Never wish on a falling star while drunk.
My friends are awesome. It had been a wonderful evening. Game night at Phil's house is always a blast, especially when he breaks out his homemade hard cider. I'd even summoned up the courage to break out my copy of Twilight Sparkles Secret Shipfic Folder. As the only Brony in the group, I'd expected some good natured ribbing, but they new not to judge. Well, Don may have been a bit judgy, but he knew better than to rib me too hard. Did I mention my friends are awesome?
What with the drinking, and the suggestive cards, things got a bit raucous. I almost never drink too much. It's been years since I've been throwing up drunk. That's my limit. I HATE throwing up. Even those few times when I went way overboard and didn't remember everything the next day, I still could vividly remember throwing up. It's like my hypothalamus has a wicked sense of humor.
Anyway, I was cutting through the park on the way home, when the first wave of nausea hit me. OH NO. Not going to throw up. NOPE. Not going to do it. I'm in control. Mind over matter.
The second wave of nausea convinced me otherwise. The world was spinning. I had the sickening thought of what all those Doritos would look like coming back up. The image didn't help matters. Maybe if I lie down. I staggered off the trail and around some bushes, totally missing the sudden slope until my foot stepped out into space.
I rolled to a stop and the bottom of the hill in a soft grassy spot, swallowing back the bile and former Doritos and gulping air until the rest of the world caught up with the fact that I'd stopped spinning. I just laid there a long time with my eyes closed and concentrated on breathing. When the ground seemed to swing underneath me, I just imagined I was in a hammock, rocking comfortably in a cool evening breeze. The night air was cool, but the ground was still radiating heat it had soaked up during the warm day.
After a few minutes, the danger seemed to have passed and I opened my eyes. I must have been in the darkest part of the park. The Stars! It was still nothing like what you could get in the country, but still... It had been a while since I'd seen that many stars. I lay there and thought about how awesome my friends were. Why yes, I would categorize myself as a happy drunk. Why do you ask?
So I was lying there, thinking that it wouldn't be a bad place to just spend the night. It would be embarrassing if someone found me, but that seemed unlikely. What great friends I have. They didn't even make fun of me when I'd pulled out that game. Well, OK. They made fun some, but only in that good-natured way friends do. I patted the lump in my jacket pocket. Yep, still there. I probably had the closest thing anyone could have to the kind of amazing friends you see on My Little Pony. Just that moment, a shooting star shot passed. I made a wish. That's really all I remember.
The sun was bright. I mean really really bright. It was like it entered my eyeballs and went straight through to the back of my skull, like a pair of daggers. Hangovers suck, and I was probably still on the falling edge of drunk.
I was in a grassy hollow surrounded by bushes. That probably explained why I hadn't been disturbed, even though there were obviously people nearby. I could hear kid's voices. Great. Nothing like a bunch of kids triping over the drunk guy sleeping rough. (Hey kids, don't mind me. I'm just some dude who makes poor life choices.) I laid still and listenned for a while.
"...so then Mac says to Granny, 'apples are great and all, I'd say they're my favorite, but sometimes you just have a hankering for peaches. You know what I mean?' and Granny get's all shocked lookin' which I don't get 'cause she made us a peach cobbler jus' t'other day. Then they both looked and me with that "what are you doing here" look. Even though I was sweeping the floor just like I do every morning. Then they told me to stop doin' my chores and come play with you guys. I mean I'm not complaining, but ..." It sounded like a young girls voice, with a high pitched twang that I suppose I would have found endeering if it wasn't penetrating my hungover skull.
"Grownups are weird," came another girl. The voice was of a similar pitch, but was much more melodic.
"You can say that again," came a third voice, more brash than either of the others.
I found myself hoping it would be the second one doing most of the talking when they saw me. And see me they must, because nature was calling. Being the creepy, possibly still a bit drunk guy in the bushes is one thing. Being the creepy possibly still a bit drunk guy in the bushes taking a wiz in the vacinity of some young girls in something else entirely. I needed to get out of there. I stood up, and time stood still.
The three froze as they saw me, enormoust eyes wide and almost complete white. I froze too. Just a few paces in front of me were three small horses. Ponies. A part of my brain refused to register it. I looked around for the people who'd been talking.
They were the first to break the silence. "AHHHHHH!" they all screamed at once and ran. Two ran right and one ran left, the reversed direction when she realized she was heading off alone.
"Wait!" I said, stumbing forward through be bush. At least I tried to say wait. It may have come out more like a growling gurgling noise as I realized I probably should have cleared my throat before trying to speak. I guess sleeping in the bushes can do that to you. As it was, I made it mostly out before my shoelace caught on a branch and I fell flat on my face in the exact spot where the ponies had been. The pony who had doubled back screamed again and used the space between my shoulder blades as a spring board in her retreat.
I laid there for a while with the wind knocked out of me, fighting back a new wave of nausea. Once that had subsided I was able to stand up and look around. It was still painfully bright, but at least I seemed to be alone. Probably for the best. I took the opportunity to find a particulary dense patch of bushes and releave myself. It was a good thing I did just then, because it would be my last chance for a while.
I could hear a rythmic thumping as I stepped out of the bushes then five horses crested a nearby hill. The one is the lead was purple with dark bangs plastered to her forehead by wind of her running. To either side and only a pace or two behind was a orange one, a white one, and pink one, and taking of the rear was a yellow one. Our of the corner of my eye I caught the movement of a blue streak in the sky converging on our location. That was when it finally clicked. Well, part of it clicked because I was thinking "I wonder what they're in such a hurry for?" It took another couple seconds to notice that they were headed straight for me.
"Twilight!" I held my hands out in front of me in the international (and hopefully interspecies) gesture of "I'm unarmed and please don't hurt me."
The five ponies came to a stop a few meters in front me, all four feet splayed out in a broad stance and heads down, like they were preparing for a charge. Whether it was supposed to be my charge or theirs, I couldn't tell. Rainbow came to a stop and hovered menacingly in the air above them.
"How did you know my name?" Twilight said angrily.
"Yeah Mr. Monster," Pinkie Pie exclaimed. "You've got some 'splaining to do."
"Look, I--" I took a step forward. Why did I do that? There was no reason to. It didn't help that I still hadn't tied my sneaker and was standing on the lace. My foot came up short and I tipped forward.
Whether it was to fend off the apparent attack, or to catch some poor schmuck who was falling I don't know, but suddenly I was envelloped in a purplish glow and I came up short before I hit the ground.
I tend to overanalyze things. I'd always wondered about the pony's levitaiton magic. Were they applying a force to the outside of the object just like you'd do with your hand? Or was it a force applied throughout the volume of the object? Did they get feedback about what they were touching? They obviously got some feedback about the weight because they seemed to struggle with heavy things. Where ponies squeamish about what they touched with magic? Like, would a pony say "Eww no" if asked to pick up a pile of poo with magic alone?
Unfortunately, it all happened so quickly I can't really give a conclusive and unambiguous answer. All I know is that while she may have negated my forward and downward momentum, she'd neglected the angular. I did a single mid-air summersalt before she stopped me, and that was all my poor stomach needed to assert it's dominance over my brain.
Don't ever throw up while enveloped in a magic field.
No really. Don't. Just don't. Do whatever you can to avoid it. That's all I'm saying on the matter.
"Ewwww!" I could hear Pinkie exclaiming. When my vision cleared, I could see Rarity dry heaving. Fluttershy had covered her face with her pink mane. Applejack at least looked concerned in a disgusted sort of way. "Better out than in, I suppose."
Rainbow Dash was no longer in the sky. It took me a few moments to locate her having some sort of fit on the ground. No. She was on her back laughing so hard she was gasping for air. Nice.
Twilight looked horrified. "Are you OK?" she asked.
"No" I sputtered .
"Well... ah..." She looked around. She was clearly distracted, and as soon as her attention was off me, it was apparently also off maintaining the stability of the magic and I was jerked around. It wasn't much, but it was enough to trigger another round of heaving.
"Sorry! Sorry!" Twilight yelled. "Here!"
I was suddenly traveling over the ground. Then in a few seconds, I was moving over the water of a nearby pond.
"Wait! What are you-"
Man that water was cold.
To be continued.