//------------------------------// // He Spoke Words of Evil, and We Loved Every Moment // Story: I Will Face Celestia and Walk Backwards Into Tartarus! // by Protopony350 //------------------------------// Ponyville, as the reader most certainly knows, is a small town that houses many types of ponies. This isn't particularly important to this story, but it is a fact nonetheless. Dril, as the reader most certainly does not know, is a tall, lanky, and dashingly handsome stallion who has many talents and wisdoms to share. This is particularly important to this story, and this is why I have shared this fact with you. And as these things usually go, this is a particularly important day for Dril, and, as circumstances have willed, it is also a particularly important day for Ponyville, and, as these things usually go, this also makes it a particularly important day for the reader. The Pony, who is named Dril, had just finished his cleansing of the none important, though it is noted as becoming much more important after today, town of Appleloosa. With smoke and screaming he left this once town a much more Dril kind of place. The kind of place a Pony, who happened to be named Dril, could be proud of. So Dril, the pony this story is based upon. moved forward, with his eyes set on his next target. A town laced with sin and the ever growing seeds of aforementioned sin. As you, the dear reader should be able to surmise from previous context clues, Dril is quickly approaching the small town of Ponyville. The town of Ponyville just so happened to be celebrating one of its by-daily festivals, and Princess Celestia herself was in attendance. Princess Celestia, as the reader most certainly knows, is a very important pony. as the reader most certainly does not know, Princess Celestia is also a, as Dril would put it, "a total sham of the higher power and a disgrace to the crown of the people, and I also saw her litter once!". To Dril, Princess Celestia, and by extension, Ponyville, was the catalyst of sin and the ever growing seeds of aforementioned sin, and thus must be cleansed immediately. "I saw her throw that popsicle stick and accidentally miss the trash can," he said under his breath as he marched forward, ever sure of his holy duties. CAMERA FADE OUT FADE IN ON PONYVILLE TOWN SQUARE. Twilight Sparkle, who Dril once called "The Pallbearer of Sin!!!", was busy trying to keep Princess Celestia entertained, so she was completely oblivious to the dark cloud of pure unholy eviltude that slowly approached the town, and that, surely by coincidence, had hovered above Dril for the past 35 years. The holy 35 year old pony stepped into the lovely sin-ridden beautiful town of hatred, and announced himself with all of the charm he is known for. "CHANGES ARE AFOOT IN THIS SIN TOWN, AND I AM THE BULLET IN THE CHAMBER OF THE CHANGE GUN!" he said with wit and charm, his beauty captivating every mare in the flea-infested dump of a ville. The ponies immediately ran to him with great interest. "What's a gun?" asked Rainbow Dash, who had a turtle named tank, and was taken with the handsomeness of Dril. "It's a sin to talk about guns, and I'm here to stomp out sin, and by extension, stomp out guns!" causing Dash to swoon and think of sinful things, like guns and other things. The crowed grew, and soon Twilight noticed that the cabbage festival was growing ever the empty. "Excuse me Princess, I need to get to the bottom of this," Twilight said, completely unaware that stupid Celestia had been asleep for many "pony hours". Twilight arrived to find that 17 ponies had swooned to death. These ponies were no doubt full of sin, or guns, so they deserved to die anyway. "Um, excuse me, what's going on?" the Twilight asked, and thus drew the attention of Dril. "I'm cleansing the road and taking names!" he said, putting the gun back into his pocket. Dril sets out to destroy sin, but is not arrogant enough to say he is without sin, so this is why he always carries 8 loaded guns. Twilight grew even more curious, and approached the Dril. "I'm sorry, but you're interrupting our festival! I put REAL ACTUAL TIME into this, so please can we take this commotion to town square?" she asked, trying to cover for the fact that she actually used "canned time substitute". "A FESTIVAL? Perfect for the show!" Dril said, and he ran into town, pulling the not aforementioned giant bag of mystery behind him. As the dear reader should know, Dril has a masterful plan to rid this town of guns. He ran into the town square, and began the construction of his mighty stand! The sound of screw drivering and hammering shook the rickety little town, and especially perturbed a unicorn who, as the reader most certainly knows, is named Rarity. Rarity, the sinful, yet least sinful pony in Ponyville, failed to open her door to see what the fuss was all about. "Excuse me, why are you blocking my door?" she asked with beauty in her voice. "I've gotta finish my stand in time to cleanse the evils of drugs and teen pregnancy!" Dril proclaimed. "That's all well and good darling, but why, may I ask, are you setting up your stand directly in front of my door?" she asked "Because I won't let those uppity rats in Parliament decided when and where I can set up my stand!" he replied, hammering the nails deeper, forever uniting his stand with the door frame of Rarity's boutique Rarity, who surly didn't own any guns, popped her head out of her window, and got her first look at the chillingly hot Dril. Dril's heart skipped 400 beats. After he was resuscitated, he knew that he had found the most pure and gunless pony in Equestria. Rarity, somehow, was not immediately taken with the splendor of Dril. "Um, Darling, do you think you could let me out of my house, please?" Dril took a moment to contemplate these words. "I am sorry my love, but the stand waits for no man!" and he continued to build. Twilight caught up with Dril, and sprung into action! "Spike, send a letter to the Princess for help!" she ordered. Spike sent the letter 12 feet to the sleeping Celestia, who went "geh", brushed the letter away. and continued to sleep. "It looks like I'm on my own this time!" said Twilight, as she dashed toward Dril at the speed of all of her sin! "This is my right as a citizen!" Dril said, and he pulled out a gun and shot Twilight right in the face. Dril had cleansed her of her sin. "I bet she had a gun," he said. TO BE CONTINUED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!