“Oh geez, it’s here. I can’t believe it’s here already,” Spike said, pacing around his room.
“What’s here, Spike?” Twilight asked him. “You were fidgeting at dinner again. I’m guessing this has something to do with Cotton and Steadclaw?”
“Yes—something thou dost not want to talk about in front of her, considering she is not present once again,” Luna added.
“I have a sneaking suspicion he’s overreacting about something,” Celestia said with a smirk.
“Hush, you,” Spike retorted, Twilight and Luna both suppressing laughter. “Steadclaw asked Cotton out on a date this afternoon, and she said yes.”
“Ah, ‘twas fast,” Luna said. “Uh, We mean, ‘twas rather fast—‘tis still somewhat early in the relationship, is it not?”
“Not really,” Celestia replied. “Well, yes, the relationship is still just beginning, but asking a new special somepony out on an official date isn’t unusual. This is really more Cadance’s territory, but I see no harm in it. As I said, I think Spike’s overreacting.”
“And like I said, hush,” Spike replied, glaring at Celestia. “I don’t have any issue with them going on a date.”
“Then why’re you being so neurotic?” Twilight asked.
Spike couldn’t help grinning. “Again, rich, coming from you.” When Twilight pouted, he continued, “It’s just that… with them taking that step forward, I’m debating whether or not to have the ‘Birds and the Bees’ talk with Cotton.”
Luna cocked a brow. “What doth birds and bees have to do with a date?”
Celestia chuckled. “It’s a colloquialism, Lulu. It was coined a little under two centuries ago.”
“It means to talk with your children about safe… intimate contact,” Twilight answered her with a light blush. Twilight looked up at Spike. “I can’t believe you haven’t had that talk with her already. She’s sixteen years old, what were you thinking?”
“Thou feeleth the need to speak with Cotton about sexual intercourse before her first date?” Luna beamed as she looked up at Spike. “How wonderful! This age hath become so prudish about oscillating the unmentionables!”
“What?” Twilight yelped, blushing.
“Thou knowest—putting condensed milk on the waffle!” Luna responded.
Celestia put a hoof to her mouth. “I think I’m going to need to skip breakfast tomorrow.” Raising a brow, she added, “Where in Equestria did you hear an innuendo like that?”
“We heard it from Cadenza. Why?” Luna replied.
Twilight groaned. “I’m going to have a long talk with my sister-in-law.”
“You know, this really isn’t helping, girls,” Spike interjected. “Should I have the talk with her or not?”
“Indeed! As We’ve heard the common folk say, ‘Better safe than sorry.’ Though knowing thee, thou wilt be waiting at the door to prevent any… intimate courses of action,” Luna said, glancing at Twilight.
“For the first date? You bet your flank I will,” Spike said. “But you’re right. I think I’ll have the talk with her tomorrow after she gets home from school. Hopefully she doesn’t bring friends over.”
“Oooooh! May We assist with the intercourse?” Luna asked.
“No, I’m sure I can handle the intercourse myself… I mean! The talk! With Cotton!” Spike blushed, then mumbled, “You’re going to be the death of me.”
“Very well,” Luna huffed, “though We possess numerous tomes on pleasing races and genders of all kinds, should she wish to borrow them.”
“I’ll keep those books firmly in mind,” Spike responded. He blinked, then blushed. “Why do I keep opening my big mouth?” he mumbled to himself.
“So that’s where my books went, you stole them!” Celestia cried.
Luna snorted. “We did not steal thy books like a common thief.” She sniffed, then added quietly, “We simply borrowed them for an extended period of time.”
“IT’S BEEN OVER ONE THOUSAND YEARS!”
Twilight shook her head. “The late fees will kill you.”
Ж
“Oh my gosh, Daisy. I still can’t believe it—my first real date!” Cotton beamed as the two of them walked down the hall towards the cafeteria. “And it’s only been, like, three days! I didn’t think he’d ask so soon!”
“Honestly, I’m not that surprised,” Daisy responded with a smile. “I’ll bet he’s had a thing for you since the first time he laid eyes on you. He just needed a chance to finally say something.”
“You think so?” Cotton replied. “I mean, the stuff he said about my scars…” She flipped her mane forward to cover her right side. “I guess it would make sense…”
Harmony Wishes and Flarechaser came up alongside Cotton and Daisy from behind.
“What would make sense?”
“If you’re talkin’ about trig, I could use a hoof if you actually understand that junk.”
“Pfft, I wish. I’m asking my Aunt Twilight for help on that,” Cotton said.
“Nah, we were chatting about Steadclaw asking her out,” Daisy replied. “I think Cotton’s a little jittery about it—didn’t think he’d go for it so quick.”
“Are you kidding? Girl, Featherhead’s had his eyes on you from day one,” Flarechaser laughed.
“That’s what I said,” Daisy added.
“Besides, he just asked you to dinner and a movie,” Harmony said. “Nothing fancy. He’s probably kinda jittery about it himself. Doesn’t wanna screw it up.”
“True,” Cotton responded. “He did seem a bit… uncertain when he asked me. But he didn’t even look at me all through History this morning. You don’t think he’s gonna change his mind, do you?”
“Like Tartarus he’d change his mind,” Flarechaser said. “He’s just nervous. He asked out the prettiest filly in school, and she said yes.”
Cotton blushed. “You’re only saying that ‘cause you’re doing the Griffon Culture assignment.”
“Well, if you wanna look at it from that perspective, am I wrong?” Flarechaser asked, grinning.
“All of us heard what he said that afternoon,” Harmony added. “Come on, get that out of your face.” She lit up her horn and moved Cotton’s long mane back to reveal her scarred cheek, just in time for them to enter the cafeteria and see Steadclaw at a table on the far side of the room. Even from the distance, the four of them could all see his face flush as he looked up and laid eyes on Cotton.
“C’mon, let’s get something to eat and go join him; I’m starved,” Daisy said. “Maybe we’ll get a clue into what he’s really thinking.”
“Then again, do you really wanna know?” Flarechaser said.
“What’re you talking about?” Cotton asked.
“Maybe he wants to make a move,” Flarechaser said with a wink.
Cotton cocked a brow. “Huh?”
“Oh come on, girl! You know—a move.” Flarechaser waggled her eyebrows, and Cotton’s entire face went crimson.
“On the first date? I doubt it,” Harmony said.
“I bet you a hundred bits Cotton’s dad’s gonna be waiting for them when she gets home,” Daisy added. “He’ll make sure Steadclaw doesn’t try anything funny. Maybe he’ll let ‘em kiss. On the cheek.” She giggled.
“Well, they’ll have plenty of time for some action during the movie,” Flarechaser said with a grin. “I’ve got the perfect—”
“Girls, can we stop talking about this?” Cotton interrupted them. “We’re not going out until tomorrow.” She turned to Daisy. “Besides, my dad’s already seen us kiss.”
“And he was cool with it?” Harmony asked.
“Yes.” Cotton groaned. “Girls, I really don’t wanna have all these thoughts going through my head right now. Can we just go sit down?”
Flarechaser smirked. “You gonna sit next to him?”
Cotton nodded. “Yeah, why?”
“Maybe he’ll run his talons down your—”
“FLARE!”
Ж
Out in the school’s courtyard, all the students prepared to leave. Daisy, Harmony Wishes, and Flarechaser all watched Cotton as she flapped her wings and hovered in the air for a moment.
“I’ll see you girls on Monday! Have a good weekend!” Cotton called to them. Then she turned to Steadclaw, still on the ground with a flushed complexion. “And I’ll see you tomorrow,” Cotton said with a smile. Steadclaw nodded with his own smile, holding two talons up to his forehead in a salute. Cotton giggled. “Geez, you’re as bad as the hall guards. And you haven’t even eaten my cookies yet.” When Flarechaser put a hoof to her muzzle to suppress a snort, Cotton’s eyes bulged and she immediately flew off towards the castle at top speed.
Ж
I really need to think before I speak. Cotton shook her head as she opened the front door into the main hall. “I’m home!” she called out. Then she glared at the guards. “If any of you salute, so help me, you won’t get another—dessert from me as long as I live!”
“Woah, calm down, sweetie!” Spike trundled around the corner. “Don’t you think that’s some cruel and unusual punishment for these fine gentlecolts? What’s ruffled your feathers?”
Cotton let out a deep sigh, then a light chuckle. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it.” All the guards let out sighs of relief. “I just… accidentally said something embarrassing today, and a salute was involved.”
One of the guards spoke up. “Uh oh. Was it in front of your griffon friend?”
“Uh… yeah.” Cotton’s face flushed.
“Did you use a… euphemism?” another guard asked.
Cotton’s face reddened further. “Y-yes.”
“Yeesh,” a third guard said. “And they’re going on a date tomorrow, too.”
“Awkwarrrrrrrrrd,” came the fourth guard’s voice.
“Colts! You’re not helping!” Spike growled.
All the guards stomped their spears on the floor before simultaneously barking, “Sorry, Sir!”
“I’m not the one you should be apologizing to,” Spike said, crossing his arms.
The guards all turned to Cotton and said, “Sorry, Miss Cotton!”
Cotton sighed. “At ease, gentlecolts. Apology accepted.” After a moment, a small smile crossed her muzzle. “Actually, now that I think about it, it was kinda funny.”
Spike smiled. “I’m glad to see you can recover from embarrassment so quickly, sweetie. If you wouldn’t mind, could you come to my chamber for a minute? I’d like to talk to you about something.”
“Sure, Dad. Just a sec.” A sly smirk crossed Cotton’s muzzle. Addressing the guards, Cotton said, “Oh gentlecolts, I’m thinking about doing some baking tonight. How many of you would like to eat my cookies?”
All four guards’ hooves began rising before each of their faces turned red in turn. Spike’s jaw dropped. “Cotton! Get your flank up to my chamber right now!”
“Yes, Dad,” Cotton giggled, galloping up the stairs.
When she was out of sight, Spike narrowed his eyes at the guards. “Lesson learned? Next time any of you overhear Cotton talking with her boyfriend, you might want to keep your muzzles shut,” he said.
“Lesson learned, Sir!” the guards all said.
As he started up the stairs, Spike added an addendum. “Unless they’re talking about… rolling in the hay. Then you are to inform me immediately. Now—” He swiped two talons across his mouth in a zipping motion.
“Yes, Sir!” the guards chorused as Spike ascended the stairs.
Ж
As he walked down the hallway, Spike thought to himself, Hmm… having the guards tell me when Cotton is thinking about taking the next step? Urgh, maybe I am being neurotic. Well, first things first. He walked through the open door to his chamber and closed it behind him. Walking closer to his desk, he found Cotton staring at a small, oak table he had set up, her eyes bulging and her jaw slack. Upon the table sat two puppets, a banana, and a foil packet.
Cotton slowly turned her head up to her father, a look of horror dawning on her face, and asked, “Daaaaaad? W-what are those for?”
Spike began, “Uhhh… well, you see, Cotton, when two ponies—or a pony and a griffon—love each other very much…”