"Mond Brücke fällt unten , unten fallen ; Mond Brücke fällt unten , meine Schöne freifrau!" Luna and I's drunken singing echoed through the ballroom. And as much as I was loving having a drinking buddy in Princess Luna, it was time to go home as evidenced by the tugging on my tunic sleeve. I looked over and saw Test looking at me before he pointed out the window at the clock tower. I looked out and saw that it was only a few minutes from midnight. Recently, I said my goodbyes to Princess Luna and stumbled my way out of the palace next to Test. We had made it about halfway home when I began leaning on him; both for stabilization and because I knew it would make him blush. "Test, I love you." I said as I put a hoof on his chest to stop him. He turned to look at me and I quickly wrapped my forelegs around the most handsome stallion in the world.
I slowly opened my eyes and immediately regretted it as the sunlight from the bedroom window hit my eyes. My head pounded like a drum set and I found that the bedding was completely askew. Well, the room didn't smell of sex and my ass wasn't sore so I hadn't gotten lucky. Damn. Carefully, I rolled out of bed and walked over to the door where the smell of coffee and pancakes emanated from the kitchen. I made my way down the hallway where Test Tube stood in a plaid robe as a pot of coffee sat brewing and a plate of fresh pancakes was set on the table. "Morning." I said as I sat down at the table. "I can't remember a lick of what happened after me and the Princess started drinking. Can you fill me in?" He set a cup of coffee down for me as he sat down across the table.
"Well, let's see. There was Luna daring you to dance without your prosthetic, which you did surprisingly well. Then there was you two singing Lunar Bridge in Germane, you having to lean on me to walk home, you asking me to marry you just before you puked on my back, you trying to get fresh after we got home, and-"
"Hold up, let's back up a bit. I did what?" I asked him as I set my coffee cup down.
"You sang Lunar Bridge with Princess Luna. It was actually pretty funny." He replied as he sipped his own coffee.
"No, after that. The 'proposing' thing." I told him to which he nodded.
"Yeah, you hugged me last night and while you did you asked me to marry you. Then you threw up on my back, passed out, I had to carry you home, and when I put you into bed you tried getting frisky." Test said casually as if it were an everyday occurrence.
“And?” I asked with a raised eyebrow as he sipped his coffee. “You’re just going to let that go? Like nothing?”
“You were drunk off your ass. What else do you expect me to do?” He asked me as he set his coffee down. “Besides, we’ve only been together for a little over two months. It’s a bit early to be thinking about that. Ask me again after we hit six or seven months.” I began to take a drink of my coffee when he spoke up again. “Oh yeah, I forgot to mention my sister is dropping off her kids today for us watch them.” Needless to say, I spit out my coffee.
I sat in my chair and looked over at the three young ponies who sat on our couch staring back at me. There were two colts, identical in every respect except for their cutie marks which, even then, were still very similar. Then there was the filly. She sat silently while hugging her teddy bear to her chest. She seemed to be trying to make herself look smaller while the two boys had their chests stuck out trying to look bigger. “How long are you here?” I asked them in a monotone voice, Test had said I couldn’t scare them after all.
“Two weeks.” The colt on the right answered. Oh sweet Celestia, it was going to be a long two weeks.
“And what’re your names?” If I was going to be stuck with the little snot covered brats, I might as well know their names.
“I’m Golden Shield.” The one colt replied.
“I’m Bronze Shield.” His brother replied. Clearly they were going to be Guards one day.
“I’m Lilac.” The filly said, her voice barely audible as she hid behind her teddy bear.
“Well, I hope you three don’t mind sharing a room because we’ve only got the one guest room.” I told them to which Golden Shield nodded his head.
“Uncle Test already told us that.” He replied. It seemed as though that kid was having a staring contest with me as we continued to look at each other. “So you’re a Royal Guard?”
“Yep.” I told him while still having the undeclared stare off.
“What do you do in the Guard?" Golden Shield asked me.
"I'm a bandleader." I told him, still using a monotone voice.
"Do you know the Princesses?" Bronze Shield asked me, leaning forward with curiosity.
“I do as a matter of fact.” I told them which got a “wow” from the colts and made Lilac somewhat come out from behind her teddy bear. “In fact, I would consider Princess Luna to be a friend of mine.”
“Can we meet her?”
“Hey, Luna, you home?” I called out as I cracked open the door to Luna’s chambers. Despite it being my day off, I figured that if I could bring the kids here then maybe they would be well behaved for me. I glanced up and raised an eyebrow as I saw Luna hanging from the rafters by her tail. She opened her eyes and looked down at me with a smile.
“Ah, Lieutenant, what a lovely surprise. To what do we owe the pleasure of your visit?” She inquired as she continued looking down at me from the ceiling.
“I have a few guests who’d like to meet you. Also, if I may ask, why in Tartarus are you hanging from the ceiling?”
“This is our usual form of meditation. It helps us to unwind from the stresses of the night court.” She replied in a matter-of-fact tone. “Now, who is it that you wish us to meet?” I pushed open the door to step inside and reveal the three kids standing behind me. Luna gasped as she spread her wings and glided over to the door. She scooped all three of them up into her forelegs to pull them into a hug. “They’re so cute!” Luna squeed as she squeezed the kids.
Golden Shield smiled as he nuzzled his head into Luna’s chest fluff. “So soft.” He said with a smile as he practically rubbed his head against the mixture of fur and down. Luna looked down at the colt and then back up at me.
“It appears this one rather likes us.” She said with a smile which got Golden to stop and begin blushing as he pulled his head away. Luna set the kids down and they quickly bowed to her. “Please, don’t bow to us. We are in our private chambers so we are just another pony like you or Mister Rhythm.” The kids quickly got up after hearing this and we followed Luna over to a couple couches that sat in front of a window. “Please, have a seat.” We sat down on the couches and looked out at the spectacular view of Canterlot. “So have you and Test decided to adopt?” Luna asked which made me almost burst out laughing.
“No, no; these are Test’s niece and nephews.” I told her with a smile. “This is Golden Shield, Bronze Shield, and Lilac.” I said while pointing a hoof to each kid as I listed off their names. “They’re staying with us for a couple weeks while their mom is in Applewood on business.”
“What does your mother do?” Luna asked while turning her attention back to the kids.
“She works with singers.” Lilac said with a smile.
“Really? We rather like this new music. Far different than when we were banished.” The Princess said with a smile. “What kind of music do you like?”
“I like ballet music!” The little filly replied excitedly before Luna turned her attention to Golden.
“I like rock.” He told her with a huge smile. Man, that kid really liked Luna didn’t he? It was then that Luna turned her attention to Bronze who was shifting uncomfortably.
“I like love songs.” Bronze said in a quiet and squeaky voice that sounded as if he was about to cry of embarrassment. Luna let out an ‘aww’ and scooped up Bronze into a hug which took him by surprise. He sniffled a little as Luna squeezed him.
“There’s no reason to be embarrassed little one. It’s alright for you to like love songs. In fact, we ourselves are fond of them.” This seemed to get his attention as he looked up at her.
“Really? It’s alright for me to like them?” Bronze asked her, his eyes watching her for even the slightest hint of a lie.
“Of course. In today’s society, a pony can enjoy whatever they like as long as it doesn’t do harm to somepony.” He nodded in understanding as Luna turned her attention to all three of them rather than just him. “Now, let’s have some fun!”
The kids all jumped and talked excitedly as we walked through the front door of the house. We’d spent most of the day at the palace, much to the enjoyment of the kids, but it clearly took a strain on Test based on how he looked when we walked in. “Where have you four been? I’ve been worried sick!” We all stopped and lowered our heads like scolded dogs as he trotted over in front of us. “Not even a note saying where you’d gone.”
“Sorry, Uncle Test. We were at the palace with Princess Luna.” Bronze replied which made Test stop and raise his eyebrows in surprise.
“Oh. Well…leave a note or something next time.” He said before turning around for the kitchen. “We’re having fettuccine for dinner. Is that alright?”
“Yeah.” The kids and I all replied in unison as we went into the open hallway between the kitchen and the living room. After spending a day with them, the kids weren’t all bad. Before they’d arrived, I’d expected them to still be at the age where they’re shitting all over themselves. But, they were actually pretty good. The boys were at the age where they were starting to lose their baby teeth which proved great for Luna and I. We’d managed to show them how to stick a straw in the gaps and get spot on spitball accuracy. Although that would likely come back to bite me in the ass as most of our targets had been my fellow Guards. We’d also had some fun at the expense of Celestia which thankfully Luna claimed responsibility for. “Alright kids, go get washed up for dinner. I need to talk to your uncle.” I told them and they obeyed without protest. Slowly, I made my way into the kitchen where Test was standing by the stove, still in his suit for work. “What’s wrong, sweetie?”
“So you know how I got that job at the university?” He asked, turning his head to look at me. I nodded that I did and he sighed before continuing. “Well I was in the science lab and some things happened. It’s nothing really, I’m sure it was just an accident.”
“What happened?” I asked, my voice becoming cold at the many ideas running through my head.
“You know how I’ve mentioned the other lab assistant and how he hasn’t exactly been friendly towards me because I’m gay?”
“I knew he was a prick but I didn’t know it was because you’re gay.” I said as he levitated over some pasta noodles and put them into a pot of boiling water.
“Yeah. Anyways, we were in the lab today, and I’m sure it was just an accident, but he spilled some acid and it got on me.” He replied while using his magic to lift up his shirt and jacket on his left side to reveal a bandage that covered up a hairless and burned spot. My blood ran cold at the sight. This act could not go unpunished.
I topped off my glass of brandy as the sound of a fire crackled behind me, the view of the midnight sky out the window a relaxing sight. Then, mixed in with the popping of flames, was the groan of a pony waking up. “I do hope you’ve had a good rest, Mister Beaker.” I said with a wicked smile as I turned around to see a blue stallion tied to a chair with a rag stuffed in his mouth. Honestly, how did he expect ponies to not get in his house with such an appallingly simple security system? His brown eyes watched me closely as I set my glass down on the coffee table. “I understand you have an issue with homosexuals?” I questioned to which he nodded his head. “I’m also assuming that the acid that you ‘accidentally’ spilled on my coltfriend wasn’t actually an accident?” He remained motionless and stared at me, his eyes appearing cold and emotionless. “Just as I thought. Well I’m here to tell you that your action can’t go unpunished; and I’m here to deliver that punishment myself.” On the coffee table set a record player with a 78 record on it. “I hope you don’t mind if I play some music. I find it really helps me focus.” I set the needle on the record and the soundtrack straight from a nightmare filled the room.
“Now, you burned my coltfirend,” Trotting over to the fireplace, I used a long pair of grabbers to pull out a roofing nail that glowed cherry red “so I’m going to burn you.” It was then that his eyes widened and he began struggling to escape his restraints. An evil smile returned to my face as I held the grippers with one hoof and grabbed a nearby hammer with the other. The nail was placed up near the frog of his left forehoof and I raised the hammer up. Bringing it down, I drove the nail forward and straight into his hoof, earning a muffled scream of agony from the stallion. Tears were streaming down his cheeks as he watched me back up and set the hammer aside. I went back to the fireplace only to pull out another nail that glowed red. “You burn others, and life will burn you back. Have you ever heard of karma, Mister Beaker?” I turned around so that he could see the red hot nail. “I rather like the idea. Though, I like to take it just one step farther.” My left hoof held the grippers as my right hoof picked up the hammer again. This nail was for his right forehoof now. He seemed to realize this and attempted to pull his hoof out of its restraint but it was all in vain. Another muffled scream of anguish came from him as I drove the nail home.
I sat in my chair reading the afternoon paper when the front door opened up. I leaned to the right in my seat to see Test removing his suit jacket and setting it on the rack by the door. The kids, who were playing on the floor, smiled and said high to Test. “You’ll never guess what happened. I guess Beaker called in his resignation today. No explanation or anything. He just said that he’s resigning and then hung up.” Test said as he stood by the couch.
“That is rather odd. Wonder what could’ve driven him to do that?” I said aloud, calm on the outside but smirking inwardly.
“Who knows but that means I’m now the only lab assistant so I got a pay raise.” He told me with a smile as he removed his tie and dress shirt. “So in honor of this, we’re going out for dinner.” This got a cheer from the kids and a smirk from me.
“Sounds like a lovely idea”