A Journey Beyond Sanity

by Darkwing Dust


Chapter Seventy-Four: You Help Me, I Help You

"Once again, we at the Ponyville Boutique are grateful for your purchase." Rarity said in polite farewell to a satisfied high-class pony leaving the facility, before adding by the doorway, "Don't forget to recommend our establishment to your friends!"

Heh.

With a blissful smile, the white unicorn shut the door via magic behind her and hummed elegantly, examining the extra gifts the customer had handed to her aside from the bits. Then, she glanced over to me, "And allow me to be additionally grateful for your generous assistance today, Stardust. It was thoughtful of you to offer some extra hoofs while Sweetie Belle is preoccupied with some important event at her school."

"Glad I can help." I shrugged, after setting down another heavy box containing packages for the fashioner which just arrived, "With Twilight busy right now with your studies - What else is new? - I reminded myself 'Hey, I still have other friends.'" She smiled humouredly, and my gaze dropped to the floating golden tickets beside her, "So, what are they...?"

"A surprise." Rarity simply replied before promptly trotting across the room and placing them inside a cabinet drawer, "You need not know the details yet. But suffice to say, you and our friends will be in for a treat." Fair enough I suppose? "And speaking of Twilight..." Uh oh. Rarity adopted a sly expression, blue eyes glinting in my direction, "How goes your wonderful romance?"

Figures she would ask. No one else was as invested in our relationship than the fashioner over here. "Fine, I suppose." I responded in amusement, shrugging again. Couldn't really think of that much to say. "She seems happy to be with me, I guess."

"And you?"

"Extraordinarily." In a heartbeat.

Rarity blinked at the immediate reply, before her smile widened gracefully, "Excellent." Oh? "Because let me tell you, good sir, when I saw you two have that magical moment upon the castle balcony, I felt nothing but pride and joy for the both of you. Two star-crossed lovers brought together by the hoof of fate; destined to be one! It is simply romantic!"

"Whoa calm down now, Rarity." But the blissful unicorn was in her own little world.

She sighed dreamily, "Twilight is fortunate to have a stallion - or 'man' in your case - to be at her side, to cherish and hold her in her hours of need. Why, it is obvious that you were brought to Equestria by the will of destiny-" Or the will of a talking spirit, "- To fill the void of dear Twilight's loveless life."

This mare is making me sick.

Oblivious to Sombra's disgusted comment, the white mare regarded me brightly, before a contemplative frown took over her features, "Hmm, although, to be with a Princess, there must be some evident features of yours we must adjust to make your relationship more fitting."

What? "I beg your-?"

But Rarity was already on the move, always resolved when it came to work, "Come on, Stardust, we must prepare to fix you. Properly, this time. It's time you actually start regarding your appearance with the attention it deserves; one befitting for royalty!"

Oh God...

"After all, if you are to be our future Prince, you must look the part. Starting with that wild jungle you call a mane. Come!"

I knew I should've offered Fluttershy help first...


"And voila!" Followed by the chair swirling for me to face the reflection of my new look. "Rather magnificent, wouldn't you say?"

"...Um..."

Think of something nice to say, Stardust...

"It's very... New." Was all I could muster up at my brand new hairstyle, neatly combed and drawn back with the style of royalty... According to Rarity, anyway. "Although I'm not sure it speaks me..."

Rarity, of course, was hardly offended, simply nodding, "Yes I thought that would be the case. But not to worry, there are many different styles available. I'm sure there's one you'll love and Twilight will approve and adore of." Well, thank God for her optimism. "Now, we might just have to trim a little-"

"No."

"Now Stardust-"

"No shaving my hair." That's the one thing I could never tolerate.

"Then what about your uncontrolled facial hair-"

"Keep away from the beard."

Rarity huffed, "Hmph. Well, we all have to sometimes make due with what we have, I suppose." Turning away briefly, the mare magically summoned more items for my mane. "Perhaps something both appropriate, and that suits your personality."

"Why were we doing this again...?" I muttered lowly.

But the fashioner heard it anyway, taking the complaint in stride, "Why, to impress your special somepony of course! Someone like Twilight would hold high standards; much more so as a Princess now. And while you can be of questionable taste sometimes, that mare sees something in you that attracts her to you."

...Thank you, I think?

"A pony for someone of such status like our friend must be elegant. Graceful. Sophisticated. Well-educated. Divine. And undeniably handsome." Rarity made several dramatic movements with each one she listed. "Everything a future Prince must have in order to rule the kingdom alongside our dear Twilight in happily ever after. And Celestia curse me if I don't help a friend in her hour of need."

"So, you're saying I'm not any of those things?" I pointed out. Should I be upset this mare didn't think that highly of me?

"What? Oh no no Stardust! I think you two are a wonderful match! It's just... Well..." She paused, and from the reflection I could see her hesitant expression. "Your behaviour... Is a little... Unorthodox to be with a Princess...?"

I shook my head at her sheepish expression- Ow!

"Hold still." The seriousness and calmness returned to her features at the sight of me almost "damaging" my new look. Satisfied that nothing changed, Rarity stood back again with a pleased expression, "You must be more careful, darling." Then the unicorn glanced away for a moment, "Hmm... We might have time for a few more looks, before we depart for the next stage of your important transformation."

"And where might that be?" I asked after a moment of glaring at the unfazed smug-looking cat by the side observing us. Opal would be the best pet ever for someone like Cruella De Vil...

"Tell me, Stardust, are you familiar with the highest art of relaxation?"


"The Ponyville spa?" I asked skeptically once we reached our destination, the fancy-looking building standing tall and majestic. This was where Rarity wanted me to make my appearance more suitable for Twilight?

The white mare responded with a confident nod, beaming at the sight of no-doubt her favourite spa, "Oh yes. Here we will find the most flawless solution to making you look fit for royalty! The owners here are the best at what they do; we'll fix you up in no time darling!"

"If you say so." I said uncertainly, casting my gaze back at the building.

Before promptly being shoved towards the entrance.

Now, I've never been to a spa before, so I had little expectations to what would happen in there. But suffice to say, I wasn't feeling particularly positive over Rarity's enthusiasm to "helping" me.

"Oh girls!" Rarity called out in a rather sing-song voice as we entered the fancy facility, greeted by a row of ponies in a reception room. "I have someone in dire need of your makeover abilities!"

Well then they're [BEEP].

As if summoned by the magic words, out appeared before us were two ponies who could be considered twins. An Earth Pony blue mare with pink hair and tail, and a pink Earth Pony mare with blue hair and tail. Both wearing matching white collars and their manes straightened back expertly, and sharing dark blue eyes. Both mares, obviously the owners of this establishment, grinned happily upon seeing Rarity and I... For some reason.

"Lotus and Aloe will be the ones to settle this conundrum that is your messy complexion, once and for one," Rarity stated proudly, before motioning the two mares to me, "Darlings, this one will require your utmost attention. Do you have time?" At their nods, she grinned, "Excellent, he's all yours."

Now wait a minute-

Before I knew, I was being dragged into the deeper interior of the place, which smelled like hot water and steam everywhere, by two ponies who were more than eager to complete Rarity's request.


"I'm never going back there." I mean by God; the French stereotypes those two mares were was just terrible! No offense to the French.

"Whyever not dear? I think you just look fabulous; like that of a rich Prince." Rarity stated happily, inspecting my new look with a pleased expression, circling around as though examining every detail. The smooth shiny brown mane, the neatly trimmed facial hair, the straightened tail and washed golden fur. "Tch, though I do wish you'd remove the cape for others to appreciate the hard work those mares bestowed upon you."

"Hm, you should be thanking me, Rarity, my cutie mark would ruin the look." I snorted.

Yet the unicorn shook her head, "No no, you should be thanking me; now Twilight will be more than impressed to the effort I have made to make her stallion look all the more appealing."

I'll leave that up to her...

"Are you not pleased, Stardust? Surely this will increase your chances of a future with the mare you adore and cherish."

That does it. "Rarity-"

"Why, you are fortunate enough to have been chosen by our friend. You wouldn't want to ruin that by looking like an unshaven goat, would you?"

My teeth grounded a little, "Rarity-"

"Evidently it had fallen to me to make certain you at least look more appealing for a Princess, instead of looking like a pony who never had a shower in his life-"

"Rarity!"

And at last, she stops!

I couldn't resist glaring, "Is that really what I look like to you? An unappealing monstrosity who doesn't give any regard for what his girlfriend thinks? Am I really so self-centered to your eyes? Does everyone think of me as a selfish [BEEP]?" Without awaiting an answer from the stunned mare, I walked past her through the town, "I've had enough. I appreciate your noble intentions, Rarity, but clearly I can't be trusted enough to care for Twilight's feelings regarding me, which you are one-hundred percent incorrect about."

And another voice perked up, commenting snidely, Even with all her blabbering and nauseating exaggeration, this unicorn also believes you are unworthy for a monarch. Even here, boy, you will be unloved by anyone, eventually.

"Stardust, wait!"

Oh what now?

"You misunderstand, completely!" Rarity was right in front of me again, expression pleading for me to listen, "I don't think for a second you don't care about Twilight's feelings. I just think you simply care little about your own body." No [BEEP]? "And I simply desired to help you feel more better about yourself, to distract you from your own self-loathing, that is all."

...Huh.

"You are not hideous, not in the least," The mare said matter-of-factly, "You just required some room for improvements, which I'm certain Twilight would appreciate. And the fact you have willingly participated in our activities today without stomping speaks volumes, does it not? You do care for others, demonstrated today by tolerating my efforts to help you feel better about yourself despite your clear irritation over it. Don't deny it." She added as I opened my muzzle to protest, a small smile gracing her muzzle, "You are hardly selfish, darling, as has been proven countless times."

"...So, you don't think I'm unworthy for Twilight?" I asked rather hesitantly, Sombra's sneering words looming in my mind.

Rarity shook her head determinedly, "You are more than a suitable match for her, Stardust, after everything you've been through together. All the times you willingly almost doomed yourself for her. What I witnessed on the balcony that night was proof that you two not only deserved one another, but are also incomplete without the other. And I wanted to help you both because you deserve each other, not because of the implication that you are simply a hideous pony with a scruffy beard and unkempt mane."

"Thank you... I think." I couldn't resist smiling humouredly, yet I was relieved and inwardly ecstatic that even Rarity found us a suiting match, for someone who had high taste and expectations herself, "I'm glad you think I deserve Twilight, Rarity, I really am. Sorry for snapping at you just then. To tell the truth... Sometimes, I think..."

But she only nodded, "I know. And in time, as this relationship between you and Twilight progresses, you will think otherwise." That said, she motioned forward, "Come now, let's not make this new look of yours go to waste. Twilight must see her special somepony looking like a Prince!"

Why not? I nodded, following the enthusiastic Rarity towards the library. A part of me also hoped Twilight would love the sight.


"I can't tell you how looking forward I am to our friend's reaction to your handsome new look." Rarity spoke with uncontrolled glee as we neared the front door to the tree-house, "No one in Ponyville will compare!"

I smirked playfully, "Maybe I'll send Spike to the spa as thanks, to look more appealing for you."

The mare giggled elegantly, before gesturing for me to halt, "Now, you wait right here by the door. I'll go in first, and then open the door wide to surprise Twilight with your new much more attractive appearance. It'll be spectacular." I obliged, humouring the unicorn as she stepped inside and promptly closed the door behind her, and I straightened myself.

Honestly, I couldn't wait to see Twilight's reaction too. She'll definitely like it, knowing her, and then... Well who knows what'll happen next. Point being, I was shaking a little in excitement and anticipation for the bright gorgeous smile on Twilight's muzzle after the surprise on her face. And afterwards, maybe a walk in the park or something-

And yet just as the front door slowly opened, something cold and heavy splashed across my entire body from above.

Gah! [BEEP] cold!

"Behold! My effort to your relationship!" Rarity announced as I rubbed my eyes, greeted by the sight of her dropped jaw and widened eyes. "W- What?!" The mare practically screeched, water dripping down my fur, hair and so on. "Oh no no no no no no no!" Followed by Twilight walking towards us with a curious expression and Rarity inspecting my body in panic. "But- How?!"

"Whoops! Sorry about that!" Spike called form above, standing on the balcony above the tree-house with an empty bucket.

Sniffing a little, the white mare then gagged and took a step back in horror, covering her snout, "Filthy water! Appalling!" Before her tone then leaked despair, "Why must this always happen to me?!"

Excuse me... Why must this always happen to YOU?

"I am so sorry Twilight darling!" Rarity turned to the blinking alicorn, "I accomplished my best to give your stallion a complete makeover, in order to look more suitable for someone of your stature. But now, it's been ruined! I'm a massive failure!"

Finally realizing, Twilight only chuckled and placed a comforting hoof on the depressed unicorn, "It's okay, Rarity, I appreciate the thoughtfulness very much. You're a good friend to care this much about mine and Jack's relationship."

"Yep." I agreed while pushing back a strand of dirty hair, smiling in amusement while trying my best to ignore the stench. "Just as I'm thankful for your attempts over making me feel better about my own body."

Slowly, Rarity looked up from behind her limbs, sniffling a little, "And do you...?"

"Well..." I shrugged, "You wouldn't be so optimistic if you saw my real human self. Trust me, this body's an improvement in comparison."

Shaking her head a little Twilight gazed at me rather adoringly, "And besides, looks alone aren't important. Personality is key, and Jack has those in spades." Do I, though? She smiled at my skeptic look, "Yes, you do. And no matter what, you'll always be handsome to me, inside and out." Followed by a slight tilt of the head, "Although the trimmed beard is an improvement."

Prompting my response in jest, "What does everyone have against the beard?" But still, that Twilight thought so highly of me was enough to make my day.

Giggling, the purple alicorn motioned for us to follow, "Except the new odor on you definitely is not an improvement. Come on, let's get you cleaned up."

And Rarity, who was previously upset, then perked up, "Ah well, I suppose we can schedule for the spa for you again tomorrow, Stardust."

"Uh, now hold on-"

"Great idea Rarity." Twilight nodded rather gleefully, "I'm sure Jack wouldn't mind, would you... Handsome?" Complete with batting eyelashes.

...And how can I say no to that?

"...God dammit..." Both mares giggled at my low muttering.