//------------------------------//
// Take Pride and Band-Aids for what you've done 
// Story: The Elements... And Me 
// by Doood 
//------------------------------//

Chapter 8

“I'm not going to ask you again, sir. NO. SMOKING.”

I blinked, “I'm not the one smoking, dear. You are.” I gestured to her ears, “Seen quite clearly from what's coming from that precious little head of yours.”

Her name was Redheart. I knew this, because I figured out quite quickly, that you don't mess with a pony who works double shifts, and overtimes like hell. She is now second hated on my list. Until further notice that is...

“Tick, stop antagonizing the staff.”

I groaned pitifully from my recent spot on the floor and sat up, my mind not wanting to recollect on what had just happened, “Ah… Twilight, nice to finally see you… Gah, Please… Tell me you saw what she did?” I glanced towards Twilight to see if she would submit to my gaze, BUT ALAS, it was to no avail,

“No. All I saw was you pestering the nurse, and then you were on the floor.”

I shot my hands out, “Because she decked me in my stomach! And she kept telling me to put out a fresh cigarette. Seriously, this is a hospital! They are supposed to be helping. Nurses don't do shit like this back home.”

Twilight smirked all knowingly, “Well maybe it's because this isn't home. Ever thought about that?”

You… Butcher of dreams… I opened my mouth, and closed it just as quickly, settling on tapping my chin,

“Actually, no I havent… say Twi-”

She deadpanned, “You ask me a dumb question, imma give you a dumb answer.”

“Right. I'll just… Lie back down.”

Twilight nodded, “Good boy. Stay put, I have to go see if anypony needs anything.”

When she had walked away, I muttered obstinately, “ Thanks alot…”

Alright. Let's get you caught up. Big crash, a one liner that probably would make me cringe later on, and then?

If you guessed the all natural, “You took her to the hospital, Tick. Good Job?”

Then, No, I didn't. It was actually Applejack, who had just so happened to have been selling apples around the corner. I had walked away with the three fillies in time as a crowd started to gather. Wasn't my fault, so I didn't want no part in it.

But the damn fillies wanted to make sure Dash was okay. Imagine my shock when she wasn't. (There wasn't any actually.)

About three hours later, I was stormed over to this despicable place. It included one hurried session of panic, Nurse Redheart punching me with her hoof, and then of course the accusations we passed around...

So let's just say, shit had gotten real.


Earlier

“Really don't see why you needed to bring me along.” I said, my face contorting into a frown.

Several of the girls sighed, Rarity being the one to point out, 

“Darling, you have been standing there arguing with us for over five minutes. Now, you can wait outside, alone, isolated and all, or-”

I finished her statement, “Or I can go in there and deal with looking at broken bodies. I'm good. Y'all go ahead.”

Twilight rubbed her forehead, “Tick, please?”

“Saying please gets you ice cream and cookies. But it ain't gonna get me in there.” I pointed accusingly.

This is the crap I had to deal with. All the chit chat, Twilight hanging my escape in front of me like a fucking weight trainer, and then of course all five wondering if I made Dash fuck up or not.

So yeah, Fluttershy and Applejack looked out of it, the former moreover on the worried side for Dash, and the latter probably tired from the bickering,

“Twi, can't ya just pick ‘em up with yer magic?”

I stared at Twilight in wide eyed shock, “Oh Hell-to-the no! Don't you even dare.”

Twilight frowned, “Tick, we need you to come inside with us. We're keeping an eye on you, and we can't do so when you're by yourself and away from us.”

I scoffed, “That's a fine and dandy explanation bu-”

My dramatic remark was cut off by the sudden tug of a strange force, As though there were a thin string around my waist. Familiar in a sense to remind me of the incident back when Twilight fucked the spell up. It didn't take me much to figure out what the cause of it was either. The culprit was in front of me with a strained expression plastered on her muzzle, and her horn glowing furiously.

Weird… it felt like I was to be rocketed forward, but at the same time, I felt compelled to stay where I was. Maybe Twilight wasn't that strong to pull me? But then again, how did she cast a master spell? The thin string tugged and tugged, pulling my button-up to and fro, but I didn't move where Twilight wanted me to go. 

See what I did with that rhyme? Means I had a lot of time-

Fuck.

“Um… Aren't I supposed to be forced against my will somewhere?”

Twilight's horn winked out, cutting the string from my waist,

“Wh-... Yes… You were… But how… Aren't you?” She said breathlessly.

Blinking, I looked at her confused form, “Would you believe me if I told you it was because I'm fat?”

“Let's just get inside. We have more important things to worry about than this.” Applejack finally said, tipping her stetson up so that she could wipe her brow,

“Ah wanna at least get inside before that sun sets.”

Oh… Well the sun was going down… Bah, fuck it.

I agreed, “She has the right idea, tally ho~!”

“But you ju-”

I waved a finger towards the bumbling Twilight, 

“Ah, ah! That was the past, such now is the present young Sparkle. Now, FORWARD!”

Twilight looked at her friends in exasperation, “I seriously can't believe him.”

She received shrugs, Pinkie being the one to smile, “Well he's a mystery, that's for sure!”

And then everyone started wondering where the hell Pinkie came from.

O.o.O.o.O

Okay, suck it up, you're just in here until Rainbow is alright… Which could take a while… Damn it..

I hated hospitals. Dreaded them... despised them. They are meant to help and save lives, yes. But from what I work, anyone who steps into a hospital, doesn't normally walk out. And then I'm the one who's called in to write the bill…

It was hard, trying to cover up my anxiety, for it showed in everything I did. I on purposely avoided contact with the profound gazes of the staff, and admitedly, jumped when someone called to me,

“Tick?”

I cleared my throat and smoothed my ruffled self. It was definitely not one of Twilight and Pals, and there was only two regal voices that I now know of,

“Celestia, surprise seeing you here.”

I turned slightly to see the white alicorn trotting towards me, her pace was slow, and albeit very calm,

“Hardly. It's only been a day since we last saw and already something has gone wrong.”

I said with a shrug, “Karma deems to fit whoever it likes, Celestia. And Dash had a whole ton of it.”

Celestia stood by me and beckoned us forward, “Well let's go see her then, shall we?”

I fidgeted quickly as several strands of her wavy hair poked and prodded me, “You make it quite impossible to say no.”

“I try.”

Celestia persisted with the motion of her wingspan, taking me deeper into the open jaws of the hospital, eventually leading us to a small room. The wooden door bore a golden number being that of, Room Seventy-One.

Outside, put into the wall, was a clipboard holder. It was actually just there for the doctors and nurses to see what was wrong with a patient. So as Celesta took the time to open the door to Dash's gra- I mean room, I decided to see what was wrong with her. 

What? I can be a concerned fuckwatt when I want to. But when I flipped the autopsy chart over, my mind began questioning the laws of how she could survive with both her wings broken, one of her fetlock thingies shattered, and a gash on the side of her face.

I set the clipboard back inside and stepped into the cleaner, open room. I had to prepare myself mentally to see something absolutely horrifying, but what I was greeted with had actually stunned me more so.

She had no injuries. None. It looked like Dash had just said, ‘Fuck it,’ and slept inside the hospital. She was peaceful, looked rather relaxed, and the only sign that she had indeed gotten fucked up, was a little rainbow band-aid for her damn owie boo-boo instated upon her foreleg.

Honestly, it looked like she was mooching off the staff for a bed and free food. But I saw her before this. There is no way she healed up that fast in… Two hours. Although, she was sped off here pretty damn quick. And from what Twilight has told me, (and an oddly Skyrm like deja vu), these doctors have state of the art Healing Spells.

Jesus that is weird to say… But cool to actually see at the same time. So maybe they used that on her?

The room Dash was in was your average caretaking. The walls held that all natural, get better soon (or die) wallpaper. The bed was hooked up to different bags of god knows what, following up with a window that allowed one to peer outside. Most likely for the patient, but it was nice.

Next to Dash was a tabletop already having a flower placed atop of the surface, at the bottom of it was a book. The cover reminded me of Indiana Jones actually.

Anyways, I quickly found myself seated, my fingers then began to twiddle themselves idly as Celestia paced about the room. It was obvious after about a few minutes of listening to that damnable beeping, that the (probably) most powerful being was worried about something.

I didnt want to ask, for the fear of being told, ‘IT WAS YEEEEWWWWW!!’. It was suspicious enough knowing that I promised this alicorn something and already I messed that up.

But if she continued walking back and forth, my fear was that she was going to make a fucking crater in the tile. 

So I decided to care for once, which surprised me more than it did Celestia when I figured out a new nickname for her,

“You alright there Celly?”

I had a grin that made the white goddess grow red with what I hoped was anger,

“I would ask you refrain from unbecoming my namesake, Tick. And yes, I am fine.” She shifted her gaze towards the bed ridden pegasus, 

“I am more worried about Rainbow Dash and her friends, however.”

I snorted, “Yeah, I would be too. Considering that this one just ate more dirt in a single moment than worms do in a day.”

Celestia smiled, “Hm. Your humour takes the mind off of things, albeit small.”

I answered with a small grunt. Not that I didn't want to talk, but moreover on that no words needed to be spared. (That, and it was awkward as hell seeing that Celestia all had that damn red on her muzzle…)

“Now, Tick.” Celestia forsought after a few seconds of the peaceful silence,

“I don't know entirely what happened with Rainbow Dash. In her haste, Twilight had… Scribbled, and I only got half a story.”

As she continued, I looked at the bedridden asshole,

“You were there when it happened. You might've seen, or done this, so I want to know what and or who caused it.”

Breathing in slowly, I shrugged, 

“My guess, is that she messed up with one of her tricks.”

“A guess?”

I nodded, “Yeah. A guess that doesn't have a correct answer.”

“How so?”

I worked my jaw, “Celestia, you ever get that feeling like you have been toyed with?”

She nodded, allowing me to continue,

“Well I think…” I said with my eyebrows raised, “That, like Paul Walker, someone made Dash here fuck up.”

Celestia tilted her head, “And what caused such a hypothesis?”

“Twilight told me about her friends yesterday.” I started, working on my nails, “And during that, she went on an on about their feats, and how they, saved this kingdom more than once, on occasion.”

I smiled evilly as Celestia sighed with acceptance. Score one for being right,

“She told me, that Dash here, saved Rarity from dying.”

Celestia leaned forward, “Yes, she did. It was during a competitive fliers competition. It proved her loyalty to her friends and showed her how to have courage. What of it?”

“Well, two things occurred today, One being the possible fact that Dash could have done this more than once, why fuck it up now? Two… maybe a few minutes before Dash took an almost literal dirt nap, A… Fan, came up to us and fan-orgied her into doing the stunt... sonic rainboom or whatever.” 

(Which is kinda impossible by the way. I mean come on. A fucking rainbow made from a sonic boom? The day I see that is the day I eat my shirt.)

“Plus theres that, and of course the unmistakeable notion of someone's eyes fucking melded in my gorgeous head.”

Celestia shook her muzzle, “A humourus, and a flatterer on his own terms. You never cease to surprise me.”

I nodded, “Your world never ceases to surprise me. All of this?” I said gesturing to the entirety of the room,

“Is fictional in my world. Well…” I scratched my head, “I at one time thought that Unicorns were real… But besides that.”

Celestia questioned, “Tick, let's say for a minute that this was Rainbow Dash's fault.”

I pursed my lips, hearing not to far away the yakkity yak of Twilight and pals,

“Then she isn't as badass as she appears to be.”

“But you're implying… That this fan might've done it?”

I took a moment to consider my answer, “I'm not implying anything. I'm just mildly concerned on where the fuck her fan is right now.”

Before we could continue any further, Twilight had walked in, along with her friends like mentioned before,

“Tick? Princess!” I grunted an answer and tried to act innocent.

Cue the glomp. 

“What're you doing here? I just mentioned that Rainbow had gotten hurt!”

Celestia looked to me, then towards her student,

“While that may be true, I wanted to make sure that everypony was alright. Couldn't do that from my own castle.”

I chuckled, “Basically, she is trying my, not giving a fuck, lessons. Taking time off of Royal Duties. Man, badass. By the by, how are the lessons working out for you?”

Celestia blinked, “Well the maids are having a hard time trying to figure out where the basement is.. And then there was yesterday in which I made a griffon lay an egg.”

Man. That said it all,

“Damn. You surprised them that much?”

“Probably more than I should have. Luna loves it.”

I sat crossed, “Who I have yet to meet.”

“Be careful what you wish for, Tick. You might just get it.” Celestia answered mysteriously.

I nodded, “Well, in that case, I wish I was back home.” I crossed my fingers and waited for something to happen. When nothing did, I sighed,

“Dammit. You lied to me.”

“No, just twisted the truth.”

Ass…

Well if you wanted to know what happened after that, then take a solid guess. If you spun the wheel, landed on jackpot and guessed that I had to sit in that damnable room for SIX, FUCKING HOURS? 

Congratulations. You have now won the knowledge of unimportant context.

But during the six hours of waiting, I had caught up on a nice little nap. I stopped listening to everybody after more ponies came in, concerned for Dash's well being. Though the thing about taking a nap, is that if you sleep for too long, you can't really sleep when you want to afterwards.

So upon awakening, it took me a moment to realize that one, it was dark outside. Two, either it was recent, or happened a while back, but a certain pink party animal had found her way to my lap. 

Not that I was complaining, I was considering using her as a pillow, BUT, shit would've gotten real if I had done so.

Now, thirdly, and the final thing I had noticed, was that Twilight had disappeared. I could count, mind you, and my math had told me, we were one pony short. Didn't matter to me that she was gone, but my math did the skills of telling me it was time for a smoke.

So, Pinkie was placed in the seat I had been in, hopefully warm enough for her to remain in that state. And with careful steps about the sleepy room, I hopped out the joint and started down the hallway.

Nothing too noticeable happened, sparse for the stares I got from looking in different rooms. Might I remind though, that every room held at least one patient, which led me to rethink about the ponies around here being quite fragile.

But then again, there was that moment of where Twilight kissed a wall… Maybe she's in one of these rooms. Concussion based most likely.

I found a suitable spot near the entrance to the place. It was there I unfortunately met Redheart, who in turn caught me smoking, which then led to her cocking a full hated fis- hoof back and decking me out on the floor.

It hurt my pride, my self esteem, made me look like a bitch… And it hurt my tummy…

You know the rest.

Now

I figured Twilight had just accidentally stumbled upon me, and left me there to weep Jesus tears. It was my plan to go find her at first, but my addiction kicked in and I couldn't handle the pressure. 

So fuck her. She said she was going to find something to do at… What… twelve o’clock at night?

When she disappeared, and there was literally no one around, I sat up, clutching my bruised tum tum. 

If it was one other thing Redheart knew how to do, was fucking throw a punch. I think she made me hack up the damn smoke I inhaled earlier. Either that or it was my kidneys that were tossed aside.

So I decided it was about time to stop congregating with the floor, my main focus was standing up. I did that, in about five minutes of pure agony. But the end result was knowing that I'm not a complete failure.

With what dignity I had left, I took it with me to the pitch black world outside. Not much to go on when I left the building, I plan on going back to where everyone was, but I needed to get at least one more midnight smoke.

I brought out my pack and tapped it on my wrist, eliciting the final cigarette. I opened the pack up after setting the cigarette in a safe place, confirming that there was nothing left.

So that's just great. I said god help Equestria if I don't have my smokes right? I chucked the thing as far as my weak arms could throw. Pulling my lighter out just as it hit the ground.

It took me a few times, but I got it on my fifth try. After I pocketed my sparker, I took a drag and stared at the night sky.

Intentionally, I'm a city slicker at mind. I enjoy the sounds and melody that of the gunshots and firecrackers that seem to always go off at night. And where I lived, there always seemed to be fires 24/7 as per firetrucks would speed past my house almost every hour.

But at heart, I will always be a country boy. Out there, on the vast expanse of open rural plains, lay a monumental beauty during the night. You can stare into the sky in a city, yes. Though how many stars can you see with all the sirens going off and all the lights blinding the midnight?

The answer should be, none.

I could handle the amounts of bugs and animals out there in the country. I could also handle the fear of accidentally being shot and ran over by redneck cousins. (Which mine are always fucking drunk for some reason…) But the stars, that seem infinite out in rural plains, are what make life enjoyable in the peaceful insanity. 

Out here, In Equestria, the stars littered the sky tenfold. And if it wasn't the moon that shone brighter than the stars, it was the comets that flew by. Right about now, I wish I had my camera. This night, would be my screensaver, and the moon would be the lock screen.

Oh but that's right, I forget to plug it in. And you wanna know what else I forgot? 

The fact that there was a fucking pony staring at me through the darkness. I saw his/her outline seconds after it cleared its throat.

My first reaction, was to jump. Then freak out,

“Jesus!... Fu- You know its impolite to stare right?”

I'm not going to be the guy to refer to this fuck as a, “figure”. No, this guy was a creeper, and will be called as such. At least I thought it was a ‘he’, which was debunked after she, spoke,

“Nah, Parents were lazy.”

I sniffed, taking a hit, “Pity. You would’ve learned a thing or two from that.”

The creeper stepped forward, shedding just a little bit more light on her features,

“I'm pretty sure it would have. But right now, that lesson is for another time.”

I nodded, taking my leave to the hospital wall, “Oh well don't let me bother you then. You've obviously come to the right place if you wanted therapy… Or a band-aid.”

“Oh I think talking is much more therapeutic.”

Dammit, it's one of these people… Ponies, what the fuck ever,

“Look miss, If you're planning on asking me for money…”

The mare cut me off, “And what use would your money be of to me?”

Wow, smarter than she looks this one is… “Good answer. Now please, fuck off. As you can see, I'm trying to enjoy my last moment of humanity. Not like I had too many to begin with...” I said gesturing to my cigarette.

“Oh, you mean these?”

I watched from where I was as a green glow lifted my cigarette package,

“You threw these at me not to long ago.”

I shrugged, “It was empty.”

“Check again, Tick.”

The package was thrown at me, causing my natural instincts to catch it. It accosted me when I found out that what I had thought to be empty, was full,

“If I were back home, I would be drooling over the fact that you could do this.” I looked up with hardened features,

“But given the circumstances of an accident just happening, I'm just wary of why the hell you're doing this.”

Creeper shrugged, “It'd be awful for everyone around you if you didn't have your cigarettes, yes?”

I gave her a terse nod, “Correct. And it'd be bad for you to know my name, but me to not know yours. So spill it.”

I caught her there, as there was a pause, then a brief bout of laughter, “I can see the reason in that. So, why not.” She stuck her hoof out, “Pride. And it's quite obvious of what your name is. Even if it is just a false one.”

Blinking, I cocked my head, “Pride, huh? No weird ass last name like, Pride Vernacular?”

She shrugged, “Like I said, Parents were lazy.”

Yeah. And fucking cocky as hell, “Right…” I took the hoof and stood there awkwardly as Pride spoke,

“So how about you go back inside? Show everypony in there who's boss?”

My hand buzzed, vibrated, then went still. But my mind was then the one buzzing. Not with whatever happened though.

Where the, FUCK. Did that come from. I may not be able to actually see this bitch, but the way she said that sent villainous cliché shivers all up my spine,

“Uh… Excuse me?”

I think this caught Pride off guard...again... because she had taken a step back,

“You’re still… How?”

I placed my hands on my hips, bringing sass out more than sarcasm, “What the hell are you sayin, show them who's boss. Bish, I don't even know you. What do I look like, a slave?”

“For about three seconds, yeah, you did.”

I flatbrowed, “Fuck off.”

There was a moment of silence as Pride tapped her chin and peered over my shoulder, “That would seem appropriate during now.”

She turned her gaze towards me, sternly pointing out, “But I'll be back.”

“Yeah, yeah Miss Terminator. Bring back a chopper the next time you see me.”

Pride grinned, “I’all bring some friends.” she smiled, “Some of them are dying to meet you. Until then, tell Rainbow I said, Hi. Needs to work on that trick…” As she turned, Pride tossed a look backwards,

“She stopped listening after we left you with the girls.”

My mind hit overdrive, and I immediately threw a hand out,

“WAIT-”

Strangely enough, Pride disappeared in puff of smoke. And when it cleared, she was nowhere to be seen. But then again, couldn't see anything. Hell, I didn't even catch a glimpse as to what she looked like. All there was, was just a damn shadow.

Sighing, I scratched this off my list as a crazy occurrence and scuffed the ground with my bare foot. Which then reminded me to ask Rarity to finish the other shoe… 

She had finished it, of that I was sure. But then Dash had to fucking do what she did, dumb bastard, making me miss out on my foot coverage.

Man… I need lie down. Close my eyes, and hope that I'm back home. Not even here two days… TWO DAYS, and I gotta worry about someone named, Pride.

Honey, she our pride and joy!

THATS IT! LETS NAME HER, PRIDE!

Equestrian Logic folks.

O.o.O.o.O

“And you're telling me, her name was, Pride?”

I blinked, “Uh… Yeah?”

Twilight shook her head, “Nope. Don't know anypony named that way. Celestia might though.” She pointed out, using her magic to levitate her book back up.

In short, after my little incursion with… Pride, I had to take what I found to Twilight. Luckily, the unicorn was fapping to one of her books. Not literally… Sik bastards…

But I had found her in Dash's room with the rest of her friends. She was the only one awake at the time, so she had received my full attention,

“Alright, where is she then. Bathroom? Outside? Bathroom? Wait, already said that…”

Twilight looked around before gigging, 

“No silly. She's at her castle. Luna is taking over now. If you want to, go speak with her.”

See, Celestia had dipped right around the time the doctors had confirmed that Rainbow was going to be fine. After seeing that everybody was okay, the alicorn thought best to just disappear. 

Unfourntunately, I had no idea where she was. So I took it pretty hard.

I flailed quietly, “WHERE THE FUCK IS SHE THEN?”

For two seconds, when a random voice had cut through my insustenant flailing, I thought god was speaking to me.  But that was debunked when I heard the later on sentences.

“Right behind you.”

I twirled around and instinctively flailed even more,

“JEE-ZUS IN A BALLPARK! Don't, DO THAT!” I said after falling into a chair, “This is a hospital, yes, but don't make me have a heart attack to early on…”

The alicorn in front of us snickered, “Ask and ye shall receive. You asked where I am, and if I know about somepony named Pride?”

Completely random and out of the fricking stadium. Didn't even ask me my name. 

I clutched my face and chest, “Yes…”

Luna, a midnight colored mare with the same wavy hair as Celestia. Oh fuck… She even smiled the same way, “Well I am here, and I might know about her.”

Yeah, bet you were waiting for some, big introduction towards Luna. Nope. Sorry, it seems that karma has hit me too. I actually expected to meet her in some informal way like down by the castle grounds, dancing with a prince under the moonlight.

But instead, I get jumpscared in a sleepy hospital by another being of great magical power. Funny how life works.

“Though why you must know of such a being is a wonder…”

I sniffed, “Well, when some fuck named Pride shakes your hand and tells you to, ‘show people who's boss.’”

I uncovered my face, “And then disappates into nothing but fart gas, you get a little worried.” Okay, maybe not fart gas, BUT STILL.

Luna frowned, a sight quite unbecoming for another princess, “She shook your… Hand?”

I nodded, “Yep. Gave me a vice grip that'd make your great grandchildren pucker up.”

Luna stared at me mystically, “Alright then. Twilight,” She directed her gaze to the young unicorn,

“It seems that your human…”

“Hey!”

She continued, “Has information that my sister needs to be let known about.”

I blinked, “...let known about?”

Luna sighed, “Do not tempt me human.”

Grunting, I poked a finger at the billowy goddess, “Look here you pompus little-”

“TICK.”

I held my hands up, “It wasn't me. I swear to Juan.”

Twilight had grown weary of the bickering, “Luna… As you were saying?”

“All six of you are in danger. And I have yet to prove this to Celestia. So I need to borrow, Tick. Maybe bring him to Canterlot for a few days.”

I scoffed, “What am I to you ponies? An object?”

Luna paused and shugged, “I prefer calling you an Item. As per you are only useful when you are needed. But object works just as well.”

“Why you little-”



O.o.O.o.O