//------------------------------// // Day 1: All Aboard The Crazy Train // Story: Scootaloo's Chaotic Family // by Schrodinger's Pony //------------------------------// Princess Celestia tried everything she could think of to not free Discord. The law was final. She’d even wrote the law, thinking it would be a fantastic rehabilitation tool. She couldn’t get around the law. She tried to appeal to the fact that Discord wasn’t fit to be a parent, but the Adoption Society couldn’t prove that he was a bad parent since he’d never had a kid before, or to their knowledge done anything untowards towards kids. She tried to ask Scootaloo to tear up the adoption papers, appealing to that same logic. But then she learned of Scootaloo’s heart wrenching backstory. Apparently, she preferred Discord to the orphanage. She tried to get Scootaloo to choose somepony else, anypony else, even Celestia herself, but Scootaloo was set to have Discord as her parent. She tried to plead that Discord wasn’t really a criminal, just insane. But the old trial records from last millennia clearly indicated his crimes and that they were many. She argued that Discord wasn’t technically a pony, therefore the law did not apply to him. However, equestrian law states that anypony who was born a pony is a pony (a ruling that prevented murderers from claiming that because a pony was dead, they weren’t technically ponies any more, so it didn’t matter what they did to them). In the end, there was only one solution. The solution that Celestia, thanks to her preparedness, had thought up months ago involving two ponies. /\/\/\/\ \/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/ /\/\/\/\ Princess Cadence and I returned from our honeymoon in a state of bliss. Well, a muted sort of bliss that came with the knowledge that the Honeymoon was over. Not that it was a bad honeymoon... any day where you can save a kingdom from one of the blackest hearts in history and walk away from it is a good one... but staying awake for days on end to confront Sombra was... to put it mildly... not romantic. I made it a point to whisper sweet nothings into Cadence’s ears as our carriage rode through the land. She deserved it, after the week she'd had. She looked so tired... so frail and thin. I was doing an awful job of protecting her. But I would protect her, or my name isn't Shining Armor. “I wish we could have stayed in the Crystal Kingdom forever.” Cadence whispered, as I stroked her mane. She had that wonderful romantic smile, only slightly marred from the bags under her eyes. “It's so beautiful... and there's so much love among the ponies now that they've woken up..." "If you wanted to stay..." I began hurriedly... "Oh no Shiny." Cadence smiled that beautiful smile of hers. "You have your job. I wouldn't trade you for all of Equestria." She meant it. My heart soared because I knew that she meant it. "I'm sorry this hasn't been the most romantic honeymoon." I whispered. "It was romantic enough just being with you." Cadence said with a smile. "Just having you stand by me, awake with me, for four whole days... that was romantic enough." I smiled back, and kissed her. Starswirl's beard, we both needed it. "Still, when we get home you are going to rest." I said this completely seriously. After being trapped in the Changeling's mines, and the going four days without sleep with only me and some thousand year old coffee to sustain her, she could literally drop dead at any time (she hated coffee, but she needed it, and once the crystal ponies could remember how to brew a decent cup it was extraordinary). She tried to hide it, but we could read each other like a book; which is why I let her try it, since she knew I knew and it made her feel better. "And to help you with that R&R, I have a present for you." I took out a small box with a cute pink ribbon on it. She giggled, twirling her mane shyly in her forehoof. "What's in it?" She asked, still unused to accepting presents. “I was going to save this for when we get home.” Shining Armor whispered. “But I don’t think I can wait any longer to hear your delightful laugh.” He levitated the ribbon loose and opened it for her. She gasped in delight. “Oh… a crystal seashell…” “One of the bards gave it to me.” Shining Armor leaned in, and pecked her on the cheek. "It keeps bad dreams away, and if you listen to it at Twilight, you can hear the music of crystals." She blushed ferociously, and giggled like a schoolfilly. “Oh Shining Armor…” Whatever she was going to say next, it was interrupted by the coach stopping. “We’re here your majesties.” The Coachpony informed us. We sighed. “Well, it was fun while it lasted.” Shining Armor grinned. “Time to go back to work.” “You get to go back to work.” Cadence kissed me on the nose. “I have to laze around the castle waiting for your duties to be over.” "If you can find a way to rest Cadence..." I moved in and nuzzled her. "I'll find a way to make the rest worth your while." I opened the door for her, and we stepped out of the coach and to our future. /\/\/\/\ \/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/ /\/\/\/\ The lovebird's stagecoach stopped right in front of my statue. I watched the pair of them stumble out of the stagecoach, giggling far too maniacally to walk straight. I'd already met Shining Armor... the greatest stick-in-the-mud I've ever met. and Cadence... I immediately pegged her for a ditz. She was just oozing sweetness and adorability. They were surprised, once they found their bearings, to find Twilight and Princess Celestia waiting for them, as well as an orange coated Pegasus filly. You know which one I’m talking about. “Hi Twily.” Shining Armor beamed. “Your Majesty.” He bowed to the Princess. “Oh please Shining Armor.” Celestia waved his bow away. “No need to be so formal, especially now that we're family. You can call me Celestia, or literally anything other than your Majesty.” “Sorry Celestia.” Shining Armor said, not looking very sorry. Celestia smiled on them. “I hope you enjoyed your honeymoon you two, as much as you could. I wish I could give the pair of you a well deserved rest after the... recent incidents... but unfortunately, we have a situation here that requires your immediate attentions.” “Both of us?” Princess Cadence asked, with a smile so bright it almost blinded the sun princess. You'd have to be a pony to understand why she valued work so much. Or maybe she was just jealous she didn't have her own solar sphere under her power and wanted some chance at something important. ... Nah. That level of power-grabbery requires an amount of intelligence I could not detect in Cadence. “Yes both of you.” Princess Celestia said, presumably assured of her niece's gullibility. She gestured to the young filly. “This is Scootaloo. She has a rather unique problem…” “It’s not that big of a problem.” Scootaloo said, blushing like a peach. “Well, a unique situation.” Celestia amended. “It would seem, that during Discord’s last escape, he met young Scootaloo and adopted her.” The happy couple gasped. “Oh, you poor thing…” Princess Cadence said. “Don’t you worry, he won’t be able to hurt you any more.” Scootaloo gagged at Princess Cadence’s sentiments. “He never hurt me.” “It’s not what he’s done that is the issue, it’s what he will do. You remember the law for criminals who have children, don’t you Cadence?” Cadence gasped in shock. “No… you can’t be thinking…” “I have tried everything short of rewriting the law.” Princess Celestia said, frowning like Hearth’s Warming Eve got cancelled. “And saying ‘just this once, I refuse to follow the law I myself laid down’ would set a bad precedent.” “What’s going on?” Shining Armor asked, because he had only memorized the section of Equestria’s big book of laws that he needed to know as Captain of the Guards, mostly the ones involving who to arrest and who not to arrest. “What’s going on, is criminals who have children are allowed out for a period of two months, during which they can attempt to rehabilitate.” Twilight Sparkle said, in the tone of voice she used to describe something both fascinating and annoying. “Which means Princess Celestia is going to have to release Discord.” “What!?” Shining Armor yelled. “That’s insane! The last time he was out, he almost destroyed Equestria!” “That’s why I am putting two of my best ponies on the case.” Princess Celestia said, giving them both a knowing look. The pair exchanged glances. “How can we help?” Princess Cadence asked. “In order to ensure Discord does not wreak havoc again, I am putting every precaution I know of into place.” Princess Celestia informed them. “He will not have access to all of his magic; he can only use his magic to help Scootaloo. He will have a house on the edge of Everfree, close to Ponyville, and you two will live with him. Shining Armor… your special talent has always been protection. I charge you now, to protect my subjects from Discord.” “Of course.” Shining Armor bowed. “You don’t even have to ask.” “Princess Cadence.” Celestia turned to her pink niece. “You are not as strong as Luna or I, and you've had a rough month. But you are still a member of the royal family, and I know you'll live up to your task. You will, officially, be there as a representative of child services. If Discord proves himself to be an unfit parent, the deal is off, and Twilight will seal him back in stone with the Elements of Harmony. If he somehow regains his full powers and goes out of control, you and Shining Armor must be able to hold him off until Twilight can make it.” “I won’t let you down!” Despite the somber mood, Princess Cadence was almost bouncing with excitement. She’d never had any royal responsibilities before, and was quite looking forward to it. “I am so sorry to trouble you two with this after your honeymoon.” Princess Celestia apologized. Again. Yeesh, you'd think Cadence couldn't lick a salt cube without help given the way these ponies were coddling her. “It’s not the first time I’ve babysat.” Princess Cadence assured her auntie. “Although, it is the first time I’ve had to babysit a demonic statue.” “And I’m always ready to serve Celestia.” Shining Armor said proudly. “Especially if this way I can serve in Ponyville, and see Twilight more often.” Then the pink alicorn leaned in to the little Pegasus. “I am a bit confused though.” She said, as if being confused was something entirely foreign to her. “I would have thought, that to prevent you from going to Discord for a family, Auntie Celestia would have given you a family of your own, and parents who aren’t evil monsters bent on destroying the world. Have you considered that option?” Scootaloo gulped, and looked into Cadence’s eyes, to tell her a story. “When the changelings attacked… me and my friends got lost in the Canterlot hedge maze. We got separated. And I found Discord. He was a statue again… but his face was different. Instead of singing or whatever, it was screaming. A couple of changelings cornered me, and I told them not to come any closer, or he’d hurt them. I didn’t believe it myself, but then I called for him to help. At the last minute, a piano fell on their heads.” Scootaloo gulped back all the emotion in her words. “I don’t think I could think of any other pony I’d like more to be my dad. Even if he is as bad as other ponies say… and all my friends say is he turned them into birds… I want to give him a chance.” She finished her story with a weak smile, like she was trying to convince herself as well as cadence. … To tell you the truth, I actually had nothing to do with that. Some cross-eyed Pegasus happened to be crossing the battle’s airspace and dropped a piano at that moment. If I weren’t a statue, I would have been rolling on the grass laughing. But her story seemed to satisfy Cadence, who smiled at Celestia. “I think we should give him a chance.” She said with a clueless smile. Celestia let rip a withering sigh, and tried to accept the fact that now she had two mares who thought Discord could be redeemed. His nature was a constant state of change, therefore by his very nature he could not change to be a solid predictable state. Nevertheless, she would follow the law she set down, to whatever crazy ends it might take her. The five of them gathered in the courtyard, where they’d set up Discord’s statue. … Yes, I know I switch narrative persons. What, you want me to keep referring to myself as I? Not very original. What, you want me to keep referring to myself as discord then? I’m not the Great And Powerful Trixie! Well, admittedly, I am great and powerful. But I don’t do that third person stuff. Unless it suits me. Thank you for your scathing critique of my narrative style. May I continue? Thank you. Anyway, Discord’s statue was set up in the main courtyard. They figured it was best not to put everypony at risk, so it was only Celestia, the happy couple, Twilight Dorkle, and Scootaloo. Twilight and Celestia began to cast a spell they lifted from Starswirl the Bearded’s magical works, and began to cast the spell that would restrict my powers. Of course, thanks to the magic of Canterlot bureaucracy, I was able to retain my powers to help Scootaloo. I never did find out whether it was actual magic, or just Celestia’s little joke about bureaucracy being magic. After they were done, Cadence used her magic to shatter my stone prison. I was glad to be free. It was so boring just sitting there, mouth wide open for insects to fly in, staring at everypony who passed by. Unfortunately, the laws of physics said that Discord couldn’t fly on his tiny wings, and he was in no shape to argue with them. So, he just stretched out, yawned, and examined his foot. It was a magnificent foot; truly, any other pony would be lucky to have half the foot that he did. “And to what do I owe the pleasure of your company this fine morning?” Discord asked, proudly not letting on how upset he was. “Discord, it is with much regret that I have summoned you from your well deserved punishment.” Princess Celestia said, all high-and-mighty. “But don’t even think about using magic, because if you do…” “I’m sorry, I’ve already tried to use magic.” Discord said pleasantly. “Since your face is still making those talking sounds, I’ve already figured out you’ve blocked it somehow.” Then he noticed Scootaloo. “Helloooo, what’s this? The little filly whose friends were a bunch of flightless birds! How you doin’ kiddo?” “I’m fine, thanks to you.” Scootaloo giggled. For the past several weeks, everypony was telling her how much she’d regret her choices. But now she felt fantastic! Discord smiled despite himself. “So, what now celestia? If you’re going to punish me worse then turning me into stone, could you possibly turn the filly around? No need for her poor young mind to be influenced by your boring old punishments. Or could I give you some creative suggestions? I have a few ideas about how I want to go out.” “No Discord, she is not here to witness your demise.” Celestia glared at him. “She is here because you adopted her, and by law, you will be allowed to prove yourself worthy of her.” Discord blinked. “Are you pulling my leg?” He asked. Then he looked down, to where the tugging was coming from. “Oh no, I am.” He released his leg and hopped in front of the group. “You’re telling me, that you set me free, because you figured I’d rise to the occasion and be a good father?” Celestia glared. “No. I set you free, because you somehow managed to exploit a loophole in the Equestrian legal system.” “A total accident, I assure you.” Discord smiled. He turned his attention to the orange filly, and whispered in her ear. “What’s your take on all of this?” “I think the Princess is funny when she’s flummoxed, and you’d make a better dad then anypony thinks.” Scootaloo whispered back. Discord stroked his beard, then turned to the mighty god-queen. “So, you’re saying that my choices are reform or be turned back to stone?” “Yes.” Celestia said adamantly. “There is no other option for you.” Discord clapped his hands like a foal on hearth’s warming. “Challenge accepted. What are the rules?” He asked. “You only want rules so you can break them!” Celestia accused. She wasn’t entirely wrong. Discord motioned for her to continue. With a slight huff, she explained. “The rules are: You will have two months to prove you are an exemplary citizen. Your progress will be judged by Princess Cadence, and she and Shining Armor will make sure you don’t hurt anypony. If she deems you are an unfit parent, you will be turned to stone. If she deems you are a threat to the ponies around you, you will be turned to stone. If you break the rules, you will be turned to stone. You will only be permitted magic to help your daughter and only to help your daughter. Understood?” “Clear as peanut brittle.” Discord said with a grin. He hawked a loogy into his lion’s paw and held out his paw for Princess Celestia to shake. She eyed it with disdain, refusing his polite gesture. He shrugged, and held out his hand to Scootaloo, who spat in her own hoof and shook Discord’s paw. “The train for Ponyville will be leaving within the hour.” Celestia said, all but growling. “I will expect the five of you to be on it.” “Sure thing.” Discord waved her away, before picking his new daughter up. “So, you’re who I have to thank for saving me from being a boring pile of rocks the rest of my life?” He asked. “Yep.” She giggled. “I think that deserves some ice cream!” He produced a cone of rainbow sorbet from out of nowhere. With the shock that comes when one misses a punchline, Celestia reach up to her head, and realized that her mane was gone, and quickly being eaten by a hungry pagasus. “Discord!” “What?” He asked, with a debonair wink. “You said I could use my magic for my daughter. Or am I being a bad parent Ms. Cadence?” Cadence had to stifle a giggle, only managing not to laugh because her husband, who had sworn an oath of loyalty to Celestia, was glaring at the spirit of chaos. “I think I could chalk that up as being a bad example. But if you put Celestia’s mane back, I wouldn’t hold it against you.” Discord sighed. “Oh fine. Sorry Scootaloo, but the princesses say no ice cream.” He put Celestia’s mane back. She sighed with relief, only to go stiff again when she realized her mane still had bite marks in it. “That’s okay.” Scootaloo said, smiling like a kindergartner’s drawings. “I’m more hungry for pizza anyway.” “Don’t encourage him!” Twilight cried. That girl really needed to lighten up. With a mocking grin, Discord produce an upside-down pizza. “It’s not made from anypony’s mane, I swear.” He said, as it flashed like the lights in Las Pegasus. Which is what it was made of. Everypony except for Discord and Scootaloo face-hoofed. It was gonna be a long day, and only two of them were gonna take advantage of every minute of it. To his delight, Discord found Scootaloo to be a wonderful partner in crime. She would ride on his head, gripping his horns, and laughing at all of his jokes. She didn’t seem to by all that bothered by the ponies who would cross the street to avoid the pair of them, and he wasn’t at all bothered by the weight on his head. It felt good to stretch his legs again, and even if he couldn’t make the world less boring, he could still create his own tiny little maelstrom of anarchy around her. Of course, they didn’t always break the rules. In fact, when they reached the train, Twilight, Shining Armor, and Cadence all went inside of the train instead of on it like Celestia expected of them. Such rebels! Any hesitation Scootaloo may have had about Discord being her dad vanished when he decided that no daughter of his was going to go ride any boring old train, and made the train grow orange wings and fly through the night sky to Ponyville. The exciting train ride tired Scootaloo out. So the trains landed, and he used himself as a hammock for her. He wrapped his tail around Twilight’s horn, and held his other end up with his paw, swinging himself gently as Scootaloo snoozed gently on his stomach. This irritated Twilight to no end, but Princess Cadence was smiling like a Pinkie Pie, and she quickly shushed her so they could keep being adorable. The sugary sweet scene offered only the slightest of joys to Discord. His powers had been taken away… he’d been reduced to a mere foalsitter! Granted the foal was pretty cool, but this was still an insult he would not stand! Already his mind was taking the measure of his new guardians… looking for weak spots to exploit… Princess Cadence would be all too easy, but it would be fun trying to get past Shining Armor, he could already tell. Eventually they came to their new house. It was, as promised, right at the edge of Everfree. A Tudor style cottage, with a neat little chimney and rows of neat little rose bushes. There were probably a few rabbits hiding somewhere, ready to pop their cute widdle heads up at the first sign of a musical. The whole thing just smelled of sugar, and not the kind you put in chocolate, the artificial kind that people put in medicine and tofu to trick foals into taking the healthy stuff because it’s good for them. “It’s so adorable.” Princess Cadence sighed, predictably taken in by the boring cottage. “It’s a box.” Discord deadpanned. “I know Scootaloo and her parents have been living in boxes for years, but it seems rather boring, don’t you think?” “It’s a wonderful cottage.” Shining Armor said, putting a defensive hoof around his wife. “And you’re lucky to be living here now instead of the Canterlot gardens.” Discord sighed, dramatically. “Oh, I know.” He said. “I just thought that a box wouldn’t be a conductive place to raise a kid. Don’t you think so Scootaloo?” He lifted her head and made her nod, waking her up. “Huh, what?” She asked, blinking her eyes open. “Hey kid.” Discord gestured to the house. “We’re going to be living in a cake tonight, if that’s okay with you.” Discord, being the amazing father that he was, had snapped his fingers while she wasn’t looking and transformed that boring old cottage into a triple-layered cake chocolate/butterscotch/sardine cake. The lower levels were painted so they looked exactly like the Everfree forest behind it, giving the impression of the cake being inside the forest except for the door in front. The higher levels were painted in an image of a discarded world; a green sky, flying fish, a cloud raining clouds, and a pair of dragons in gaudy disco suits doing the tango. “Cool!” Scootaloo clapped her hooves with joy. Cool was by far preferable to ‘wonderful’. “Dibs on the top floor!” “Dibs on the oven!” Discord joined in the dibbing game. I find that ovens are quite comfortable, provided there’s a turkey inside to sleep on. “If only.” Twilight muttered. Doubtless she was entertaining some sort of fantasy where she switched the oven on in my sleep. Though, that’s probably the least weird of her fantasies. Which reminded me. “I seem to recall one of your friends has a sweet tooth.” Discord said. “Would you mind keeping her away from our new home tonight?” Twilight scoffed. “And how do you expect me to do that?” She asked. So discord coated her in chocolate, and stuck a caramel apple on her horn. “I’m sure you’ll figure something out.” He said with a wink. It was as if merely thinking about Pinkie Pie caused a chain reaction of the universe that summoned the party on hoofes to them. She leapt out of the bushes behind them, with a battle cry that went something like this: “PIIIIIINYAAAAATAAAAAA!!!” Twilight screamed and ran for the hills as her friend chased after her, eager to eat away Twilight’s candy coating. It was an interesting experiment. I helped my daughter by making her a cool house. Then I helped her by protecting the house against those who would otherwise eat it. Looks like I found an avenue of revenge towards the Elements of Harmony after all. Bite me Celestia. Chaos rules. Of course, Shining Armor didn’t see it that way. The mean old cranky pants picked the defenseless Discord up by the tail, until he was floating upside down, and they were eye level. “Don’t mess with my sister!” He said, in a voice vaguely reminiscent of Celestia the first time she turned me to stone. “I was only making sure my daughter didn’t wake up to find our house eaten!” Discord said innocently. “That was kind of mean though.” Scootaloo admonished him. “Only because you are unfamiliar in the ways of the heart.” Discord said, patting her on the head. “Trust me, when Twilight realizes that Pinkie Pie is her special somepony, she’ll be pouring chocolate on herself so Pinkie will come hither.” “How can they be special someponies if they’re both girls?” Scootaloo asked innocently. Discord grinned. “It’s like how apples usually fall on the ground, but sometimes they fall on pony’s heads.” He explained. “Oooooooh.” Scootaloo nodded. “I don’t get it.” Twilight ran past them again, still screaming. “PINKIE, GO AWAY!” She wailed. “But you’re covered in chocolate!” Pinkie Pie yelled after her, bouncing nonchalantly. “Or I could be wrong.” Discord admitted, shrugging to Shining Armor. It was an awfully big gesture, admitting to being wrong, but did big brother shiny accept it? Nooooooooo. “Cadence, I think he’s starting to be a threat to those around him.” Shining Armor said. Cadence shot Discord an apologetic look, and he sighed. “Look, I couldn’t take away her chocolate coating even if I tried. It wouldn’t benefit Scootaloo, so I can’t do it.” Scootaloo pondered this for a bit. “Maybe… you could find a way to make it important for Twilight not to be covered in chocolate?” Discord shrugged. Since he was still hanging upside down, the effect was beautifully weird. “Hey Twilight!” I yelled. “If I take away the chocolate, will you buy Scootaloo a…” He turned to Scootaloo. “What is it fillies want their parents to buy for them these days?” Scootaloo shrugged. “Yes!” Twilight yelled. “I’ll give her some books if you’ll get rid of this chocolate!” Discord complied, and snapped his fingers. The chocolate turned into alfalfa. Twilight and Pinkie Pie took in the unicorn’s new apparel. It certainly wasn’t a Rarity original, but I thought it was stylish. Until Pinkie Pie screwed up her face and went “Ew.” Twilight sighed. “Well, I suppose this is a slight improvement.” She said. And then the night behind her was lit up with a thousand devious eyes. The sound of thunder warned Twilight of their approach, and she turned and saw a swarm of voracious rabbits! “This is so much worse!!!” She screamed, like a little filly. She ran away again, this time followed by a hurricane of cotton tails and buck teeth. An idea struck Pinkie Pie, and she bounced after them. “Come back!” She called. “You still have a caramel apple on your horn!” Discord couldn’t help but snicker at the fleeing mare. His snickering was cut short by a glare from Shining Armor. “Oh relax.” He told the uptight stallion. “I honestly did not plan that. If she dies, she won’t be able to give Scootaloo any books.” He snapped his fingers again, and Twilight appeared in front of them, minus the alfalfa. She ran around in a small circle, before finally deeming herself to be free of any foreign substance that could be eaten by any ravenous creature, and sighing in relief. Then Pinkie Pie came out of nowhere and bit the apple off of her horn. “Scootaloo.” Princess Cadence asked. “You do know that what discord did was wrong, right?” Scootaloo nodded. “Yeah.” She said. “I mean, it was a funny prank, but it was wrong to prank Twilight. Rainbow Dash never pranks ponies who can’t take it.” Princess Cadence sighed with relief. “At least you aren’t being a bad example.” She told discord with a smile. A former evil tyrant that ponies fear the very name of, and she was just worried about whether I'd be a bad example or not? Shining Armor stared at her in disbelief. Then, he seemed to decide that if his wife was okay with this, he was sort of okay with this, so he let Discord down. Not nicely mind you, but it didn’t hurt that much. “It’s been a long day.” He said. “We should be getting to bed. There are beds inside of that cake, right?” Pinkie Pie looked around. “What cake?” She asked. “That cake.” Twilight pointed. Pinkie Pie squinted at the Everfree forest. “I don’t see a cake. Just a cake shaped patch of green sky, with a bunch of weird icing pictures floating on it. It’s like something Discord would do.” Then she noticed Discord standing there, and did a double take. “Oh wow! It’s you! Hey, hey, make it rain chocolate again!” Discord sniffed in disdain. “No.” He said. “An artist never paints a canvas the same way twice.” I may be an unpredictable psychopathic abomination of evil, but I have my standards. “That’s okay!” Pinkie smiled. “I figured out a way to make it rain chocolate for your welcome-back-to-Ponyville-please-try-not-to-be-evil-we’re-so-happy-Scootaloo-doesn’t-have-to-live-on-the-streets-anymore party!” Discord clapped his hands. “Yay! You’re invited to the I’m-back-baby-so-anypony-who-wants-in-on-the-crazy-train-better-have-tickets after party!” He glanced sidelong at the sparkle family. “Strictly no unicorns, alicorns, or goody-two-shoes allowed.” He explained. Pinkie Pie jumped for joy. “Oh! This is going to be so much fun! Excuse me, I have a party to plan! Actually, I have three parties to plan, since I have to plan Shining Armor and Princess Cadence’s welcome-to-Ponyville party first.” “Strictly no spirits of chaos allowed.” Twilight stuck her tongue out at Discord. Who, being much more mature then her, blew a raspberry at her. “Thanks for the caramel apple! Byebye!” Pinkie Pie zoomed off. “You should probably get going too.” Shining Armor told Twilight. “We can handle Discord.” Twilight wasn’t so sure, but she wished her family goodnight, and they went inside to explore their new house. It was a very nice two story house. Discord changed things as he went along, knowing that he would never have his daughter be in a boring house. Eventually, after Cadence insisted, Discord went to the third floor to tuck Scootaloo to bed. The pair of them stared at the bed for a while. “Do you know how to tuck a pony to bed?” Scootaloo asked. Discord shook his head. “No, do you?” Scootaloo shook her head. Discord snapped his fingers. “Well okay then!” He said. “It looks like we’re going to have to improvise!” For their first attempt, Scootaloo sat in the bed, and Discord folded it in half on top of her. Scootaloo thought it was cozy, but she couldn’t breath well, so they abandoned the idea despite Discord thinking breathing was boring. The next attempt ended up with Scootaloo bundled in a blanket cocoon and hanging off the ceiling. While this was much more comfortable then option one, she pointed out that she wasn’t actually in the bed, so this was probably the wrong way to be tucked in. Their third attempt ended up with Scootaloo covered in tree sap. She was decidedly not tucked in. After consulting Princess Cadence for help, she delightedly told Discord that all ‘tucking in’ meant, was kissing the foal on the forehead and turning out her lights so she wouldn’t have to walk back to her bed in the dark. She patted him on the arm and assured him that any new father would make that mistake, and that he was lucky he didn’t have to deal with diapers. After she was safely tucked away, Shining Armor reprimanded him for messing with Twilight and warned him not to do so again. Princess Cadence agreed with him, and added that if he felt the need to ship, he should consult with her first, as Pinkie Pie and Twilight would have undoubtedly had a very unhappy relationship had his scheme to get them together worked. As Discord curled up in the oven, he fell asleep to dreams of sweet revenge against them.