Six - Hide and Seek (2)
“Changelings.”
Everybody looked at Sunset. A few eyebrows rose.
“Basically, they’re monsters who copy other pony’s—peoples—forms. Twilight had to face them a while back. But nevermind that.” Sunset looked from person to person, her gaze stopping as it reached the hole in the gym wall. “What the hell happened here?”
Wrong question. The gym erupted into eight voices trying to talk over one another:
“Rarity thought she saw a monster and I had to chase her—”
“Dashy just left me in that classroom—”
“Hey, me too!”
“She unwillingly dragged me halfway across the school—”
“Applejack and I were together the whole time, and Rainbow and Pinkie didn’t seem to be separated; oh, those were the monsters, weren’t they?”
“But instead of Rarity we found Pinkie in the gym—”
“I think I saw th’ fake Pinkie Pie at th’ front office—”
“After they came into the gym that’s when everybody started shouting reeeeally loudly—”
“Rainbow switched off the safety even I specifically told her—”
“I must say, Rainbow and Applejack were being quite stubborn—”
“Applejack was being a blockhead—”
“Rainbow was bein’ a blockhead—”
“I tried to resolve the situation with simple logical deductions but nobody would listen—”
“And then Rainbow made the wall go KABOOOOM and then you two came in!” one of the Pinkie Pies finished.
Sunset gave her friends a flat stare. “Yeah, I didn’t quite catch that.”
“Don’t worry.” Twilight approached Sunset. “Finding the originals should be fairly simple.” She turned to the group. “Which Pinkie was in the gym to start with?”
The two Pinkies pointed to each other.
“…Oookay, nevermind. Which Applejack and Rarity were in the hall?”
None of them raised their hands.
Twilight looked to Rainbow pleadingly, but she only shrugged apathetically. “Paying attention to stuff isn’t really my thing.”
Twilight took a deep breath. “It’s fine. There are still more plausible solutions. Hold on, all of you duplicates line up against the bleachers where we can see you,” she ordered, pointed to the stands. “Anyone who doesn’t cooperate will be automatically assumed a changeling.”
Sunset glared them all down and hefted her baseball bat. A couple of them gulped. Could changelings gulp? Maybe it was a clue. She would have to make note of it later.
Once they were all lined up, one of the Applejacks raised a hand. “May I say somethin?”
“Sure,” Sunset said. The more they talked, the easier this should be.
Applejack took off her hat and laid it over her heart. “I can say, with absolute honesty, that I am, in truth, not a changeling. I’m also not lying.”
Before Sunset had the chance to critique her redundancy, Applejack was swathed in an orange glow; she rose into the air, her hair lengthening and her ears rising on her head.
Well that certainly made things easier.
The impersonator instantly grew a glowing horn on her forehead, and a beam of energy shot towards Applejack, who barely managed to dodge out of the way in time.
Sunset crossed her arms and huffed. Of course the changelings get to keep their magic over here. Stupid shapeshifters.
“Applejack, catch!” The girl in question turned only just in time to receive the thaumic compressor Rainbow Dash had lobbed at her, and aimed it at the changeling.
Twilight reached out a desperate hand: “WAIT TURN ON THE—”
Applejack fired.
“…safety.”
Applejack’s fresh pony up vanished as the gun discharged all of her energy into an enormous laser that consumed the changeling completely. When the light faded, there wasn’t even ash left behind.
Fluttershy fainted.
“Let me see that,” Twilight ordered, snatching the thaumic compressor out of Applejack’s hands and flicking the safety inhibitor to ‘ON’.
“Wait,” Sunset said, “don’t tell me you just pony up every time you tell the truth.”
Applejack frowned. “I’m not too sure myself, but it seems like it has to be an important truth. Or somethin’ like that. Kinda how Pinkie doesn’t pony up every time someone laughs at one of ‘er jokes.”
Twilight, after she finished jotting down a few more notes on what Applejack had said, walked over to Sunset and whispered something in her ear.
“Yeah, that’s what I think, too,” Sunset responded aloud.
The two approached the Raritys. “See, Rarity has a very distinctive personality,” Twilight explained. “We’ve been watching the two of you and your mannerisms, and we know who the real Rarity is.” Twilight then punched Rarity in the gut.
“OW! SHIT, Twilight, that hurt!” the Rarity exclaimed, her gracious demeanor kicked to curb.
“It’s her,” Twilight announced.
Sunset proceeded to bash the other one in with her baseball bat, and the changeling’s disguise dropped, its blue eyes bulging slightly out of its head. Sunset wheeled back for another swing, but the changeling erupted into flame, causing Sunset to back off. When the flames cleared, the changeling was gone.
“Damn, it got away.”
Applejack raised an eyebrow. “Looked like it lit itself on fire t’ me.”
Sunset shrugged. “Both.”
“Twilight.” Rarity took a deep breath, still holding her stomach. “What was that?”
“Oh, sorry,” Twilight said, looking minimally sorry. “I needed to act confidently enough so that if you were the changeling, you wouldn’t call my bluff. So I had to punch you. No hard feelings.”
Rarity sighed dramatically. “I suppose I might forgive you.”
“But that strategy won’t work again,” Sunset said.
“Who cares?” Rainbow said. “We have it outnumbered seven to one!” Her head turned to Fluttershy. “Six to one.”
“She does have a point,” Rarity admitted. “You’d think they would’ve attacked straight off the bat instead of waiting for us to unmask them one by one.”
“I don’t really think that’s their style,” Sunset said. “They’re meant for stealth and infiltration, so they’re probably trained not to reveal themselves if they’re outnumbered.”
“Doesn’t mean it ain’t stupid, though,” Applejack commented, to a nod of agreement from Sunset.
“Well, you heard us, changeling,” Rainbow said as the group surrounded the Pinkies in a tight semicircle. “You can’t hide forever, and we have all the time in the—oh, shit!” She jumped back as one Pinkie bit deep into Sunset’s leg with razor fangs.
Today just isn’t my day, Sunset thought as she stifled a scream and fell to her knee, her baseball bat dropping to the hardwood floor and rolling away from her. A green flash through the gym managed to wrest her attention from her throbbing leg, and the changeling appeared in all its glory. It flapped its wings faster than her eyes could follow as it took wing to the top of the gym.
“Great,” complained Rainbow, “now how are we supposed to fight it?”
The changeling’s horn glowed a dark crimson, and was just about to fire when a baseball bat slammed into its side.
Twilight pumped a fist from where she stood beside Sunset. “Yes! Take that!”
“Hey, nice shot, Twi,” Sunset managed to grind out.
But while the bat clattered to the ground, the changeling didn’t; it had managed to right itself, its wings humming with renewed vigor. It hissed, turning its horn now to the newest threat, and Twilight barely had time to yelp and shield her face before the beam struck her upper arm, leaving a nasty-looking burn and a faint plume of smoke.
“Twilight! Are you okay?” Rarity asked, rushing to her side. She only grunted in response, her tongue clamped between her teeth. Sunset probably would’ve felt more sorry for her were she not actively losing blood herself.
“Okay, that’s it!” Applejack twirled a lasso above her head, fast enough that Sunset saw it only as a blur. “Yeehaw!” The rope flew through the air with practice, and probably would’ve done a fantastic job of tying up the changeling had it not been shot down by the same amber material Rarity had found in the bathroom. Applejack’s eyes widened and she swore under her breath as the rope, along with its adhesive new paint job, came crashing back down onto her.
“Alright,” Rainbow said, her voice straining for hope, “maybe if I climb the bleachers and jump really far I can—ack!” Rainbow dove to the ground as a beam whizzed past where her head had just been. “Okay, maybe not!” She rolled to the side to dodge another laser, but the changeling was already preparing a third, and Rainbow could only close her eyes in abject anticipation.
But the strike never came. Out of nowhere, a grappling hook wrapped around the changeling’s barrel, and it was pulled to the floor fast as lightning. Everyone in the gym turned to see—
“Bon Bon?!” they all yelled, Fluttershy startling awake at the noise.
“Hey girls!” she replied, with a smile and a wave. She had ditched her dress in favor of a similarly colored shirt and skirt (the latter bearing the three candies she always wore) in addition to a light pink jacket that matched her hair. Her grappling hook retracted cleanly up her sleeve as she jerked some kind of two-bladed knife from the neck of the changeling, green blood flowing from the twin holes it left. Casually, she procured a rag from her jacket and started cleaning her weapon.
Nobody had the attention to acknowledge the thump of Fluttershy once again hitting the floor.
“Ah… A buh… huh?” Rarity articulated.
“Bon Bon? More like Bon Bond, am I right?” Rainbow laughed, heartily and alone.
Bon Bon’s face darkened. “My name isn’t Bon Bon. It’s Special Agent Sweetie Drops. And you all have a lot of explaining to do.”
Sunset gulped.
“But there’ll be time for all that stuff later!” Sweetie Drops assured, her smile returning.
“It turns out miss Drops had the same idea we did,” Celestia said, stepping forward from behind Bon Bon, her sister on her side.
“She helped us out of a rather sticky situation, and it seems she did the same for you all.” Luna added.
Sweetie Drops nodded. “Apparently, these monsters keep their victims in cocoons made out of that stuff.” She pointed to Applejack, who was trying her best to separate her lasso from her body.
“Chrysalises,” Twilight said.
Bon Bon and Sunset’s eyes widened. “What?”
“Not cocoons, chrysalises. It’s an easy mistake to make; they’re very similar, and serve roughly the same purpose, but they have their differences. Mostly in color—chrysalises are this golden color, while cocoons are more grayish.”
“Huh, that would explain her name,” Sunset said, drawing a suspicious look from Sweetie Drops. “The leader of the changelings, their Queen, is named Chrysalis.”
Bon Bon relaxed.
Twilight walked up and inspected Applejack. “Chrysalises in nature are made from silk, so I would assume that this is the changeling’s equivalent.”
“Hold on a second,” Rarity said, “like spider silk or caterpillar silk?”
“Well, the chrysalises would suggest the caterpillar variety, but it can be sticky as well as hard—”
Everybody ignored Rainbow’s snicker.
“—so I imagine it’s its own thing. Besides, comparing aliens to terrestrial animals doesn’t seem very practical.”
“Whatever it is, it doesn’t like t’ come off,” Applejack lamented, making no progress in her struggle.
Sweetie Drops pulled her blade out. “It cuts off!” she chirped.
“Ya know, I think I can get it myself,” Applejack said quickly.
“If you’re sure.” She twirled the weapon deftly in her fingers before spinning around and pointing it threateningly at Pinkie Pie. “Also, she’s a changeling.”
“What?” Pinkie said. “No I’m not!”
Bon Bon’s voice was calculative and final. “Pinkie doesn’t blend into the crowd, and you haven’t drawn attention to yourself at all since I got here.”
“She’s got a point,” Luna murmured to her sister.
“But you just killed the changeling Pinkie!” Rainbow protested, pointing to the body on the ground.
“But there could be two!” Twilight theorized with misplaced excitement. “It would make a pretty good disguise.”
“Oh, come on girls. Why would I want to be a changeling anyway?” Pinkie said, looking genuinely confused.
Rarity put her hands on her hips and squinted. “I must say, that does seem like something Pinkie would say.”
“Too little too late,” Bon Bon stated, walking forward.
Sunset managed to climb to her feet with only a mild wince of pain. “We could think of some sort of test,” she suggested.
Sweetie Drops stabbed Pinkie in the stomach.
Celestia, Rarity, and Rainbow each let out a shrill screech, Twilight quickly turned away, Applejack and Luna each sucked in a low breath, and Sunset’s eyes widened; what the hell did she think she was doing?
Pinkie looked down in shock, her blood dribbling onto the floor.
Green blood.
Sweetie withdrew the blade and went for a second stab, but Pinkie turned back into a changeling, and Bon Bon ended up slashing the air above it.
“This isn’t over,” the changeling said, its voice grating, as if someone had layered it over itself. A flash of flame later, the changeling was gone.
“There we go!” Sweetie said cheerily, once again taking out her bloodstained rag. “Now we just need to find the original Pinkie and we can leave!”
There was a second of quiet as everybody regained their breath. And then Sunset unloaded.
“WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?!”
Sweetie frowned. “You said we needed some sort of test. That was the most efficient one.”
“You stabbed her in the chest!”
“I don’t see the problem.”
“That is not the kind of test I was talking about!”
“Oh, sorry.”
“Sorry doesn’t even begin to cut it! What if you’d been wrong? You could’ve killed her!”
“Why do you think I went for the stomach?”
“No. Just… No.”
“It was a pretty shallow stab. She would’ve gotten better.”
Sunset groaned into her hands. “Okay. Everybody take ten minutes, and we’ll meet back by the statue. I think we could all use a break.” She winced as she accidentally put too much pressure on her leg. “And medical attention.”
Bon Bon smiled. “Sounds great!”
Because she had been there, Rainbow had volunteered to show Sweetie Drops to the classroom she had last seen Pinkie. Twilight had tagged along for the opportunity to examine the chrysalis.
“Are you gonna keep that?” Rainbow questioned, gesturing to the changeling corpse that Twilight was cradling in her arms.
“Of course. It’s for science.”
“It looks heavy,” commented Bon Bon.
“It is. But I can manage; it’s for science.”
“Where are you even going to put it?” Rainbow probed.
“The lab, after we’re done with this.”
“You’re just gunna keep a dead alien in the lab?”
“Yup. For science.” Twilight paused to readjust the angle of the changeling’s head. She didn’t want to get its blood on her clothes; that would be hell to explain. “Oh, and Bon Bon—Sweetie Drops, whatever—are you the one who placed all those nano cameras in the lab?”
Sweetie laughed nervously. “Who, me? Why’d you think that?”
“Oh, I dunno, maybe because you’re the only undercover secret agent in the school?” Rainbow deadpanned.
“Keep blowing my cover and you’ll wake up without hands tomorrow,” Bon Bon hissed under her breath. Rainbow backed up.
“I’d actually prefer it be you than, I don’t know, some blue-haired stalker.”
Bon Bon shifted uncomfortably. “I… can’t legally talk about this.”
“Hey, think that’s her?” Rainbow asked, pointing to a large bundle of silk hanging from the ceiling, and giving Sweetie Drops a welcome subject change.
“Statistically,” Twilight answered.
Sweetie Drops’ grappling hook shot from her wrist and wrapped around the strand that stuck the chrysalis to the ceiling, and she pulled the string tight, snapping the connection. The hook was vacuumed back up her sleeve, and she started to cut away at the silk with her blade.
Twilight knelt beside her and tapped her knuckles on the chrysalis, emitting a hollow knocking sound. The surface was thin and transparent, but still sturdy, and Sweetie’s dagger cut through it roughly and slowly. Pinkie Pie was inside, and appeared to be sleeping. Twilight wondered if that was a function of the silk or whether Pinkie was just bored. Maybe Sunset would know.
At long last, most of the silk covering had been cut away, and Pinkie Pie awoke somewhat woozily.
“Ugh, is it morning already?”
“Pinkie, you were captured by the changelings,” Twilight said. “Do you remember?”
“Oh right! Rainbow left after Rarity and then Sunset and Fluttershy found me only they weren’t Sunset and Fluttershy, and then I woke up!”
“Don’t worry, we got rid of ‘em all!” Rainbow boasted.
“Not all of them,” Bon Bon corrected. “Two got away, and there are likely many more impersonating our classmates and teachers that didn’t stick around at the school.”
“Oh, hi Bon Bon!” Pinkie greeted. “So you finally told them all about your secret identity?”
She spluttered. “My s-se—But how did you know! If you figured it out, that means my cover’s blown!”
Rainbow chuckled. “Don’t worry, it’s just Pinkie.”
“Don’t worry? How can I not worry? What if she told someone?” Bon Bon raised her blade.
“NO!” Twilight grabbed her by the wrist. “You can’t just stab all your problems!”
“I can try!”
Pinkie giggled. “Don’t worry, Bonnie, I wouldn’t go around revealing things about people that they didn’t want people to be revealed to! Your secret is safe with me.”
“Fine.” She lowered her arm. “But how did you find me out?”
“Pinkie sense!”
“Pinkie what now?”
“It’s an anomalous ability that only Pinkie seems to posses,” Twilight explained. “She experiences certain muscle spasms in her body that predict particular events.”
“That doesn’t make any sense.”
“Of course it does, silly! It’s right there in the name!”
“It’s Pinkie,” Rainbow clarified. “It doesn’t have to make sense. I mean, I know you only transferred here this year, but surely you’ve seen her do stuff that’s impossible before.”
Sweetie looked from one face to another, her own betraying nothing of what was occurring behind it. She got up at length, making sure all her gadgets were in their correct places, and smiled. “Well, I suppose its fine if you don’t tell anyone. Come on, we should be heading back to the statue. Oh, and don’t forget to drop off your little friend, Twilight!” she said with a giggle.
“Is it just me,” Rainbow whispered under her breath, “or is she not entirely there in the head?”
“A good question,” Twilight said. “I’ve been taking notes, and after comparing them to some research I did, I—”
Rainbow’s palm shot over her mouth. “Yeah, I stopped caring at ‘notes’. Imma see if Applejack’s already at the meeting place, I need a break from your egghead. Come on, Pinkie.”
Twilight frowned as they walked off. “ ‘Stopped caring at notes’? I swear, all of my friends are a little bit crazy.” And with that, she slung the bleeding alien corpse over her shoulder and made her way to the lab.
“As you know, the enemies we are facing are known as changelings.” Sunset was standing on the destroyed wondercolt statue as if it were a podium, white bandages wrapped around her leg where the changeling had bitten her. The pain was still uncomfortable, but Sunset had dealt with much worse before. Everybody else was either seated or standing on the lawn in front of her, listening to her exposition with rapt interest. Fluttershy had finally woken up for more than ten seconds, which was good, because Sunset didn’t want to have to repeat all this. (Though, if she did, she’d just have Twilight do it. She had an excellent boring lecture voice.) “I’ve never actually encountered changelings before, as they tend to stick to the shadows, and their Queen, Chrysalis, waited to attack Equestria until I had already left to this dimension. But Princess Twilight has seen them, and she told me all about her research on their species through a letter over the journal.”
“Hold up,” interrupted Applejack, “she sent ya all that in one go?”
“Well, it turns out nopony knows a whole lot about changelings, so it was a pretty quick report.”
“Nopony?” Luna asked.
Sunset waved her off. “Don’t worry about it.” She turned her attention back to the group, clearing her throat. “Changelings are creatures that feed on love; it’s their main energy source, and while they can eat actual food, they can’t live off it. Without any love for too long, a changeling will eventually die. Conversely, if a changeling has an abundant amount of love, they become quite powerful.”
“They eat love?” Rainbow questioned. “As in the emotion?”
“Yeah. I mean, it’s not as uncommon as you would think on Equestria. Remember the Sirens?” They all nodded. “They ate hate, remember?” A chorus of ‘right’ and ‘oh yeah’ met her.
Sunset continued. “Additionally, their magic is fundamentally different from unicorn magic, as one would expect. Most of the spells they can cast are the same, but they seemed to be geared towards spells that most unicorns aren’t even capable of performing, such as accessing the memories of beings they capture for better impersonation, as well as the shape changing itself; unicorns would have to study transformation magic for years before being able to reach the level changelings reach instinctively. And according to Twilight’s own observations, their Queen appears to be capable of glamour-based mind magic.”
“For the less magically learned among us, might you explain what on earth that means?” Rarity inquired.
Sunset hummed. “Basically… Imagine if someone got a bucket of glitter gel and dumped it onto your consciousness, so that your mind would be so far buried below all the ‘glamour’ that it didn’t have a say in what you experienced, or, in extreme cases, what you did.”
“That sounds horrible.”
“It probably is. Moving on, all changelings can telepathically communicate through a hivemind. Don’t ask me how it works, I couldn’t tell you.
“Lastly, and this is based on the past half hour, they can most certainly use magic in this dimension.”
“Right, I was going to ask about that,” Twilight said. “They, apparently, still have access to their mana flows; not to mention how they can utilize enough atmospheric magic to perform spells!”
“Well, it’s all just conjecture, but I imagine their natural inclination towards transformations on their own bodies allowed them to hold on to the necessary organs. And their magic is much weaker here.” She pointed to Twilight’s arm. “If they had Equestria-level magic, those burns would be two degrees worse. I imagine their ability to convert love to energy also helps, but I’m not sure of the science there.”
“I bet you could preheat an oven really fast in Equestria!” Pinkie exclaimed. “Think of all the cake you could make…”
Sunset decided not to mention Celestia’s Domestic Cooking Spellbook. That could only lead to disaster.
“If magic’s really that powerful back in Equestria, then how come y’all don’t go to th’ hospital every other week?” asked Applejack.
“Because we don’t have flimsy little monkey bodies back in Equestria,” Sunset retorted.
Off to the side, Bon Bon turned to Celestia. “I think they’ve lost me.”
The sheer intensity of fatalistic acceptance her principal managed to concentrate into a single facial expression was awe-inspiring. “Welcome to the club,” she droned.
Rainbow spoke up, which was a surprise to no one. “Yeah, we know there’s monsters around and stuff. The question is what we’re gonna do about it!”
“Maybe it’s all just a big misunderstanding,” Fluttershy offered, speaking up for the first time. “Maybe, if we just talked it over, it would all work out?”
“A… nice sentiment,” Rarity said, as if she were treading on a minefield.
Applejack set a hand on her shoulder. “Sorry, Shy, but I don’t think these things are lookin’ for a peaceful solution.”
“Well… how do you know?” Fluttershy asked.
“Because they tried to kill us,” Luna stated bluntly. Rainbow nodded passionately.
“They’ve also been slowly replacing the student body,” Sunset pointed out. “Most of the students that have been absent recently are the ones with the more prominent roles or personalities; the ones harder to impersonate. Others are still attending, but have been replaced without anybody noticing. the hard part is going to be separating that last category from the students that are still themselves.”
“Oooh!” Pinkie jumped up and pulled a length of paper from her hair, barely legible scrawlings filling the page. “Back when we all thought this was a conspiracy against us—”
“—You thought this was a conspiracy against us,” Rarity amended.
Pinkie continued unperturbed. “—I made a list of everybody who was involved!”
“Perfect,” Sunset said. “Thanks, Pinkie. That’s a huge help.”
“Aren’t you going to check it?” Celestia asked. Oh, how naive she was.
“Trust us,” Rainbow said, “we don’t need to check.”
“Pinkie, if you could email everybody a copy, that would be—”
“Done!” Pinkie shoved her phone back into her hair (Sunset wished she had hair that useful) as a synchronized Ding! sounded from all of their pockets.
After recovering from her initial confusion, Celestia looked around at the assembled students. “So that’s it?”
“Hmm?” All heads turned the the Principal.
“You see a threat to the school, or the world, and just… fight it?”
“Well, yeah,” Applejack said. “I’m not just goin’ t’ stand by an’ watch a bunch a’ monsters rip up my town.”
“Besides, it keeps things interesting!” Rainbow said proudly. “Life kinda sucks when all you do is homework. Even a stuffy old principal like you should know what it feels like to get a thrill!”
Celestia’s eyes threatened to wander towards her sister, but Celestia pulled their leash taut. “It’s dangerous. You all could die. And your just kids, I can’t…” She trailed off, biting her lip.
Fluttershy spoke up. “I… I mean, I think those things, too. It’s scary, and sometimes you just want to… run, and hide from it all. But then you’re just a coward, w-who abandons their friends, and… and, that doesn’t solve anything for anyone. So, even if it is scary, we’re the ones who can fix it, so we have to fix it, right?”
It was silent for a few seconds.
“T-that was s-so b-b-beautiful,” Pinkie choked out, wiping a tear from her eye with a pink hankerchief.
“Very well put,” Rarity agreed, her mascara a bit less neat than before.
Applejack patted Fluttershy on the back. “Didn’t think ya had it in you.”
Twilight turned to Celestia, whose lips were pursed tightly. “I think she summarized what we all were thinking.”
“I…”
“Celestia.” She turned to her sister. “I know you don’t want to see them get hurt, but they’ve proven that they are simply the best when it comes to dealing with crises like these.”
“But there are only, what, seven of you?” Celestia asked, addressing Sunset and company. “And god knows how many of them. Are you sure you can manage on your own?”
Luna frowned, but said nothing. Best not to make a scene in front of the children.
“I can provide reinforcements!” Sweetie Drops offered, exuberant.
Sunset scoffed from where she sat on the edge of the statue. “I don’t know if I trust the Spy Kids here.”
“Watch where you put your foot, Shimmer, or you just might lose it,” Bon Bon growled, and Sunset threw up her palms defensively.
“Ahem.” The two turned to Rarity. “I believe what Sunset meant to say”—she directed a glare towards Sunset, who shrugged unsympathetically—“is that we would like to know the manner of such reinforcements.”
Sweetie stared blankly at Rarity for a full two seconds (precisely enough time to make her uncomfortable yet unwilling to say anything about it) before she expressionlessly announced, “That’s classified.”
Rainbow threw her hands in the air. “Jeez! How secret is this agency that you can’t say what agency it is?”
Bon Bon smiled sweetly in response. “They’re very nice people.”
Twilight was writing madly in a handheld notebook and talking to herself under her breath. “The subject seems to switch between casual and business attitudes far more quickly than most people. Hmm… If I allow that to be a product of balancing two lives…”
“Sorry, but we don’t need the help of yer mystery service if ya ain’t gunna tell us who they are,” Applejack said, her tone harsh.
“Additionally,” Luna said, “we need to keep this as under wraps as possible. Imagine the media hurricane it would cause were the existence of not only aliens leaked, but magic and parallel dimensions as well.”
“Don’t worry,” Sweetie responded with an air of cool professionalism. “Neither the public nor its representatives is to be notified in any way—that was already in my assignment description.”
“What is your assignment, anyway?” Fluttershy asked. “All I’ve ever seen you do is attend school like everyone else.”
“I’m not a leisure to reveal that information,” Sweetie responded.
“Oh. Sorry for asking, then.”
Sunset drummed her fingers on her arm. “Didn’t you transfer here, like, right after the Fall Formal?”
Bon Bon’s teeth clenched. “I suggest you stop entertaining that train of thought, horse-woman.”
Pinkie gasped. “You were totally sent here to make sure Sunset is a good friend, weren’t you?”
“Um, yes. She’s been doing exceedingly mediocre.”
Off to the side, Sunset frowned. “Horse-woman?”
“Well, you kind of are literally a horse-woman,” Twilight said to her side, still writing.
“No, I’m a pony-woman. There’s a distinct difference. I don’t call you guys monkey-people.”
“ ‘Because we don’t have flimsy little monkey bodies back in Equestria,’ ” Twilight quoted.
“One time.”
“What about ‘I wasn’t always a hairless ape, Twilight’? Or maybe ‘I want to have sex with your horses as much as you want to have s—’ ”
Sunset blushed. “That wasn’t calling her a monkey!”
“It was implied.”
“What on earth are you two talking about?” asked a very confused Celestia.
“WELL!” Sunset clapped her hands together loudly. “I think that covers every order of business. Meeting adjourned; get some rest, I have a feeling tomorrow’s gunna be a big day.”
The group started to break apart at her word, but Twilight wasn’t shaken. “So, if it really is such a distinct difference, then does that mean you’re sexually attracted to our ponies?”
“NO!”
“Why? Not colorful enough?”
“I’m not having this conversation. Goodnight.” Sunset proceeded to march briskly away from the group.
Twilight giggled, and started walking to her own home, along with everybody else.
On their way to the parking lot, Celestia turned to Luna. “Perhaps we should find a hotel for tonight,” she suggested.
“That would probably be for the best.”
And across the courtyard, Special Agent Sweetie Drops talked into a microphone secured to the cuff of her jacket. “Report, SASD, Assignment M-CH-01: extraterrestrial beings capable of wielding Energy M are invading the school. Subtlety of action is essential. The situation calls for your personal attention by my judgement. Over.”
A faint click, and she didn’t make another sound that night.