//------------------------------// // 7 – Confessions // Story: In Pieces // by Krickis //------------------------------// Chapter Seven Confessions ⠀ ⠀ ‘I love you, too.’ Amber had no idea where that had come from, but she had said it. When she woke up, Luna was still surrounding her. They remained together for the rest of the day, and neither of them spoke about what they had said to one another. Aside from sleeping next to each other, they didn’t do anything that could have been misconstrued as more than friendship, but Amber felt like a wall had disappeared from between them. But the day came to an end, as they always do. Although she would hopefully stop using it as an excuse to avoid Amber, the truth remained that Luna did have a rather important job to do. She made it clear that if Amber was still around when she finished that they would continue spending time together, but she was expected back in Fillydelphia. The carriage Luna had arranged for her landed near the train station, shaking Amber from her thoughts. “Is there anywhere specific you would like us to bring you?” Nocturn asked as she stepped off. “No, this is good,” she said, smiling appreciatively. “Thanks a bunch, guys.” Nocturn just bowed his head, but Echo smiled at her. As far as Amber could tell, Nocturn had traded in his personality when he took on the job as a member of the Lunar Guard, but she had occasionally witnessed Echo break character. “It was nice to see you again, Amber Glow. We hope you’ll come visit the princess more often.” Amber grinned. “Hey, if you two wanna hang out sometime, you can just say so. And just call me Amber.” Echo turned to face forward again. “Farewell, Amber Glow.” Without waiting for her to return the goodbye, the two guards flew off with the empty carriage. Although they were turned away from her, Amber still waved. She turned to walk towards Fox Glove’s school. It was a few hours before her family expected her to return home, which was part of her plan. Although it had been nerve-wracking to fly rather than take the train, letting somepony else handle the actual flying proved far easier than doing so herself, and the much more direct route had shortened the travel time enough that she would have the chance for some one-on-one time with Fox Glove before meeting her entire family for dinner. With any luck, this would serve as the highlight of an otherwise miserable day. Sleeping the previous day away with Luna had been better than she could have imagined, but it had seriously messed with both her perception of time and left her more exhausted than she really should have been. Add in less than a full night’s sleep before her pre-dawn departure and not being able to see Luna one last time before leaving, and it hadn’t been an exceptionally good start. Then there was dinner to dread… She honestly was looking forward to seeing her parents again, but of course they weren’t who she worried about. But before all of that, she had the chance to spend some time with her favorite pony. She stood outside his school, striking up conversation with others who were also waiting for their children or siblings to get out. The casual conversation kept her occupied, and it wasn’t long at all before kids began filing out. “Fox Glove!” she called as he came out, sparing him from being called Foxy in front of his friends. He looked puzzled when he noticed her, but told his friends that he’d catch up with them later and ran to meet her. “What are you doing here?” “Taking you out for ice cream. Come on.” She turned to go and he followed. Along the way she asked about school, and kept the topic off of what she’d been up to and why she was early. Although he had to be curious, Fox Glove played along until they were actually sitting down. “So how’d everything go?” he asked as he started eating his sundae. “The wedding was really nice,” she said. Best to get that out of the way, since she knew that was the main thing on his mind. “Luna surprised everyone by giving Sunset a crown. She’s been calling her Princess Sunset, and says she plans on keeping it up.” Fox Glove grinned. “That’s amazing! So she is a princess after all?” Amber sighed. “Well, Princess Celestia hasn’t acknowledged it, and I heard her say ‘Captain Shimmer’ afterwards. I think we’ll have to see what ponies make of it.” All trace of Fox Glove's grin was gone. “Yeah, ‘cause that’ll go over great. Why doesn’t Princess Celestia just say it’s official? Nopony will go along with it if it’s just Princess Luna.” “I don’t know,” Amber said. She could tell Princess Celestia’s feelings on the matter were complicated, and she was definitely not in a place to try and explain them. She knew he had a point though; Luna’s word didn’t count for quite as much as her sister’s. Still, that didn’t mean it was worthless. “But I wouldn’t say nopony will go along with it. We will.” That made him smile a little. “I guess.” As Fox Glove contented himself with his ice cream, Amber wondered how to best bring up what she really wanted to talk about. That was silly though; the best way was just to tell him. “So anyway, the main reason I wanted to talk is… well, first off I probably don’t even need to tell you this, but don’t tell Mom and Dad.” “Deal,” he answered immediately. She almost could have felt worried about how readily he agreed to hide things from his parents, but that would have made her a hypocrite. Amber took one more deep breath and fixed her face into a confident grin. “I’m a lesbian.” “Uh huh,” he said skeptically, then took another bite of ice cream. “Really, what’s up?” “I like mares?” she tried. “Ha ha,” he said mockingly. “You went to a gay wedding and it turned you gay.” “Hey, I was gay long before they were doing it. I get like, obnoxious gay hipster status.” “Well, maybe the obnoxious part.” Amber sighed. Admittedly, the timing of this reveal could have been better. “Do you remember Summer Song?” “Yeah. She was like, your best friend back before you started travelling.” “Not quite, although I have blurred that line a lot. She was actually my marefriend.” Fox Glove smirked. “Your marefriend? You know she’s married to a stallion now, right? They have a kid together and everything.” “Okay, when the buck did she have a kid?” Amber shook her head. Not important right now. “Never mind. I said was, as in she isn’t anymore. She said it was just a phase and broke up with me. That was when I started travelling. You didn’t think it was weird that we were living together?” “Lots of ponies have roommates,” he countered. She leaned back in her seat and folded her forelegs. “Foxy, look… I’m being serious here. I’m gay. I left home so I wouldn’t have to worry about Mom and Dad’s opinions while I explored Equestria and figured out myself. And because I didn’t want to keep living with my ex-marefriend, but you know. Lots of reasons.” He looked at her for a minute without saying anything, then just returned to his ice cream. “Okay.” “Okay?” He shrugged. “Yeah, I mean… It’s not really that surprising, now that I think about it.” Amber had admittedly expected a pretty welcoming reaction, but she hadn’t expected ‘okay’. “Shouldn’t you, like, congratulate me or something?” Fox Glove rolled his eyes. “You’re an inspiration to us all. So wait, what about Caramel?” Amber frowned. “He’s… a decoy, basically. I grew out my mane, started wearing makeup, and even dated a stallion so I could sell the straight image.” “You know, that was an incredibly stupid sentence, but right now I just have to say holy shit, three years?” Fox Glove winced and gestured towards her. “Bitch move.” “I know.” Amber closed her eyes and held her face in her hooves. “I’m seriously the worst.” Fox Glove slid his ice cream across the table, then stood up and walked to the other side himself. He sat down, pushing Amber aside so he could sit next to her. “You’ve gotta tell him.” Amber wrapped a wing around Fox Glove as he pulled his sundae close enough to resume eating it. She absentmindedly pulled him closer. “No, I’ve gotta break up with him. Last thing I need is for word to get back to Mom and Dad. That’s why I waited so long to tell you, even though I knew you wouldn’t care. I also had to make sure you could keep it secret.” “Why are you so worried about that? I mean, yeah, I get that they’ll be pissed, but it’s not like they’re not gonna kick y–” He let his spoon fall into the ice cream bowl, causing it to clatter loudly, and instead wrapped his forelegs around Amber. She leaned her head against his. “I see you figured it out. Yeah, me and Summer Song came out to them when we were teenagers. That’s why I moved in with her.” “But that’s…” Fox Glove pulled away and shook his head. “That’s bucked up!” “Yeah, it is.” Amber shrugged. That was seven years ago, and she’d long since come to terms with it. “So anyway, that’s why you can’t let them know.” Clearly, Fox Glove wasn’t over it. “But why?” “Uh, because I don’t want to get kicked out again?” Amber replied questioningly. “I thought that part was kinda obvious.” Fox Glove shook his head. “No, why did you move back in the first place? You gave up your job and your chance at being happy with somepony to live somewhere that you have to date a stallion just to keep your cover? What sense does that make?” Amber smirked and ruffled his mane. “Yeah, what could possibly make it worth it to put up with all that?” Fox Glove frowned. “Me? You gave up all that for me?” “You know, what’s funny is that I’ve said that like a bunch of times,” Amber said. She had learned from Luna how easy and fun it was to deceive ponies by telling them the truth. Fox Glove didn’t seem to find it funny. “That’s not okay. I don’t want you to give up being happy for me.” Amber took a deep breath and smiled. While she enjoyed their playfulness, it seemed that the only way she was going to get it through to him was to lay on the sap. “Foxy… there’s a lot more to life than romance, and happiness can be complicated. While I was gone, I… I missed you. I missed four years of your life, while I was off having fun. And yeah, it was a good experience. I learned a lot, I met some of the most amazing ponies I’ll ever know, but you know… I still missed watching you grow up.” At least he didn’t try and wriggle away from the sentimentality. “Amber, that’s…” He looked down at the table for a moment before staring back at her angrily. “That’s so dumb!” “Well, geez, remind me not to tell you how much I care again.” “Do Mom and Dad know where I am right now?” Amber cocked her head to the side. “I guess not, but what’s –” “Yeah, because I’m thirteen.” He waited a moment, but continued when he saw she clearly didn’t get it. “Which means I can go places on my own without having to check in with them all the time. We can still hang out, and if they’re not okay with that, then we just won’t tell them.” Amber folded her forelegs and scowled. “See, now that’s exactly the problem. You are not going to be like me when I was your age. So help me, I’m going to make sure you don’t go around breaking rules just so you can rebel against Mom and Dad.” Fox Glove matched her sour demeanor. “Yeah, or maybe I’ve already learned enough from you to know the difference between breaking a rule ‘just because’ and breaking a rule that shouldn’t have been a rule in the first place!” “Sweet Celestia, when did I become such a bad influence?” Amber asked as she stared up into the ceiling. “Sometime right around never,” Fox Glove replied. “Oh no, I learned that it’s okay for ponies to be gay. The horror of it all!” “Ugh!” Amber let her face fall to the table and covered her head with her hooves. Fox Glove was growing into a teenager, and it was all her fault. He leaned against her, and when he spoke again he dropped the know-it-all tone. “Amber… I don’t know what you think I’m gonna do if you’re not around every single day of my life, but I’ll be okay. You don’t have to choose between being my sister and having a marefriend. Even if Mom and Dad don’t like it, we’ll find ways to see each other. We’re not gonna drift apart again.” Although she lifted her head, Amber still let out a sigh. She wrapped her forelegs around Fox Glove and hugged him tightly. “When did you get so sappy?” They sat together for a moment before Fox Glove started laughing. Soon Amber joined in; the situation was so distant from their normal behavior that she couldn’t help it. By the time they let go of each other, Fox Glove’s sundae had melted. It didn’t stop him from drinking the rest. As he set it down and insufficiently wiped his muzzle, he grinned at Amber. “Okay, I have an idea.” “Uh oh.” Amber smirked. This could only go really well or really bad. “You said you grew your mane out when you decided to move back right?” “Yeah.” “Well, let’s go get it cut.” Amber just stared at him. “Look, I never said I was gonna come out to Mom and Dad again.” Fox Glove mocked an enlightened expression. “Oh, okay. See, I didn’t realize that gay mares have short manes and straight mares have long manes.” He winced. “Have, uh, have you ever told Princess Fluttershy?” Amber shoved him out of the seat. “Yeah yeah, believe me, I know what you mean. But it’s about what Mom and Dad think.” “Come on!” he whined. “You’ve been complaining about your mane for the whole time you’ve been back in Filly. You can tell them it’s coming in style or something, that all the mares are wearing shorter manes in other cities.” It was a dumb excuse. They’d never buy it, and Amber knew that. But she also really hated her mane. “You know what?” Amber grinned as she followed him out the door. “Let’s do it!” As they walked out the door, Fox Glove grinned at her. “So does this mean you’ll be twice as good at helping me get a marefriend someday?” While she could argue that being a lesbian didn’t make her any better at knowing what mares wanted in a relationship, that thought barely crossed her mind as a much more important one took hold. “Oh my gosh, do you have a crush on somepony? Who is she? Do I know her?” “No,” Fox Glove said quickly as he blushed and looked away. “I just meant, you know… hypothetically.” “Aww, you do! Come on, tell me!” “No.” “Please?” “It’s stupid.” Amber wasn’t giving up that easily. “Okay, okay, how about this? Is she somepony you know, or are we talking like celebrity crush?” “She’s…” Fox Glove’s ears folded down. “She’s pretty famous.” “Hmm, okay. So is it somepony your age?” “Older…” Amber smiled, thinking of the guessing game they often played. “Have I met her?” “Yeah.” Fox Glove was starting to sound nervous. She was going to guess Coloratura; half of Equestria was smitten with her, after all. But then something occurred to her. “Is she a princess?” His silence spoke plenty. “It’s Cadance, isn’t it?” They had gotten along well when they met at Twilight and Fluttershy’s wedding. “What? No.” Fox Glove sounded surprised at the thought. “She’s like… a mom.” Amber snorted. She had almost forgotten that she was talking with a teenager. “Okay okay. Well, it’s obviously not Flurry Heart either, so that leaves five. I’m gonna guess it’s not Princess Celestia.” “Definitely not.” Fox Glove didn’t seem too happy that the list was growing shorter. “So then who…” Twilight, Fluttershy, Sunset, and… “Is it Luna?” He turned away. Amber stopped walking so she could better grab him in a hug. “Oh my gosh, it’s Luna! Wait until she hears about this, oh my gosh!” “Amber!” Fox Glove pushed away and frowned. “Don’t tell her that!” “Aww, why not? She’ll think it’s cute!” “It’s embarrassing!” Amber rolled her eyes and pulled him back into a sideways hug. “I won’t tell her. But you know, you really should find somepony else to dote on.” Fox Glove kept his eyes forward as they walked. “Yeah, yeah, somepony my own age and all that.” “Oh, well, that too. But I guess at least you picked one of the only ponies who won’t care about the huge age gap if you wait around long enough. But anyway, I was just saying ‘cause I’m not sharing.” Fox Glove finally seemed to forgive her teasing. He laughed and grinned at her. “What, you have a crush on her too?” “Something like that.” Amber didn’t elaborate, and Fox Glove didn’t press for more. Apparently he was significantly less embarrassed when armed with the knowledge that they both liked the same mare; Amber couldn’t wait to see his face whenever she did decide to tell him about their history. A bell chimed as they walked into the barbershop. “Well hello there, you two,” the barber said. He was a grey unicorn, and seemed to have a jovial nature. “Who’s getting a trim today?” “I am,” Amber said as she approached the chair. “Alright, what can I do for you?” She took a few seconds to look in the mirror. As always, she didn’t like what she saw. She closed her eyes and imagined the way her reflection had been years ago, when she had been at least indifferent to it. “Just… short. Like, you know, a stallion.” “Uh, you sure? Seems like a real shame.” Amber opened her eyes, looked into the reflection she hated, and smiled. “Yeah, I’m sure.” At several times, the barber hesitated. Every time he did, Amber just grinned and said, “Shorter.” A few times he seemed like he might even refuse, likely thinking she’d just complain later, but in the end he complied. Her mane had fallen in waves to her shoulders when they had begun. Now the ends curled around her ears. “I love it,” she said. Fox Glove clapped and the barber seemed baffled, but he shrugged it off. They shortened her tail to match, and she left him with a very generous tip. “Mom and Dad are gonna freak,” Amber said on the way out. By the time they were finished, it was time to meet for supper. “Yeah they are,” Fox Glove said. “Feel better?” Amber ran a hoof over it. “You have no idea.” Everything about her mood lifted. She stared at her reflection in windows, finally seeing herself instead of some a mare who had her face. They joked and laughed all the way home. She was recounting a story from her time living away from Fillydelphia when they approached their home. “So Luna tells them –” “Amber?” They both stopped in place and exchanged worried glances. Eventually Amber looked up and tried her best to give a friendly smile. “Hey there, Caramel. How’s it going?” He just stared at her mane. After a moment he blinked a few times, but didn’t quite seem to remember how to speak. “So, Foxy, how about you run inside, and I’ll follow in a bit?” Fox Glove glanced at Caramel, then turned back to Amber. “Just… it’ll be alright. I’ll see you when you come in.” She nodded, but didn’t take her eyes off Caramel. Fox Glove took Amber’s saddle bag for her and went into the house. “So, uh, hi.” Amber took a step closer. She had known this was coming. Caramel was supposed to be celebrating her return by having dinner with her family. He shook his head and seemed to shake off some of his shock. “You cut your mane.” She ran a hoof over it again. “Yeah, I did.” “It looks really, uh –” he tried to smile, but it fell away immediately “– short.” “Yeah, I know. You hate it.” “No, no.” He did a better job at smiling, even if it was less than his best. “I just… well, I wish you would have told me you wanted to cut it.” Amber took a deep breath. “Caramel, we need to talk.” “I know, I know, it’s your mane, not mine.” He finally managed that smile, and Amber wished he hadn’t. “But you really can’t blame me for being surprised about this one.” “That’s not it…” Why was it so hard? I can’t be with you anymore. That was it, all she had to say. But the words wouldn’t come, and instead she said, “I’m sorry.” “It’ll grow back,” Caramel said. He grinned and chuckled. “I’m dying to hear the story behind this one. Less excited about hearing your mom’s reaction, though.” Amber shook her head. “Not about the mane, I’m just… I’m so sorry.” Caramel’s smile faded away as fast as it came. “This is about the proposal, isn’t it?” “I… yes.” “Look, don’t worry about it.” His smile returned, and he bowed his head. “I understand, you’re not ready, and that’s okay.” Amber winced. Why did he have to say stuff like that? “You are just… you’re too perfect…” “Nonsense, love. You only deserve the best. I missed you.” He stepped closer and put a hoof on her shoulder. As gently as she could, Amber brushed it off. “Please don’t.” He waited with his hoof in the air for a moment, then set it down. “Oh… This is about more than the engagement, isn’t it?” Amber couldn’t speak, so she gave two short sharp nods. “Amber, please… there must be something I can do? I don’t know what I did wrong, but I’m willing to do whatever it takes to make it up to you. I –” “Caramel –” “Amber, I love you.” He took her hoof in his and spoke desperately. “Please, tell me what I can do for you. Please don’t say it’s over.” “Caramel… There’s, uhm…” First, surprise flashed across his face. Then most ponies would have been angry, but not Caramel. Once the surprise left, it was replaced with a cold resignation. He dropped her hoof and bowed his head. “There’s somepony else.” Amber wanted to deny it, wanted to tell him that it wasn’t like that, that she just needed to be alone. She wanted him to be able to walk away without hating her. But she couldn’t lie to him. Everything about them had been a lie, and she was responsible for the way he’d feel when they walked away. And so, although she had never been fair to him in their relationship, she would give him whatever respect she could in their breakup. “I never… I want you to know that I never actually, you know, had sex with anypony. And for the most part, there really wasn’t anypony else. But…” “But now there is,” he finished. “I… I’m sorry.” “Thank you, Amber,” Caramel said as he took a step away from her. “Thank you for all the good times. These last three years have been truly the happiest of my life.” Amber closed her eyes and wiped away the tears rolling down her cheek. “I can only hope you and him find happiness in each other.” She didn’t open her eyes until she heard his hoofsteps as he began walking away. She wasn’t sure if it would make him feel better or worse, but she decided to tell him the whole truth. “She’s a mare.” He stopped and turned back to her. “I’m, uhm… I’m gay, actually.” “You’re… gay?” He shook his head. “Did… you just recently realize this?” Amber felt her body go tight and she froze in place. She had been hoping that the knowledge that it was nothing he did, nothing he could have done would somehow comfort him. But there was no way to address one part without the other. “No. I’ve known for years.” “Years?” “Yes.” She had to try to change things, had to make him see that it wasn’t his fault. “So, you know, there really wasn’t –” “So it was all a lie.” Caramel’s words cut through hers, and left her quiet. “Everything about us was a lie. You never loved me, not once.” She squeezed her eyes tight and wished she had never said anything at all. “I’m sorry.” “Why? Why did you wait so long? Why even agree to be with me in the first place?” “I’m sorry.” It was all she could think to say. She wanted to try and explain herself, but she couldn’t think. The only thought that kept bouncing around her head was ‘I’m sorry’. For a while there was nothing. Amber would have thought he left, but she hadn’t heard his hoofsteps. She kept her eyes closed, unable to look at him. She kept expecting more, but eventually the hoofsteps did come – slow, and moving away from her. She didn’t open her eyes, didn’t see him leave. No matter how much she wanted to, she wasn’t going to fade from the world just because she wouldn’t look at it. Eventually she had to open her eyes and walk to the house, but she didn’t go in immediately. She watched her reflection in the window as she approached, and felt none of the excitement she had earlier. She had hated the mare she’d seen in the mirror every day for the past three years. But now she was gone, and she hated the pony who was looking back at her just as much.