//------------------------------// // The Queen // Story: Agent Rarity of her Majesty's Secret Service // by Spice of Life //------------------------------// The group arrived at headquarters to find Twilight sitting at a desk covered in stacks of papers, in front of the door to the Queen’s room. “I don’t remember seeing this building before.” Whispered Fluttershy as she looked around. Rainbow flew up and poked the chandelier. “Yeah, I know I haven’t seen this place when I was flying around Ponyville.” While the rest of her friends gawked. Rarity trotted up to Twilight. Twilight lazily looked up then back down to the paper work. “Can I help you?” A hint of disdain trickled out with her voice. Rarity hesitated, this was different. “Umm, yes, we are here to see the Queen.” Twilight tilted her head and glanced at another piece of paper before returning to what she had been working on. “You’re not on the list.” Rarity blinked then scowled at Twilight. “Of course I’m on the list, I am QUEEN CELESTIA’s head agen-" she paused and shook her head before glaring at Twilight. “There is no list!” Twilight glared back. “Of course there’s a list, I have it right here and you’re not on it so you can’t see the Queen, her time is too valuable to waste.” Rarity was about to respond when the door to the building popped open and P hopped inside, the ever-present smile she wore got bigger when she noticed Rarity, but instead of leaping on Rarity, she hopped over to Twilight who scowled at her. “Oh Twilight, thank goodness you’re here,” said P. “I’ve been here all morning and you know it. Is this important or are you going to keep distracting me from my work?” P giggled. “I’ll say it’s important, somepony outside is throwing books all over.” A look of panic began to spread over Twilight’s face as she half rose from the desk. “What books are they throwing and who is doing it?” P reached behind her and held up a book with the title ‘Something A’Do About Magic’ “This book right here and me.” With a smile on her face she leapt up, doing a quick flip and flung the book out the door of the building. Twilight was on her hooves in a flash, chasing after the book while yelling. “PINKIEEEEEEE, HOW COULD YOU!” Rarity turned back to P, who just shrugged. “She’s been a grumpy gus all day and hasn't been letting anypony in to see the Queen.” P walked over to the door and opened it for Rarity, Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy. They entered a surprisingly boring looking hallway, leaving Rarity a little stunned. “Wha- what happened to the entrance way?” Rainbow looked around. “I don’t know, looks like a normal hallway too me.” “It’s not supposed to be a normal hallway, it’s supposed to have gates and moving walls and a… phone booth.” Rarity finished lamely and tapped her hoof on the plush red carpet. P hopped up beside her and rested an arm around her shoulders. “I know, it’s so boring this way, but Twilight said the old way was inefficient. Can you believe it?” The normal entrance way gave plenty of time to converse between walls opening and closing, but this new one was much shorter and they arrived at a boring door with a placard that read ‘Queen’ in gold lettering. Rarity quietly pushed the door open, while feeling very out of sorts for not knocking first. Before her the Queen sat in her usual office but something was off. Queen Celestia wore a blank expression as she stared into space. Rarity was unsure what to make of the scene then it hit her, the Queen’s desk was completely clean. The normally stacked sky high paperwork that occupied the desk had been reduced to a single coffee mug. Which said 'Best Queen' on the side. Rarity and her friends assembled before the desk as Celestia sat in silence. Which continued for a long moment until Rarity politely cleared her throat. Queen Celestia’s head shot-up as she noticed the ponies in her office for the first time and her usual demeanor and warm smile returned. “Ahh, agent Rarity, so good to see you back and I see you have successfully returned with The Awesome and The Stare.” Rarity stood at attention. “It is good to be back my Queen, and yes, I was successful in my mission. Although, they prefer just Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy, again.” The two had the decency to look suitably ashamed as their names were mentioned. “I am very glad to see you all back with us. I apologize for not properly welcoming you. Today has been rather strange, I have had no ponies come to see me or drop off any work all day, it is very strange.” P stood up on her rear legs and saluted. “That’s because Twilight has been making sure you weren’t disturbed.” Queen Celestia sighed and gently laid her head down on her desk. “Twilight,” she rubbed her temples with her hooves. “This is why I couldn’t make her a secret agent, she becomes overly protective.” She sighed again. “I probably should not have even made her a secretary.” After a long awkward minute Queen Celestia Raised her head her smile returned. “But enough of that. So, how did you manage to recover both of your friends, Rarity? I imagine it took some sort of magnificent pitched battle.” Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash glanced at each other while Rarity shuffled her hoof on the rug. “Truth be told, my Queen. Neither one of them was that big on the whole villain thing, not like Twilight Sparkle or Applejack. Speaking of Applejack, were you able to find out what was wrong with her?” P pipped up. “Oh oh oh, she had a huge tumor.” *GASP!* Gasped Rarity, Rainbow and Fluttershy at the same time. “What do you mean?” “Is she okay?” “What do yo- oh, you said that already.” Celestia’s eyes shot open in surprise. “There is something wrong with Applejack?” She blinked. “SHES BACK!?” P hopped in place. “Yeppers, I brought her back hours ago, Twilight said you were busy and she would tell you when you had a moment.” A small flame erupted from Celestia’s mane before quickly being extinguished with a puff of smoke. “Ladies, you may wish to cover your ears.” The four of them quickly complied just as “TWILIGHT GET IN HERE!” rang out in the Royal Voice, shaking the walls. Rarity and her friends had hardly lowered their hooves when the door behind them swung open and a purple streak raced to the Queen’s desk. “My Queen, I came as quickly as I could.” She said as she practically crawled onto Queen Celestia’s desk. “What can I do to make your day better, anything, anything at all.” Celestia raised her head back as Twilight invaded her personal space before quickly composing herself. *cough* “Yes, P just informed me that Applejack has returned. Why was I not told?” Twilight suddenly looked rather sheepish as she slid off the desk. “Ohh, well, uhh, you were just so busy that I didn’t want to bother you with something trivial like that.” “Trivial? P informed us that she had a tumor.” “Oh nonono, it wasn’t a tumor, it was just some silly thing. Hardly worth your time.” Celestia gave her a disappointed look and just said one word. “Twilight.” Twilight’s uncomfortable grin faded. “Umm, err, maybe she should be the one to tell you about it. I’ll go get her.” With that, she ran out of the room. Celestia tapped her desk. “Today has been strange.” *BAM!!!* Rarity and her friends jumped in surprise when a hidden side door swung open and slammed against the wall. A cream colored earth pony burst out followed by a curious looking lime green unicorn. “Is everything ok, are we under attack!?” Celestia rubbed her temple. “No, Agent Hard Candy, I was just calling for Twilight.” “Oh course my que-" Hard Candy stopped when she noticed Rarity. “Rarity.” She said with a glare. Rarity glared back. “Sweetie Drops.” P hopped up behind Rarity “Pinkie!” she shouted. Behind Hard Candy the green mare hopped up also. “Lyra!” Rarity and Hard Candy ignored them as they continued to stare each other down. “I suppose its agent Hard Candy now. If you keep giving away your secret identity you won't have any left.” She said with an air of superiority. Before Hard Candy could respond the lime green mare with matching mane trotted in front of her. “Wow, Bon Bon, you were right, this place is great.” She noticed the Queen looking at her wide eyed. She smiled and waved at her. “And, you brought Lyra here, what in Equestria are you thinking?” “It used to be such a nice secret organization I had.” Said the Queen as she laid her head back down on her desk. Hard Candy huffed. “I could say the same for you,” Hard Candy retorted as she pointed at Rainbow and Fluttershy. “She has just as much right to be here as they do.” Rarity patted her mane as she replied. “They are here at the Queen’s request after I managed to persuade them to end their villainous ways.” “HEY.” Said Rainbow as she stomped her hoof. “Do not involve me in this.” Mumbled the Queen from under the leg that was draped over her face. Hard Candy waved dismissively. “Oh such a big accomplishment. They probably captured you with some dumb trap like the Apple****er did.” “That’s AppleBUCKER to you. And at least I never had to escape from-“ Rarity raised her front legs and made quotes with her hooves “a ‘just friends’ bdsm dungeon.” “Hehehe yeah.” Giggled Lyra. “She liked it so much she had to escape from it that night too.” Hard Candy’s face turned red. “NOT NOW LYRA!” She snapped. “Agent Hard Candy, Dismissed.” Said Queen Celestia firmly from under her leg. Hard Candy gave one last glare at Rarity and trotted back out the secret door with Lyra trailing behind her. “Thank you, your majesty. She can be so ru-" But Rarity was cut off by Celestia raising a hoof and sitting back up. "Someday I will find out why Agent Hard Candy and you are eternally at each other throats, but now is not the time for such things." Rainbow shuffled on her hooves. “Do I have to be here for this? Rarity kinda interrupted my nap.” “Oh, that reminds me,” said Celestia turning to Rainbow and Fluttershy. “Why did you and Fluttershy decide to become villains?” “Oh, well, I was talking with Twilight and she made it sound pretty awesome. You got a cool lair and a bunch of minions and you get to fight super ponies or something. So I find a cave and ordered some stuff, but it was foam and needed to be put together then got bored and took a nap then Rarity woke me up an-” Celestia held up a hoof. “Thank you Rainbow,” she turned to the other Pegasus. “Fluttershy?” “Oh, umm.” Fluttershy gently pawed at the floor with her hoof. “Well, I didn’t really want to be a villain, but Angel bunny heard Twilight talking about something she called democracy.” Queen Celestia’s ears perked up. “Democracy?” She asked with a raised eyebrow. “Oh yes, something about one pony one vote for the leader, it didn’t really make sense to me but Angel got really excited about it.” “One pony one vote…” Celestia stroked her chin with a hoof. “Seems inefficient.” Fluttershy opened her mouth to respond but was interrupted by the door opening, in trotted Twilight Sparkle followed reluctantly by a down trodden looking AppleBucker. Everypony was silent as the Applebucker stepped in front of her friends. “Umm, howdy.” She sheepishly rubbed one arm over the other as she continued. “I’m powerful sorry for all the trouble I caused as the Applebucker.” She looked to Rarity as wetness welled up in her eyes. “I’m ‘specially sorry for all the trouble I put ya through Rarity, I truly hope ya can find it in yer heart to forgive me.” The only sound in the room was muffled snickering. It was a touching apology, by all rights everypony in the room should have been tearing up and everypony knew it. But the Applebucker’s hat completely ruined the mood. Instead of her usual Stetson, upon her head sat a colorful beanie, with the propeller at the top spinning wildly. Queen Celestia managed to recover before anypony else. “So… Applejack, Twilight has told us you had some sort of tumor?” “Oh, errm, well…” Applejack kept rubbing her leg, if she could look anymore sheepish she would have to be sheered. “Wasn’t really a tumor.” She paused then reached behind her. “It was more this.” And pulled out a misshapen but still recognizable orange. Rarity leaned over to P. “Remind me to apologize to Applebloom, she really did go oranges.” P couldn’t contain herself and rolled around on the floor laughing followed by Rainbow Dash while everypony else did their best to ignored them. “An orange?” Stated the queen, as she sat with both hooves on the desk. “Bu… How?” “I’m afraid I have no idea, your highness.” 20 year ago. “Hey Bigmac, I betcha I can stick this orange seed further up mah nose than you.” Back to the present. Rarity managed to cover her giggling with a cough while Rainbow and P continued to roll around on the floor. “Applejack, may I call you that again?” She continued without waiting for a response since she knew the answer. “I accept your apology-“ it took all her strength and poise to keep from staring at the beanie that sat and buzzed on Applejack's head “but I’m afraid I have to ask…” she paused for a slight moment then continued. “Where in the world did you put your Stetson?” Applejack bit her lip and shuffled uncomfortably. “I guess yer wondering about this-“ she tapped her hoof against the hat and glanced back at P who was still rolling around laughing. “Accordin’ to uhhh P, it’s a medical beanie. It’ll help fix up the hole right quick an’ won’t even leave a scar.” Rarity blinked, Queen Celestia blinked, Twilight blinked, Rainbow and P kept laughing even harder, and Fluttershy looked awkward. Queen Celestia cleared her throat. “Applejack, I feel that I should make you aware that every hospital has a unicorn on staff who has the duty of healing any damage caused by a surgery. No such, ah, device is needed for such a task.” Applejack stood there in silence, the room seemed to quiet down, even the laughter seemed to silence. Mostly because it stopped. Rainbow Dash and P had both stood up and were watching her, with big stupid grins on their faces. Finally Applejack reached up and tore the beanie off of her head then reared up and smashed it against the floor. “DANG IT PINKIE!” She spun around and glared and the pink mare who still had a big grin on her face. “Why in tha’ world would ya tell me I needed to wear that stupid thing if I didn’t” She yelled while stomping towards P. P held her ground while still grinning. “Because you were a big meanie pants who kept FOALNAPPING ME!” Applejack’s eyes went wide and she stumbled back. “Oh mah gosh, yer right. I… I’m-“ suddenly her eyes bugged out “I’ve gotta go tell Appleboom how sorry I am.” She had barely finished her sentence before she barreled through her friends and out the door. Rainbow Dash flew after her. “Wait for me, Applejack, it’s so boring here.” P was the first to her hooves, she quickly helped Rarity up while Twilight recovered next to them. “Well, I’m glad that’s over” Said Rarity as she coiffed her mane. Queen Celestia nodded. “I am as well.” She tapped her chin with her hoof. “Although it still does not explain why almost all of your friends suddenly decided to become criminal masterminds at roughly the same time." She turned. "Twilight, you seemed to be the first to choose this course of action. Would you have any idea as to the cause?” “Oh, um, uhhh.” Twilight turned away bashfully. “You’re going to think this is silly, but I had a dream about you, well, kind of a lot of dreams actually.” Queen Celestia raised her eyebrow. “Dreams?” A light purple blush crept along Twilight’s cheeks. “Well, dreams about you being the-“ she dug her hoof against the floor “only pony for me.” She mumbled. Rarity stepped up next to her. “Twilight, darling, when exactly did you say you were having these dreams?” “I guess about 3 months ago.” Twilight gritted her teeth. “Ok, more like they started 2 months and 22 days ago.” But Rarity wasn’t really listening to her anymore, she was looking up and tapping her chin. “That is rather particular…” her voice trailed off before she looked at the Queen. “You’re majesty, I believe I was having somewhat similar dreams about Applejack around the same time. Naturally I ignored them as P and I are quite the item.” Celestia rolled her eyes. Fluttershy stepped up next to Rarity. “That’s odd. I think I was having dreams about Rainbow Dash around the same time, but I thought they wanted me to help her become a super villain. I never would have let Angel talk me into foalnapping anypony if I didn’t have those dreams. I don’t think.” “Wow, that’s so weird.” Pipped P. “Applejack was telling me she was having some kinda dreams about Rarity 2 months and 21 days ago also. Rarity turned to P with a shocked expression. “And you only think to mention this now?” P shrugged. Rarity made a strangled annoyed noise then turned to the Queen. “Well obviously the pony behind this is skilled in dream magic, we must… Um, you’re majesty?” Queen Celestia once again had her head laying on her desk covered by her front hooves. “Luna.” She groaned. After a long moment she raised her head and cried out. “LUNA! GET IN HERE!” A deafening silence filled the room, it echoed just long enough for Rarity to start feeling uncomfortable. Suddenly the floor shook, the walls shook, the ceiling shook. With each shake a boom sounded, each time getting closer. “Oh sweet fudging skies above.” Murmured Celestia just before the wall exploded. “SISTER, WE HEARD THINE CRY! WHAT VEXES THEE? HAS ANOTHER DANGER SPAWNED?” But Queen Celestia wasn’t listening, she was too busy looking at the wall that Luna had just smashed through. After a moment Luna let her wings drop from their war stance. “Umm, siste-“ “AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!” The cry of Celestia interrupted her. Before anypony could do anything, the Queen shot out of her chair, kicking it against the wall with a crash. She rushed to the new Luna shaped hole, tears streaming down her cheeks. “My favorite wall.” Her hoof stroked the sides of the hole lovingly. Everypony shuffled awkwardly as the sounds of gentle sobbing filled the room. Eventually Rarity built up the fortitude to approach the Queen and comfort her. Well, she would have but just before she was going to, Luna spoke. “Oh please, sister. Tis simply a wall.” She waved her hoof. “Why must you fawn over it so?” Celestia turned to her, tears flying off in an arc from the momentum of her action. “It wasn’t ‘just a wall.’ It was a perfect wall.” Luna rolled her eyes. “You woke us for a reason. If you insist on your dramatics then we shall retire till tis time to raise the moon.” Celestia reluctantly pulled herself away from her poor injured wall and marched back to her desk, glaring at Luna the whole time. “Well, before you so rudely crashed through my favorite wall. We had just been discussing dreams and a strange occurrence of my best agent and her friends seemingly dreaming of each other.” Celestia narrowed her eyes. “Might you be able to shed some light on this subject, sister.” Luna stood, stupefied for a moment before realization shot through her like a bolt from the blue and her face lit up in pride. “Ahhh, yes, the dreams, we did indeed provide them. As instructed by the book.” Rarity blinked, Celestia blinked, P blinked, everypony blinked. “The… book, you’re majesty?” Luna Turned to Rarity. “Yes, the one provided to us by the princess of Love.” Three months earlier. Luna sat on a fluffy pillow in the middle of her room. A book lay in the crook between her front legs. “I can see why Twilight and my sister would be a good match, but I do not see why the white one and the apple one would become smitten with each other.” She said out loud to herself before turning the page. "I recall the white one was rather fussy and the apple one liked dirt, hmm." “This makes even less sense, what in the world would cause the quiet one and the rainbow one to become smitten.” She held a hoof in the book where she was and looked at the cover again. There was a simple heart on the middle with golden lettering above which said ‘Cadence’s shipping journal: do not touch.’ For the second time in as many hours she wondered about the title, the term shipping had been new to her, although after reading a few pages it obviously meant romance and love. However, the ‘do not touch’ part heavily implied nopony should touch it aside from the writer. But the book had been so obviously left for her, sitting on the chair behind her bed, waiting for her when she had arrived at her room in the Crystal Empire. She turned back to the page she had been on. “Well, in these modern times, far be it from me to second guess the Princess of love. If she believes these ponies should be together then I suppose all I can do is to help her plan come to fruition. After all, why would she have left it for me to find?” Another three months earlier, in the Crystal Empire. A unicorn stallion galloped through the halls of the Crystal Palace in a panic. Far behind him, but closing rapidly was a pink alicorn. “SHINING ARMOR!” The alicorn screamed. “YOU GIVE ME BACK MY JOURNAL THIS INSTANT!” Shining Armor raced past a sculpture and with a quick flick of his magic, threw it into the path of his enraged wife. “No! It was bad enough when it was just her friends.” Without missing a beat he leapt over a crystal pony who had chosen the exact wrong time to finish cleaning one of the entirely too many guest rooms the palace had. “But pairing my SISTER with Celestia is just too much!” Behind him he heard the sound of his wife falling, to describe such a sound or why he knew what it sounded like could only slow the story down, so we shall ignore the quite frankly hilarious noise and focus more on the fact that Shining Amor quickly ducked into one of the guest rooms and when he emerged, he no longer had the book. He hadn't noticed how much more richly decorated the room was than the other guest rooms, or how the book rested just so on that chair. In fact, he wouldn't even remember which room it was. He had eventually been caught and after a long night which ended in passion, the book had been forgotten. At least till a royal visitor had visited a few days later.