what your mother might think, I know everypony else is much happier with the new you. Especially me."
"Y-yeah, w-well..." I wiped a stray tear away from my eyes. I had no idea how that got there. "That's all very good, but that doesn't help me in my current situation. I'm afraid I'm not going to be great company today, watching you eat your muffin. I can't even afford my usual shake..."
"Well, maybe that's something I can assist you with..." Silver Spoon was all smiles, as she dipped into her saddlebag to retrieve her generous allowance. "My treat today, for the reformed filly: An extra large helping of ice cream, that you don't even have to steal from me this time. On the house, for you to drown your sorrows in. Don't say I never do anything for you."
"S-Silv..." There were those darn tears again. I wish they'd go away. "I-I promise I'll pay you back as soon as..."
"Nonsense!" I felt her hoof close my mouth again, though much gentler than on that fateful day of the election. "This is my treat, and you totally deserve it. In fact, with a mother like yours, I dare say you warrant some kind of medal for outstanding bravery. All I expect you to do is find us some decent seats while I go and order. Though, if I were to make a request, somewhere in the shade would be nice. I won't be long. See you soon."
With this, Silver Spoon took her leave, while I contemplated what a formerly despicable filly like me did to merit having such a loyal BFF such as her, after everything I'd dragged her through. I'll make it up to you Silv, even if it takes forever...
It was while I was dwelling on my reprehensible acts of the past and as I was looking for a decent spot to rest my weary bones that I saw it. A poster on the wall of the eatery, scrawled in a strange elongated style, almost as if the author had some sort of hyperactive disorder. It read as follows:
FOALSITTER WANTED FOR TWO SUPER ADORABLE BUNDLES OF JOY. PLEASE APPLY WITHIN. FREE SACKS OF FLOUR INCLUDED WITH ACCEPTANCE OF POSITION. FUN FUN FUN GUARANTEED!!!!!
What an... odd advertisment. So informal, undescriptive... and since when did the bonus of a cooking ingredient encourage somepony to go for a job?!
Still, beggars can't be choosers, and that's exactly what I was reduced to now, in my present unfortunate circumstances. I made my way inside, deciding that an afternoon of saying coochie-coo a lot and changing diapers was far preferable than being skint until marehood.
And it all should be a piece of cake... or rather, two small pieces of Cake.
Little Sugarcube Corner related joke there. Hilarity, thy name is Diamond Tiara.