//------------------------------// // No More Lies // Story: The Internal Workings of a Metal Head // by MetalBrony20 //------------------------------// You know what? I’m really starting to get sick of this shit. I’ve elapsed nearly 5 albums worth of songs and nearly a sixth as ‘Atomic Punk’ enters it’s chorus. Yeah, that’ll give those Sociologists and Psychologists or whatever something to think about. Heck, I’d love to see an Anthropologist, that is even of they exist in this world, which I highly doubt. So, in an attempt to feed me I guess, they had pushed flowers and hay through the hatch on the door. As you can probably tell, this is a massive bloody problem. I’ve not ate since I came here and I’m absolutely starving. I could tell them that I want a nice juicy steak, but I’m willing to put money on the fact that there is none. Probably the cows they have here are sentient, so that rules that right out of they picture. Hopefully they will actually give me some proper vegetables or fruit, and not this horse food crap they have seemed adamant on trying to feed me. Thinking. In my solitude, it seemed attractive to considering what my actions and information could have in this world. By my guessing, their technology lies in a really weird state. On one hand, they have modern medical equipment and a basic sound equipment. However, their military, or guard, seems to be rocking Medieval equipment, swords, plate armour and spears, from what I could see on my bid for freedom. Just think. I could give them the data, concepts and diagrams from my books and start an industrial revolution. I don’t know what enemies they have, if any, but I’m sure some Panzers would really make they other nations shit their (figurative or course) pants. But do I really want to do this? Arming a nation to the teeth with new and experimental weaponry (for them), like jets, tanks, rifles and heck, even nuclear devices would probably cause some sort of international problem. It could result in wars that would not have sprung up otherwise. But some pastel coloured horses driving a Panzerkampfwagen VI Tiger would be so cute, yet so awesome. First I have to actually earn their trust first. Crap. My actions so far have probably deterred them quite a lot. Alright, a hell of a lot. What, it’s not my fault I freaked out about being sent to magical rainbow candy land and then tried to escape. To be honest, if it wasn’t for what I assume was that Princess Luna, I would have pretty much made it out of the city. The more I think about the whole situation, the more ludicrous the whole plan seems. My pondering is interrupted by the hatch opening. My brain sluggishly came to its senses and glanced with barely any effort at the door. Noting it was a raw fish, it gave up and returned to being dormant. My mind then complains about the brains shoddy work ethic and wishes that it could share the head with a much more useful organ. The hatch then opens up again, this time to reveal a rectangular piece of parchment. Now that grabbed my attention. Placing my copy of ‘Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?’ face down on the bed, I strode over to the offending scrap of paper. Eyeing it with suspicion, I turned it over in my still bandaged hand with some difficulty. Written in very accentuated strokes and delicate italics was a very brief message. ‘You will expect 7 visitors tomorrow morning. That should be approximately 5 hours from when you receive this note. They are very curious from what I have told them and will be asking you a myriad of questions no doubt. Please try to be nice to them, and please, be nice and honest for once. -Princess Celestia’ Huh, fuck you too. I’m guessing that these 7 must be important in this world or something. I’m thinking along the lines of chancellors, ministers, or high up scientists. I have no idea. Its the middle of the night though, and I still have a tonne of time to kill. Might as well sleep through the time on my oh so soft bed (I just can’t get over how plush and comfy that damned thing is). Slipping off my shoes, I push them under the bed with the heel of my foot; then I place the book over by the pile by the base of my bed. What? I’m a fast reader, don’t judge me OK? Well, that and I just dumped almost all my stuff out of the bag onto the floor because I can. Picking up the speaker, which was starting to play ‘Civil War’, I snapped the device off and tucked it under the bed, along with my iphone. Leaning back into the pillow, I snuggled down and rolled over to try and block out as much light as possible from the collapsed sun they call this rooms light bulb. Closing my eyes, it didn’t take long to be consumed by oblivion as my feeling of the world slowly disappeared… …Only to reappear in what felt like a couple of minutes. A loud, repetitive banging sound began to emanate from behind the door. In my groggy and tired state, I said the only thing that came to mind at that point in time. “Fuck off” Unfortunately, my body had not also woken up yet. I half moaned the words, rolling off my tongue like the syllables were a group of drunk sailors, trying to stagger desperately back to the right ship. Can’t they give me a few more minutes? “Your visitors have arrived. Get up. Now.” It was a gruff masculine voice, being broadcasted through the speaker. In a surprising break in tradition, I stick my fingers up in a V shape, palm facing toward me. After pointing it at the glass for a few moments, I brought it to my face, then proceeded to rub the sleep out of my eyes. As I was doing this, I began to hear now sounds from behind the door. The majority sounded like high pitched squeals from, teenagers. Shit. I’m not good with girls. I mean, I get on OK with a few, but I just don’t understand some of the things they do. I can barely relate to them, much less put up with SEVEN of them. Also did I mention these are teenage PONIES for Christ’s sake. What a way to start a new day. Reaching under the bed, I slipped my shoes on, all the time there was a loud clanking going on. Wow, they think I’m that bad to warrant locks like that? Finishing pulling on shoes, the door slowly opened, to reveal a blur of pink that sped towards me. Fortunately, it stopped just in front of me, but slightly too close to make me feel way out of my comfort zone. “Hi! My name’s Pinkie Pie, what’s yours? Oh wait I already know that silly, its Tommy right? I know I’m right, aren’t I? Of course I am! Are you an Alien? Are you here to invade and destroy everypony? Do you wanna’ Cupcake?!” Christ, talk about motormouth. What is she on? Probably cocane, I mean, look how hyper she is. God, ponies on drugs, that sounds like a terrible Adult Swim cartoon. She is staring right at me, those huge blue eyes and wide smile penetrating right into my very soul. Wait, did she say, cupcakes? Hell yes! I’m fucking starving for something, anything, that isn’t, you know, inedible to Humans. “Erm, thanks?” I replied tentatively. I mean, overall, I’m more of a muffin person, but right now I couldn’t care less to my preferences. Picking up the closest one, it surprising looked like a normal cupcake, with a large dollop of pink icing on top, blending into the pink casing. Seriously what is it about this pony and pink? God, I need to bleach my eyes or something, this world is too bright and colourful for a metalhead. Taking a bite, I then resisted the urge to gag. Jesus, that is too sweet. Is she trying to give me diabetes or something. I really didn’t want to take another bite, lest I get sick cause of it. I wasn’t even hiding my disgust, as her face slightly fell when I tried to swallow the bite. “What!? You don’t like cupcakes!? What pony doesn’t like cupcakes?” Wow, that last statement sounded really stupid. Do I look even remotely like a fucking horse to you, or am I really that ugly? “Well, I normally do. Just not when the entire thing happens to be saturated in tonnes of the stuff. Are you trying to give me a heart attack or something?” I retorted. “Are you kidding me!? Those are my BEST cupcakes, nopony has EVER complained. EVER” She got really close to me, I mean, if before was violating my personal space, then this is pretty much warranting for a restraining order. She is really beginning to freak me the fuck out. “Pinkie! Stop bothering him and get back over here. He clearly has different tastes to us.” This voice was new. It carried authority and wisdom with it, like a scholar or something. Slowly Pinkie moved away, keeping her eyes locked onto me, giving me of those ‘I’ve got my eye on you’ looks. Now that she isn’t blocking my vision with her cotton candy hairdo, I can actually see who else I have for company. Oh boy, what a bunch they are. On the far left was where the voice supposedly came from. It looked like a purple Alicorn. She was a light purple, lavender almost, whilst her mane was a dark purple, almost the colour of twilight. This had a light pink running through it, with a much darker purple running right next to it.On top of her head was a little gold crown. Seriously, all alicorns are fucking royalty? Bit racist, or xenophobic, if you ask me. To her right stood a shorter unicorn. It was white with a curly purple mane. It looked very prim and pampered, with I guess a curvy body. I’m guessing she would be pretty by pony standards, but what the absolute hell do I know what is considered attractive in a pony? And no, I’m not going to even consider trying to go out with one. Her deep blue eyes appeared to be looking up and down my body, before fixing on my chest, then pulled a somewhat disgusted look. Beside her was a butter coloured winged pony; Pegasus, is I’m not mistaken. Her body was very thin, and looked incredibly frail, like if she was tapped in the wrong place she would shatter into a million pieces. Wait, forget what I said, that came out so wrong. She had what appeared to be a curious and at the same time scared look on her face, though I’m not sure, considering the entire thing was almost concealed by a figurative waterfall of pink hair. If she was coloured black, she could total pass for emo. Next to her stood her opposite. She was striking. That’s pretty much the best word that describes what has been placed before my eyes. Cyan blue coat, her mane was cut short with mother fucking rainbows running through it. I bet she spends a fortune on hair dye. Despite her mostly thin stature, she still had very angular and muscular, with defined legs and muscular back, close to her wings. It reminded me somewhat of my brothers body, although she was smaller, a little less bulky, female and, oh yeah, a bloody horse. Standing next to her was an even stocker one. She was absolutely ripped. She had massive fore and rear legs, giving me the impression that she could hospitalise me faster then it takes for a average concert goer to get shit faced. Orange coloured with a light yellow mane tied in, get this, a pony tail. That’s it, I’m done. On top of this workhorse of a, err, pony, it was capped off by large felt stetson hat; the whole thing looking battered and torn by many a hard days work. Like the unicorn, she seems to be examining me. Looking for weakness, maybe. Yeah, no, like I would ever try to tussle with her. Lastly, a little further away from the group, another unicorn stood. Like the piss yellow one, it was very thin, though not so delicate as the aforementioned jarate hued pegasus. Coloured a light purple, with dark purple mane and mint highlights/strips, she fixed me with an unreadable expression. She gave nothing away, no body language or facial expression. None, she was void of any indication of what I would be dealing with here. Well, at least she looked the most professional out of the bunch, not giving me death glares and horrified expressions. Yeah, ambassadors my fat arse. Our staring contest lasted quite a while, all the time I was quietly getting more unnerved by the second. After a few moments crawled past, the alabaster one took a step forward, still regarding me with that horrified look. “T-that is a, erm, rather… interesting set of clothes you have. What does the design mean?” What? I’m, if I am lead to believe and alien, A FUCKING ALIEN, and the first thing this one asks in her uptight posh voice is ‘what are you wearing?’ I swear there is something wrong with this god forsaken country, planet, dimension, what ever. I guess she is talking about the album cover art on my t-shirt. “Its an album cover of my favourite metal band, Iron Maiden. Great artist, great music, for the most part.” Hey, just because it’s my favourite doesn’t excuse the fact that some albums are just poor or filler. I mean, look at Number of The Beast, Like three or four of the tracks are brilliant, but the rest are just shocking. Anyway, getting side tracked. The purple one also moved forward slightly towards me. “How do you know Pegasi script?” Wait, what? What the hell is she talking about? If she if she is implying that I know how to write in a transdimensional style of writing, then that has to be some sort of fucked up joke. Wait, for that matter how do they even know English for that matter. This is raising several red flags for me. “Its not Pegasi script or whatever, its a Latin descented script that, wait… This makes so much fucking sense now!” Ignoring their wincing from my swearing and shouting, this whole correlation make sense, in a weird, messed up kind of way. “What do you mean it makes sense now?” The thin lilac unicorn spoke up. “Well, back on my planet, pegasi and unicorns are part of ancient mythology. Pegasi, or at least came from an area of them came from a country called Greece. There was only one, called Pegasus, who was one of the offspring to the god Posidon, who in himself was the god of the sea. Anyway, a nearby country called Italy adopted lots of the ideas from the Greeks, including gods and stories. The Romans, as they were called, invented the Latin alphabet, one which came to be used by a good majority of the world population. So, as Pegasi came from that area, and the Latin script was used there, that must be why the writings of my world and yours are so similar.” Hey, I can be intelligent and thoughtful every so often. Just, don’t count on me being level headed all the time. The purple alicorn had a piece of parchment out and was, no, no fucking way. The paper is just fucking floating in the air, surrounded by a transparent purple aura. A quill was flicking back and forward across the page at a frightening speed. They’re, they’re, just fucking with me, right. Metaphorically, not literal of course. But they can’t be levitating stuff around, it’s not fucking possible. And they are not even using magnets. “How are you doing that?”. Right I want this stupid joke to be over now. “Doing what?” Said the alicorn floating essay equipment in front of herself like it wasn’t even bloody there. “I mean, the whole ‘floating a bunch of stuff in front of you face’ thing that you are currently doing this very moment.” A quick blush came to her muzzle, which I didn’t thin wasn’t possible through fur, but whatever, I have more urgent witchcraft based problems to attend to. “Oh, sorry. I forgot you humans don’t have magic, or at least normal magic.” OK, what, what are you talking about? I was about to burst out laughing at that utterly ridiculous statement, I mean, what am I, a six year old girl? However that whole ‘I forgot you humans didn’t have magic’ statement did confuse me. Were there other humans in this world. That didn’t seem possible though, considering the way they treated me. “So, where are the other humans then? If you know about something like that then you must have seen others then.” She appeared to be backing off, slowly backing up behind the rest of the group. Yeah, you fucked up big time bitch. She didn’t look like she would respond, further adding to the fact that she was hiding some rather crucial info. “Hey! Answer my question! I did so for you question, so answer me!” I was getting impatient with these ponies, if this princess held the key to me getting out of here, then she was being a devious cunt. However the gay pride pony bolted in front of me. “Twilight doesn’t have to answer to you, monkey. Why don’t ya’ back off before you get a hoof in the face!” Ooh, that insult was so scary… Oh wait, it came from a miniature rainbow horse, so not really that intimidating. “Who do you think you are, telling me that your so called friend is with holding important information how I could have got here” I leaned in closer to her glaring face. “It doesn’t concern you, so back off”. Instead of following my instructions, she does the exact opposite, she presses her muzzle right up close, so it is literally a centimetre away. I think she is flying to get this close, though I really don’t know how a body of her size can be supported a pair of wings so small. “Yeah well YOU don’t have the right to talk to her like that. You should learn some respect for her and back off, or I will beat you down.” God, her tomboy raspy voice is getting annoying. Totally calling it, she is a lesbian. I don’t think she will back down without one of the other ponies intervening. Time to put her in her place. “Mind repeating that last bit again, would you” “I. Will. Beat. You Down, so back down you freak before IAhh!” Suddenly she was yanked away from me by an invisible force. However, this turned out to be the orange coloured mare, who was grasping Miss Skittles by her tail, in her teeth might I add. “Rainbow! Won’t ya calm the hay down?” She said once she put ‘Rainbow’ down on the lino floor, pinning her tail with a hoof. “Calm down? How can I calm down when this ape is threatening Twilight?” “Ah know that, but ya gotta understand that whatever Twi’ implied to him it upset him greatly. Ah certainly don’t agree with his manner, but he is havin’ a rough time, so ah suggest givin’ him some space.” Thank you. I didn’t know how long I was going to have to resist the urge to throttle her to death. Due to the blue ones distraction, I have calmed down a little. I mean I’m still pissed ‘Twilight’ is keeping me in the dark, but I’ll grill her about that later. “Right, I’m really not happy with the current situation, but could you at least tell me your names or introduce yourself, I can’t keep referring to you seven with stupid nick names in my head.” Well, I sort of know three of their names, though ‘Rainbow’ may not actually be her name, because that would be fucking stupid. “Can we go from left to right, if you would please.” Alright, lets judge them, based on th After a moment of silence, ‘Twilight’ stepped forward, nervously I may point out. Yeah, that's what you get for lying to me. “M-my name is Twilight Sparkle, Element of Magic and the Princesses of Friendship.” Ridiculous. “My name’s Pinkie Pie, the most super duper awesomest party planner this side of Equestia!” Annoying. “Charmed, Rarity, darling.” Posh. “Erm… Mmmy Nnnames Fffluttershy…” Shy. What, that's exactly what she is. They seem to be mostly calming down now, not at all looking afraid or wanting to fight me. “None of your business freak.” Heh, fuck you too bitch. The majority of the ponies gave her a stern look, to which lesbian pony let out a sigh. “Rainbow Dash, fastest flier in all of Equestria, and don’t you forget it!” Egotistical. “Howdy, mah name’s Applejack, proud part owner of Sweet Apple Acres.” Southern American. “Starlight Glimmer.” Yeah, still can’t really read between the lines there, very much trying to be as indistinguishable as possible. Huh, one of the things they said really stood out to me, the thing Twilight Sparkle said. “Thanks guys, Twilight, what did you mean by an Element of Magic?” Finally looking relaxed, she let out a small smile. “Well, I, along with all of us excluding Starlight form the Elements of Harmony. Each of us represents a different aspect of friendship: Pinkie being laughter, Rainbow loyalty, Fluttershy kindness, Applejack honesty and Rarity generosity. I am the element that ties them all together, Magic. Using the power of our friendship we can use it to defeat villains and to solve problems with other ponies friendship problems.” What the fuck, was she being serious. My brain asked logic to make sure she wasn’t making it up. Logic firmly replied it was a load of feted dingoes kidneys and the appropriate response was to laugh at the absurd proclamation. So I did. “BWHAHAHAHAH…AHAHAHAHAH… AHAHAHAHA…HAHA… Y-your, haha, kidding me, haha, that’s the most stupid statement I have ever heard, AHAHAH...” All the ponies stared at me, all had looks of horror, disgust and some outright rage at what I said. Ooh shit, I totally forgot I was magic rainbow unicorn hippy land. If what she had said was true, and their reactions suggested this, I pretty much did the equivalent of telling a Nazi joke in a Synagogue, whilst being wired up to a mic so everyone could hear me. A few seconds after this, the blue mare sprinted up to me and oh shit did she look pissed at me. She turned oh her heels, I mean hooves then her legs extended rapidly. “AHHH!” I was kicked across the room, with I think broken ribs and possible blunt force trauma, then my head connected with the brick wall. As I blacked out all I could feel was immense pain as the void consumed me.