//------------------------------//
// Doing the Best I Can 
// Story: Crystal's Hopes 
// by Crystal Wishes 
//------------------------------//

Crystal took a deep, measured breath.  It was going to be okay.  Everything would be just fine.  She was in control.  The air was clear, free of incense and confusion.

She had to save Bonnie.  She would save Bonnie.  She was the only pony who could.  With the support of the group, she would ensure Bonnie saw reason.

Madame Ouija had no power here.

As she opened her eyes, she smiled and looked around the living room of her and Winterspear's home from where she stood.  "Thank you all for coming here on such short notice.  I apologize for the lack of seating, but this is an emergency."

Dawn shifted some from where she sat on the coffee table.  "Is everything okay?  Did you hear something about the war?"

Crystal shook her head.  "No, it's something sinister here at home."

Golden let out a groan and put a hoof to her right temple.  "Why did I not suspect it was about this?"

A few glances were shot Golden's way before all eyes returned to Crystal as she tapped a hoof against the floor.  "I'm worried about our group's members.  All of you, but Bonnie especially."

Bonnie looked up from her spot on the loveseat, hooves clasped around one of Weather Front's.  "What?"

"I went to see Madame Ouija for myself."  A shiver ran along her sides at merely saying the name.  "She is preying on Bonnie, and—"

"That's a lie!"  Bonnie gave an almost frantic shake of her head.  "You don't know what you're talking about!"

Crystal sighed and kept her gaze on the other ponies present.  She had led them since the beginning, and she would continue to do so.  It was her duty.  "There is something not right about Madame Ouija.  I have never met a pony who was truly evil, but I can say with full certainty that Ouija is the closest I think I will find."

Bonnie jumped to her hooves.  "You're wrong!"

"We are a group," Crystal continued, "because we understand each other.  We know each other's pain.  Ouija conjured an illusion of Silent and it nearly broke my heart.  I can't even begin to imagine how Bonnie feels, but this isn't the way to heal."

"Oh, shove off, will you?"  Bastion set down his forehooves and bucked his chair over to stand.  "You can't go around making every pony with a little damage your pet project.  You can hardly keep up with the ones you have already."

Crystal blinked, recoiling a few steps.  "E-Excuse me?"

Bastion snorted and lashed his tail.  "First you tried to help me, and I almost fell for it.  The moment you thought I was well and good, you moved on to Au.  Golden.  Whatever you told her to call herself now.  Now you're going to fix Bonnie?  You think you can just bounce around, putting band-aids on everypony?"

"That's not—"

"Who next?"  Bastion narrowed his eyes.  "You're gonna try to fix this whole group, and then what?  Then what will you do to feel good about yourself?"

The hairs around Crystal's shoulders stood on end.  "I beg to—"

"I don't need your help," Bonnie said through her trembling chin and the tears falling down her cheeks.  "I don't want it."  She reached over and grabbed Weather's hoof.  "Come on, Weather.  I'll take you to see Madame Ouija.  She can help."

"That's enough, please." 

Though not a shout, there was a firmness to Verdant's voice that was otherwise usually absent.  Calm, measured steps brought him to stand near Crystal and he looked at Bastion before continuing, "Nothing good can come from a shouting match.  It won't put a stop to the war; it'll only create further strife here when that is the last thing we need."

He began looking around at other faces, Crystal's included.  "Take a moment.  Breathe.  Remember why we are here.  Our loved ones are going to need a place of peace to return to.  Not more chaos."

The room fell into an awkward silence.  Crystal stared down at her hooves, trying to sort out the buzzing in her mind.  She was trying to help.  Her intentions were good; she knew that in her heart.  Slowly, she lifted her gaze to look around the room and was met with Bastion's contempt, Golden's indifferent shrug, Bonnie's glare, Weather's avoidance...  What was she doing wrong?

Crystal's gaze lingered on Weather Front.  Something was different about him.  He didn't meet anypony's gaze and seemed to be desperately holding onto Bonnie.  "Weather Front?"

Weather's muscles twitched and his wings snapped in close to his sides.  "Yes, ma'am?"

"Are you all right?"  She took a small step forward, freezing when he finally looked up at her.

Though he wasn't crying openly like Bonnie, she could see the pain clear in his eyes despite his effort to smile.  "Storm did what Storm always does, ma'am.  He—"  His voice cracked.  "He was at the Dreyri River battle.  He stayed behind to protect his unit and—"  He paused, swallowed, and shook his head as tears started to form.  "The counselor said he died valiantly, isn't that gr-great?  Valiantly, hah!  He'd be so—so proud—"

Bonnie squeezed his hoof.  "You don't have to talk about it here, Weather.  At least not to her."

A pang shot through Crystal's chest.  Weather Front's brother had died?  She sucked in a breath that felt cold against her hot lungs.  How had she not noticed the way Bonnie's focus had been strictly on him?  The way she held his hoof so tenderly?

Crystal felt herself start to wilt when a hoof landed on her shoulder.  She glanced at it, then followed it back to its owner: Verdant, who offered her a reassuring smile.  It gave her enough courage to look back at the room and assess the situation with a level head.

Dawn's eyes were the only sympathetic ones she met.  The rest were in varying states of uncertainty, scorn, and distrust.

A shiver ran along her coat, filling her with an almost dizzying sense of deja vu.  She knew this feeling.  Power and control were a palpable force, and she had lost hers.  There was only one path left for her now.

"If Madame Ouija helps you," she said, her throat feeling tight as she forced the words, "then I'm glad for that.  I'm sorry.  Visiting her the other day just scared me so much, and I earnestly worry about you all."

At first, Bonnie's glare didn't lessen any, but after a moment she eased into an uncertain wariness.  "I... can understand that."  She settled back onto the couch.  "I was overwhelmed when I first visited her, too."

Just as the room seemed to settle, a sniffle broke the momentary calm.  Crystal looked over to see Toffee huddled on one end of the couch, doing his best to hide his lonesome expression.

"Toffee?"  Dawn reached forward to put her hoof on his foreleg.  "Toffee, what's wrong?"

He pulled his leg away from her and rubbed at his face.  "I-I'm tired.  I'm tired of sitting quietly and listening to everypony worry over everypony else while nopony cares about me."

Crystal slowly lowered to sit on the ground, defeat weighing on her shoulders as she quietly watched the scene unfold.  What now?  How else had she failed?

Dawn scooted forward to be closer to him.  "What are you talking about?  Of course we care about you!  I care about you!"

Toffee recoiled to pull his hindlegs up onto the couch and hugged them to his chest.  "I know you mean that, but..."  He sniffled.  "But it's hard.  When we rode the train back, nopony noticed me.  Nopony remembered how scared I am of trains.  Nopony—"

Bastion snorted.  "Oh, great.  Another weeping case for Her Graciousness to resolve."

"Oh, that is quite enough."  Golden stood up and moved to the center of the room.  "Toffee, I'm sure these ponies are so very sorry they forgot about your fear of trains, but buck up.  They were distracted by those who had just lost somepony.  Be grateful that your wife is still alive."

She stomped a hoof, then pointed it.  "Bastion, you can shove your attitude right up your plot.  Either stand together with the group, or get out of the way.  And as for you, Bonnie, I don't care if this Madame Whatever is real or not.  Appreciate the fact that somepony cares about you enough to want to protect you."

Golden tossed her mane and stood to her full height.  "With all of that said, I think we're done here today.  Bonnie, take care of Weather.  Dawn, comfort Toffee.  Other than that, everypony, get out of here and go home."

Crystal raised one hoof to wave absently as the group of ponies left through the front door, which shut after the last one, leaving her alone with Golden and Verdant.  "I don't understand," she murmured.  "Why am I in the wrong?"  She lifted her gaze to look at Golden, then at Verdant.  "I'm not wrong.  Madame Ouija is—if you met her, you'd understand, she—"

Verdant put a hoof on her head and gently tousled her mane.  "You can tell a pony the truth about something a hundred times, but some truths need to be felt first for them to have any impact or hope of taking root.  For Bonnie, this may be one of those times."

He leaned down and kissed her forehead.  "I know you mean well.  Give it time.  You cannot spare her a grief she desperately wishes to cling to right now.  I know you want to ease that hurt, but she's not ready.  It hasn't run its course."

Crystal gently wiped the corners of her eyes.  "I suppose."  She sighed and tried to smile.  "I'm sorry.  I'll see the both of you at the next meeting?"

Verdant nodded.  "Don't worry.  This will pass, as all things do."

Golden, however, remained where she was, waiting until Verdant had left before she said, "You're an idiot."

Crystal frowned and got up to walk over to the couch, which she dropped onto and stretched out on the more comfortable surface.  "Why?"

"Why?  Because you care too much."  Golden gestured with one hoof in a vague circle.  "Look at you.  You're an absolute mess.  So, I'll ask you in return: why?"

Slowly, Crystal closed her eyes and draped her foreleg over her face.  "Because—Because what else am I to do?  This is my job.  My duty.  I have to protect these ponies.  I have to!"

Golden snorted, and Crystal heard hoofsteps moving away.  "I'm going to go see Velvet.  Maybe she can explain your insanity to me."

"Okay."  Crystal peeked out from under her foreleg just in time to see Golden's blue tail disappear and the door shut.  "... Okay."

The room was perfectly silent.  Silent...  Crystal sighed and closed her eyes.  She missed him.  She could deal with all of this if he were there.  He gave her strength.  He made her strong.

A hoof touched her shoulder and gently shook it.  An equally gentle voice cut through the haze in her mind, "Crystal?"

Crystal lifted her head, freezing when she saw him standing in front of her, concern on his face.  "Silent?"  She raised her hooves to cup his cheeks.  "Silent, you're home!"

"No."  He grabbed her hooves.  "Crystal, it's me.  It's Winterspear."

Blinking a few times, her vision focused on the feminine features of his—her face.  "Oh, I'm sorry."  Crystal yawned and rubbed her eyes as she sat upright.  "What time is it?  If you're home already, I guess I fell asleep at some point."

Winterspear laughed softly.  "It's almost dinnertime.  I was thinking we could eat out tonight?"

"Actually."  Crystal slipped off the couch and started toward her bedroom.  "I was hoping, if you don't mind, we could go visit Mom."

"Mom?  Like, my mom?"  Winterspear trotted after her.  "My mom Mom?"

Crystal levitated the hornlet over and slid it onto her horn.  "If that's all right with you.  I—I could really use her advice."

Winterspear reached out a wing to drape over Crystal's back and pulled her close.  "Of course it's all right with me.  Come on, if we leave now, we can have dinner there."

"Thank you," Crystal mumbled as she nuzzled her cheek to Winterspear's.

Winterspear smiled.  "Anytime.  Besides, I really need to see her more often."

They walked in relative quiet, making their way outside and finding a clear spot for takeoff.  While Winterspear stretched her wings and limbs, Crystal focused on the amulet.  She could feel it drawing her energy into the small gemstone that glowed with power.  Her power.  It was nice, even in a small way, to feel like she had control over something.

"Ready?"  Winterspear flared her wings and hunched low.

Crystal nodded.  She climbed onto the offered back and wrapped her forelegs around Winterspear's neck, burying her face into the soft blue mane that smelled of lavender and mint.  With a giggle, she asked, "Is Iridescence trying something new?"

Winterspear inclined her head while she ran forward and leaped into the air to take flight.  "Huh?"

"I don't recognize the smell of your shampoo.  Lavender and mint?  Sounds fancy and feminine, like Iridescence."

They wobbled some as Winterspear gasped, her wings flicking in from embarrassment before snapping back out.  "Y-Yes, it's Iridescence's."  Her ears turned red all the way to the tips.  "We're in a committed relationship, so it's not strange!"

"I don't believe I said it was."  Crystal laughed softly, resting her head against the back of Winterspear's and closing her eyes.  There was no view to enjoy, not when her mind was riddled with uncertainty and doubt.

It was a quiet ride, the air growing colder the higher they soared.  The peace gave her time to become keenly aware of herself: the slow, melancholic beating of her heart; the feeling of Winterspear's muscles tightening and relaxing beneath her; the twirling and dancing of her mane and tail in the wind.  She fell into a calm, zen-like state while they traveled.

She was also aware of when they started to slow, and she opened her eyes to see Wallflower's home just ahead of them.  Winterspear carefully landed on the fluffy cloud yard, glancing back at Crystal.

"Ready to try out that amulet?"

"Only if you promise to catch me if it doesn't work," Crystal muttered, glancing down at the puffy, potential death sentence.

Winterspear laughed and hunkered down.  "Cross my heart."

Crystal tested one trembling hindhoof first.  It found a solid surface that felt like the softest down-feather pillow and was followed behind by the other three hooves, each less tentative than the last until she was standing.  On a cloud!

"Magic is amazing," Winterspear said, eyeing the glowing amulet.

"Oh, pish-posh."  Crystal braced herself as she raised one hoof to wave it, ready at any moment to scream for help if the clouds gave way.  "You can do this all of the time.  I think that's more amazing."

Winterspear shrugged and started forward, though she kept one eye on Crystal.  "If you say so.  Come on, the sooner we drop in, the sooner we can eat."

Crystal just smiled, her attention focused on her hooves as they landed on the soft but solid surface.  It felt like a dream.  She wanted to bound and prance and roll around, but a stray sound of Bonnie's voice from earlier that day snapped her back to why she was there.

"Well, hi, girls!" Wallflower called from where she leaned through the kitchen window.  "If you haven't eaten yet, you're in luck.  I was making extra to freeze and reheat for later this week, but it should be plenty for the three of us.  Door's unlocked, let yourselves in."  She smiled before disappearing back inside.

When they went into the house and turned the corner to the kitchen, they were met with the wonderful aroma of vegetable stew.  Wallflower wore a floral apron and had her mane pulled back with a matching scarf.

"What brings you two by at this hour?"  Wallflower paused to stir the soup, test it, wrinkle her nose, and then add a pinch of salt and pepper.  "Surely not my cooking."

Winterspear trotted over to peer inside the pot.  "Crystal wanted to see you.  She said she needed your advice on something."

"Is that so?"  Wallflower turned her head to look at Crystal.  "What is it?"  All it took was a droop of Crystal's ears and Wallflower lost her soft and gentle air.  "Winter, mind the stove.  Crystal, let's go into the living room."

Crystal followed her, watching as the mare untied her apron and scarf and folded them.  Each movement was precise and careful, just like when Silent would remove his armor.  The image of her when they first met during Silent's coma jumped to the forefront of Crystal's mind, cold and uncaring and methodical.

"What's happened?" Wallflower asked, her back to Crystal, each muscle tight and her posture perfect.

"I—"  She bit her lower lip, hesitating.  Wallflower was a changed mare in some aspects, but she was still a military wife and mother.  Did that mean she would understand, or find her issues petty?

"Is it Silent?"  Wallflower turned around, her eyes soft and the very opposite of what Crystal expected.  "Did something happen?"

Crystal's ears jolted upright.  "No!  No, he...  He's fine, or at least, he was fine.  I haven't heard anything to the contrary.  No, this—this is about me."

Though the tension in Wallflower's face relaxed, the guarded tone in her voice didn't lessen.  "What happened, dear?"

"My support group."  Crystal dropped down to sit on the floor, feeling too weak to walk over to the couch.  "What is yours like?"

Wallflower hummed as she walked over and sat beside her.  "We get together, we have tea, and we talk about our worries.  We confide and enjoy the company of ponies who understand our fears."

Crystal furrowed her brow.  "Is there a pony... in charge?  A pony who makes sure the rest are safe, even if they don't want it?"

"No?"  Wallflower inclined her head to meet her gaze.  "We're equals.  We take care of each other."  Her ear flicked.  "Why do you ask?  Is there a pony in your group being a bully?"

Crystal open her mouth, but no sound came out.  Slowly, she wilted against Wallflower and whimpered out, "I believe I'm the bully, Mom.  I didn't mean to be, but... it seems that intent doesn't matter in situations like this."

There was a pause—perhaps out of surprise—before Wallflower wrapped a foreleg and a wing around her and pulled her closer.  "Oh, sweetheart, I'm certain that's not true.  Why don't you tell me what happened and we'll figure things out?"

"I...  I tried to stop one of the members from seeing a vile mare who claims to help.  I'm trying to save her from Madame Ouija."  Crystal shivered.  "I thought it was my duty to keep them safe.  Am I wrong?  When we all met for the first time, I brought them together, and—"

"Shh, shh."  Wallflower lightly bopped her on the nose.  "I think you've lost sight of what's important, sweetheart.  Perhaps they needed you when everything was chaos, but not anymore.  Now, you all need each other.  Equally.  Stand strong together with them, not in front of them.  You're not a soldier.  We're not soldiers.  We're just civilians trying to survive.  I learned the hard way that we're just not meant to shoulder everything ourselves."

Civilian.  That word had such a new meaning to her.  Before, she didn't want to be treated like one.  She wasn't 'a pony like you', she was a pony who understood.  And now that she truly understood, she almost wished she didn't.  Life was so much easier when she lived in a comfortable bubble of ignorance.

Crystal inclined her head to gaze up at her.  "Then—What do I do instead?  How do I stay busy?  If I'm not busy, I think about him."  Her breathing grew slightly erratic as her heart started to race.  "If I think about him, I start to worry.  And when I worry, I feel like I'm going to fall apart.  You feel that way, too, don't you?  It's not just me?"

"You're not alone, dear.  When I thought you were going to tell me something about Silent, my heart was already broken."  Wallflower tucked Crystal's head under her own and stroked her mane with one hoof.  "As for what you do, well, as a wise mare once suggested to me when I was in need of distraction: find a hobby.  Of course, you have something better than a hobby.  You have your serial, and we're enjoying it."

"'We'?"  Crystal blinked.  "We who?"

"Oh, well, I suppose I should clarify what I meant when I said we have tea at my support group."  Wallflower chuckled softly.  "We drink tea while we talk about what we've read recently, and two of the mares in my group also read serials in Mares Monthly."  She rubbed Crystal's shoulder and gave it a squeeze.  "So focus on that to keep the worry away, all right?  That is enough stress to carry."

Crystal looked down at the white cloud beneath them, then forced a smile.  "I suppose you're right.  I have been feeling so stressed lately.  It might be nice to... refocus."  She nuzzled closer to Wallflower and closed her eyes.  "Thanks, Mom."

"Anytime, sweetheart."  Wallflower gently patted her cheek.  "Anytime."