//------------------------------// // Chapter 8: Comforting // Story: Rough beginnings // by Never2muchpinkie //------------------------------// Clop… clop… clop… Derpy’s hooves echoed off the floor as she walked toward home. Though the environment around her was largely black and faded, her path and her house were brightly lit. She entered her house, calling out, “Mom! Dad!” Out of the other room came her mother and father. “There you are.” Derpy smiled. The two of them didn’t smile back. “What do you want?” asked her father. “What do I want?” she responded, confused. Her mother turned her head away. “Here to tell us more lies, are you?” “L-lies?” “Yes! Lies!” Her mother’s head snapped back, pointing an accusing hoof. “You hid the truth from us all this time. Didn’t you trust us? Did you think we couldn’t handle it?” Derpy shrank back, looking at the floor. “I… I’m sorry. I… it’s just… I…” “No excuses!” her father said sternly. “We thought you were doing so well. We would have done anything for you, but you hid everything from us. You’re disgusting.” Derpy shrank even more, quivering. “No! Please… don’t say that!” “If you had only been honest from the start we could have helped you. We could have done so much more! You’re a terrible daughter. It’s YOUR fault what happened to us!” Derpy winced, tears coming down her eyes. “Stop… p-please stop.” “What’s wrong?” asked her mother. “Can’t handle the truth? You don’t deserve to be a mother. Dinky would be better off without you!” Derpy began shivering. “No! That’s not true! Dinky loves me! She needs me!” “Until you get her killed too with your negligence.” “You’re incompetent!” said her father. “Liar!” “Traitor! “Liar… traitor!” The words echoed around her, growing overwhelming. Her breath grew short, and she felt like was going to suffocate. A rope appeared around her neck, and she found herself suspended over a table. “Go on, then! End all your troubles. It’s so easy, isn’t it?” “We hate you, you wretch of a child!” Derpy was bawling her eyes out, the pain spiraling out of control. Her eyes grew dim as she took a step toward the edge. As she began to fall a voice called out to her, small and panicked and worried. “Mamaaaa!” Derpy gasped as she woke up, her body covered in sweat, her breathing short. It was a dream… only a terrible dream. Dinky was still sleeping on her belly, letting out little breaths. Derpy put her legs around Dinky, carefully turning onto her side and slowly lowering Dinky onto the pillow. She waited a few seconds, but Dinky didn’t stir, her breathing still consistent. Sitting up she got to her hooves, looking around at all her sleeping friends. All of them surrounding her gave her comfort, but she still ached deep inside. She carefully tip-toed across the floor to avoid stepping on her friends, sitting on the couch. She leaned over, her head on her hooves, the weight of the news making her feel so heavy. She felt like she was going to break down. She needed some support, but she didn’t want to wake everyone up. “Derpy.” Her heart skipped a beat as she jumped. She saw a shadowy figure getting up from the armchair. As he approached she saw it was only Doctor Hooves. “Don’t scare me like that!” she whispered. “Sorry,” he replied, gesturing with his head. Derpy followed him to the guest room where they both sat on the bed. “What are you doing up?” she asked. “Well, after the scare you gave us we weren’t sure it was safe to just leave you be, so we agreed to take watches just in case.” For a moment Derpy felt irritation that they didn’t have enough faith in her to trust she wasn’t going to off herself. It quickly faded, her eyes swimming with tears as she buried her head in his chest and began sobbing. Doctor Hooves put his legs around her, letting her vent her feelings. “That’s right, Derpy. Just let it all out.” “I… I never t-t-thought it would be this h-hard!” “Life is hard. There’s no getting around it. That’s what friends are for, to share the weight of your burdens so they don’t seem so overwhelming.” He began to rub her back. She shook in his hooves. “I d-don’t know wh-wh-what to do now! I’m scared! I’m so lonely! I don’t have any other family! I don’t feel safe being alone! I don’t want Dinky t-to lose me!” She filled him in on the nightmare she had right before she completely lost herself in her emotions. He didn’t answer, simply letting her express her emotions until she began to come down off her high. Only then did he say, “Derpy, we’re all here for you. That’s why we all slept over tonight. That’s why we agreed to take watches through the night, just in case you got out of control or needed someone to talk to. You’re not alone!” Derpy looked up at him with teary eyes. “I… I wasn’t ready to be a mother. I never meant for things to go as far as they did. It just felt right what the two of us did. But when I got pregnant, after some panic, I knew I wanted to keep the baby. I knew I wanted to raise her and love her and care for her. Sometimes I wonder if I’m really cut out for it. “Dinky looks to me for strength, and I always put on a brave face for her, but sometimes it hurts so bad I can’t stand it.” “Of course it hurt. You were keeping a terrible secret, lying to hide the shame you felt. We thought everything was great between the two of you, but it had to come at the cost of knowing you were deceiving everyone close to you. “But what you heard was not your true parents. It was simply a reflection of your fears and nothing more. Your parents were lovely ponies. They would have gotten mad at the news you were keeping, but that’s only because they loved you enough to care about your well-being.” Derpy’s eyes clenched shut. “It did come at a great price. I had reached the end of my emotional rope. I wanted to tell my parents the truth tonight. Now I’ll never have the chance.” Doctor Hooves closed his eyes as well, holding her tighter. “You might not have got to tell your parents, but we all know what you went through now. We’re going to be there for you during this rough time, no matter how long it takes to get through.” In a childish voice she said, “I’m scared…” “Scared of what?” he asked. “I feel so broken… I don’t have any strength left. Everything I see and think of feels like a weapon. I know there are plenty of knives in the kitchen. I could go the bathroom and down all the medicine there. I could grab a pillow and smother myself. Even though I want to live for Dinky’s sake… I’m scared I’m going to make a big mistake.” He squeezed even tighter. “I won’t let you! You hear me?” he said strongly. “I won’t let you go. If you don’t have any strength to resist the urges going through you than I’ll lend you some of mine. Me and Shoeshine and Berry and Lyra and Bon Bon will all share our hearts with you, to help patch up that black hole inside you until you come to your senses.” She moved her head, looking up into his eyes. She lost herself in his kind gaze, feeling so grateful for his warmth and affection. Her eyes filled up with tears, and she began to sob again, holding on for dear life. Once more he just let her burn out her emotions before talking. “Derpy… it’s going to be okay. I promise that. Not today or tomorrow or maybe even this year, but eventually you’ll get your strength back and go back to being a great mother and a great mare.” “Do you… really think I’m that special?” “Of course. You’re amazing, taking on so much. But now it’s time for you to rest and let us take over.” Her head slumped a little as she began nuzzling him. “Thank you. T-thank you! Thank you!” Doctor Hooves felt so powerless. Derpy was spiraling off on another round of crying, and all he could do was hug her. He wished he could do more to alleviate her suffering, but he couldn’t bring the dead back to life. As she started to come down again he got an idea. “Well, I don’t claim to be an expert, but I hope I at least don’t make you wish you were deaf.” “Huh?” she muttered. “Wha-?” He lifted her up so she was sitting sideways on his lap, placing his hooves around her again. “How did it go?” In a lilting voice he began to sing as he bobbed back and forth. “Stars and moons and air balloons, fluffy clouds to the horizon…” Derpy rocked back and forth with him, closing her eyes as she focused all her attention on his voice. He got through the first verse fine, but couldn’t remember the words after that. “Well, how was it?” “Lovely,” she said, more relaxed in his grip. “Sing it again, would you?” “Of course,” he replied, smiling at the change in her tone. Derpy continued to bob throughout, joining in with him after the first line. She let out a contented sigh when they finished, once more nuzzling his chest. “My parents used to sing that lullaby to me every night. It was a sure-fire way of getting me to calm down when I was being fussy. They just had the most amazing voices. “When my mother suggested to me to try singing to Dinky to help her when she was fussy, there was only one thing that came to mind. A song about joy and happiness, being surrounded by such lovely, relaxing things… it was such a marvelous mental image that I couldn’t help but appreciate it.” She nuzzled him again. “Thank you for being here for me. It means a lot to me.” “Of course, Derpy. What are friends for?” Her smile began to fade. She maneuvered herself so she was facing him and grabbed him again. “Please hold me close. Please don’t let go. I need to know you’re here. I… I need to know that you’re not going to disappear too. Protect me! Please! Please! Please…” She put her head on his neck, softly crying. He complied, rubbing her back. “I’m not going anywhere, Derpy. That’s my promise to you. I’ll be here as long as you need me.” “T-thank you.” She sniffed, occasionally letting out a little sob or shake, or a sudden hard squeeze. He didn’t know how long he held onto her, her head on his neck, but eventually her body went limp as she fell back asleep. Although he wanted to let her sleep he knew that wouldn’t end well. “Wake up,” he said, gently shaking her. She resisted his call, moaning sleepily. “Come on, Derpy. You can’t go to sleep now. You know how Dinky gets. If she wakes up and you’re not there she’s going to freak out.” Derpy groaned again. She knew that, but she felt too weak to stand. “Can,” she said in a croaky voice, “can you bring her to me?” “I can’t leave you alone,” he said firmly. “I suppose the others will simply have to deal.” She didn’t have the strength to argue. She let herself drift back off to sleep. Doctor Hooves kept watch over her all night. He felt wide awake. Derpy was a dear friend. He wasn’t going to let her lose herself to despair. He wasn't going to let her end her life. He would protect her from herself, no matter what it took. That was for certain.