Face Punching is Magic
I stared at the screen of my TV with frustration running it’s way through my mind and body. I had just finished binge watching the entire series of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. As much as I loved the show I couldn’t help but feel that every single episode could have been solved in moments with a little common sense, a perhaps the liberal use of fists. Every moment my frustration grew until it reached a breaking point and I screamed out loud.
“AAAAARRRRRRRGGGGHHHHHH!” I screamed as I stood in the center of my dingy one bedroom apartment. My hands were locked in the shape of fists and my face was nothing but a visage of pure unadulterated rage.
I stepped forward and glared at my tv as the series began again from the first episode. I watched it again and soon the second part of the opener started. I continued watching until I saw the mane six enter the Castle of the Two Sisters. My rage overcame me again and a fist flew forward, intending to destroy the contraption that was the source of my frustrations. However what happened was far from what I had suspected.
As my fist hit the screen the glass layer warped, my fist and half of my arm moving through the screen and disappearing. I tried to pull it out but it held fast. As I pulled as hard as I could a great force dragged on me in the opposite direction. I fell forward, my head falling through the screen before the rest of my body joined it.
The world turned to black for a moment and I felt myself falling. Hours seemed to pass as the black turned into a bright white. It was so bright that I was forced to clench my eyes as tight as I could and cover them with my arm. Suddenly the white fell away and ground rushed up to meet my falling body.
The moment before I hit the ground however my body stopped in mid air before whatever force was holding me up disappeared. I landed heavily on a dark stone floor. As I stood up while trying to ignore the pain in my body I looked around at my surroundings. Old and crumbling dark stone walls surrounded me. The area looked like a hallway of some kind and there were numerous faded and ripped banners hanging from the walls.
Without any idea of what else I was supposed to do I decided to walk in a random direction down the hallway. A few minutes later it opened up into a massive room with a large strange looking object in the center. As I looked around the room further I noticed I wasn’t alone. There were several creatures in the room and all of them looked very familiar.
Somehow I was watching Twilight Sparkle and all the others confronting Nightmare Moon. The mane six were all floating as Purple Smart recited their experiences together and the element they represent. When all of them had their necklaces I spoke up.
“What the bloody hell am I doing here?” I yelled to no one in particular.
In shock everypony in the room yelled out in surprise. The mane six all fell to the ground, their new jewelry hanging from their necks and Twilight’s head. Nightmare Moon stared at me with a dumbfounded expression on her face.
“Huh, apparently I interrupted your friendship cannon. Whatever.” I said flippantly as I walked up to the corrupted Princess of the Night.
The mare in question stood there still frozen in shock and continued to freeze as I grabbed her by the neck and lifted her to the sky. I pulled a fist back before plunging it into her face while screaming at her.
“ARE” *punch* “YOU” *punch* “STUPID?” *punch* “ETERNAL” *punch* “NIGHT” *punch* “WOULD” *punch* “KILL” *punch* “EVERYPONY!” *punch*
As I delivered each punch to the face of the black alicorn black shards exploded from her body and by the time I was finished talking I was no longer holding up the same pony. She had turned from a tall black alicorn into a tiny blue one. I threw her down to the ground and walked off but not before turning to the confused and horrified faces of the assembled ponies behind me.
“This is Princess Luna, take care of her. Oh and tell her if she makes the Tantabus I’ll be coming back for her.” I shouted at their dumbstruck faces.
I walked off at a quick pace. Soon I found myself crossing a bridge before entering the Everfree Forest.
An hour later I finally pulled myself out of the treeline and saw Ponyville arranged before me. The sun rose swiftly as I entered the town and I used the new found light to spot my target in the distance. I walked up to the giant tree library... thing and opened the door. Walking inside I lay down on the couch and within moments was asleep.
My last thoughts were this.
Well that was fun.