I held the envelope in my hands, wondering what’s inside it. For all I know, these pages could be blank and Cadence gave me this envelope to give me hope. Maybe the letters are telling me how much better their lives are without kids. Maybe my parents tell me how much they love me and my brother.
“I can’t,” I said to my therapist. “I can’t read these.” I threw the envelope on the coffee table between us.
“Why do you believe that?” Dr. Inkblot asked me.
“Because I need to keep the illusion that they wanted nothing to do with me. That the reason they never found me was because whatever Sombra offered was way better than being with me.”
“Golden,” she said, “You know it’s not healthy to live a lie. Especially one so ego-damaging. Why don’t you open the envelope and learn the truth?”
“It’s not about me. It’s about my wife. She thinks I’ll become obsessed with finding my parents and I’ll lose sight of my family.”
“You just said ‘I’ twice. If it’s not about you, you’re making it so. You need to be honest with yourself. So, open the envelope.”
“Can we talk a little more before I do it.”
“Of course. Have you had the nightmare recently?”
“Since I told my wife about it, they’ve been happening less and less often. At first, nothing really changed, but she was there to reassure me.”
“How has she been reassuring you?”
“First she clams me down and reminds me it was a dream. Then she promises me that she’s not going anywhere and she’ll haunt Vinyl if she tries to leave. Then she reminds me I’m a great dad and they would love me no matter what.”
“She sounds like a loving wife. Have the nightmares changed at all?”
“Not much. Sometimes Mystery refuses to take the box of her mom’s stuff, sometimes Skyla isn’t interested in my son. But there was this one time where it continued. Ebony would come back from boot camp and Mystery would come home to visit and I could feel Octavia there and I was happy.”
“What about your brother? You say he’s only there at the castle. He never comes to consol you?”
“Never.”
“You don’t find that odd? From what I can tell, you two are close, maybe closer than any other sibling I’ve seen.”
“I guess I’ve never thought of it. Maybe I think it’s because he’s too busy or he’s tired of hearing me go on about how much I missed my wife or maybe he’s spending time with his own wife.”
“Do you think there is another, deeper reason? From what you’ve told me, he isn’t the kind of person the abandon the type of pony to abandon his family.”
“I guess it would be because I’m jealous of him.”
“What are you jealous of?”
“He seems to be in complete control of his life and here I am because I’m not happy about some part of my life. While I was living in the lap of luxury, he was becoming a stronger pony and pushing himself. You know he’ll cover my shift if he thinks I’m not seeing my family enough. And what do I do for him? I haven’t even offered it once. Sure, I’ve covered his shift before so he can go to dinner with Star, but I’ve never offered it. What kind of brother am I?”
“So you believe your brother doesn’t morn with you as some sort of punishment for being a bad brother.”
“I’m not a great pony and he treats me like I’m the best father, husband, son, and brother in all of Equestria.”
“Do you believe he loves you any less because of your relationship.”
“I know his love for me will never change. We’ve been through so much together; nether one of us could ever stop loving the other. I just don’t think I disserve somepony like him as a family member.”
“What do you think you diserve?”
“Nothing I have. Everything was given to me by chance and I don’t think I should be this lucky. Princess Celestia found me because she just so happened to be in Ponyville that night. I was randomly put in the same class as Octavia and randomly assigned seats next to each other. I have my house because I happened to marry the right mare. Everything has been handed to me and I don’t think I appreciate it enough.”
“You know, for some pony who believes in destiny, you seem to be influenced by randomness. You said you feel as if your brother has control over his life. Do you believe you can have this same control?”
“Probably. I’m not saying my brother is dumb, but if he can figure it out then so can I.”
“Do you think he knows he has this control?”
“Does anyone really know when they have control?”
“You seem to.”
“No, I don’t think he knows he’s in control, which makes me even more jealous.”
“Golden, do you know how foal’s cognition develops?”
“I only know things from being a parent. I have no clue about the little things and the theories.”
“Take your twins, for example. Let’s say you ask Ebony if he has a sister when he was younger. he would tell you Mystery is his sister. However, if you ask Ebony if Mystery has a brother, he would probably say no.”
“Are you saying I don’t know how my brother thinks?”
“I’m saying maybe you’re too self-centered, like a child. A child thinks this way because they can’t even fathom the idea that other people have a similar life. Now, I’m not saying you have the mental capacity of a child, but you do need to start thinking about others.”
“I’m a royal guard. My entire job is thinking about other ponies and their safety. And whenever I’m not on the clock, I’m thinking about my children.”
“I didn’t mean you’re being selfish and putting your needs above everything else. I mean you should think about how others think and how they go through life. They are living just as complex lives and have similar thoughts and feelings.”
“I think I’m ready.” I said as I picked up the envelope.
“There’s no rush, Golden. This is for your good, so please do this at your own pace.”
“Can my wife be here when I open it?”
“Of course.” Doctor Inkblot pushed a button on an intercom and asked her assistant to send Octavia in. A few seconds later, Octavia walked into the room and took a seat next to me.
“How is he?” She asked.
“I think we’ve made a breakthrough. Golden was about to open the letter from his parents and he wanted you to be here for it.”
Octavia grabbed my hand and held it. I looked at her and she smiled back. It didn’t matter what was in this envelope because I knew Octavia, my kids, my brother, my friends, even my mom will be there.
I tore open the top of the envelope and removed its contents. To my surprise, it wasn’t one letter and it was written on folded journal pages. I unfolded the pages and read the first one to myself. It was written by my dad and a week since my brother and I escaped the Crystal Empire. He told me how much they missed me and Nightingale and how they’re going to do anything to get back to us. I smiled and read it aloud to everypony in the room.
The second, however, didn’t have the same tone. It was written two weeks later and I could almost feel the pain in my dad’s words. In order to survive, my parents had to take up jobs under Sombra. My dad still promised to escape and find us as soon as he could. I think my wife and therapist understood if I didn’t read that one out loud.
The third worried me. Apparently, my mom had been treated well by Sombra and she was starting to enjoy herself. She still cared about us, according to the letter, but my dad believed she was suffering from Stockholm Syndrome. They were still planning to escape, but I started to wonder why they haven’t found us yet.
The fourth one was devastating to read. My mom had apparently abandoned all thoughts of me and Nightingale. She was, as my dad put it, “cold and cruel”. My dad, however, was determined to make us a family again. I started to worry what happened to him and hopped that he escaped before Sombra was banished.
“What do they say?” Octavia asked, gripping my hand tighter. Her smile had faded and I realized my expression changed.
“They’re from my dad. Sombra made them work for him and my mom became complacent. She stopped caring about me and Nightingale. My dad tried to escape, but there’s nothing after his attempt.”
“I’m sorry about your mom,” Dr. Inkblot said. “How do you feel?”
“Better. I think this is some sort of closure.”
“How so?”
“I have a friend who was given up for adoption. He says he never wants to meet his birth parents because he doesn’t want to know the face of child abandonment. I feel kind of the same way. I don’t want to know the pony that cares more about her personal luxury over her children.”
“What about your father?” Octavia asked. “Are you going to look for him?” I could hear the concern in her voice. I remembered when I first got the letter and she was concerned that I would be obcessed with finding my birth parents.
“Don’t worry, Octy, I’m not going out of my way to find him. Everything I ever wanted is with out and I’m not ready to give that up. Besides, the spell could have sent him 100 years from now and I’m never going to meet him.”
“I think we’ve broken down your biggest wall today. Our time is up, and I hope this is out last appointment. The next time I see you, I hope it’s not as a patient.”
“Thank you for everything, Doctor,” I said as I stood up and shook her hand.
“Thank you very much,” Octavia said as she too shook the therapist’s hand.
The two of us walked home and I really did feel better. I’m not sure if it’s because I the mystery behind the letters or because I finally figured out the fate of my parents. I looked at Octavia and none of that mattered. I didn’t care if I ever saw my birth parents again because I have Octavia and our kids. There was one more thing I was curious about, however. I told Octavia what I wanted to do, and she said she was fine. We’re lucky Vinyl loves spending time with the kids.
I knocked on Nightingale’s apartment door, which Star answered. Usually, my brother would be sleeping or getting ready for his shift, but he’s on vacation. Somepony found out he hasn’t taken a real vacation in almost two years. He would take a few days off here and there, maybe a week, but that was to spend time with his fiancé.
“Night,” Star shouted back into the apartment, “you’re brother is here.” She gestured us to come in, which we did. The apartment was bigger than most, which Nightingale paid extra for. Right now, it was littered with things for their wedding, which brought me back to when Octavia and I were planning our wedding.
“Golden!” Nightingale said as he came into the room. He gave me a hug and kissed Octavia on the cheek. “How are the kids?”
“They’re doing fine,” Octavia said. “Silver is trying to take her first steps.”
“That’s great to hear. To what do we owe the visit?”
“I need to talk to you, Night,” I said.
“Why don’t you show me your dress, Star?” Octavia and Star left the room as Night and I took a seat across from each other in the living room.
“What’s up bro?”
“Did you open the letter Cadence gave us?”
“Golden,” he said with a chuckle, “we promised not tell each other anything about that.”
“I know we did, but I just opened mine and I need to know something about them. Look, if you don’t want to tell me it’s fine, but I just came from my therapist and I feel better after reading them.”
“Golden, you didn’t tell me you were in therapy. Why do you need therapy?”
“I’ve been having these nightmares where people abandon me and I felt like I needed to talk to someone about them. I would have told you, but you always worry about me and I didn’t want to add to that list.”
“You know me too well. I read them the second I got home all those years ago. I had to know if there were going to try and escape or if their fates were sealed. What was in yours?”
“Four letters from our dad.”
“Mine too. Seems like we got the same thing. How are you feeling?”
“Part of me is glad that our mom forgot about us. I don’t think seeing her would make me happy after everything Celestia did for me. The other part is hopeful that our dad will find us, but I don’t want to go looking for him.”
“I tried and didn’t find anything. I did find out what happened to mom, but I don’t know if you want to know.”
“I think I can handle it. I was almost beat to death by a group of changelings, so I think I’ll be fine.”
“If you say so. Sombra caught wind of Celestia and Luna coming to defeat him and he needed more power. He learned of a spell which would make him more powerful, but at a major cost. He had to absorb the life force of the ponies most loyal to him. If the letters were accurate, then our mom was one of those.”
“Maybe that’s how dad escaped. When all of the loyal subjects were gone, he probably ran for the barrier.”
“There’s still no way to tell when and where it sent him or if he made it at all. Look, I’ve tried to find him and I’m still trying. It consumed me at one point and it negatively affected my life. I don’t want the same thing happening to you.”
“I don’t think you have to worry about that,” I said with a grin. “I have something to keep me grounded.”
As if they were listening to our conversation, Octavia and Star came back into the room. I was expecting Star to be in her wedding dress, but I remembered it was bad luck for the groom to see the bride in her wedding dress before the ceremony. They invited me and my wife to stay, but he had to get home to care for our children.
Nothing spectacular happened that night. For a little while, I expected Vinyl’s coltfriend to propose that night, but nothing happened. At some point, I looked at my son and thought what would have happened if Octavia did leave me when she found out she was pregnant. Right now, Ebony is a kind, somewhat shy, little colt who’s willing to protect his sisters from anything. Would he have been a different pony if I wasn’t around? Would he wonder what happened to his father and spent some of his time looking for me? And what would have happened if he found me years later when he’s a grown stallion? Would it be too late for me and could we ever have a good relationship? Would he even try to find me?
Then I thought how lucky I was that I don’t have to answer these questions from the father’s perspective. My son is in front of me, playing with, his sister, parent, and godmother and I’m going nowhere.